RIP: George Carlin

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...

...and you finish off as an orgasm.”

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“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things”

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“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

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“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live”

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“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist”

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“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that @#%&.”

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“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose”

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“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”

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"'Older' sounds a little better than 'old,' doesn't it?. Sounds like it might even last a little longer. ... I'm getting old. And it's OK. Because thanks to our fear of death in this country I won't have to die — I'll 'pass away.' Or I'll 'expire,' like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital they'll call it a 'terminal episode.' The insurance company will refer to it as 'negative patient care outcome.' And if it's the result of malpractice they'll say it was a 'therapeutic misadventure'."

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George Carlin wasm't just that dude from the BILL & TED movies, he was the first host on SATURDAY NIGHT (LIVE) - and I was the right age for that to be a huge influence. I bought a bunch of his albums - amazed at how he made words do tricks. Not only could he do things with words that no one else could - he was also a philosopher. His comedy had a point, and was searching for the meaning of life... and often finding that meaning was strange. His Seven Words routine still floats around in my head on most days... ("Even in a Walt Disney movie, you can say, We're going to snatch that pussy and put him in a box.") As a writer, as someone interested in language, his comedy probably warped my mind - made me see that words could do amazing things. There is no replacement - he'll be missed.

- Bill