By the time I get to Raindance, the festival is almost over. I have missed most of the films. The original plan, hatched over a year ago, was that I would come to the festival and probably be on the jury and teach my class a week after the fest. During the fest, I would do three two hour classes.... when I was on the jury in 2004, I did a couple of 2 hour classes during the festival that were sold out - standing room only. These classes were cheap (L10) but still managed to make enough money for the festival to cover the bulk (if not *all*) of my expenses...
And in 2004 I was probably pretty expensive. The festival had a deal with the Lancaster Hotel near Russell Square, and I ended up in a huge suite (more on that in the next post). They had several rooms at the hotel and were rotating guests through them - so a director might be there for 2 days while his film was screening, and then the star of another film might show up to take that room for a couple of days while their film was screening. I even did a room shift in 2004, from a standard room up to the big suite. Some huge name star had been there before me.
The three classes this year would probably completely cover the cost of flying me in and putting me up for the entire festival...
But somewhere along the way, things changed. I would only be teaching two short classes and they could only put me up for the tail end of the fest. I would arrive the final Thursday, and be there for the last weekend of the festival (including closing night). I didn’t know if I would be on the jury or not at this point - most jurors watched the films on DVD anyway... I was the only guy who ever saw every single film on the big screen.
I show up and I'm *not* on the jury - but I get to see movies with no responsibility at all... and no chance that Saffron Burrows will try to throw me out a 2nd storey window again (jury duty in 2001).
Less than four days of the festival... and jet lag. How many movies could I see?
After my nap on Thursday, I managed to make one of the special programs. Raindance was doing a special tribute to Stanley Kubrick - showing two of his films with special guests afterwards plus a documentary on the director. Kubrick is kind of an interesting director - sort of a lightning rod. You can love him *and* hate him. I do. He’s made some great films and some frustrating films. But, like Hitchcock, every one of his films has *something* in it - maybe only one great moment, but that moment may be worth the ticket price. I own some Kubrick films on DVD. My favorite Kubrick films are PATHS OF GLORY and THE KILLING (both written by Jim Thompson). The two films Raindance was screening: 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY and A CLOCKWORK ORANGE. Not too shabby.
I’d missed CLOCKWORK and the doc, but 2001 was screening Thursday night, followed by Q&A with the camera operator, Kelvin Pike (also DR. STRANGELOVE and THE SHINING). I managed to use my all access pass to snag one of the last tickets and squeezed into the sold out cinema...
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
I actually saw this film when it was first released... I was a kid. It was playing at the Century 21 Dome in Pleasant Hill, CA (a theater I would later be a projectionist at... and eventually become acting manager of). As a kid I was impressed by the special effects and the cold, frightening idea that a computer could turn against us. I didn’t understand the end at all - and later in life I was told that if you’re stoned or have just dropped acid, the whole thing makes sense.
Seeing it again, almost 40 years later (I *am* old), the ending still doesn’t make any sense. Sure, everyone has a theory about it - death and rebirth and all that - but no one is really 100% sure of their theory. It’s not like some movies that have an ambiguous end that has you debating the film with others afterwards, 2001 leaves you confused and trying to understand the end afterwards. Kubrick thought the confusing end was a great idea, leaving mystery... I think it’s the part of the film that you *must* be stoned to understand, making it more light show than story. Hey, that’s okay.... but I’m the guy who likes story. The most amazing thing about seeing it again on the big screen - those special effects are still the best I’ve ever seen. A million times better than the current crop of digital effects. You see one of the new STAR WARS movies and it’s obvious that those are effects of some sort... but 2001 is *real*. Those space ships are the real thing, not some effect. And that’s something missing in today’s CGI heavy films - the look of reality. The film is slow, “deliberately paced” as they say, but that works. It makes it seem real. By the time we get to the HAL9000 going haywire, the deliberate pacing makes the death of one crew member seem like just another event on HAL’s big checklist. Frightening because it’s so low key.
Mr. Pike spoke afterwards, and told the usual tales of Kubrick’s never-ending takes (usually with little or no difference between the first and last take) and creating everything in England. There were takes of Dr. STRANGELOVE and THE SHINING, too... but I don’t remember any actual stories (I was still zonked from over 24 hours of travel). One thing he talked about is the problem with effects back then - because they were done using combined elements of film, it was impossible to know how anything was going to turn out until *months* after you’ve shot the footage. Other things mentioned were the practical effects - the weightlessness was a challenge in a world before wire removal.
SELL OUT CROWDS
One major problem for me this year was that the festival was crowded again. When I first attended the festival, you could easily find an empty seat for any film before 7pm - most of them were empty! A couple of years ago, they moved to a new cinema and began selling out showings... even daytime shows. I was surprised to be in a crowded cinema at 2 in the afternoon to see a prison film from Poland. This year they are still at the Trocadero Cinemas, and still selling out.
But even when shows have a few available seats, the way cinemas are designed in the UK makes it impossible to get to those seats.
In the USA fire regulations requires that auditoriums are built with exits at the 4 corners and a wide aisle intersecting the room. If there's a fire, there are 4 ways out and you don't have to climb over every seat to get to an exit - you just have to get to the wide aisle. This makes it easy to get to almost any seat in the house - there are usually two entrances and an aisle that cuts across the back of the house and one in the middle.
The Troc cinemas all have *one* entry and exit and no aisle at all. So if that entry is on the right side of the house, all of the seats are packed on the right side and the empty seats will be on the left side... but there's no way to get to them (other than doing the "excuse-me, pardon-me" down a row of seats... and the seats are so close together that it's almost impossible). Once the film has begun, you're screwed. You may be able to see an empty seat on the other side of the cinema, but you can't get there. So a few times when I was a minute late due to some other screening or getting grabbed in the lobby by someone who wanted to talk, I missed a movie. Just no way to get to the seat.
Anyway - a bunch of movies I wanted to see - some I even had tickets for - I didn’t get a chance to see. Here’s what I did see....
BAL-CAN-CAN
The best feature I saw at Raindance this year was a really twisted black comedy from Macedonia, BAL-CAN-CAN, written and directed by Darko Mitrevski; about a draft dodger, his wife and mother-in-law trying to escape the country (and the civil war). When the mother-in-law is shot in the cross-fire and dies, the only way to smuggle her body across the border is to wrap her in a rug. But when the rug is stolen by black marketeers, our hero must become a man of action and find his mother-in-law’s corpse so that she can be properly buried. He calls his father’s best friend’s son, a slick Italian minor-mobster, to help him out. The two are opposites - and working together creates some funny situations.
To give you an idea of the tone of this film, there’s a scene where the husband and wife have the mother-in-law’s body in a tub full of ice, trying to figure out what to do with it. The husband reaches into the tub... and pulls out a beer! The wife grabs a beer from the tub, too, and they come up with the carpet scheme.
Another scene has two factions of the civil war in close quarters fight... but when our hero and his Italian “blood brother” show up, they stop the war for dinner. Both sides sit at the same table and eat... until someone says the wrong thing and they begin shooting each other. Everybody is killed... except our pair. The film is often too dark for its own good - but when people go through hell and make you laugh about it, that’s a skill. It’s kind of Coen Brothers with a lot more blood.
ALICE
Marco Martins’ film about a father’s obsessive search for his missing little girl. In the heartbreaking film from Portugal, the protagonist’s four year old daughter disappears from her day care, and he spends every waking hour searching for her. He places dozens of video cameras on rooftops overlooking the streets of Lisbon and collects the tapes every day. Watches hours of security camera videos... looking for some sign of his child. At one point he thinks he my have spotted her... but the missing girl is never found. By the end of the film he gives up his search... Accepting that he will never find her. Ultimately unsatisfying - the film just ends. I also had some questions about how one loses a four year old - someone should have been watching this kid!
CORPORATE
A Bollywood film... but, as the director and producer pointed out to me - the *new* socially conscious Bollywood. Gritty. Realistic. With only couple of musical numbers... and only two and a half hours long! The story of a woman executive climbing the corporate ladder who thinks nothing of using anyone to get what she wants. Lots of company politics, lots of war between major soft drink corporations. When corporate espionage exposes that a rival soft drink company is about to market a *mint* flavored soft drink, our “hero company” scrambles to get their mint soft drink released first... even if it means using contaminated water and bribing a bunch of government officials. We see all kinds of back stabbing behind the scenes, and at the center of the film there’s this love story between our climbing female executive and the brother-in-law of her boss (who has the most soulful eyes of any actor I’ve ever seen... so it’s no surprise when he gets back-stabbed in the deal and spends the last half of the film crying or trying not to cry). When the secret of the contaminated water gets out, heads roll, sticks fall, and mean American investors scream into their phones.
The film was shown *without* subtitles... and it surprised me how much I could figure out without dialogue... to the point of two labor characters introduced who I knew would be comic relief... and the (mostly Indian) audience laughed at everything they said. Though it’s nice that they made a Bollywood movie that isn’t just another three-plus hour all-singing, all-dancing heroic action movie, the end result was kind of unemotional (despite the crying dude) and bland. Shot “flat” and boring. Characters we didn’t care much about. Concept that’s kind of boring. Afterwards the writer-director talked about his brilliant ability to find great concepts... but his next film is about beggers at a major intersection called TRAFFIC LIGHT. Would you pay $10 to see that?
SCENES OF A SEXUAL NATURE
Closing night film was an all star cast movie about seven couples in the same London park on the same day, all dealing with relationship issues. Ewan McGregor, Gina McKee (yum), Adrian Lester (HUSTLE), Sophie Okonedo, etc. The director won the Raindance pitchfest 2 years ago... when I was one of the judges. The film? Well, it’s all *scenes* - as in, sketches. And the “sexual nature”? Well, the closest we get is a long shot of a young woman’s underpants. The rest is just talk.
The big problem with the film is that after it’s over we have no greater understanding of relationships. The scenes don’t really connect... and none of them are resolved. The best of the lot is an older couple reluctantly sharing a park bench who, in the course of conversation, discover that they were once lovers. That’s such a great moment - so powerful and amazing - that the rest of the film suffers from blandness. And they aren’t even smart enough to end this scene with the big moment... it drags on for the rest of the film, even though there really is nothing that can top that moment. The other scenes (intercut throughout the movie) are either too short or too long - nothing is just right. Ewan McGregor is a gay guy who wants to have kids, but his boyfriend isn’t interested. They keep cutting back to their bickering, but no progress is ever made and we really don’t learn anything about the characters (other than surface stuff) even though this section goes on *forever*. Meanwhile, a husband is caught looking at that young woman’s underpants by his wife... who (after a very funny scene where she forces her husband to apologize for peeping) storms off. The husband chases after her and... we never find out what happens. I wanted *more* of this sequence. Gina McKee (CROUPIER) plays a woman on a blind date who admits to a ticking biological clock and thinks she blows the date... so she storms off. Again, not enough material here to learn anything about the characters (other than the surface) and the conflict is never resolved (or purposely unresolved) - the scene just ends. Another sketch has Adrian Lester and his wife and daughter taking a stroll as they discuss their divorce. This one was pretty good - but needed a stronger end... it just kind of meanders off. A sketch about a businessman who just *talks* to a call girl - they have a relationship that has never entered the bedroom - goes on too long then ends abruptly. It seems like the script was rough first draft that needed some serious rewriting... and didn’t get it.
SHORTS
I only saw one program of shorts this year - I usually see all of them. This selection was called Urban Scapes and was much weaker than past shorts programs. Two years ago, even the stranger selections were mostly solid little films. The worst of the lot was a thing called LIAR that was an actor saying he was a liar over-and-over again in different costumes, until you wanted to find out where this actor lived and go strangle him. 10 minutes, but seemed like hours.
The very best was TALES OF TIME SQUARE, also 10 minutes... but it just breezed by. This was a doc about a guy who lived and worked in the pre-Disney Times Square in NY. His rise and fall. The love of his life... murdered. His descent into drugs and homelessness. A quick lesson on how to find a place to sleep for the night. And the eventual death of our protagonist. Heartbreaking. And the guy is so witty and interesting - the perfect interview subject. You really get to know this guy in 10 minutes - know him better than any of the characters in SCENES OF A SEXUAL NATURE. It reminded me of a film I saw at Raindance 2 years ago (DEAD PEOPLE - about an old man who tells great stories), and I talked to Jamie (Mr. Raindance Shorts) at the closing night screening about it - but we couldn’t remember if it was the same director or not. Seems it wasn’t - Paul Stone directed TIMES and Roger Deutsch directed DEAD PEOPLE. Both have the same amazing ability to take a normal guy and get the most mazing stories out of him.
Another pretty good short was GAS - about a woman being chased by guys with *huge* Busey-like teeth. Had a funny punchline. Also, ATTACK was a good one - a MEMENTO style backwards story that completely changes our perception of the situation with every segment. Story starts out with some nice black guys fighting a skin head. By the time we get all the way back, we find out this guy *isn’t* a skin head... and everything has been the result of a misunderstanding. Great little film that makes you realize how quick we are to judge any situation (because *we* jump to conclusions again and again).
Too long at 10 minutes, but still fun was SHANTELL TOWN, and I met the writer-director Paulette James before the screening. The story of a non-fashionable black girl who gets teased by the other girls and ends up showing her inner-style and finding love... and it’s a *musical*. Would have been better at half the length, but the film is clever and has regular laughs (even if it’s just a funny hair style).
BUSKER was somewhere in the middle - but starred Dominique Pinon from DELICATESSEN as a mime who is losing business due to a guitar player... so he grabs his air guitar and wows the crowd. Only 6 minutes long... but could have been cut in half and been much better. Also somewhere between good and bad was CUBS about gang kids who go fox hunting... and our hero-kid’s first kill. There was symbolism at work, here, but the film went on too long (at 10 minutes).
On the worst list is MEAT, a film that manages to not tell a story. The story is there, the film just can’t figure out how to get the info to the audience. So you spend 13 *looooong* minutes completely confused, and eventually figure out what the movie was trying to say. PROVIDENCE was another movie that had no idea how to tell its story - you end up scratching your head. This one was about a father with a dead daughter, or maybe a daughter with a dead father. Worst of all - because it not only didn’t communicate its story, after it was over I still had no idea what the danged story even *was* was this movie about a train conductor vs. soccer hooligans. Don’t know the title, it was a replacement film for something else that didn’t show. Here’s the thing - you have a movie with all kinds of *trains* and a *train station* and lots of other expenseive stuff... and the story is so incompetent I still don’t know what it was about.
HISTORY BOYS
After the fest I saw a few movies, including some American films I’m not going to mention, plus this film which had great reviews and was written by Alan Bennet. If you don’t know who that is, he’s probably to blame for Monty Python. Bennet was a member of the comedy group known as Beyond The Fringe which kind of set the stage for the Pythons a few years later. When I was a drama-geek in high school, I did a few of Bennet’s sketches - one became my audition piece. So I had some pretty high expectations...
Which were not met. The film is the story of a group of high school kids who have good enough grades to *maybe* get into Oxford/Cambridge on history scholarships. One major problem is - they don’t care about Oxford as much as their Principal does. He thinks it would be great for the school if these kids all got in. Then we get a scattershot plot - because the whole Oxford thing gets sidetracked by a new teacher story - and the crush one of the boys has on the teacher. Oh, and then *that* story gets sidetracked by the old teacher story - Richard Griffiths (the Muggle Uncle in the Harry Potter films) plays a teacher with unorthodox methods who is being squeezed out of the system... who then touches one of the boys inappropriately... leading to him getting fired... leading to him eventually getting killed in a motorcycle wreck... leading to a big funeral where everyone wishes they would have appreciated his unique teaching style more. Actually, that may be the real pot of the story - hard to tell *what* is. There’s also this major major subplot comparing the teaching theories of the new teacher and the old teacher - and *that* may be the real plot, too. I’m leaving out a bunch of major plot threads - and that’s the problem with this film: no focus. The kids don’t care if they go to Oxford, so we really don’t care if they pass the interviews or not.. And we don’t even get to see those interviews! We getkind of a montage - but considering this thing starts out being about how hard it is to get through that interview, they spend almost no time on it. The best part of the film - Bennet is still funny as hell. The story may be all over the place, but the dialogue was funny. These kids had an arsenal of zingers.
MAN PUSH CART
Another post-fest film I saw was MAN PUSH CART written and directed by Ramin Bahrani. It was distributed by ex-Raindance guy Oliver, whose company DogWoof specializes in indie films. The film is about a Pakistani immigrant in New York City who is very close to paying off his breakfast service cart. It's a large cart, and he serves coffee and food items from *inside* the cart. This is not a motorized “roach coach”, it has a trailer hitch and is designed to be pulled behind a truck.
Except our protagonist doesn't own a truck.
Every morning he gets up at 3am, goes to the garage and pulls his cart by hand across Manhattan to his corner. The street is uneven, bad pavement. There are taxis and buses and cars honking at him the entire way. The cart is very heavy. At one point, he trips, the cart goes out of control, and he has to chase it down and catch it before it crashes. This is a huge cart - not designed for a man to pull by hand.
Once he gets the cart to his corner, he sets up shop and his work day begins. He works all day... then drags the cart back to the garage at night, fighting auto traffic and pot holes the entire way. After he puts his cart to bed in the garage, he's still carrying around the propane tank that keeps the stove going. Propane is expensive and he can't just leave the tank in the garage. So he carries it home with him on the bus every night.
The film is a real heart-breaker, and manages to keep giving us more and more information about our hero - making his story even more tragic. His wife has died. And once he pays off his cart, he can start putting away money so that he can move into a larger apartment and send for his son. Then there’s this great twist where a wealthy businessman who stops by his cart recognizes him from the old country... where he was a famous rock star who moved to America to find fame and fortune. There’s a newspaper stand girl from Spain who provides the romantic interest... but this film is ultimately very sad. You see the world through different eyes after this film.
Those were the films I saw this year (with the exception of a couple of American films) - next up - what happened at the festival.
Here’s my Raindance Diary from 2004:
Raindance 2004
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Monday, October 09, 2006
Bill In London - Film Festivals Are A Scam
Yes, even Sundance.
You probably think of film festivals as some sort of important institution - a cultural event designed to select the very best motion pictures and give them the rewards they so rightly deserve. A place where commerce doesn't matter, and artistic expression is worshiped. A place where people only care about the quality of the film, and only the best films are screened.
Bullshit.
Film festivals are about money and fame. The idea that it's all about the art is as much of a scam as the idea that the Best Picture Oscar always goes to the very best picture... and trade adverts or backroom deals or DVDs sent to every member of the Academy have nothing to do with what film wins.
Since I'm here at a film festival, let me take you behind the scenes at some of the film festivals I've attended and show you how they really work.
I used to attend the San Francisco Film Fest every year. Because I had a car that worked and had 4 doors, I usually taxiied a carload of film fans from the East Bay to the Palace Of Fine Arts in San Fran where they held the festival. One of the regulars was Craig Maderno who would later interview Speilberg for Penthouse about this little movie he was making called CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND. In those days, the only time I got to see anything behind the scenes was when I snuck backstage to talk to Jack Nicholson. I was still an outsider.
Even when I did some classes at the Sacramento Film Fest, I was still an outsider. I still thought Film Festivals were these cultural events designed to show only the best movies and reward them with trophies afterwards. The first time I realized that film festivals were scams was when I went to the Ft. Lauderdale Film Fest.
ONE PERSON
The first thing you need to know about film festivals is that they are not *institutions* - they are usually just one person. I've been calling Elliot "Mr. Raindance", and that's exactly who he is. Elliot is a film lover in London who decided 14 years ago to start a film festival. There were other festivals, but none of them were *his*. So he found some volunteers and some movies and a screen and had a film festival. After a while, the festival grows and becomes respected and people forget that one person started it. In it’s 14th year, Raindance has all kinds of sponsors like Delta Airlines, shows movies from all around the world to sell out crowds, and is a big deal. It's a great festival. Raindance also holds the British Independent Film Awards every year - the BIFAs - which are very much like the Independent Spirit Awards in the USA. The year I attended, Harvey Weinstein showed up to collect an award. Remember - all of this started with one person who wanted to start their own film festival.
Every film festival in the world probably began the exact same way. Every film festival I've attended always has one person behind it, not an institution. Who's behind Sundance?
Once you realize it's one person, and that they just kind of made up the festival... you start to look at the *why*. Behind every film festival is a motive that has nothing to do with selecting great films and rewarding them.
IF YOU BUILD IT - STARS WILL COME
Ft. Lauderdale has a huge festival... and lots of red carpets.
After a few days I realized that the audience was made up of wealthy Ft. Lauderdale folks, not film fans. Sure, they might have liked films, but they weren't *addicts* like me. They were attending the festival because it was a cultural event. It could have been a gallery opening...
Except the gallery opening wouldn't have movie stars. It seemed like the majority of the films at Ft Lauderdale starred famous people, and those famous people were at the screenings and the parties afterwards. The opening film was directed by Richard Attenborough, and he was on hand to introduce the film, the leading lady, and then talk to all of the wealthy film festival attendees at the party afterwards. Every movie had stars in attendance and there always seemed to be a party afterwards where the wealthy residents of Ft. Lauderdale had a chance to talk to the stars. My personal highlight of the Ft. Lauderdale Fulm Fest (aside from talking with Richard Attenborough for about half an hour, then having him recognize me on the hotel elevator for a between floors conversation) was that found myself in a much better hotel room than Tim Daly (WINGS) who was staying on the same floor. I was in a corner suite, and one of the guests of honor was staying in a non-corner room.
Though I noted the star gazing at Ft. Lauderdale, it wasn't until I went to the Temecula CA film festival that it all made sense. Temecula is this wide spot in the road between Los Angeles and Las Vegas. I'm sure at one time it was farm country, but now it's *ranch* country. Wealthy people with horses live there. Those wealthy people would love to meet Hollywood stars... so they put on a film festival. On awards night they give out some lifetime achievement awards to the biggest stars they can find. They year I was there, one of the stars accepted his award... then got in his car and drove off while they were giving out the other awards. He'd realized this whole thing wasn't about rewarding his body of work, but making him available to rich folks in Temecula so that they could hang all over him.
On the other hand, Patty Duke also received a lifetime achievement award, but couldn’t attend because she broke her leg a couple of days before... so her son, Sean Astin (from LORD OF THE RINGS) showed up to talk about his mom. While the other star was making his getaway, Sean was signing autographs and posing for pictures and talking with festival goers... but he made a special point to seek out the film makers on hand and hang out with them. They hadn’t begun shooting the LORD OF THE RINGS movies, yet, so he was booked for 3 big movies... and here he was talking to people who had made short films instead of the wealthy folks. A very nice guy.
One of the problems with the Temecula Festival was that the parties where you rubbed shoulders with celebrities were better organized than the festival itself. The festival had a glossy program... that neglected to list the starting times of any of the films. If you wanted to read bios of all the celebs in attendance - it was in the program. If you wanted to know what time a movie started, you were SOL. They had a chalkboard in the lobby with *today’s* showtimes. You had to show up before the first screening to see what the first screening was - and if there weren’t any movies you wanted to see in the first bunch, you left the hotel for no reason. It was a film festival that wasn’t designed for watching movies!
Someone in Temecula had said "I'd like to meet movie stars, let's start a film festival!"
Probably a third of the film festivals in the world are about bringing in stars... the rest or are about money.
SHOW ME THE MONEY... AND LOTS OF IT!
While the prestigious Cannes Film Festival is going on... there’s a film market selling foreign rights happening simultaneously. Cannes is famous for sales stunts that include topless starlets on the beach and the Troma parade of freak-heroes. The film festival is the front for the real Cannes - a kind of K-Mart for movies. The stars who show up for the red carpet screenings are also at some party on some yacht where they shake hands and pose for pictures with distribs who may buy the film. The festival is the tool they use to sell the films.
Film makers might like to win an award at Sundance or Toronto Film Festival, but the main reason for entering a festival is the chance that a distributor at the festival might buy your film. Festivals may seem to be about showing quality films, but they often design their schedules to make it easier for distribs to see (and buy) films. If a bunch of films are picked up at Sundance, it gives the festival publicity. People who enter the festivals also want to sell their films - everybody wins.
Selling films at a Festival isn’t the only place to make money - the festival itself can be a money maker. Many of those individuals who start film festivals are in it for the money. Let’s say you love watching movies but don’t have the talent or skills to make them. You still don’t want to work some day job and just be a movie fan... you want to find some way to watch movies and get paid for it and share the best films you see with others. Why not be a festival director? I believe that Elliot at Raindance falls into this category. He created a film festival so that he could watch movies for a living. He works all year long finding films and when October rolls around he has a couple of weeks of movies showing at the festival. He gets a salary for all of his work... and avoids having to work some day job. On one hand, the festival probably exists so that he can get paid for watching movies, on the other hand it’s a good festival that really shows some interesting movies. A couple of years ago the winner of Raindance went on to win Best Foreign Film Oscar. Every time I’m here for the festival, I see a bunch of interesting films and even a couple of absolutely great ones. Without that one man - Elliot - that wouldn't be possible.
FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE
But there’s another festival I attended that was *all* about making money for the festival director. I’m not going to mention names, but some of you may figure out which festival it is.... Takes place in Colorado - there’s a major clue. They asked me if I’d like to attend the festival and teach some classes and be on some panels. I’d get an all-access pass to the festival (the best bait for me - if you want me to come to your festival, offer me hundreds of free movies), and a room. I don’t think they paid for airfare and they weren’t paying me to teach the classes. At the time, I had ANDROID ARMY set up with a producer and we’d just hired a director and I’d just gotten my first batch of director notes and the time spent teaching the classes would be better spent working on the rewrite... but the festival director told me there would be a special event where I could autograph and sell my book. There were 300 people coming to the film festival - they’d all be at the book signing. So, I’d get to see a bunch of movies *and* sell a bunch of books. (And avoid working on a rewrite.) The clincher was Oprah - she was a film festival sponsor. Wow - I could meet Oprah!
This festival also had a screenwriting contest - and seemed to focus on the writing. This was another good reason to go - the films would probably be well written.
So I bought my ticket and packed 60 books (20% of the crowd, even though I’d probably just sell to 10%) and hopped a plane to Colorado.
When I arrived, it was raining harder than it was here in London two days ago. They picked me up at the airport, drove me to the event location... which was not a hotel near a cinema, it was a *park* with *cabins*. Not exactly what I expected. Because it was raining so hard, someone drove me to my cabin, and when I unlocked the door... someone else’s luggage was on the floor. They must have given me the wrong cabin number! I walked back to the office in the pouring rain and explained that there was luggage in the cabin they’d given me, what cabin was *I* staying in? “That’s your room mate’s luggage. We’re doubling folks up, hope you don’t mind. It’ll be three people in your case, because he brought his wife.” Had it not been raining so hard, I might have just gone back to the airport right then. But I was exhausted and drenched. So I walked back to the cabin through the pouring rain to meet my roommate and his wife.
Now, I’m a person who doesn’t like having roommates - I like to be alone. I’m private. Two guys sharing a cabin isn’t comfortable, but it’s possible. On the Yosemite movie I was sharing a room with the stunt guy and the FX make up guy. I knew I’d be sharing a room before I ever got in the car and drive to Yosemite. But we were all guys and it was okay. We snored, we farted, we left whiskers in the sink. None of us cared. I can’t imagine being roommates with a woman - too many minefields and even if there’s no sexual tension at all, women have different standards than men. The whiskers in the sink probably wouldn’t be accepted. I really couldn’t imagine sharing a cabin with a *couple* - all of the issues of sharing a cabin with a woman, plus *their* romantic issues taking place and all kinds of other things. There’s a furniture store advert in Los Angeles that has an amorous older couple doing some heavy making out in a bed... then we pan over to see a young couple in the same bed looking *very* uncomfortable. The tag line is: If you bought your bed at our store you could have afforded a guest bed for when your parents visit. I would be sharing a cabin with a married couple - who thought this was a good idea?
(The couple was just as freaked out as I was about the living arrangements, and had no intention of making out while I was around.)
It stops raining the next morning and the festival begins with afternoon classes and panels. The director asks if I will do a couple of extra classes on different subjects, because some of the folks didn’t show... and two of them arrived last night, looked at the conditions, and split. Extra classes? Sure, I’m easy. I get to see hundreds of films for free!
CROWD CONTROL
Except we’re in a *park* with *cabins* so there is no one to attend the screenings (held in a barn converted to a cinema by adding a projector and screen and seats). The only people at the film festival are the film makers (needless to say Oprah was a no show).
And there aren’t really any screenings - they are showing the finalist shorts before the awards ceremony - but not any of the other entries. This may be because the place really isn’t set up for screening movies (kind of a setback when you’re having a film festival) or because screening the movies isn’t that important at this festival.
There *are* parties and banquets and events. My all access pass gets me in to all of them... but there aren’t very many people at the festival itself, let alone the opening night cocktail party at the picnic tables outside the barn. I think there were as many guest speakers like me as there were festival attendees!
My special autograph session was opposite someone else’s class (and their special autograph session was opposite my class) so I ended up taking about 58 books home with me. After doing my classes and panels for the day, I hung out with a group of film makers and got their side of the festival.
They had all been lured in by the Oprah thing, and paid the entry fees thinking that Oprah would probably be at the fest to see their movies. Their films were finalists for some award - and there were *dozens* of awards at this festival (the more awards you have, the less any award means). Because they were finalists, they were offered a package deal - festival pass and lodging for one price. But all of the events were an additional fee. Want to go to the opening night cocktail party? That’s extra. Want to go to this lecture or that lecture? Extra. Want to go to the pre-awards banquet? Extra. Want to go to the awards screening? Extra. Want to go to the awards show itself and see of your film won or lost and accept the award of you won? $75. Want to go to the party after the awards? $75. So after these film makers who were finalists arrived in Colorado and met their roommates, they had to pay to do everything else. I think there was one free party - but I may be mistaken. That may have just been a bunch of us raiding the leftovers from a paid party we hadn’t attended.
Two people I hung out with were an Australian writer who had a script in the screenwriting contest and a lesbian woman from the Bay Area who had a film in competition. Neither paid the $75 to find out if they won. These are bright people who were not happy with all of the upcharges.
Another thing that didn’t make them happy - no one saw their movies or read their scripts. You see, unlike every other film festival in the world that has judges from the industry, this one had only one judge: the festival director. The most important thing a film maker can get from a festival is exposure - an audience sees their movie and the industry judges see their movie. The judges end up a connection in the business. On this year’s Raindance jury you have Dame Judy Dench (the Bond films and many others), Parminder Nagra (ER and BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM), Matthew Libatique (the DP of REQUIEM FOR A DREAM) and some distributors and producers and celebrities. If your film was in competition at Raindance, these stars and producers and celebrities would have seen your movie! They might be the connection that gets you into the business. I exec produced a short film many many years ago that won a competition and one of the festival judges - a big Hollywood producer - gave the director a feature film! (I got squat.) So the festival jury is very important to the film makers....
And this festival had a jury of one - the director.
And the screenwriting competition had a jury of one - the director.
A NETWORK OF ONE
I asked the director why there were no judges, and she told me it was her festival and she was the best judge of the material. I may be wrong on this, but all of those $75 up charges lead me to believe that the festival director was the only judge so that she could keep all of the money and didn’t have to fly in some industry folks first class and put them up in hotels instead of shared cabins. This really seemed like a money making event for the festival director that gave nothing back to the film makers.
Though it sounds like this festival was hello-on-earth, I actually enjoyed myself and made some good friends there. Probably the sort of strong friendships that come out of surviving a violent battle in a war. The film makers and screenwriters and those of who were talked into doing classes for that all access pass would meet at one of the lodges and drink leftover booze from the parties we couldn’t afford to attend and talk about what a scam it all was.
So, before you enter a screenwriting contest or film festival, you should look at what’s in it for *you*. Are there industry judges who can help your career? Will your film be seen by people who can help you? Will the festival get enough press that your name or film might pop up in a print article or on TV coverage? Will you meet people at the event that might help you? Is the event important enough that just having your film screened there means something?
Just because all film festivals are scams (even Sundance) doesn’t mean that it’s a bad thing - they may show a bunch of great films and create buzz for your film and allow your film to be screened in the very place buyers are looking for films to acquire. Sure, Robert Redford may gain fame and fortune from the event... but it also benefits the rest of us. Without all of those film festivals, we’d be stuck with nothing but disaster movie remakes and sequels at the cinema.
- Bill
There’s going to be a Part 2 of this entry that will focus on the Judges and the Films at festivals... and how they are part of the scam. But that will come a little later.
You probably think of film festivals as some sort of important institution - a cultural event designed to select the very best motion pictures and give them the rewards they so rightly deserve. A place where commerce doesn't matter, and artistic expression is worshiped. A place where people only care about the quality of the film, and only the best films are screened.
Bullshit.
Film festivals are about money and fame. The idea that it's all about the art is as much of a scam as the idea that the Best Picture Oscar always goes to the very best picture... and trade adverts or backroom deals or DVDs sent to every member of the Academy have nothing to do with what film wins.
Since I'm here at a film festival, let me take you behind the scenes at some of the film festivals I've attended and show you how they really work.
I used to attend the San Francisco Film Fest every year. Because I had a car that worked and had 4 doors, I usually taxiied a carload of film fans from the East Bay to the Palace Of Fine Arts in San Fran where they held the festival. One of the regulars was Craig Maderno who would later interview Speilberg for Penthouse about this little movie he was making called CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND. In those days, the only time I got to see anything behind the scenes was when I snuck backstage to talk to Jack Nicholson. I was still an outsider.
Even when I did some classes at the Sacramento Film Fest, I was still an outsider. I still thought Film Festivals were these cultural events designed to show only the best movies and reward them with trophies afterwards. The first time I realized that film festivals were scams was when I went to the Ft. Lauderdale Film Fest.
ONE PERSON
The first thing you need to know about film festivals is that they are not *institutions* - they are usually just one person. I've been calling Elliot "Mr. Raindance", and that's exactly who he is. Elliot is a film lover in London who decided 14 years ago to start a film festival. There were other festivals, but none of them were *his*. So he found some volunteers and some movies and a screen and had a film festival. After a while, the festival grows and becomes respected and people forget that one person started it. In it’s 14th year, Raindance has all kinds of sponsors like Delta Airlines, shows movies from all around the world to sell out crowds, and is a big deal. It's a great festival. Raindance also holds the British Independent Film Awards every year - the BIFAs - which are very much like the Independent Spirit Awards in the USA. The year I attended, Harvey Weinstein showed up to collect an award. Remember - all of this started with one person who wanted to start their own film festival.
Every film festival in the world probably began the exact same way. Every film festival I've attended always has one person behind it, not an institution. Who's behind Sundance?
Once you realize it's one person, and that they just kind of made up the festival... you start to look at the *why*. Behind every film festival is a motive that has nothing to do with selecting great films and rewarding them.
IF YOU BUILD IT - STARS WILL COME
Ft. Lauderdale has a huge festival... and lots of red carpets.
After a few days I realized that the audience was made up of wealthy Ft. Lauderdale folks, not film fans. Sure, they might have liked films, but they weren't *addicts* like me. They were attending the festival because it was a cultural event. It could have been a gallery opening...
Except the gallery opening wouldn't have movie stars. It seemed like the majority of the films at Ft Lauderdale starred famous people, and those famous people were at the screenings and the parties afterwards. The opening film was directed by Richard Attenborough, and he was on hand to introduce the film, the leading lady, and then talk to all of the wealthy film festival attendees at the party afterwards. Every movie had stars in attendance and there always seemed to be a party afterwards where the wealthy residents of Ft. Lauderdale had a chance to talk to the stars. My personal highlight of the Ft. Lauderdale Fulm Fest (aside from talking with Richard Attenborough for about half an hour, then having him recognize me on the hotel elevator for a between floors conversation) was that found myself in a much better hotel room than Tim Daly (WINGS) who was staying on the same floor. I was in a corner suite, and one of the guests of honor was staying in a non-corner room.
Though I noted the star gazing at Ft. Lauderdale, it wasn't until I went to the Temecula CA film festival that it all made sense. Temecula is this wide spot in the road between Los Angeles and Las Vegas. I'm sure at one time it was farm country, but now it's *ranch* country. Wealthy people with horses live there. Those wealthy people would love to meet Hollywood stars... so they put on a film festival. On awards night they give out some lifetime achievement awards to the biggest stars they can find. They year I was there, one of the stars accepted his award... then got in his car and drove off while they were giving out the other awards. He'd realized this whole thing wasn't about rewarding his body of work, but making him available to rich folks in Temecula so that they could hang all over him.
On the other hand, Patty Duke also received a lifetime achievement award, but couldn’t attend because she broke her leg a couple of days before... so her son, Sean Astin (from LORD OF THE RINGS) showed up to talk about his mom. While the other star was making his getaway, Sean was signing autographs and posing for pictures and talking with festival goers... but he made a special point to seek out the film makers on hand and hang out with them. They hadn’t begun shooting the LORD OF THE RINGS movies, yet, so he was booked for 3 big movies... and here he was talking to people who had made short films instead of the wealthy folks. A very nice guy.
One of the problems with the Temecula Festival was that the parties where you rubbed shoulders with celebrities were better organized than the festival itself. The festival had a glossy program... that neglected to list the starting times of any of the films. If you wanted to read bios of all the celebs in attendance - it was in the program. If you wanted to know what time a movie started, you were SOL. They had a chalkboard in the lobby with *today’s* showtimes. You had to show up before the first screening to see what the first screening was - and if there weren’t any movies you wanted to see in the first bunch, you left the hotel for no reason. It was a film festival that wasn’t designed for watching movies!
Someone in Temecula had said "I'd like to meet movie stars, let's start a film festival!"
Probably a third of the film festivals in the world are about bringing in stars... the rest or are about money.
SHOW ME THE MONEY... AND LOTS OF IT!
While the prestigious Cannes Film Festival is going on... there’s a film market selling foreign rights happening simultaneously. Cannes is famous for sales stunts that include topless starlets on the beach and the Troma parade of freak-heroes. The film festival is the front for the real Cannes - a kind of K-Mart for movies. The stars who show up for the red carpet screenings are also at some party on some yacht where they shake hands and pose for pictures with distribs who may buy the film. The festival is the tool they use to sell the films.
Film makers might like to win an award at Sundance or Toronto Film Festival, but the main reason for entering a festival is the chance that a distributor at the festival might buy your film. Festivals may seem to be about showing quality films, but they often design their schedules to make it easier for distribs to see (and buy) films. If a bunch of films are picked up at Sundance, it gives the festival publicity. People who enter the festivals also want to sell their films - everybody wins.
Selling films at a Festival isn’t the only place to make money - the festival itself can be a money maker. Many of those individuals who start film festivals are in it for the money. Let’s say you love watching movies but don’t have the talent or skills to make them. You still don’t want to work some day job and just be a movie fan... you want to find some way to watch movies and get paid for it and share the best films you see with others. Why not be a festival director? I believe that Elliot at Raindance falls into this category. He created a film festival so that he could watch movies for a living. He works all year long finding films and when October rolls around he has a couple of weeks of movies showing at the festival. He gets a salary for all of his work... and avoids having to work some day job. On one hand, the festival probably exists so that he can get paid for watching movies, on the other hand it’s a good festival that really shows some interesting movies. A couple of years ago the winner of Raindance went on to win Best Foreign Film Oscar. Every time I’m here for the festival, I see a bunch of interesting films and even a couple of absolutely great ones. Without that one man - Elliot - that wouldn't be possible.
FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE
But there’s another festival I attended that was *all* about making money for the festival director. I’m not going to mention names, but some of you may figure out which festival it is.... Takes place in Colorado - there’s a major clue. They asked me if I’d like to attend the festival and teach some classes and be on some panels. I’d get an all-access pass to the festival (the best bait for me - if you want me to come to your festival, offer me hundreds of free movies), and a room. I don’t think they paid for airfare and they weren’t paying me to teach the classes. At the time, I had ANDROID ARMY set up with a producer and we’d just hired a director and I’d just gotten my first batch of director notes and the time spent teaching the classes would be better spent working on the rewrite... but the festival director told me there would be a special event where I could autograph and sell my book. There were 300 people coming to the film festival - they’d all be at the book signing. So, I’d get to see a bunch of movies *and* sell a bunch of books. (And avoid working on a rewrite.) The clincher was Oprah - she was a film festival sponsor. Wow - I could meet Oprah!
This festival also had a screenwriting contest - and seemed to focus on the writing. This was another good reason to go - the films would probably be well written.
So I bought my ticket and packed 60 books (20% of the crowd, even though I’d probably just sell to 10%) and hopped a plane to Colorado.
When I arrived, it was raining harder than it was here in London two days ago. They picked me up at the airport, drove me to the event location... which was not a hotel near a cinema, it was a *park* with *cabins*. Not exactly what I expected. Because it was raining so hard, someone drove me to my cabin, and when I unlocked the door... someone else’s luggage was on the floor. They must have given me the wrong cabin number! I walked back to the office in the pouring rain and explained that there was luggage in the cabin they’d given me, what cabin was *I* staying in? “That’s your room mate’s luggage. We’re doubling folks up, hope you don’t mind. It’ll be three people in your case, because he brought his wife.” Had it not been raining so hard, I might have just gone back to the airport right then. But I was exhausted and drenched. So I walked back to the cabin through the pouring rain to meet my roommate and his wife.
Now, I’m a person who doesn’t like having roommates - I like to be alone. I’m private. Two guys sharing a cabin isn’t comfortable, but it’s possible. On the Yosemite movie I was sharing a room with the stunt guy and the FX make up guy. I knew I’d be sharing a room before I ever got in the car and drive to Yosemite. But we were all guys and it was okay. We snored, we farted, we left whiskers in the sink. None of us cared. I can’t imagine being roommates with a woman - too many minefields and even if there’s no sexual tension at all, women have different standards than men. The whiskers in the sink probably wouldn’t be accepted. I really couldn’t imagine sharing a cabin with a *couple* - all of the issues of sharing a cabin with a woman, plus *their* romantic issues taking place and all kinds of other things. There’s a furniture store advert in Los Angeles that has an amorous older couple doing some heavy making out in a bed... then we pan over to see a young couple in the same bed looking *very* uncomfortable. The tag line is: If you bought your bed at our store you could have afforded a guest bed for when your parents visit. I would be sharing a cabin with a married couple - who thought this was a good idea?
(The couple was just as freaked out as I was about the living arrangements, and had no intention of making out while I was around.)
It stops raining the next morning and the festival begins with afternoon classes and panels. The director asks if I will do a couple of extra classes on different subjects, because some of the folks didn’t show... and two of them arrived last night, looked at the conditions, and split. Extra classes? Sure, I’m easy. I get to see hundreds of films for free!
CROWD CONTROL
Except we’re in a *park* with *cabins* so there is no one to attend the screenings (held in a barn converted to a cinema by adding a projector and screen and seats). The only people at the film festival are the film makers (needless to say Oprah was a no show).
And there aren’t really any screenings - they are showing the finalist shorts before the awards ceremony - but not any of the other entries. This may be because the place really isn’t set up for screening movies (kind of a setback when you’re having a film festival) or because screening the movies isn’t that important at this festival.
There *are* parties and banquets and events. My all access pass gets me in to all of them... but there aren’t very many people at the festival itself, let alone the opening night cocktail party at the picnic tables outside the barn. I think there were as many guest speakers like me as there were festival attendees!
My special autograph session was opposite someone else’s class (and their special autograph session was opposite my class) so I ended up taking about 58 books home with me. After doing my classes and panels for the day, I hung out with a group of film makers and got their side of the festival.
They had all been lured in by the Oprah thing, and paid the entry fees thinking that Oprah would probably be at the fest to see their movies. Their films were finalists for some award - and there were *dozens* of awards at this festival (the more awards you have, the less any award means). Because they were finalists, they were offered a package deal - festival pass and lodging for one price. But all of the events were an additional fee. Want to go to the opening night cocktail party? That’s extra. Want to go to this lecture or that lecture? Extra. Want to go to the pre-awards banquet? Extra. Want to go to the awards screening? Extra. Want to go to the awards show itself and see of your film won or lost and accept the award of you won? $75. Want to go to the party after the awards? $75. So after these film makers who were finalists arrived in Colorado and met their roommates, they had to pay to do everything else. I think there was one free party - but I may be mistaken. That may have just been a bunch of us raiding the leftovers from a paid party we hadn’t attended.
Two people I hung out with were an Australian writer who had a script in the screenwriting contest and a lesbian woman from the Bay Area who had a film in competition. Neither paid the $75 to find out if they won. These are bright people who were not happy with all of the upcharges.
Another thing that didn’t make them happy - no one saw their movies or read their scripts. You see, unlike every other film festival in the world that has judges from the industry, this one had only one judge: the festival director. The most important thing a film maker can get from a festival is exposure - an audience sees their movie and the industry judges see their movie. The judges end up a connection in the business. On this year’s Raindance jury you have Dame Judy Dench (the Bond films and many others), Parminder Nagra (ER and BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM), Matthew Libatique (the DP of REQUIEM FOR A DREAM) and some distributors and producers and celebrities. If your film was in competition at Raindance, these stars and producers and celebrities would have seen your movie! They might be the connection that gets you into the business. I exec produced a short film many many years ago that won a competition and one of the festival judges - a big Hollywood producer - gave the director a feature film! (I got squat.) So the festival jury is very important to the film makers....
And this festival had a jury of one - the director.
And the screenwriting competition had a jury of one - the director.
A NETWORK OF ONE
I asked the director why there were no judges, and she told me it was her festival and she was the best judge of the material. I may be wrong on this, but all of those $75 up charges lead me to believe that the festival director was the only judge so that she could keep all of the money and didn’t have to fly in some industry folks first class and put them up in hotels instead of shared cabins. This really seemed like a money making event for the festival director that gave nothing back to the film makers.
Though it sounds like this festival was hello-on-earth, I actually enjoyed myself and made some good friends there. Probably the sort of strong friendships that come out of surviving a violent battle in a war. The film makers and screenwriters and those of who were talked into doing classes for that all access pass would meet at one of the lodges and drink leftover booze from the parties we couldn’t afford to attend and talk about what a scam it all was.
So, before you enter a screenwriting contest or film festival, you should look at what’s in it for *you*. Are there industry judges who can help your career? Will your film be seen by people who can help you? Will the festival get enough press that your name or film might pop up in a print article or on TV coverage? Will you meet people at the event that might help you? Is the event important enough that just having your film screened there means something?
Just because all film festivals are scams (even Sundance) doesn’t mean that it’s a bad thing - they may show a bunch of great films and create buzz for your film and allow your film to be screened in the very place buyers are looking for films to acquire. Sure, Robert Redford may gain fame and fortune from the event... but it also benefits the rest of us. Without all of those film festivals, we’d be stuck with nothing but disaster movie remakes and sequels at the cinema.
- Bill
There’s going to be a Part 2 of this entry that will focus on the Judges and the Films at festivals... and how they are part of the scam. But that will come a little later.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Bill In London - Arrival At Raindance
THURSDAY....
The last time I saw London... they tried to blow me up.
The terrorists.
The first time I attended the Raindance film festival was in 2001... I flew to London in a plane filled with jet fuel on October 11, 2001. The day before, some crazy guy had been arrested for threatening to blow up the very flight I was on!
The last time I was in London, I arrived on 7/7/2005... the day of the London bombings. I arrived just as they were closing down the tube (subway) - and they wouldn’t tell me why. The tube station they had blown up was in Russell Square - where my hotel was. The double decker bus they blew up was a block away from my hotel....
This time - no terrorist activities. I arrived exhausted, as usual. I got up early so that I could make it to LAX 4 hours early, so they could examine my shoes, then flew for something like 10 or 11 hours (I can’t sleep on planes), then waited for my luggage, then dragged my luggage to the tube station, then tool the tube to Picadilly Circus Station. Raindance hadn’t told me which hotel I’d be in, but I guessed the same one as last time - near Russell Square. I could have taken the tube there - it’s a few stops farther - but nobody told me which hotel, so I’d have to go to the office. It was also early in the morning, so the hotel check in time was probably a few hours away. If I was lucky, the last fest guest had moved out of that luxury suite I had 2 years ago, leaving it to me. I’d gladly wait until 11am for that suite!
I always manage to pick the wrong stairs to drag my luggage up at Picadilly... and then get a little lost. I know where I’m going - but I end up taking the longest possible route (with my luggage). Same thing this time. Eventually I get on track, passing the big theatres where Guilgud and Olivier worked (one is named after Guilgud) and the strip clubs and sex shows, then to the outdoor market... then to the Raindance office. I buzz the door, climb down the treacherous staircase, and collapse on a chair. Where I get the odd news.
I won’t be staying in that luxurious suite at the Lancaster.
I won’t be staying in the nice room I stayed in before getting bumped up last time.
I won’t be staying in some other hotel.
Elliot (Mr. Raindance) tried to convince me that in the middle of rainy October, every hotel room in central London is booked. I’m skeptical.
But they have a lovely production office with a comfortable sofa for me.
FIRST MAJOR CRISIS: I have joked in the past that I would sleep on a cot in the office - I’m very low maintenance. But I never expected to actually sleep on a cot. Elliot tells me that they can buy me a mattress if I need one. This isn’t sounding good. Also - they don’t have the keys to the production office, but they’re going to send a runner as soon as one becomes available. Would I mind just hanging around the office for a while?
Well, the film fest is in full swing, so most of the runners are... running. They’re running prints that just arrived from Croatia to cinemas where the movie will screen in less than an hour, they’re running DVDs to jury members, they’re running...
And I’m waiting. Exhausted. Smelly - when was the last time I showered? And my clothes seem itchy - how long have I been wearing this shirt?
Eventually we get the keys, and Elliot walks me to the production office... at Russell Square. The owner (Sean) is actually there - great, because there’s a massive complicated alarm system to keep their editing equipment safe - and you have to type in the lengthy code number within a few seconds or all of Scotland Yard will come crashing down on you. Sean shows me around - full bathroom & tub... kitchen... but it’s still a sofa and not a hotel room. Plus, Sean will be there working for a few days before he has to go away on business for about a week. While he’s gone, the place is 100% mine, but until then, it’s like having a roommate you don’t know *plus* sleeping in someone’s office.
I later find out that the festival no longer has their deal with the Lancaster, and my guess is that so much money is tied up in the festival itself that they can’t really afford to put me in a hotel until after they count the festival earnings... and by then I’ll be on a plane home. So I’ll just have to rough it. This is the problem with being low maintenance - you’re the guy they sick on the sofa. If you’re a pain the ass, they put you in the suite.
FRIDAY
SECOND MAJOR CRISIS: I sent my list of 2 hour classes to Elliot (Mr. Raindance) months ago, and he was going to select 2 that I would do during the festival. I always put at least one or two new classes on the list. So Elliot selects - the 2 new classes. I have nothing on them - no notes, just an idea. That means the classes must be created. Swell. The problem is, with jet lag and alcohol and midnight shows - I need to have the class written out word-for-word in the event I am brain dead the day I have to teach it. The more awake I am, the more I can go "off book".
So I write up one of the new classes, then something goes weird with my computer while I'm writing the second class and the keyboard stops working. Actually, it works sporadically - I can type about 5 sentences, then it just shuts down and I have to reboot to type 5 more sentences. So - with the clock ticking - I don't get the class finished. I'll have to wing it.
The larger problem with this class is that it's *fluff*. It's style over substance. I can talk about substance, but it's hard to wing something that's mostly just ideas.
Elliot (Mr. Raindance) *loves* style type stuff. He loves the flash. I *knew* he was going to select the 2 new classes, because they were both more style than substance. I can talk about Theme... but that's rather boring, isn't it? Wouldn't you rather hear about writing sex scenes? Two years ago I was on a panel that was called Hollywood Sucks - not much substance there. No effort was made to discuss how to make Holywood stop sucking, or how to deal with the sucking... it just sucks. End of panel.
So, today I'm long-handing notes on tomorrow's class. I hope I'm not too brain dead... but I didn't sleep well last night, so I may go into one of those exhaustion comas tonight where you just conk and wake up 12 hours later groggy and end up completely screwed up tomorrow morning.
SATURDAY
Saturday morning, I walk down to the cinemas... grabbing a coffee from Café Nero along the way. I love walking in London - everyone walks. The streets are filled with people. And those people know how to walk. In America, nobody knows how to walk. They stop for no reason on the sidewalk. They walk three abreast - blocking the walk completely. They can’t gauge speed and “holes” in the crowd and walk right into you. In London, people walk in perfect sync with everyone else. It’s an art... and I love walking there. I could have just hopped on the tube at Russell Square, and a half dozen stops later got off at Picadilly, but I’d rather take the long walk. Gets my blood circulating, and I can grab a coffee along the way.
The great thing about Café Nero is that they have a buy 10 get one free card. I’ve always ended up with 9 stamps at the end of my stay, and never got a free coffee... but I’m here for a couple weeks, shouldn’t have any problem getting a free large mocha this time around.
I get to the Cinema early, jot some notes, and then grab a coffee at a nearby Starbucks (there are three times as many as there were last year). The class is SRO - people literally standing along the walls! I’m a little nervous - jotted notes instead of everything spelled out, what happens if I go brain dead? I start off, and almost two hours later I’m getting the wrap-it-up signal from Elliot. Everything went fine... except I brought a big (slightly heavy) bag of CDs and forgot to mention them. So, Raindance made a bundle off the standing room only crowd, and I make zilch.
SUNDAY
Sunday, exactly the same drill - up early, walk, Café Nero, standing room only, class goes well. Again I forget to mention my CDs. Just doing some quick math, I think Raindance has covered *all* my expenses (including the hotel room I’m *not* staying in) just on these two short classes. The next time I have to teach is next Saturday... my big 2 day class. Except... Elliot asks if I would mind doing a 2 hour class for some other film group on Monday. Um, sure, why not? It’ll help drum up students for the weekend, and I need to get the word out because the festival has managed to take up most of the Raindance publicity focus - they’ve done almost no publicity for my class. What subject am I supposed to do the class on? Elliot doesn’t know, but lets me talk to the woman holding the class. I give her my e-mail address and ask her to e-mail me a subject from the list on my website. After handing the phone back to Elliot I ask who these people are... he tells me just some other group. No details. This is going to be interesting - I’m teaching a class about some unknown subject to some unknown group... tomorrow morning!
But this is the last day of the festival, and tonight is the closing night film and the big closing night party...
- Bill
PS: Thought I'd mention the couple of folks who asked me if Seagal was remaking BLACK THUNDER - it played on satellite TV here a few weeks ago, and folks noticed the same plotline and character names and everything else as the Seagal film. Problem is - same exact audience. Of course, for legal reasons I told them I did not have sex with that woman... and did not write that script. But no one seems convinced. Seagal is in an ad playing before every danged movie, here - an action story on a golf course (a golf cart chase ends in a huge fireball explosion).
The last time I saw London... they tried to blow me up.
The terrorists.
The first time I attended the Raindance film festival was in 2001... I flew to London in a plane filled with jet fuel on October 11, 2001. The day before, some crazy guy had been arrested for threatening to blow up the very flight I was on!
The last time I was in London, I arrived on 7/7/2005... the day of the London bombings. I arrived just as they were closing down the tube (subway) - and they wouldn’t tell me why. The tube station they had blown up was in Russell Square - where my hotel was. The double decker bus they blew up was a block away from my hotel....
This time - no terrorist activities. I arrived exhausted, as usual. I got up early so that I could make it to LAX 4 hours early, so they could examine my shoes, then flew for something like 10 or 11 hours (I can’t sleep on planes), then waited for my luggage, then dragged my luggage to the tube station, then tool the tube to Picadilly Circus Station. Raindance hadn’t told me which hotel I’d be in, but I guessed the same one as last time - near Russell Square. I could have taken the tube there - it’s a few stops farther - but nobody told me which hotel, so I’d have to go to the office. It was also early in the morning, so the hotel check in time was probably a few hours away. If I was lucky, the last fest guest had moved out of that luxury suite I had 2 years ago, leaving it to me. I’d gladly wait until 11am for that suite!
I always manage to pick the wrong stairs to drag my luggage up at Picadilly... and then get a little lost. I know where I’m going - but I end up taking the longest possible route (with my luggage). Same thing this time. Eventually I get on track, passing the big theatres where Guilgud and Olivier worked (one is named after Guilgud) and the strip clubs and sex shows, then to the outdoor market... then to the Raindance office. I buzz the door, climb down the treacherous staircase, and collapse on a chair. Where I get the odd news.
I won’t be staying in that luxurious suite at the Lancaster.
I won’t be staying in the nice room I stayed in before getting bumped up last time.
I won’t be staying in some other hotel.
Elliot (Mr. Raindance) tried to convince me that in the middle of rainy October, every hotel room in central London is booked. I’m skeptical.
But they have a lovely production office with a comfortable sofa for me.
FIRST MAJOR CRISIS: I have joked in the past that I would sleep on a cot in the office - I’m very low maintenance. But I never expected to actually sleep on a cot. Elliot tells me that they can buy me a mattress if I need one. This isn’t sounding good. Also - they don’t have the keys to the production office, but they’re going to send a runner as soon as one becomes available. Would I mind just hanging around the office for a while?
Well, the film fest is in full swing, so most of the runners are... running. They’re running prints that just arrived from Croatia to cinemas where the movie will screen in less than an hour, they’re running DVDs to jury members, they’re running...
And I’m waiting. Exhausted. Smelly - when was the last time I showered? And my clothes seem itchy - how long have I been wearing this shirt?
Eventually we get the keys, and Elliot walks me to the production office... at Russell Square. The owner (Sean) is actually there - great, because there’s a massive complicated alarm system to keep their editing equipment safe - and you have to type in the lengthy code number within a few seconds or all of Scotland Yard will come crashing down on you. Sean shows me around - full bathroom & tub... kitchen... but it’s still a sofa and not a hotel room. Plus, Sean will be there working for a few days before he has to go away on business for about a week. While he’s gone, the place is 100% mine, but until then, it’s like having a roommate you don’t know *plus* sleeping in someone’s office.
I later find out that the festival no longer has their deal with the Lancaster, and my guess is that so much money is tied up in the festival itself that they can’t really afford to put me in a hotel until after they count the festival earnings... and by then I’ll be on a plane home. So I’ll just have to rough it. This is the problem with being low maintenance - you’re the guy they sick on the sofa. If you’re a pain the ass, they put you in the suite.
FRIDAY
SECOND MAJOR CRISIS: I sent my list of 2 hour classes to Elliot (Mr. Raindance) months ago, and he was going to select 2 that I would do during the festival. I always put at least one or two new classes on the list. So Elliot selects - the 2 new classes. I have nothing on them - no notes, just an idea. That means the classes must be created. Swell. The problem is, with jet lag and alcohol and midnight shows - I need to have the class written out word-for-word in the event I am brain dead the day I have to teach it. The more awake I am, the more I can go "off book".
So I write up one of the new classes, then something goes weird with my computer while I'm writing the second class and the keyboard stops working. Actually, it works sporadically - I can type about 5 sentences, then it just shuts down and I have to reboot to type 5 more sentences. So - with the clock ticking - I don't get the class finished. I'll have to wing it.
The larger problem with this class is that it's *fluff*. It's style over substance. I can talk about substance, but it's hard to wing something that's mostly just ideas.
Elliot (Mr. Raindance) *loves* style type stuff. He loves the flash. I *knew* he was going to select the 2 new classes, because they were both more style than substance. I can talk about Theme... but that's rather boring, isn't it? Wouldn't you rather hear about writing sex scenes? Two years ago I was on a panel that was called Hollywood Sucks - not much substance there. No effort was made to discuss how to make Holywood stop sucking, or how to deal with the sucking... it just sucks. End of panel.
So, today I'm long-handing notes on tomorrow's class. I hope I'm not too brain dead... but I didn't sleep well last night, so I may go into one of those exhaustion comas tonight where you just conk and wake up 12 hours later groggy and end up completely screwed up tomorrow morning.
SATURDAY
Saturday morning, I walk down to the cinemas... grabbing a coffee from Café Nero along the way. I love walking in London - everyone walks. The streets are filled with people. And those people know how to walk. In America, nobody knows how to walk. They stop for no reason on the sidewalk. They walk three abreast - blocking the walk completely. They can’t gauge speed and “holes” in the crowd and walk right into you. In London, people walk in perfect sync with everyone else. It’s an art... and I love walking there. I could have just hopped on the tube at Russell Square, and a half dozen stops later got off at Picadilly, but I’d rather take the long walk. Gets my blood circulating, and I can grab a coffee along the way.
The great thing about Café Nero is that they have a buy 10 get one free card. I’ve always ended up with 9 stamps at the end of my stay, and never got a free coffee... but I’m here for a couple weeks, shouldn’t have any problem getting a free large mocha this time around.
I get to the Cinema early, jot some notes, and then grab a coffee at a nearby Starbucks (there are three times as many as there were last year). The class is SRO - people literally standing along the walls! I’m a little nervous - jotted notes instead of everything spelled out, what happens if I go brain dead? I start off, and almost two hours later I’m getting the wrap-it-up signal from Elliot. Everything went fine... except I brought a big (slightly heavy) bag of CDs and forgot to mention them. So, Raindance made a bundle off the standing room only crowd, and I make zilch.
SUNDAY
Sunday, exactly the same drill - up early, walk, Café Nero, standing room only, class goes well. Again I forget to mention my CDs. Just doing some quick math, I think Raindance has covered *all* my expenses (including the hotel room I’m *not* staying in) just on these two short classes. The next time I have to teach is next Saturday... my big 2 day class. Except... Elliot asks if I would mind doing a 2 hour class for some other film group on Monday. Um, sure, why not? It’ll help drum up students for the weekend, and I need to get the word out because the festival has managed to take up most of the Raindance publicity focus - they’ve done almost no publicity for my class. What subject am I supposed to do the class on? Elliot doesn’t know, but lets me talk to the woman holding the class. I give her my e-mail address and ask her to e-mail me a subject from the list on my website. After handing the phone back to Elliot I ask who these people are... he tells me just some other group. No details. This is going to be interesting - I’m teaching a class about some unknown subject to some unknown group... tomorrow morning!
But this is the last day of the festival, and tonight is the closing night film and the big closing night party...
- Bill
PS: Thought I'd mention the couple of folks who asked me if Seagal was remaking BLACK THUNDER - it played on satellite TV here a few weeks ago, and folks noticed the same plotline and character names and everything else as the Seagal film. Problem is - same exact audience. Of course, for legal reasons I told them I did not have sex with that woman... and did not write that script. But no one seems convinced. Seagal is in an ad playing before every danged movie, here - an action story on a golf course (a golf cart chase ends in a huge fireball explosion).
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Lifetime Update....
Just a quick post to update any of you wondering what's going on with Bill's horror movie for Lifetime... nothing! Lifetime passed - too scary!
So when I return from London, and finish teaching my *seven* classes for Expo, I'll do a rewrite that turns it back into full-out horror...
Just in time for AFM.
- Bill
So when I return from London, and finish teaching my *seven* classes for Expo, I'll do a rewrite that turns it back into full-out horror...
Just in time for AFM.
- Bill
Monday, August 28, 2006
Procrastination & Prioritization
This month is almost over... and I’m not even close to finishing all of the things on my to do list. Because I’ve got so many irons in the fire, and it’s easy for me to lose sight of the big picture... and I’m just as lazy as everyone else... I put together a to do list every month. It can be anything from just the script I’m writing and whatever other deadline stuff I need to do, to a day-by-day list that breaks down what tasks I have to do on each day. This month, I had a bunch of different things to do, so I had a day-today list.
Between the website, this blog, screenplays, classes, articles, events, and my career stuff (once again I’m looking for an agent and manager) (oh, and I need to sell a script in case the Lifetime deal falls through) - I have a million things fighting for my attention. Often I feel like that guy who used to be on the Ed Sullivan show who had to keep three dozen plates spinning on top of three dozen pool cues. All I do is run back and forth keeping the plates spinning!
So this month I had three major tasks:
1) A page one rewrite on this ancient sci-fi action script that has been renamed STEEL CHAMELEONS. I plan on producing this one myself (more on that in a later entry) and I need to get the script done and the project moving along before I fly to London at the end of September... because when I come back I have something like 3 days before I jump into wall-to-wall classes at Screenwriting Expo... and right after that is American Film Market (where I plan on finding a distrib and/or funding for the film).
2) Write and fine-tune all of my new CD classes... so that I can record them before I hop the plane to London, because I want to have the new CD Classes for Expo this year.
3) Like a complete fool, I threw out some titles for potential 3 hour classes for the Raindance Festival in London... and they picked a couple. So I have to create those classes before I hop a plane at the end of September.
Now, factor into this that I post a Script Tip five days a week... and sleep.
So, it was going to be a busy month to begin with.... is it any wonder why I’m way the hell behind?
I decided to set up my schedule so that I would alternate between script and classes - that way my mind could be “fresh” for each task. It’s always a choice between momentum and variety. I never know which will work best, but thought my subconscious might do some script work while my conscious was working on the classes. That kind of makes sense, right?
Well, things didn’t work out as planned.
The script rewrite proved to be more work than expected. You see, this was going to be the second time I’ve done this rewrite. A little over a year ago, I was putting this same project together, and spent some time figuring out how to rewrite the script... and got about 3/4 of the way through the rewrite when... my hard drive got wiped. Because I was still working on the rewrite, I hadn’t printed it out... and, like a fool, I had no back up on disc. So I lost the entire rewrite. I was so depressed, I avoided even thinking about the script... until the end of last month. I was originally going to rewrite a crime script - and change it into a *western* crime script... but realized the odds of selling that were about a zillion to one. Even though I had that rewrite completely prepped and ready to go, maybe it would make more sense to rewrite something else? I looked over all of my projects waiting for rewrites and stumbled on STEEL CHAMELEONS. With AFM around the corner, maybe I should try to put that together again? Hey, I’d already re-written it once, so the second time should be easy, right?
Wrong.
This is a page one rewrite. The original was written in 1993 or 1994. The new version would completely change the protagonist and the female lead, and change the plot to take advantage of the advances in CGI effects. When I first wrote the script, it was designed to be made cheap... and there were almost no FX. The audience has changed since then as well, as have my sensibilities. And the original version of the script was written around a specific location that I had access to... in 1993. I don’t even know if that location still exists! I have access to different locations, now, and want to take advantage of them when I make this film. So almost everything is going to be different in this version.
What happened last year was a distrib I met at AFM said he might be interested in helping me set up an action film, what did I have? I pulled out the 1993 script, read it, realized it could probably be made on the unbelievably low budget this guy would provide, and brainstormed up a rewrite that would add a ton of production value without raising the cost. Some of that was just using better ideas, and making the two leads into more interesting characters. I put together a three page synopsis based on these new ideas and delivered it to the distrib, who said “yes!” (as long as you can get Lorenzo Lamas to star... and still bring it in on the dirt cheap budget). When that proved impossible (Lorenzo was booked with a soap opera)... and the rewrite vanished along with everything else on my hard drive... the deal fell apart. But I still had those notes! I still had that 3 page synopsis!
Except over a year later, the notes made no sense to me.
The synopsis would have to be my guide.
So now I have a page one rewrite that was going to be a breeze - but my vague memories of how I did this scene over a year ago are all I have to go on.
So I spend two days, when I should be cranking out pages, just trying to figure out what those pages should be. But on the third day, something amazing happens...
I get a phone call from Movie Maker Magazine asking me to write an article on Realistic Dialogue... and can they have it by Friday? Thursday would be better. It’s *Wednesday*, and I’m already 2 days behind... and by the time I finish the article I’m a week behind and I’ve lost my train of thought on the script...
So I jump into one of the new CD Classes...
Just like the new classes I have to create for London, the new audio classes begin with some subject that I think is interesting and important. I start filing away material on that subject, sometimes writing an article for Script on the subject (but creating an extended version for the class - the horror class is 5 times longer than the article I wrote for Script) as well as writing bits and pieces of the class in my spare time. I usually wait until right before I go into the recording studio to write all of these notes up into a class, so that it will be fresh in my mind when I’m recording. Unfortunately, for well over a year, now, I haven’t been able to get any time in the recording studio. Now it’s time to just do it - even if it means using some other recording studio. That means I have to get these classes written for a possible last minute recording session.
I start to work on one of the classes... then decide I should write a blog entry instead.
After that, I decide to check out the message boards.
And then I spend a couple of days getting my Blue Book and CD orders under control - one of the big thorns in my side is that the place that has printed my Blue Books for years has gone out of business and I have yet to find a good replacement printer. It seems like everyplace screws up the order, which means I have to have them do it all over again... and one place managed to KEEP screwing it up, making the orders really late getting out... and burning up a bunch of my time due to someone else’s screw up. So I’ve been trying out different printers and printing smaller quantities at a time (in case they screw up). This has turned the Blue Books into a major pain in the ass. Oh, and the CDs have become a pain in the ass, too - because I *still* have not found a place that will do the labels. The printer that went out of business used to do that, too. After spending half a day fighting with inept printers, I don’t feel like writing... and I deserve a break, right?
After that, I... oh, boy am I getting behind. And once you get so far behind that you’ll never catch up, it’s pretty easy to just say screw it.
Next thing you know, two weeks have passed and you’ve written an article for Movie Maker and a blog entry and that missing Porn Panel blog entry and a swell new tip or two and fulfilled my Blue Book and CD orders... but haven’t crossed anything off the to do list at all.
Add to that, a manager asked to read a script over a week ago... and I just put it in the mail a couple of days ago. It wasn’t even on the to do list, so I never found time to do it. I’ve had to call another manager back for 2 weeks - again, not on the to do list. I have to get back to that guy! I should put this stuff on the top of my priority list... but all of these other things also need to be on top of the list. Just not enough time!
And I waste a bunch of it hanging around on message boards. Procrastinating. Actually avoiding work. In fact, when I get overwhelmed, I go out of my way to avoid work...
Usually by working on something that has no deadline. Like this blog entry.
That’s my unique way of procrastinating - I work on pointless projects. If there’s some writing I can do that will accomplish nothing - I’d rather do that than the writing that might actually help my career. This makes no sense at all. Some days I answer 20 questions with mini-essays on 5 different message boards... and feel like I’ve done a ton of work... but really have accomplished nothing.
So I can comfort myself by saying I wrote 4 pages today... but later beat myself up because I wrote 4 pages that just don’t matter. They don’t cross anything off the list. So I appear to be working... but I’m really not. It’s just a different kind of procrastination.
Maybe I need to do better at prioritizing - factor in all of these other things that always pop up? Even factor in things like this blog entry. That would be more realistic... but I can’t really see “Avoid Work By Writing A Blog Entry” on the to do list.
The good news is that over the weekend I figured out some of the critical stuff on the STEEL CHAMELEONS rewrite... and managed to get the first 10 pages rewritten.
Oh, and I changed all of the dates on my To Do List so that it starts with this week and ends 3 weeks from now with a rewritten script and all of my classes ready to record (or teach in London). Hopefully this time around I’ll actually cross some stuff off.
Unfortunately, I’ve begin today with a 4 page blog entry.
- Bill
Between the website, this blog, screenplays, classes, articles, events, and my career stuff (once again I’m looking for an agent and manager) (oh, and I need to sell a script in case the Lifetime deal falls through) - I have a million things fighting for my attention. Often I feel like that guy who used to be on the Ed Sullivan show who had to keep three dozen plates spinning on top of three dozen pool cues. All I do is run back and forth keeping the plates spinning!
So this month I had three major tasks:
1) A page one rewrite on this ancient sci-fi action script that has been renamed STEEL CHAMELEONS. I plan on producing this one myself (more on that in a later entry) and I need to get the script done and the project moving along before I fly to London at the end of September... because when I come back I have something like 3 days before I jump into wall-to-wall classes at Screenwriting Expo... and right after that is American Film Market (where I plan on finding a distrib and/or funding for the film).
2) Write and fine-tune all of my new CD classes... so that I can record them before I hop the plane to London, because I want to have the new CD Classes for Expo this year.
3) Like a complete fool, I threw out some titles for potential 3 hour classes for the Raindance Festival in London... and they picked a couple. So I have to create those classes before I hop a plane at the end of September.
Now, factor into this that I post a Script Tip five days a week... and sleep.
So, it was going to be a busy month to begin with.... is it any wonder why I’m way the hell behind?
I decided to set up my schedule so that I would alternate between script and classes - that way my mind could be “fresh” for each task. It’s always a choice between momentum and variety. I never know which will work best, but thought my subconscious might do some script work while my conscious was working on the classes. That kind of makes sense, right?
Well, things didn’t work out as planned.
The script rewrite proved to be more work than expected. You see, this was going to be the second time I’ve done this rewrite. A little over a year ago, I was putting this same project together, and spent some time figuring out how to rewrite the script... and got about 3/4 of the way through the rewrite when... my hard drive got wiped. Because I was still working on the rewrite, I hadn’t printed it out... and, like a fool, I had no back up on disc. So I lost the entire rewrite. I was so depressed, I avoided even thinking about the script... until the end of last month. I was originally going to rewrite a crime script - and change it into a *western* crime script... but realized the odds of selling that were about a zillion to one. Even though I had that rewrite completely prepped and ready to go, maybe it would make more sense to rewrite something else? I looked over all of my projects waiting for rewrites and stumbled on STEEL CHAMELEONS. With AFM around the corner, maybe I should try to put that together again? Hey, I’d already re-written it once, so the second time should be easy, right?
Wrong.
This is a page one rewrite. The original was written in 1993 or 1994. The new version would completely change the protagonist and the female lead, and change the plot to take advantage of the advances in CGI effects. When I first wrote the script, it was designed to be made cheap... and there were almost no FX. The audience has changed since then as well, as have my sensibilities. And the original version of the script was written around a specific location that I had access to... in 1993. I don’t even know if that location still exists! I have access to different locations, now, and want to take advantage of them when I make this film. So almost everything is going to be different in this version.
What happened last year was a distrib I met at AFM said he might be interested in helping me set up an action film, what did I have? I pulled out the 1993 script, read it, realized it could probably be made on the unbelievably low budget this guy would provide, and brainstormed up a rewrite that would add a ton of production value without raising the cost. Some of that was just using better ideas, and making the two leads into more interesting characters. I put together a three page synopsis based on these new ideas and delivered it to the distrib, who said “yes!” (as long as you can get Lorenzo Lamas to star... and still bring it in on the dirt cheap budget). When that proved impossible (Lorenzo was booked with a soap opera)... and the rewrite vanished along with everything else on my hard drive... the deal fell apart. But I still had those notes! I still had that 3 page synopsis!
Except over a year later, the notes made no sense to me.
The synopsis would have to be my guide.
So now I have a page one rewrite that was going to be a breeze - but my vague memories of how I did this scene over a year ago are all I have to go on.
So I spend two days, when I should be cranking out pages, just trying to figure out what those pages should be. But on the third day, something amazing happens...
I get a phone call from Movie Maker Magazine asking me to write an article on Realistic Dialogue... and can they have it by Friday? Thursday would be better. It’s *Wednesday*, and I’m already 2 days behind... and by the time I finish the article I’m a week behind and I’ve lost my train of thought on the script...
So I jump into one of the new CD Classes...
Just like the new classes I have to create for London, the new audio classes begin with some subject that I think is interesting and important. I start filing away material on that subject, sometimes writing an article for Script on the subject (but creating an extended version for the class - the horror class is 5 times longer than the article I wrote for Script) as well as writing bits and pieces of the class in my spare time. I usually wait until right before I go into the recording studio to write all of these notes up into a class, so that it will be fresh in my mind when I’m recording. Unfortunately, for well over a year, now, I haven’t been able to get any time in the recording studio. Now it’s time to just do it - even if it means using some other recording studio. That means I have to get these classes written for a possible last minute recording session.
I start to work on one of the classes... then decide I should write a blog entry instead.
After that, I decide to check out the message boards.
And then I spend a couple of days getting my Blue Book and CD orders under control - one of the big thorns in my side is that the place that has printed my Blue Books for years has gone out of business and I have yet to find a good replacement printer. It seems like everyplace screws up the order, which means I have to have them do it all over again... and one place managed to KEEP screwing it up, making the orders really late getting out... and burning up a bunch of my time due to someone else’s screw up. So I’ve been trying out different printers and printing smaller quantities at a time (in case they screw up). This has turned the Blue Books into a major pain in the ass. Oh, and the CDs have become a pain in the ass, too - because I *still* have not found a place that will do the labels. The printer that went out of business used to do that, too. After spending half a day fighting with inept printers, I don’t feel like writing... and I deserve a break, right?
After that, I... oh, boy am I getting behind. And once you get so far behind that you’ll never catch up, it’s pretty easy to just say screw it.
Next thing you know, two weeks have passed and you’ve written an article for Movie Maker and a blog entry and that missing Porn Panel blog entry and a swell new tip or two and fulfilled my Blue Book and CD orders... but haven’t crossed anything off the to do list at all.
Add to that, a manager asked to read a script over a week ago... and I just put it in the mail a couple of days ago. It wasn’t even on the to do list, so I never found time to do it. I’ve had to call another manager back for 2 weeks - again, not on the to do list. I have to get back to that guy! I should put this stuff on the top of my priority list... but all of these other things also need to be on top of the list. Just not enough time!
And I waste a bunch of it hanging around on message boards. Procrastinating. Actually avoiding work. In fact, when I get overwhelmed, I go out of my way to avoid work...
Usually by working on something that has no deadline. Like this blog entry.
That’s my unique way of procrastinating - I work on pointless projects. If there’s some writing I can do that will accomplish nothing - I’d rather do that than the writing that might actually help my career. This makes no sense at all. Some days I answer 20 questions with mini-essays on 5 different message boards... and feel like I’ve done a ton of work... but really have accomplished nothing.
So I can comfort myself by saying I wrote 4 pages today... but later beat myself up because I wrote 4 pages that just don’t matter. They don’t cross anything off the list. So I appear to be working... but I’m really not. It’s just a different kind of procrastination.
Maybe I need to do better at prioritizing - factor in all of these other things that always pop up? Even factor in things like this blog entry. That would be more realistic... but I can’t really see “Avoid Work By Writing A Blog Entry” on the to do list.
The good news is that over the weekend I figured out some of the critical stuff on the STEEL CHAMELEONS rewrite... and managed to get the first 10 pages rewritten.
Oh, and I changed all of the dates on my To Do List so that it starts with this week and ends 3 weeks from now with a rewritten script and all of my classes ready to record (or teach in London). Hopefully this time around I’ll actually cross some stuff off.
Unfortunately, I’ve begin today with a 4 page blog entry.
- Bill
Monday, August 14, 2006
Finally Finished!
Saturday, I finished the Lifetme script and sent e-mail copies to both the producer and director. I had planned on finishing it Friday, but just ran out of energy. I was right at the big confrontation, and realized that I would be doing a crappy job if I continued writing, so I called it a day. Saturday I woke up ready to go - and exploded the villain into a million pieces, then did a double creepy epilogue scene where we introduce a potential *new* horror creature (for a potential sequel) and hint that maybe the dude from this story may still be out there (to scare the audience after the movie is over).
Once I finished the script, I did a second save of it under a different title and added some of the scenes I had cut because they were too violent for Lifetime. The plan is to do a rewrite that turns the script back into what *I* intended (reversing the Lifetime notes) in case Lifetime decides the toned down version is still too violent. It’s difficult to figure out what they want - and I’m not sure they know what they want. I think the whole idea of a horror script is something that sounds good to them, but on paper it may not fit what they want to make.
I always advise people to reward themselves after they write FADE OUT, because this is a business where rewards from others are few and far between. I fully expect to get a bunch of notes from the producer and director about the things they absolutely HATE in the script. Not much of a reward, huh? So I had planned on celebrating Friday night... except I finished on Saturday. I already had plans on Saturday night - my friend Rolfe has a new movie called NIGHTMARE MAN that was playing on a double bill with his very first movie, THERE’S NOTHING OUT THERE, at the Fine Arts Cinema in Beverly Hills.
Okay, I’ve seen some of Rolfe’s movies in the past - PRETTY COOL and TOMORROW BY MIDNIGHT - and wasn’t really thrilled. Both were made on limited budgets, and were kind of cheesy. But Rolfe told me this was the best film he has ever made, and both L.A. Weekly and L.A. Times gave it a mixed review (good, considering it’s a low budget genre film shot on DV), and the guy’s a friend (and you support your friends, right?) - so after e-mailing my script I zoomed over the hill to Beverly Hills to see his movies. Because I didn’t want to be late, I didn’t stop for dinner. Thought if I got there early enough, I’d eat in Beverly Hills. Might be expensive, but I just finished a script! I was celebrating! Unfortunately, I arrived only half an hour before the movie, and didn’t have time for a restaurant. And there’s no fast food in Beverly Hills... so that meant I had a theater hot dog and popcorn for dinner. Not exactly celebration food, but I was going to see 2 movies - and I love movies.
Um, I didn’t love these movies. Rolfe and his investors had rented a screen at the Sunset 5 the week before, and this weekend they rented the Fine Arts Cinema for Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the double bill. Though I don’t know what they actually paid to rent the place, the cinema has a rental price list... and some addition would put the cost at $15,000 for the three days. About $5,000 a night - and on Saturday night there were about a dozen people in the house. I recognized most of them as other friends of Rolfe.
The biggest problem with both movies was the script. Though both films had major plotting issues, one thing that completely ruined them was the complete lack of characterization, theme, and drama. NIGHTMARE MAN has 4 people in a cabin who might as well been named VICTIM #1, VICTIM #2, VICTIM #3, and VICTIM #4 - they seemed to exist only to be killed. None of them had any *character* and none had any *character growth* - they only existed to be killed. Their dialogue was interchangeable - they had no relationships with each other (even though they were two couples, Vasquez and Gorman in ALIENS have 100 times more relationship that these couples had). Rolfe is a horror movie fan, and there's often talk about "horror movies by fans for fans" - but I'm not sure just being a fan is enough to make a good horror movie. A fan can regurgitate horror scenes, but they may not have anything to say. They end up with a hollow film - a paint-by-number horror flick that's hollow and bland. Not film about real people struggling with emotional problems. You know, movies are about *people* - even horror movies.
Please look at your screenplays and make sure you are writing about people, not future victims.
You know, when I pump out a horror script like GatorBaby, I’m exploring some theme (age) and writing about *characters* trapped in dramatic situations where they have to make life changing decisions. I want you to believe in these people, because that makes the horror of the situation more frightening. I’m also using the horror genre to explore characters, rather than using some characters as pawns in the horror story. It’s about the people, not the genre.
Anyway, Saturday - no celebration. Sunday - one of those days where everything goes wrong... no celebration. Today (Monday) - I’m already bak to work on a new project.
So, take my advice (I’m not using it) - when you finish a script, celebrate.
- Bill
Once I finished the script, I did a second save of it under a different title and added some of the scenes I had cut because they were too violent for Lifetime. The plan is to do a rewrite that turns the script back into what *I* intended (reversing the Lifetime notes) in case Lifetime decides the toned down version is still too violent. It’s difficult to figure out what they want - and I’m not sure they know what they want. I think the whole idea of a horror script is something that sounds good to them, but on paper it may not fit what they want to make.
I always advise people to reward themselves after they write FADE OUT, because this is a business where rewards from others are few and far between. I fully expect to get a bunch of notes from the producer and director about the things they absolutely HATE in the script. Not much of a reward, huh? So I had planned on celebrating Friday night... except I finished on Saturday. I already had plans on Saturday night - my friend Rolfe has a new movie called NIGHTMARE MAN that was playing on a double bill with his very first movie, THERE’S NOTHING OUT THERE, at the Fine Arts Cinema in Beverly Hills.
Okay, I’ve seen some of Rolfe’s movies in the past - PRETTY COOL and TOMORROW BY MIDNIGHT - and wasn’t really thrilled. Both were made on limited budgets, and were kind of cheesy. But Rolfe told me this was the best film he has ever made, and both L.A. Weekly and L.A. Times gave it a mixed review (good, considering it’s a low budget genre film shot on DV), and the guy’s a friend (and you support your friends, right?) - so after e-mailing my script I zoomed over the hill to Beverly Hills to see his movies. Because I didn’t want to be late, I didn’t stop for dinner. Thought if I got there early enough, I’d eat in Beverly Hills. Might be expensive, but I just finished a script! I was celebrating! Unfortunately, I arrived only half an hour before the movie, and didn’t have time for a restaurant. And there’s no fast food in Beverly Hills... so that meant I had a theater hot dog and popcorn for dinner. Not exactly celebration food, but I was going to see 2 movies - and I love movies.
Um, I didn’t love these movies. Rolfe and his investors had rented a screen at the Sunset 5 the week before, and this weekend they rented the Fine Arts Cinema for Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the double bill. Though I don’t know what they actually paid to rent the place, the cinema has a rental price list... and some addition would put the cost at $15,000 for the three days. About $5,000 a night - and on Saturday night there were about a dozen people in the house. I recognized most of them as other friends of Rolfe.
The biggest problem with both movies was the script. Though both films had major plotting issues, one thing that completely ruined them was the complete lack of characterization, theme, and drama. NIGHTMARE MAN has 4 people in a cabin who might as well been named VICTIM #1, VICTIM #2, VICTIM #3, and VICTIM #4 - they seemed to exist only to be killed. None of them had any *character* and none had any *character growth* - they only existed to be killed. Their dialogue was interchangeable - they had no relationships with each other (even though they were two couples, Vasquez and Gorman in ALIENS have 100 times more relationship that these couples had). Rolfe is a horror movie fan, and there's often talk about "horror movies by fans for fans" - but I'm not sure just being a fan is enough to make a good horror movie. A fan can regurgitate horror scenes, but they may not have anything to say. They end up with a hollow film - a paint-by-number horror flick that's hollow and bland. Not film about real people struggling with emotional problems. You know, movies are about *people* - even horror movies.
Please look at your screenplays and make sure you are writing about people, not future victims.
You know, when I pump out a horror script like GatorBaby, I’m exploring some theme (age) and writing about *characters* trapped in dramatic situations where they have to make life changing decisions. I want you to believe in these people, because that makes the horror of the situation more frightening. I’m also using the horror genre to explore characters, rather than using some characters as pawns in the horror story. It’s about the people, not the genre.
Anyway, Saturday - no celebration. Sunday - one of those days where everything goes wrong... no celebration. Today (Monday) - I’m already bak to work on a new project.
So, take my advice (I’m not using it) - when you finish a script, celebrate.
- Bill
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Honesty Is Such A Lonely Word
The strange part about blogging is that it’s a diary that anyone can read. Anyone. There are all kinds of things I want to write about, that will probably bring my career to a premature end. I don’t want to burn any bridges in front of me - I still want to do lunch in this town. But I also want to share some of the stranger experiences.
This creates a problem.
How can I tell you what *really* happened?
One of the guys from the Done Deal boards started blogging, and I linked his blog before reading it... only to discover that he’d deleted it. Seems he was a little too honest and worried about people reading his blog and discovering all of his secrets.
All of us have secrets. And all of us have different degrees of honesty and sharing depending on who we’re talking to. There are things in my life that I’ve never told *anyone*. There’s a big, life changing event in my life that I only talk about with the other people who were involved in that event - no one else knows about it. Other things are pretty well known by my friends, but I don’t discuss with strangers - usually because it would bore them, but sometimes there are things that probably would hurt whatever image I might have. And I sometimes "print the legend" - there are stories that I've told so many times that they only exist in a "mentally edited" version (all of the dull stuff cut out and some things added for flavor).
I used to not care if people knew how old I was, but as the gray begins to show in my hair, I’m starting to think that being an old screenwriter may not help me land jobs... so my age is now going to be a secret (not a very well hidden one - but it’s been erased from the resume and I'm 100 yerars old on MySpace). But most things I’m more than happy to share. I confess to all kinds of things many people would rather keep secret. The second time I lost my virginity was in the frozen food section of Safeway.... of course, it wasn’t a Safeway, then, it was a drive in movie theater... and the "second time" thing is what makes it an amusing story. This is a screenwriting blog, so you probably won’t read that story here... but I’m not shy about telling it. And I’ve never been shy about telling stories that make me look stupid - there are way too many of those. I may get into my personal life now and then, but mostly I’ll be talking movies on this blog.
And talking about all of the crazy things that happen to me while trying to continue earning a living as a screenwriter.
But the problem comes when I’m telling a story about something that happened on a film set or in a meeting. If I name names, I could be killing my career. This blog is probably going to come back to haunt me, anyway. I don’t think I’ll be invited back to Denmark, and there’s a pretty good chance I won’t work with the folks who made that Steven Seagal movie... even though what happened is their fault, not mine. Heck. I was the last to know they were remaking my script! There’s a very good chance I’m going to burn a couple of bridges when I discuss some of my films - and how they came to be so crappy - but there are other people I’d rather not offend. I may want to work with them again.
I’m about to embark on a new quest for an agent or manager... and I’m trying to put together some deals and maybe make my own movie. I want to share those experiences with you... but it’s going to be hard to be honest and name names and work in this town again.
So I’m going to change the names to protect the guilty. And I may change a detail or two, because sometimes even when you change the names, it’s still pretty obvious who you are talking about. I hope these small lies allow me to be more honest about the big stuff. There are still going to be some stories that I just can’t tell. Some of those are *great* stories! I have one on-set story that I often tell in public, but would never put in print - the people involved would be angry and offended. These are people I like, who happen to be involved in a funny event on set that they probably don’t want anyone to know about.
I’ve finally figured out the answer to the "great story that will end my career" problem, which I’ll talk about in *tomorrow’s* entry... but for today, I’m going to do my best to be honest about the big stuff while changing the names and some of the details so that I can continue this so-called career. In a couple of days I will post an entry completely trashing some people I know... and hopefully they won’t figure out I’m talking about them...
Because a man hears what he wants to hear, and disregards the rest.
- Bill
This creates a problem.
How can I tell you what *really* happened?
One of the guys from the Done Deal boards started blogging, and I linked his blog before reading it... only to discover that he’d deleted it. Seems he was a little too honest and worried about people reading his blog and discovering all of his secrets.
All of us have secrets. And all of us have different degrees of honesty and sharing depending on who we’re talking to. There are things in my life that I’ve never told *anyone*. There’s a big, life changing event in my life that I only talk about with the other people who were involved in that event - no one else knows about it. Other things are pretty well known by my friends, but I don’t discuss with strangers - usually because it would bore them, but sometimes there are things that probably would hurt whatever image I might have. And I sometimes "print the legend" - there are stories that I've told so many times that they only exist in a "mentally edited" version (all of the dull stuff cut out and some things added for flavor).
I used to not care if people knew how old I was, but as the gray begins to show in my hair, I’m starting to think that being an old screenwriter may not help me land jobs... so my age is now going to be a secret (not a very well hidden one - but it’s been erased from the resume and I'm 100 yerars old on MySpace). But most things I’m more than happy to share. I confess to all kinds of things many people would rather keep secret. The second time I lost my virginity was in the frozen food section of Safeway.... of course, it wasn’t a Safeway, then, it was a drive in movie theater... and the "second time" thing is what makes it an amusing story. This is a screenwriting blog, so you probably won’t read that story here... but I’m not shy about telling it. And I’ve never been shy about telling stories that make me look stupid - there are way too many of those. I may get into my personal life now and then, but mostly I’ll be talking movies on this blog.
And talking about all of the crazy things that happen to me while trying to continue earning a living as a screenwriter.
But the problem comes when I’m telling a story about something that happened on a film set or in a meeting. If I name names, I could be killing my career. This blog is probably going to come back to haunt me, anyway. I don’t think I’ll be invited back to Denmark, and there’s a pretty good chance I won’t work with the folks who made that Steven Seagal movie... even though what happened is their fault, not mine. Heck. I was the last to know they were remaking my script! There’s a very good chance I’m going to burn a couple of bridges when I discuss some of my films - and how they came to be so crappy - but there are other people I’d rather not offend. I may want to work with them again.
I’m about to embark on a new quest for an agent or manager... and I’m trying to put together some deals and maybe make my own movie. I want to share those experiences with you... but it’s going to be hard to be honest and name names and work in this town again.
So I’m going to change the names to protect the guilty. And I may change a detail or two, because sometimes even when you change the names, it’s still pretty obvious who you are talking about. I hope these small lies allow me to be more honest about the big stuff. There are still going to be some stories that I just can’t tell. Some of those are *great* stories! I have one on-set story that I often tell in public, but would never put in print - the people involved would be angry and offended. These are people I like, who happen to be involved in a funny event on set that they probably don’t want anyone to know about.
I’ve finally figured out the answer to the "great story that will end my career" problem, which I’ll talk about in *tomorrow’s* entry... but for today, I’m going to do my best to be honest about the big stuff while changing the names and some of the details so that I can continue this so-called career. In a couple of days I will post an entry completely trashing some people I know... and hopefully they won’t figure out I’m talking about them...
Because a man hears what he wants to hear, and disregards the rest.
- Bill
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Progress Report
There is no progress to report.
I’m finishing up the Lifetime script, that should have been finished long ago. Big problem has been the notes on the treatment - many of them didn’t sound like they would be difficult to deal with, but have ended up creating huge problems. Oddly, a minor note from the director asking that I combine the ex-husband character and cop character has been the biggest problem. I thought the whole horror-severed tongues / beheaded-pets thing was going to be the biggest issue... but that ended up being just a matter of toning down the bloodshed (and later deciding to return the full amount of gore for the DVD & foreign versions). Though Lifetime may read my gore version and blanch, all of the offensive stuff can easily be removed in the editing room. I think the producer and director would rather shoot that stuff for the post-Lifetime markets.
But the cop / ex-husband thing is kicking my ass. See, now one character is:
A) The cop investigating the killings.
B) Brother of a murder victim.
C) Ex-husband of our leading lady.
D) Father of the leading lady’s kid.
F) On the killer’s hit list.
He has become the center of the universe! Now, every crime scene is also a "What happened to our marriage" scene and a "You need to spend more time with your son" scene. These scenes just topple over under the weight of all that! Because the relationship between the cop and the leading lady has changed dramatically, all of those scenes became completely different than what was in the treatment... and all of the leading lady and son scenes changed... and all of the leading lady and ex-husband scenes changed... and.... well, the 33% of the story that was the horror stuff changed a little, and the 67% that was relationships became a page one rewrite! Every single scene where people weren’t getting killed had to be re-thought, re-planned, and sometimes there was that domino effect where a small change on page 15 created massive changes down the line. Who knew a minor note would have such a major effect?
Actually, I knew. That’s part of my job - to imagine the impact of each note. But it ended up being even more of a problem than I expected. I really wish that people would consider their notes - think of how it will impact the entire script - before they open their mouths. That’s one of the most frustrating parts of this job - a director or producer or development exec who may have only done a quick read of the script will come up with some idea off the top of their heads without ever considering the ramifications. They just throw this stuff out without really thinking about it... and it’s up to me to figure out how to make it work. Sometimes, it can’t work.
Sometimes, in the story meeting, I say: "This note won’t work because..." and explain how the dominoes will start falling. But usually, they can’t really imagine the dominoes falling, and want me to use that note anyway. If it doesn’t work, I’ll just do another rewrite to undo it. Problem is (at least from my POV) that the time and effort and brain cells that go into making the change that can’t work would be better used on some other change that can work... or even writing another script. Sometimes the pointless rewrites take as much time and energy as writing a whole new script! In fact, the worst notes are the most difficult... and most likely to not work at all even after you’ve tried every single way to make them work. The producer or director or Devo scraps that draft of the script and you go back to square one. I wish I’d spent that time writing a new script!
I have this huge stack of scripts waiting to be written (actually, a stack of blank paper). Every one of these pointless drafts is one more script I won't have time to write in my life.
Do you know how much time (and work and brain cells) I’ve wasted on rewrites that never had a chance? A couple of minutes to think through the notes first would save us *all* a lot of time... but I don’t see that ever happening. Producers and directors and Devos are never responsible for their notes. I have to justify every single frigging word in my script, but the "what if they’re cowboys?" notes can be "just a thought I think you should explore". Sometimes, I think this town would run smoother if the producers and directors and devos had to pay for each rewrite that doesn't work out of their own pockets. Then they’d think twice before coming up with some note off the top of their heads. There would be fewer wasted drafts and scripts might actually improve with each new draft.
But, then, I’m a dreamer.
Of course, part of my "no progress" has been a handful of brand new script tips, some blog entries, some prep work on a new screenwriting book, an article for Script Magazine, and several other writing related things that don't add a single page to the script I'm working on.
Anyway - Lifetime script will be finished tomorrow or the next day, then I’m writing up some new classes on audio CD and also doing a page one rewrite on my DIE ROBOT script which will now be called STEEL CHAMELEONS - it’s over a dozen years old... but has a very similar plot to I ROBOT... but with an INVASION OF THE BODYSNATCHERS thing - the androids have "liquid skin technology" and can change to "become" anyone they touch. They are part of plot to take over the government... by replicating the President!
After that... probably one of the "stockpile" scripts I’m writing for a big studio spec sale.
Oh... and there’ll be a new blog entry tomorrow.
- Bill
I’m finishing up the Lifetime script, that should have been finished long ago. Big problem has been the notes on the treatment - many of them didn’t sound like they would be difficult to deal with, but have ended up creating huge problems. Oddly, a minor note from the director asking that I combine the ex-husband character and cop character has been the biggest problem. I thought the whole horror-severed tongues / beheaded-pets thing was going to be the biggest issue... but that ended up being just a matter of toning down the bloodshed (and later deciding to return the full amount of gore for the DVD & foreign versions). Though Lifetime may read my gore version and blanch, all of the offensive stuff can easily be removed in the editing room. I think the producer and director would rather shoot that stuff for the post-Lifetime markets.
But the cop / ex-husband thing is kicking my ass. See, now one character is:
A) The cop investigating the killings.
B) Brother of a murder victim.
C) Ex-husband of our leading lady.
D) Father of the leading lady’s kid.
F) On the killer’s hit list.
He has become the center of the universe! Now, every crime scene is also a "What happened to our marriage" scene and a "You need to spend more time with your son" scene. These scenes just topple over under the weight of all that! Because the relationship between the cop and the leading lady has changed dramatically, all of those scenes became completely different than what was in the treatment... and all of the leading lady and son scenes changed... and all of the leading lady and ex-husband scenes changed... and.... well, the 33% of the story that was the horror stuff changed a little, and the 67% that was relationships became a page one rewrite! Every single scene where people weren’t getting killed had to be re-thought, re-planned, and sometimes there was that domino effect where a small change on page 15 created massive changes down the line. Who knew a minor note would have such a major effect?
Actually, I knew. That’s part of my job - to imagine the impact of each note. But it ended up being even more of a problem than I expected. I really wish that people would consider their notes - think of how it will impact the entire script - before they open their mouths. That’s one of the most frustrating parts of this job - a director or producer or development exec who may have only done a quick read of the script will come up with some idea off the top of their heads without ever considering the ramifications. They just throw this stuff out without really thinking about it... and it’s up to me to figure out how to make it work. Sometimes, it can’t work.
Sometimes, in the story meeting, I say: "This note won’t work because..." and explain how the dominoes will start falling. But usually, they can’t really imagine the dominoes falling, and want me to use that note anyway. If it doesn’t work, I’ll just do another rewrite to undo it. Problem is (at least from my POV) that the time and effort and brain cells that go into making the change that can’t work would be better used on some other change that can work... or even writing another script. Sometimes the pointless rewrites take as much time and energy as writing a whole new script! In fact, the worst notes are the most difficult... and most likely to not work at all even after you’ve tried every single way to make them work. The producer or director or Devo scraps that draft of the script and you go back to square one. I wish I’d spent that time writing a new script!
I have this huge stack of scripts waiting to be written (actually, a stack of blank paper). Every one of these pointless drafts is one more script I won't have time to write in my life.
Do you know how much time (and work and brain cells) I’ve wasted on rewrites that never had a chance? A couple of minutes to think through the notes first would save us *all* a lot of time... but I don’t see that ever happening. Producers and directors and Devos are never responsible for their notes. I have to justify every single frigging word in my script, but the "what if they’re cowboys?" notes can be "just a thought I think you should explore". Sometimes, I think this town would run smoother if the producers and directors and devos had to pay for each rewrite that doesn't work out of their own pockets. Then they’d think twice before coming up with some note off the top of their heads. There would be fewer wasted drafts and scripts might actually improve with each new draft.
But, then, I’m a dreamer.
Of course, part of my "no progress" has been a handful of brand new script tips, some blog entries, some prep work on a new screenwriting book, an article for Script Magazine, and several other writing related things that don't add a single page to the script I'm working on.
Anyway - Lifetime script will be finished tomorrow or the next day, then I’m writing up some new classes on audio CD and also doing a page one rewrite on my DIE ROBOT script which will now be called STEEL CHAMELEONS - it’s over a dozen years old... but has a very similar plot to I ROBOT... but with an INVASION OF THE BODYSNATCHERS thing - the androids have "liquid skin technology" and can change to "become" anyone they touch. They are part of plot to take over the government... by replicating the President!
After that... probably one of the "stockpile" scripts I’m writing for a big studio spec sale.
Oh... and there’ll be a new blog entry tomorrow.
- Bill
Friday, July 21, 2006
A Lifetime In Vegas
A large part of this working vacation is finishing the horror script for Lifetime. It was supposed to be finished on the 1st of July, with holiday that means the 10th. You see, the 4th is a holiday in the middle of the week, and that pretty much closes down the biz for the whole week. Even if I turned in the script on the 5th, no one would get around to even looking at it until the 10th.
The good news about writing in Vegas - nobody here knows my name. I don’t have all of the distractions of home, where even in a random Starbucks there is someone who knows me and wants to talk. Let alone, my normal haunts. I am a creature of habit, and those habits lead to nothing getting done. For a long time I wrote at Priscilla’s in Toluca Lake... until I realized I was spending 95% of my time chatting with friends and only 5% actually writing. Unfortunately that’s what’s happening at my new writing places. It’s nice to have friends around - I go to dinner with the same revolving group almost every night - but sometimes I spend more time talking than writing. If I stay home, I spend more time doing all of those work avoidance tasks. So the good thing about Vegas is, no one here to distract me from writing. A slight problem is that the Starbucks with wifi (some don’t have it) that I need to post my daily tips closes at 6pm and isn’t open on the weekend. That means I can’t put off going on line until my work is done... and the internet is a powerful lure away from work. But I’m sort of doing okay.
The bad news about writing in Vegas is that it’s Vegas. It’s a 24 hour city and I am an insomniac. 3 of my days here have been wasted because, well, I was wasted. For instance, a few nights ago I actually finished my pages, put up my script tip, did a little thinking about my next day of writing, and went to see PIRATES again at a late show. The movie is about two and a half hours long, maybe three hours once you put in trailers and commercials and stuff. Anyway, I got back to the hotel really late. But instead of going to bed, I thought I’d have a couple of beers. Free beers. Free beers that come with gambling. The bad news was that the cocktail waitress was kind of slow making the rounds, so I had to gamble a lot to get 3 free beers. The good news is that I didn’t lose money, well, not much money. I basically paid for my 3 free beers. But the worse news was that there are no clocks in casinos, and I really had no idea how late it was... or, rather, *early* it was when I finally decided to call it quits and go up to my room. Most of the next day was spent sleeping. I raced down to put up my tip, but really didn’t get any work done on the script. I *did* waste time online, though. So I’m sort of behind on the script.
This whole horror script for Lifetime doesn’t make any sense. It began with my COMPLEX script, which has been to Lifetime 3 times. The last time it had a producer and director and the director actually went to Montreal and scouted locations - brought me back photos of the apartment building we’d be shooting at - indoor pool instead of outdoor pool, and more New York urban than the very So-Cal suburban building in my script. But after getting that far is was a victim of quotas - Lifetime had made enough genre films for the year and were only interested in women’s issues.
The script fell back into my hands, and I tried to set it up in a strange deal - a supporting actress wanted to star in a movie and had found the money to make the film... all she needed was a script. I didn’t know this woman, a pair of writers I know did. But they didn’t have a female lead script. But, since I knew they wanted a chance to direct, and this woman would allow them to direct this film, I told them they could use my script to close this directing deal. They said that was nice, but they’d really rather at least co-write something. I know these guys - they have egos the size of Jupiter. They want it all to be about them. I never co-write with anyone, but thought why not? The woman *has* the money, so the film will get made. I’ve had a frustrating few years where nothing got made, and this might start the ball rolling.
So I agreed.... and then realized why I hated co-writing. They expected me to be the typing monkey while they threw completely nonsensical ideas at me. And they never wanted to work! Weeks pass between meetings. They keep putting things off... until it has been *months* since we first started talking about this, and all we really have is the treatment I banged out for free and some talk. After a while, I asked if all of time we had wasted was working against us - was she finding another script? They said "no", but she had a different answer. She was tired of waiting for them to find or write a script, and took her money somewhere else. They wasted a chance to direct because they wanted to be the writer-director-producer-Gods on the project. I think they were afraid if they went with COMPLEX and the film was successful, I’d get all the credit. Like I care?
So when the Lifetime producer called me about COMPLEX, asking if it was sill available, it was. There was a new person in charge of Lifetime Movies, and they had done a little research. Seems the genre films attracted more viewers than the issue films. And the genre films cost less to make - they didn’t need that Emmy-bait cast the issue films needed. So Lifetime was gearing up to make more genre films. And with the Lifetime Movie Channel (all abusive ex-husbands all the time!) they needed *more* genre films and different genres. When I met with the (same) director about COMPLEX, he asked me what I was working on. I said I was just starting this horror film about a single mother who... And he cuts me off. Single mother? Lifetime might want this! I pitch him the rest of the story, and he asks if I have a one page synopsis and if he can show it to Lifetime. Well, of course.
The next week, I have a meeting with producer and director. Lifetime loves the idea - horror is hot and they want to jump on the horror bandwagon. In fact, they’d love to see a 15-20 page detailed treatment. Now, the bad news is that Lifetime does not pay to develop scripts, so I would have to write this on spec... but I was already doing that, right? So now I’d be writing a script on spec with a deal at the end of the rainbow. But Lifetime would like to read a treatment, just to see where the story is going, and make suggestions on where they would like it to go. Would that be okay?
I decide it would. I was writing the script anyway - might as well have a producer who makes movies and buys scripts waiting with a checkbook.
Mistake.
I spend a week and a half writing a treatment. Should probably have taken me less time, but I was preparing for Denmark and Hong Kong at the same time. Somewhere along the line, I ask if the new folks at Lifetime ever got around to reading COMPLEX... and the director tells me no. In fact, it was never sent to them - they were so excited with the horror story that they’re focusing on that. I finish my treatment and deliver it before Denmark....
They read my 23 page treatment and we have a meeting after I’m back from Hong Kong. "Do people have to die in this script? Do there have to be victims other than the leading lady (who survives)? Can there be a love story? Can more of it be about parenting? Can the cop be the love interest... and her ex-husband? Do we really need this "letting go of anger" theme? (It means characters have to be angry.) I don’t understand the supernatural element - can we get rid of that? Too many suspense scenes - there’s one ever 15 minutes (right before the commercial breaks, I explained). This whole first act has to go - we hate it."
Some of the notes were from not paying attention - the director questioned a supernatural element in the middle of the treatment that had been set up in two earlier scenes. When I pointed this out to him, he became defensive and told me he though the set up material had been a joke. This is one of the things I hate most about these meetings - the ego issues. Look, he skimmed the treatment and missed something - no big deal, just admit it. We’re all busy people. But instead he wants me to either lose the supernatural element or spend more time setting it up. Right. Same skim & ego issue with the little bit of dialogue in the treatment - he hated it. Except what he hated was the opening scene dialogue that was part of a crime show reinactment... and written trite on purpose.
Oh, and then we had the kind of note I hate the most - the ones that show lack of imagination. The ones that require you to take them step by step through something that everyone in the audience will instantly understand. In this case, it was an *in scene* segue from reality to reinactment. I swiped this from a DePalma film called SISTERS which opens with a guy in a gym changing room watching a hot blind woman enter by mistake and begin taking her clothes off. At first we think it’s really happening, then it’s revealed as a CANDID CAMERA type game show. I wanted to do the same thing - open with the serial killer attacking a victim, then after the horror stuff was over, the trite dialogue pops up and the lighting turns crappy and we realize we are watching a reinactment. If you were to ask me if this is real or reinactment, I’d say BOTH. It changes at the end. But the director couldn’t see how that was possible and hadn’t seen SISTERS. He also hadn’t seen many of the horror movies I brought up as example - this is going to become a much larger issue later on. So I have to make all of these changes that do not improve the screenplay...
"Oh, and can we still get the script by July 1st?"
So I throw away the whole first act and now have to start from scratch with the same deadline. And their notes really make no sense - they are turning a horror story into a woman in jeopardy thriller (Lifetime staple). With no victims other than the leading lady, this guy isn’t much of a serial killer, is he?
I decide that since I’m not being paid, I’m going to ignore the really stupid notes and see how may of the others I can work in. Problem is, now some scenes that worked with the cop being just a cop are not going to work if he’s the ex-husband and the love interest and the father of her child. This guy is now the center of the universe! What an amazing coincidence that he’s assigned to the case! I do some fancy footwork and hide as many coincidences as I can. But this is hard work. Time consuming. I had solved all of the story problems in my outline stage, and now they had given me more problems. I had to solve these on the fly - as I’m cranking out pages.
So, the script missed its deadline and I’m in Vegas playing catch up... and slowly coming to realize that this script is going to suck. Because their notes have destroyed it. The characters were all reflecting the "letting go of anger" theme - but now they’re not. Now they aren’t characters at all - just names. And the relationship between the female lead and cop doesn’t work at all. I have a way to make it work with him being her ex-husband, but it’s 100 times darker than the original version. Lifetime just isn’t going to stand for it. And I’ve toned down the horror so much it’s bland.
This script isn’t going to make Lifetime happy, and it doesn’t make me happy.
That kind of adds to the lure of the gambling tables. I could be down there getting free beers right now! I started out writing a spec, then I was working on a script for Lifetime, now I think I’m writing for nothing. Just wasting my time....
Well, not really. I still have my original first act (with human tongue removal) and I think with a week or two of rewrites can turn this thing into a real creepy, scary horror script. The idea was always really good - and most of the writing can be salvaged.
So the current plan is to finish the script in the next week, send it to Lifetime, wait for them to reject it, and then start turning back into what it would have been without their notes - an easy to sell spec horror script that’s kind of THE RING (characters) meets NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (story elements).
Lesson learned: write specs the way you want to write them. Hmm, I already knew that!
Oh, and if anyone is interested in a really creepy female lead thriller that Lifetime keeps *almost* buying called THE COMPLEX... I guess it’s still available.
- Bill
PS: I've decided to rewrite a couple of scenes and let the blood flow. If Lifetime *does* want it, they'll make me cut it... but at least there is some horror in this horror script!
The good news about writing in Vegas - nobody here knows my name. I don’t have all of the distractions of home, where even in a random Starbucks there is someone who knows me and wants to talk. Let alone, my normal haunts. I am a creature of habit, and those habits lead to nothing getting done. For a long time I wrote at Priscilla’s in Toluca Lake... until I realized I was spending 95% of my time chatting with friends and only 5% actually writing. Unfortunately that’s what’s happening at my new writing places. It’s nice to have friends around - I go to dinner with the same revolving group almost every night - but sometimes I spend more time talking than writing. If I stay home, I spend more time doing all of those work avoidance tasks. So the good thing about Vegas is, no one here to distract me from writing. A slight problem is that the Starbucks with wifi (some don’t have it) that I need to post my daily tips closes at 6pm and isn’t open on the weekend. That means I can’t put off going on line until my work is done... and the internet is a powerful lure away from work. But I’m sort of doing okay.
The bad news about writing in Vegas is that it’s Vegas. It’s a 24 hour city and I am an insomniac. 3 of my days here have been wasted because, well, I was wasted. For instance, a few nights ago I actually finished my pages, put up my script tip, did a little thinking about my next day of writing, and went to see PIRATES again at a late show. The movie is about two and a half hours long, maybe three hours once you put in trailers and commercials and stuff. Anyway, I got back to the hotel really late. But instead of going to bed, I thought I’d have a couple of beers. Free beers. Free beers that come with gambling. The bad news was that the cocktail waitress was kind of slow making the rounds, so I had to gamble a lot to get 3 free beers. The good news is that I didn’t lose money, well, not much money. I basically paid for my 3 free beers. But the worse news was that there are no clocks in casinos, and I really had no idea how late it was... or, rather, *early* it was when I finally decided to call it quits and go up to my room. Most of the next day was spent sleeping. I raced down to put up my tip, but really didn’t get any work done on the script. I *did* waste time online, though. So I’m sort of behind on the script.
This whole horror script for Lifetime doesn’t make any sense. It began with my COMPLEX script, which has been to Lifetime 3 times. The last time it had a producer and director and the director actually went to Montreal and scouted locations - brought me back photos of the apartment building we’d be shooting at - indoor pool instead of outdoor pool, and more New York urban than the very So-Cal suburban building in my script. But after getting that far is was a victim of quotas - Lifetime had made enough genre films for the year and were only interested in women’s issues.
The script fell back into my hands, and I tried to set it up in a strange deal - a supporting actress wanted to star in a movie and had found the money to make the film... all she needed was a script. I didn’t know this woman, a pair of writers I know did. But they didn’t have a female lead script. But, since I knew they wanted a chance to direct, and this woman would allow them to direct this film, I told them they could use my script to close this directing deal. They said that was nice, but they’d really rather at least co-write something. I know these guys - they have egos the size of Jupiter. They want it all to be about them. I never co-write with anyone, but thought why not? The woman *has* the money, so the film will get made. I’ve had a frustrating few years where nothing got made, and this might start the ball rolling.
So I agreed.... and then realized why I hated co-writing. They expected me to be the typing monkey while they threw completely nonsensical ideas at me. And they never wanted to work! Weeks pass between meetings. They keep putting things off... until it has been *months* since we first started talking about this, and all we really have is the treatment I banged out for free and some talk. After a while, I asked if all of time we had wasted was working against us - was she finding another script? They said "no", but she had a different answer. She was tired of waiting for them to find or write a script, and took her money somewhere else. They wasted a chance to direct because they wanted to be the writer-director-producer-Gods on the project. I think they were afraid if they went with COMPLEX and the film was successful, I’d get all the credit. Like I care?
So when the Lifetime producer called me about COMPLEX, asking if it was sill available, it was. There was a new person in charge of Lifetime Movies, and they had done a little research. Seems the genre films attracted more viewers than the issue films. And the genre films cost less to make - they didn’t need that Emmy-bait cast the issue films needed. So Lifetime was gearing up to make more genre films. And with the Lifetime Movie Channel (all abusive ex-husbands all the time!) they needed *more* genre films and different genres. When I met with the (same) director about COMPLEX, he asked me what I was working on. I said I was just starting this horror film about a single mother who... And he cuts me off. Single mother? Lifetime might want this! I pitch him the rest of the story, and he asks if I have a one page synopsis and if he can show it to Lifetime. Well, of course.
The next week, I have a meeting with producer and director. Lifetime loves the idea - horror is hot and they want to jump on the horror bandwagon. In fact, they’d love to see a 15-20 page detailed treatment. Now, the bad news is that Lifetime does not pay to develop scripts, so I would have to write this on spec... but I was already doing that, right? So now I’d be writing a script on spec with a deal at the end of the rainbow. But Lifetime would like to read a treatment, just to see where the story is going, and make suggestions on where they would like it to go. Would that be okay?
I decide it would. I was writing the script anyway - might as well have a producer who makes movies and buys scripts waiting with a checkbook.
Mistake.
I spend a week and a half writing a treatment. Should probably have taken me less time, but I was preparing for Denmark and Hong Kong at the same time. Somewhere along the line, I ask if the new folks at Lifetime ever got around to reading COMPLEX... and the director tells me no. In fact, it was never sent to them - they were so excited with the horror story that they’re focusing on that. I finish my treatment and deliver it before Denmark....
They read my 23 page treatment and we have a meeting after I’m back from Hong Kong. "Do people have to die in this script? Do there have to be victims other than the leading lady (who survives)? Can there be a love story? Can more of it be about parenting? Can the cop be the love interest... and her ex-husband? Do we really need this "letting go of anger" theme? (It means characters have to be angry.) I don’t understand the supernatural element - can we get rid of that? Too many suspense scenes - there’s one ever 15 minutes (right before the commercial breaks, I explained). This whole first act has to go - we hate it."
Some of the notes were from not paying attention - the director questioned a supernatural element in the middle of the treatment that had been set up in two earlier scenes. When I pointed this out to him, he became defensive and told me he though the set up material had been a joke. This is one of the things I hate most about these meetings - the ego issues. Look, he skimmed the treatment and missed something - no big deal, just admit it. We’re all busy people. But instead he wants me to either lose the supernatural element or spend more time setting it up. Right. Same skim & ego issue with the little bit of dialogue in the treatment - he hated it. Except what he hated was the opening scene dialogue that was part of a crime show reinactment... and written trite on purpose.
Oh, and then we had the kind of note I hate the most - the ones that show lack of imagination. The ones that require you to take them step by step through something that everyone in the audience will instantly understand. In this case, it was an *in scene* segue from reality to reinactment. I swiped this from a DePalma film called SISTERS which opens with a guy in a gym changing room watching a hot blind woman enter by mistake and begin taking her clothes off. At first we think it’s really happening, then it’s revealed as a CANDID CAMERA type game show. I wanted to do the same thing - open with the serial killer attacking a victim, then after the horror stuff was over, the trite dialogue pops up and the lighting turns crappy and we realize we are watching a reinactment. If you were to ask me if this is real or reinactment, I’d say BOTH. It changes at the end. But the director couldn’t see how that was possible and hadn’t seen SISTERS. He also hadn’t seen many of the horror movies I brought up as example - this is going to become a much larger issue later on. So I have to make all of these changes that do not improve the screenplay...
"Oh, and can we still get the script by July 1st?"
So I throw away the whole first act and now have to start from scratch with the same deadline. And their notes really make no sense - they are turning a horror story into a woman in jeopardy thriller (Lifetime staple). With no victims other than the leading lady, this guy isn’t much of a serial killer, is he?
I decide that since I’m not being paid, I’m going to ignore the really stupid notes and see how may of the others I can work in. Problem is, now some scenes that worked with the cop being just a cop are not going to work if he’s the ex-husband and the love interest and the father of her child. This guy is now the center of the universe! What an amazing coincidence that he’s assigned to the case! I do some fancy footwork and hide as many coincidences as I can. But this is hard work. Time consuming. I had solved all of the story problems in my outline stage, and now they had given me more problems. I had to solve these on the fly - as I’m cranking out pages.
So, the script missed its deadline and I’m in Vegas playing catch up... and slowly coming to realize that this script is going to suck. Because their notes have destroyed it. The characters were all reflecting the "letting go of anger" theme - but now they’re not. Now they aren’t characters at all - just names. And the relationship between the female lead and cop doesn’t work at all. I have a way to make it work with him being her ex-husband, but it’s 100 times darker than the original version. Lifetime just isn’t going to stand for it. And I’ve toned down the horror so much it’s bland.
This script isn’t going to make Lifetime happy, and it doesn’t make me happy.
That kind of adds to the lure of the gambling tables. I could be down there getting free beers right now! I started out writing a spec, then I was working on a script for Lifetime, now I think I’m writing for nothing. Just wasting my time....
Well, not really. I still have my original first act (with human tongue removal) and I think with a week or two of rewrites can turn this thing into a real creepy, scary horror script. The idea was always really good - and most of the writing can be salvaged.
So the current plan is to finish the script in the next week, send it to Lifetime, wait for them to reject it, and then start turning back into what it would have been without their notes - an easy to sell spec horror script that’s kind of THE RING (characters) meets NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (story elements).
Lesson learned: write specs the way you want to write them. Hmm, I already knew that!
Oh, and if anyone is interested in a really creepy female lead thriller that Lifetime keeps *almost* buying called THE COMPLEX... I guess it’s still available.
- Bill
PS: I've decided to rewrite a couple of scenes and let the blood flow. If Lifetime *does* want it, they'll make me cut it... but at least there is some horror in this horror script!
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Hong Kong Adventure (part 2)
Friday, the day before my big 2 day class, and Richard’s 87 year old mom is going to take me sight seeing in Hong Kong. Their condo (which has a beautiful view of the city) has it’s own little bus that goes to the Central District and back every hour. We hopped on the bus, and a few minutes later we were in the Central District.
Hong Kong is an island filled with HUNDREDS of towering skyscrapers. The Central District is a dense concentration of buildings... and people. One of the amusing things about the Central District is that they have double decker buses in the streets filled with people... and double decker sidewalks! There are enclosed walkways connecting all of the buildings. The streets are so crowded, you *need* the overhead walkway. And they are airconditioned - something else that you need. Hong Kong is hot and humid in May. Even on the second floor sidewalk, you are pushed along by the river of people. Everything is double or triple decker in Hong Kong - they build *up* because there is no land available to build *out*.
And they build using old fashioned technology. A few buildings away from Richard’s mom’s is a building under renovation... and the workers are using bamboo scaffolding. In fact, the workers seem to have no fear of heights - I see them carrying heavy equipment and building supplies as they jump from one piece of scaffolding to another like monkeys. I know a few stunt men in Hollywood - and they wouldn’t do the things these workers are doing without being cabled in. These guys are crazy!
Richard’s mom leads me across the Central District on that second level of sidewalk until we come to the ferry building. We’re going to take a ferry boat across the harbor to Kowloon and have lunch at the harbor. The Octopus Pass works here, too. We get onboard the ferry and start across the harbor, passing all kinds of interesting ships. At Kowloon we walk through the packed, hot streets passing bunch of tourist type places. The cruise ships dock there, so most of the businesses cater to them. Lots of souvenir places. Richard’s mom leads me into a tall building filled with a dozen restaurants, and we climb stairs until we find one she likes. We step inside... and it’s freezing! They have the air conditioning blasting, and the sudden change in temperature from really hot to cool is shocking. It’s a dim sum place, so we order a handful of different items from the menu and will grab some stuff off the cart if we’re still hungry. The food is amazing - the dumplings (some with interesting savory vegetables) have thin skins made of rice flour, rather than the thicker flour based skins. You could see what was inside the dumplings. Interesting. This was an upscale restaurant, lots of businessmen...And it was so chilly Richard’s mom waved over a waitress and asked for a shawl. I thought this was weird. The waitress returns with a warm looking shawl with the restaurant logo and drapes it over her shoulders. The house shawl - they way they have house ties and house jackets. I look around, and there are a dozen women wearing house shawls.
The food was great, and we did grab a couple of things off the carts moving through the restaurant. Then a really strange dessert cart rolled by - dessert *soups*. I had to have the red bean dessert soup! Just too weird! The soup is served hot, and it’s... red bean soup. Sweetened with cane sugar. A strange idea for a dessert, but it tasted okay. You should try it sometime.
Oh, I left out the strangest thing about Hong Kong! Every single elevator has a thin plastic sheet over the buttons for hygiene - and a note above the plastic tells you that this sheet is changed every hour or every three hours or whatever. They don’t want their fingers to touch a button that someone else’s fingers have touched. Because all of the buildings are so tall, I must have been in a hundred elevators while I was in Hong Kong and they all had the plastic over the buttons.... But in that chilly restaurant at every table were people sticking their chopsticks into community bowls of food and then putting them in their mouths. Double dipping. So touch: spreads germs, but mouth to mouth: no germs. Makes no sense to me.
After lunch (they took that shawl back at the door) we walked to another ferry terminal and took a ferry to the terminal near the Peak Tram. The tram has been in operation since 1888, taking people up the steep side of the peak - through neighborhoods, past houses and very tall buildings, until you come to the peak overlooking all of Hong Kong.
At the peak, we walk around, looking at various views of Hong Kong below us. I ask Richard’s mom if she would like to stop and take a rest... she says she’s fine. *I* would like to stop and take a rest! I’ve been walking all over the place! I’m tired! Richard’s mom is a mountain goat or something - climbing the side of the hill, to get a better look. We walk all over the place - and a rickshaw driver asks if I would like a ride. “No.” “You want a picture in the rickshaw?” “Sure.” I sit in the rickshaw, and his partner takes some pictures (my camera) and then he tells me it will be a bunch of money Hong Kong. I should have taken the rickshaw ride.
We get a cold drink at a McDonalds at the Peak shopping center (tourist trap). The McDonalds have strange things - rice cakes instead of bread-buns, and “You’ll love the red cabbage!” and some kind of beef in sauce thing between the rice cakes. They also have Big Macs.
Just as it’s getting dark, we take a bus down the hill to the Central District and take the private bus back up to the condo, where Emily the maid has prepared dinner. Emily is very nice - she always has coffee ready for me in the morning. The first morning, she made me a plate of really soft fried eggs and some toast. I’m not really fan of eggs, but I ate them... then told Emily I don’t usually eat breakfast (I don’t) and would just like some coffee. From then on, when I stepped into the living room she would be there - waiting - with a cup of coffee. Like she was psychic.
One morning I wanted a refill, and didn’t want to bother Emily, so I went through the door into the kitchen and servants area and poured a cup from the coffee maker. Emily walked into the kitchen and freaked - I’m not allowed in the kitchen! I should just call her next time, she would bring me more coffee - that is her job. It’s strange that the doorway into the servants area of the house (and the kitchen) is like the Berlin Wall. Later, I was talking to someone and found out that *all* of the maids in Hong Kong are from the Philippines, and they all have Sunday off. There’s a park section in the Central District that turns into Manilla on Sunday afternoon. All of the maids congregate there.
After dinner, Richard wants to take me someplace special. We drive to Central and park, then he starts walking up these steep streets - we’re climbing the peak! We go from street to street to street, and I have no idea where we are going or why. At every intersection I have to turn around so that I can see what direction Richard is pointing - he’s still walking a few paces behind me. We climb up into an area filled with night clubs - packed with young tourists. It’s like some college party the stretches for blocks - Spring Break in Hing Kong. We keep climbing. I’m exhausted. I’ve done my walking for the day, I want to sleep. We climb higher and higher up the hill, I keep asking where we are going and Richard finally says he’s taking me to a trendy night club. Swell - tomorrow morning at the crack of frigging dawn I’ve got to get up and tech a class, and the night before I’m going to get drunk. That’s if we ever make it to the night club - we’re passing dozens, maybe hundreds of clubs and bars, but Richard has one at the top of the hill he wants to go to.
We manage to get there before my legs give out... barely. They are throbbing like crazy due to all of the climbing, and my feet *hurt*. I’ve spent the entire day walking up hill! We take a seat, I ask what kind of beers they have - Carlsbourg is the answer.... beer from Denmark. So I sit in some Westernized night club in Hong Kong surrounded by 20 and 30 year old white people and drink Danish beer. The Hong Kong experience! I really don’t understand why we are here. Not much conversation happening - I get the feeling this whole thing is Richard trying to impress me by taking me to some trendy club... as if I’m Paris Hilton or some celebrity. I don’t care about trendy clubs - I’ve drank beer in parking lots and had a good time.
After having a few beers, I tell Richard that I am tired and need to get some sleep before I teach my class. He asks if I would like to take the escalator back. Huh? We go one street over from the street we came up, and there is an *escalator* instead of a sidewalk. Going up and going down. See, we didn’t have to *walk* up that steep hill, we could have just taken the escalator like everyone else. It’s really strange that there’s an escalator on a regular street - not part of a shopping center or business. It’s a city escalator. Another unusual think about Hong Kong. The problem with going down by escalator is that there are patches with only one escalator beside stairs - and at this hour the escalator is going up. So I end up doing a bunch of walking anyway.
I drag myself back to the garage, we get the car, and drive back to Richard’s mom’s condo. The exercise has me exhausted, but also has the blood flowing. I can’t sleep. I lay there, listening to the air conditioner, trying to sleep. Finally, my eyes drift closed... and too soon after that my alarm goes off. Time to teach my class. We have to be there by 8am, and Richard wants to be there an hour before that to get breakfast... I don’t really eat breakfast, but I’m up at 6:30am so that I can be ready to go by 7.
Guess what? The only place open for breakfast is McDonalds. I drink coffee and wonder why people love the red cabbage so much.
Richard has been telling me that sign ups are slow because Hong Kong isn’t much of a seminar city, but the place I’m teaching the class is a huge building - a couple of floors of which are rentable class rooms and auditoriums for seminars. There are bunch of Learning Annex type classes going on, and a big video screen that lists them all (including mine). The room itself is nice - there’s even a built in video projector that I attach to my laptop. Problem is, I can’t get my DVD of clips to work in my laptop. Some clips play, others don’t. Kind of frustrating.
When we ride the elevator up to the room, I put mark on the plastic. When I ride down at lunch, there really is a new sheet of plastic over the buttons.
At lunch, I tell Richard and the rest of the class that I need to rest my voice, so I will be eating alone - please don’t take offense. Here’s the strange thing - this will be the first meal I have eaten on my own. I walk down the street toward the tunnel (used in a Jean Claude Van Damme movie produced by Ashok Amritraj, who produced many of my films) - this takes me away from big business and toward small businesses - car repair shops and neighborhood grocers and... little restaurants. I walk until I find a restaurant without any English on the sign and go inside.
Everyone inside is Chinese. They bring me a menu - in Chinese - and some warm green tea. The waitress says something in Chinese, I smile. I look over the menu and figure the lower the price, the less likely I’m going to get some “delicacy” that I wouldn’t want to eat. I point to two low price items, and the waitress goes away. I look around at the families and workers in the restaurant - just regular folks. There’s a soccer match on TV, and everyone is watching. A few minutes later the waitress returns with my food - something that seems to be Chicken with vegetables in a tangy sauce and some dumplings. There is also white rice... that has eggs in it. I guess everything in Hong Kong has eggs in it. I look around for silverware and notice a wood box with wood chopsticks sticking out of it. Used wood chopsticks. Stained wood used chopsticks. Washed, I guess, but the wood has absorbed food, liquid, germs. Well, everybody else is using them... I grab a couple and eat my lunch. The food is great.
Next day I do the same thing in a different Chinese restaurant. Same kind of families and working guys on a lunch break. This time a Jet Li movie on the TV. I end up ordering squid and rice and some fish cakes. I would never have ordered the squid on my own - not much of a fan of rubbery seafoods, but I ate it anyway. Using wooden chopsticks that hundreds of other people have used before me. Maybe that mechanic watching the Jet Li movie used them yesterday. I was either going to die or I wasn’t. It still seems strange that they don’t want to touch an *elevator button* that someone else touched, but they will eat out of the same bowl and use the same chopsticks that dozens of other people have used. I don’t die, so maybe they know something that we don’t?
The class goes well - small (so I’m not making any money other than my advance) but good students. They’ve seen a bunch of movies and asked good questions. One of the students hd her birthday on Sunday, and Richard bought her a cake . We had a little birthday party.
After the class, one of the students wanted to buy me a drink and talk to me about project. I usually don’t want to talk about other people’s projects - 99% of the time the conversation goes something like “Can you get my script to Kate Hudson?” Hey, if I could get *my* script to Kate Hudson, don’t you think I’d do that first? But Richard insists I talk with this woman. She’s Stanley Tong’s *sister*. Um, okay! Stanley Tong is the guy who directed all of those great Jackie Chan Hong Kong movies. Oh, and she used to be married to the guy who starred in FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH - probably the first kung fu movie I ever saw. So we have a drink or two after class in the fancy Italian restaurant where everyone in class had lunch on both days. She has a project about Christian winemaking that she’s trying to set up, wants to know if I have any suggestions. Christian winemaking? She tells me the story (in detail) and I have no suggestions at all afterwards. It’s a really odd project. I don’t know how many people want to see a movie about *pagan* winemaking, let alone a winemaking movie with a strong Christian message. Anyway, I give her some basic advice, thank her for the Carlsbourg and Richard and I leave.
The next morning we drive to the airport at dawn, and I have the longest day of my life! I start at, like 6am on Monday in Hong Kong and arrive in Los Angeles at, like, 10am Monday. I could sleep for a week!
Which is why I’ll never get rich doing these classes... heck, I don’t even make a decent wage when you take all of the time into account. Whenever I fly somewhere to do one of these things, it’s usually a full week (time to get over my jet lag) and I usually do some sort of preview class. So that’s a week... plus a few days before that week when I’m preparing for the class and a few days (often a full week) after when I’m recovering from the class (and the jet lag). So that’s over two weeks of my time spent on the class... for which I receive, well, about what my buddy Louis makes as an Executive Assistant for a VP at Fox in a week. Would have made more if we’d had a bigger crowd - but that wasn’t in my control. Obviously, I’m not doing this for the money... Las Vegas Screenwriting Conference still owes me for a year ago! Denmark will probably never pay me.
It’s cool to travel to places like Hong Kong and Denmark, and if there’s a film festival I usually get to see a lot of movies I wouldn’t normally get to see. And teaching the class forces me to think about screenwriting - and that improves my own writing. I could make a lot more if I just stayed at home and wrote scripts... but then I wouldn’t know about “house shawls” and plastic sheets over elevator buttons that are changed every hour for hygiene. That’s cool stuff to know!
- Bill
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