From my July 2009 Vegas Vacation...
Two sides of customer service...
So, I’m having a late breakfast in a casino coffee shop. The hostess seats me in a section where the people at the table next to me are all bitching at the waitress. I feel sorry for her, because the world is filled with pushy jerks... and they all have to eat. Vegas must be really rough because you get people who are drunk or hung over or who have just got into a huge fight with their spouse after losing the rent money, and the waitress has to serve them. And waitressing is a tough job anyway - I have a friend who never orders anything as it appears on the menu and after doing a million substitutions gets picky as hell over the smallest things. “I ordered this medium rare and this is just medium, take it back!” I hate going to dinner with him, because he always abuses the waitstaff. When I talked to him about it once, he said he’s paying good money for food and wants to get exactly what he ordered. Somehow, this turned into a conversation about how I have no backbone and never send anything back - even if they screw it up. That’s basically true - unless there’s a hair or a cockroach or a severed human finger, I’m not going to send back the food. If I order medium rare and get medium - well, to tell you the truth I’m not exactly sure where the line is between the two. Usually I’m hungry, it’s food, and unless there is something actually wrong with the food, I eat it.
This waitress had a whole table full of complainers. I wanted to make sure I was nice to her, and make sure my order wasn’t difficult. It was actually easy - scrambled, hash browns, sausage, wheat toast, coffee. I ended up with white toast instead of wheat, but that’s no big deal. The guy sitting at the table on the other side of me got his whole order screwed up. I mean everything. He got scrambled eggs when he ordered a hamburger. The waitress took it back... and something went wrong because it took him a long time to get his burger. He had to ask the waitress a few times where his meal was. He got his food just as I was finishing mine, and we sat down around the same time.
When the waitress brought me my bill, it had an item I did not order - a $2 side of grapefruit. I didn’t order that, it wasn’t delivered to my table. I mentioned this to the waitress, who said she’s be back in a minute with a corrected bill. MANY minutes later, she came back with a fresh printing of the exact same bill - including the grapefruit. After an, um, discussion, she gave me $2 in tip money from the table of people who had been arguing with her when I was seated and told me to just pay for the grapefruit, because she didn’t want to get in any more trouble for doing things wrong today.
More trouble.
I probably shouldn’t have left her a tip, but the dude who fills water glasses got my coffee a couple of times, and it wasn’t is fault the waitress was an idiot.
Now I go up to pay my bill, and I pay with a $20 and the exact coin change...and the woman at the register gives me back coin change. I tell her that is not correct. She tries again, and gets the paper money wrong. I end up walking her through it - but come on! This is easy! The machine does everything for you (had she punched in the coins - which had been counted out before I dropped the $20 on the counter) - and even if it didn’t, how hard is it to do 2nd grade math?
Later that same day I went into a Walgreens, and also paid with bills and coins. But the guy behind the counter was doing the math in his head and told me what my change would be before punching it into the register, then counted it back to me. Oh, and he also mentioned that they had something similar to one of the things I was buying on sale, would I rather have the sale item?
Now here’s the big picture: this is Vegas. I’m sure there’s no shortage of con men and short change artists. Do you want the person behind the register to be someone who can’t count, can’t do simple math, and is easily confused by a customer who hands them a bill and some coins? Or do you want someone who made it all of the way trough the 2nd grade? Which person is going to keep your business from losing money?
I don’t know the background of the waitress and the woman at the cash register - maybe they had some hardship and had to drop out of school. But shouldn’t they have to be able to do the basics of their jobs? And it is never too late to learn 2nd grade math and how to write down orders correctly. I’m not even going back to that casino to gamble - what if they hire dealers who don’t know how to add card values?
Okay, what does this have to do with screenwriting? Hmm, let’s look at competently doing your job and education.
So, here’s another one of those nightmare stories that no one wants to hear (including me) - I know a guy who wrote and directed his own low budget film, and this is one of those people who can get other people to work for free and get people to invest in a movie. A smooth talker. A born leader. Someone who can convince others that what is good for him is good for them. I am not like this at all, and am secretly jealous. I feel uncomfortable asking people for favors, let alone money. So this guy made his film, it looked like an amateur film, the script had problems... but it actually delivered on some genre stuff, and you could easily forgive the problems because this was the guy’s first film. It landed a distrib, and did well on DVD. He talked the distrib into financing his next film, which costs a lot more and had all of the same problems as the first film... but had a good cast and some great genre stuff and made money.
So, this guy is climbing up the budget ladder - each film costs more than the last, has a better cast, and now he’s changed distribs a couple of times - also moving up. So he makes a studio film... and it flops. Big time. And critics tear it apart. And they are right - all of the same problems he had in his first film are present in the new big film. Script problems, direction problems. The budgets have gotten bigger but the films have not gotten better. I bump into him and, um, hint around that I have some scripts, and...
Well, he tells me the scripts are not a problem - he just wrote a new one and is looking for a new distrib to finance the film. I, um, hint that he might note some of the problems the critics pointed out and not give them any reason to blast the new film for those problems, and he says the critics are idiots. Okay, maybe they are - but sometimes they have a point... except I didn’t say that. That was my thought balloon. Whenever I do a class in LA, I send this guy an e-mail that he can sit in for free. He never does.
This guy doesn’t seem to want to get better. He has stopped learning, and his attitude seems to be, “Hey, I’m already making movies, why should I take a class or read a book or expand my horizons in any way? And there are people like that in the biz. If you were a studio, would you want to hire someone like that?
None of us are perfect. All of us have our weak spots. But that doesn’t mean we can not improve ourselves. We can get better. We can find the ways to correct our mistakes and practice like hell until those flaws are less noticeable. One of the reasons why I write new script tips is because I either learn something new and want to share it, or am struggling with some writing problem and trying to figure it out. I teach classes so that I can learn. I love being challenged with a question that I don’t know the answer to, because then I have to go out and find that answer or figure it out. That stuff keeps me moving forward instead of just standing there.
No shame in stopping to regroup and solve your problems before moving on. There are lots of big name directors who have some recurring problems with their films - pointed out by those idiot critics every time - who could probably use some down time between movies to learn a little something and become better directors the next time out. On vacation, I am reading a book on screenwriting that uses a completely different method than I use - maybe it will make me a better writer?
The audience is our customer - we are telling them a story - we want them to be so satisfied with our work that they keep coming back for more.
Classes On CD - Recession Sale!
- Bill
Wednesday, August 06, 2014
Monday, August 04, 2014
Lancelot Link: Galaxy Of Fun
Lancelot Link Monday! If I told you that a guy who wrote a bunch of movies for schlock house Troma, including TROMEO & JULIET and a SGT. KABUKIMAN short film would have the #1 film in the country this weekend, would you believe me? What if I added that he wrote the two SCOOBY DOO movies? Maybe if I add in that he created the web series PG PORN *and* HUMANZEE? While you're thinking about that, here are this week's links to some great screenwriting and film articles, plus some fun stuff that may be of interest to you. Brought to you by that suave and sophisticated secret agent...
Here are a baker's dozen links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Guardians Of The Galaxy...... $94,000,000
2 Lucy............................ $18,283,000
3 Get On Up.................... $14,031,000
4 Hercules...................... $10,700,000
5 Dawn Of Apes............... $8,700,000
6 Planes: Fire................... $6,424,000
7 Purge 2...................... $5,551,000
8 Sex Tape..................... $3,550,000
9 And So It Goes............... $3,344,000
10 Most Wanted Man.......... $3,324,000
2) Director James Gunn Sincerely Thanks You For Seeing His Movie.
3) Joss Whedon on FIREFLY. (I am a huge fan of this show.)
4) The wisdom of Roger Corman.
5) Gale Anne Hurd on Comic Con, TERMINATOR, and how Roger Corman inspired her.
6) Interview With Scott Frank, Writer & Director Of A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES, based on a great novel by Lawrence Block.
7) EXORCIST Director William Friedkin On His Great Film SORCERER.
8) The Sequel To PASSION OF THE CHRIST (really!)
9) Are These Dirty Words?
10) Martin Scorsese Explains The Difference Between Story And Plot.
11) Kevin Spacey's James MacTaggart Memorial Lecture. Almost an hour of wisdom.
12) The Reality Of Working In Reality TV... Pretty Scary Stuff!
13) Short Films That Launched The Careers Of Famous Directors.
And The Car Chase Of The Week!
From TROMEO & JULIET! The dad/driver of the car singing "Found A Peanut"? Director James Gunn, whose GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY just broke all August box office records and may even be the biggest Marvel film for 2014!
Bill
Here are a baker's dozen links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Guardians Of The Galaxy...... $94,000,000
2 Lucy............................ $18,283,000
3 Get On Up.................... $14,031,000
4 Hercules...................... $10,700,000
5 Dawn Of Apes............... $8,700,000
6 Planes: Fire................... $6,424,000
7 Purge 2...................... $5,551,000
8 Sex Tape..................... $3,550,000
9 And So It Goes............... $3,344,000
10 Most Wanted Man.......... $3,324,000
2) Director James Gunn Sincerely Thanks You For Seeing His Movie.
3) Joss Whedon on FIREFLY. (I am a huge fan of this show.)
4) The wisdom of Roger Corman.
5) Gale Anne Hurd on Comic Con, TERMINATOR, and how Roger Corman inspired her.
6) Interview With Scott Frank, Writer & Director Of A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES, based on a great novel by Lawrence Block.
7) EXORCIST Director William Friedkin On His Great Film SORCERER.
8) The Sequel To PASSION OF THE CHRIST (really!)
9) Are These Dirty Words?
10) Martin Scorsese Explains The Difference Between Story And Plot.
11) Kevin Spacey's James MacTaggart Memorial Lecture. Almost an hour of wisdom.
12) The Reality Of Working In Reality TV... Pretty Scary Stuff!
13) Short Films That Launched The Careers Of Famous Directors.
And The Car Chase Of The Week!
From TROMEO & JULIET! The dad/driver of the car singing "Found A Peanut"? Director James Gunn, whose GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY just broke all August box office records and may even be the biggest Marvel film for 2014!
Bill
Monday, July 28, 2014
Lancelot Link: Comic Con Job!
Lancelot Link Monday! While everyone else is in San Diego attending a convention that is supposed to be about comic books but seems to actually be about movie promotion, I am in Los Angeles making this list of tasty links for your post con pleasure. But when did Comic Con stop being about comic books and start being something The Man used to promote movies? And should they change the name to something that better describes the event? While you're thinking about that, here are this week's links to some great screenwriting and film articles, plus some fun stuff that may be of interest to you. Brought to you by that suave and sophisticated secret agent...
Here are a baker's dozen links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Lucy............................ $44,025,000
2 Hercules...................... $29,000,000
3 Dawn Of Apes.............. $16,400,000
4 The Purge 2.................. $9,869,000
5 Planes: Fire................... $9,303,000
6 Sex Tape...................... $5,975,000
7 Trans4mers.................... $4,600,000
8 And So It Goes............... $4,552,000
9 Tammy........................... $3,400,000
10 Most Wanted Man.......... $2,717,000
2) 4 Types Of Scripts. Many Types Of Hollywood.
3) First Look At MAD MAX: THUNDER ROAD trailer, is there too much focus on the male strippers Thunder From Down Under?
4) Christopher McQuarie Interview.
5) I've Sold A Screenplay! To Spielberg!
6) 12 TV Showrunners You Should Know.
7) What Gun Did That Character Use In That Movie?
8) The Financial Life Of The Indie Filmmaker.
9) Ed Burns On Making Your $9k Feature Film.
10) David Conenberg, John Landis, John Carpenter Talk Films.
11) Stephen King On How To Write.
12) Six Writers Discuss Their Process.
13) Writing James Bond.
And the car chase of the week!
From the best of Nolan's Batman movies.
Bill
Here are a baker's dozen links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Lucy............................ $44,025,000
2 Hercules...................... $29,000,000
3 Dawn Of Apes.............. $16,400,000
4 The Purge 2.................. $9,869,000
5 Planes: Fire................... $9,303,000
6 Sex Tape...................... $5,975,000
7 Trans4mers.................... $4,600,000
8 And So It Goes............... $4,552,000
9 Tammy........................... $3,400,000
10 Most Wanted Man.......... $2,717,000
2) 4 Types Of Scripts. Many Types Of Hollywood.
3) First Look At MAD MAX: THUNDER ROAD trailer, is there too much focus on the male strippers Thunder From Down Under?
4) Christopher McQuarie Interview.
5) I've Sold A Screenplay! To Spielberg!
6) 12 TV Showrunners You Should Know.
7) What Gun Did That Character Use In That Movie?
8) The Financial Life Of The Indie Filmmaker.
9) Ed Burns On Making Your $9k Feature Film.
10) David Conenberg, John Landis, John Carpenter Talk Films.
11) Stephen King On How To Write.
12) Six Writers Discuss Their Process.
13) Writing James Bond.
And the car chase of the week!
From the best of Nolan's Batman movies.
Bill
Monday, July 21, 2014
Lancelot Link: Birthday Edition
Lancelot Link Monday! You are reading this on Monday, I am writing this on Sunday... and that was my birthday. So after I finish this it's off to Dennys for a free breakfast, then Krispy Kreme for a free donut and Starbucks for a free coffee and... eventually to an orgy of movies at the cinema (after I figure out some way to smuggle in a giant chocolate cake in my clothes). While you're thinking about that, here are this week's links to some great screenwriting and film articles, plus some fun stuff that may be of interest to you. Brought to you by that suave and sophisticated secret agent...
Here are twelve links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Dawn Of The Apes........ $36,000,000
2 Purge 2........................ $28,369,000
3 Planes: Fire Rescue...... $18,000,000
4 Sex Tape...................... $15,000,000
5 Trans4mers................... $10,000,000
6 Tammy.......................... $7,605,000
7 22 Jump Street............... $4,700,000
8 How To Dragon............... $3,800,000
9 Maleficent...................... $3,302,000
10 Earth 2 Echo................ $3,260,000
2) Women Directors Interviewed... including the great Kimberly Peirce.
3) THE SHINING Prequel Gets A Director!
4) The EYES WHITE SHUT Sequel Gets A Writer!
4) Universal Reboots Classic Monsters (again)!
6) When You Need Science In Your Sci Fi Movie, Who You Gonna Call?
7) Comic Book Films That Are Neither Marvel Nor DC...
8) Captain America Battles Superman In Epic Cross Over 2016!
9) New Faces Of 2014... next Week: New Elbows Of 2014, Followed By New Feet Of 2014.
10) 100 Famous Directors Rules Of Filmmaking.
11) Ben Wheatly (met him at Raindance!) Gives No Budget Filmmaking Advice.
12) Agent's Panel: Top 10 Mistakes Writers Make.
And the Car Chase Of The Week!
Thank's to pro screenwriter Todd Gordon for the suggestion!
Bill (going to get free stuff and see movies!)
Here are twelve links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Dawn Of The Apes........ $36,000,000
2 Purge 2........................ $28,369,000
3 Planes: Fire Rescue...... $18,000,000
4 Sex Tape...................... $15,000,000
5 Trans4mers................... $10,000,000
6 Tammy.......................... $7,605,000
7 22 Jump Street............... $4,700,000
8 How To Dragon............... $3,800,000
9 Maleficent...................... $3,302,000
10 Earth 2 Echo................ $3,260,000
2) Women Directors Interviewed... including the great Kimberly Peirce.
3) THE SHINING Prequel Gets A Director!
4) The EYES WHITE SHUT Sequel Gets A Writer!
4) Universal Reboots Classic Monsters (again)!
6) When You Need Science In Your Sci Fi Movie, Who You Gonna Call?
7) Comic Book Films That Are Neither Marvel Nor DC...
8) Captain America Battles Superman In Epic Cross Over 2016!
9) New Faces Of 2014... next Week: New Elbows Of 2014, Followed By New Feet Of 2014.
10) 100 Famous Directors Rules Of Filmmaking.
11) Ben Wheatly (met him at Raindance!) Gives No Budget Filmmaking Advice.
12) Agent's Panel: Top 10 Mistakes Writers Make.
And the Car Chase Of The Week!
Thank's to pro screenwriter Todd Gordon for the suggestion!
Bill (going to get free stuff and see movies!)
Monday, July 14, 2014
Lancelot Link: Swimsuit Issue
Lancelot Link Monday! For many years as West Coast Editor of Script Magazine, I suggested we do a Swimsuit Issue with Joe Eszterhas in a Speedo on the cover. For some reason they always nixed the idea. Why can't screenwriters be loved for more then their minds? Why can't they be sex objects? While you're thinking about that, here are this week's links to some great screenwriting and film articles, plus some fun stuff that may be of interest to you. Brought to you by that suave and sophisticated secret agent...
Here are a dozen links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Dawn Of The Apes........ $73,000,000
2 Transformers 4.......... $16,500,000
3 Tammy.................... $12,910,000
4 22 Jump Street.......... $6,700,000
5 How Dragon 2............ $5,865,000
6 Earth To Echo............ $5,500,000
7 Deliver Evil................ $4,700,000
8 Maleficent............... $4,169,000
9 Begin Again................ $2,935,000
10 Jersey Boys................ $2,510,000
2) Hollywood's Best Swimsuit Moments.
3) Droid Designs FFrom STAR WARS...
4) If You're Going To Sue Them Because They Stole Your Idea, You Need *Evidence*.
5) Customized Pillows From Your Favorite Film Experience!
6) Mike White's Advice On Screenwriting.
7) Is Hollywood Cloning Actors?
8) What You Need To Sell Films (scripts) In 12 Genres.
9) Those Danged Dreyfus Kids On JAWS.
10) Dustin Black's Index Cards.
11) Ron Howard & Brian Grazer Think The Future Is You Tube Videos.
12) Shane Black In The News... Can't Wait For This Film!
And the car chase of the week...
Bill
Here are a dozen links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Dawn Of The Apes........ $73,000,000
2 Transformers 4.......... $16,500,000
3 Tammy.................... $12,910,000
4 22 Jump Street.......... $6,700,000
5 How Dragon 2............ $5,865,000
6 Earth To Echo............ $5,500,000
7 Deliver Evil................ $4,700,000
8 Maleficent............... $4,169,000
9 Begin Again................ $2,935,000
10 Jersey Boys................ $2,510,000
2) Hollywood's Best Swimsuit Moments.
3) Droid Designs FFrom STAR WARS...
4) If You're Going To Sue Them Because They Stole Your Idea, You Need *Evidence*.
5) Customized Pillows From Your Favorite Film Experience!
6) Mike White's Advice On Screenwriting.
7) Is Hollywood Cloning Actors?
8) What You Need To Sell Films (scripts) In 12 Genres.
9) Those Danged Dreyfus Kids On JAWS.
10) Dustin Black's Index Cards.
11) Ron Howard & Brian Grazer Think The Future Is You Tube Videos.
12) Shane Black In The News... Can't Wait For This Film!
And the car chase of the week...
Bill
Wednesday, July 09, 2014
The Brad Pitt Guy - Part Last
From 2009...
“William C. Martell! Once more you have arrived most early.”
My stalker is wearing a different hat, and by different I mean really unusual. Where does he get these hats? I have never seen a man wearing anything like it before - are they specially made for my stalker?
He shakes my hand, and again it is cold and damp... but this time he has not been drinking an ice tea. I am a nervous person and my hands sweat, but I am careful to wipe my palms on my trousers before shaking with anyone - I don’t want them to have to touch my sweat. I don’t like huggers because if I’m nervous it isn’t just my hands that sweat, and if I am greeting someone after riding my bike across town? Yech! Please - do not hug me. But may hands are usually warm - unless I’ve been in a meat locker or something. My stalker was at a different upstairs table at Jerry’s Deli in Westwood Village... but Laurence-with-a-Z was still our waitperson, hovering at his station waiting for me to sit down so that he could glide over and ask it I am ready to order, yet.
PART ONE - if you missed it.
PART TWO - if you missed it.
PART THREE - if you missed it.
PART FOUR - if you missed it.
“Nice to see you again.”
“The pleasure is mine. I should probably wait until after we have been served, but I am aflutter with anticipation - my partial screenplay is precisely what Bradley Pitt will respond positively to, am I correct?”
“Well, we really should order first - that way we won’t be interrupted.”
And, on cue, Laurence-with-a-Z appears at the table. “Good afternoon, gentlemen, I’m Laurence with a Z, and I’ll be your waitperson today. Can I get you started with a beverage and some appetizers?”
“Yes, yes. I shall have an iced tea with a small slice of lemon on the side.”
“And I’ll have a Coca Cola.”
“Would you like that with cherry or lemon?”
“No. Just ice, please”
“Are you two gentlemen ready to order?”
I’m afraid the minute Laurence-with-a-Z leaves we will jump right into the brilliance of his script, and I will be on the spot... “Yeah, I think I know what I’m having.”
“I’m afraid I was not prepared for your prompt response, William C. Martell, I may require some additional time to make my decision.”
“Cool. I’ll have a half...”
And I ordered my half sandwich, realizing that if I ordered a table full of food like my stalker did last time, he would decide to itemize the bill to decide what I owed. But I instantly regretted even ordering the half sandwich. I wanted to dump the screenplay and run, and now I had stupidly just stuck myself with my stalker until the final bill came, the last trump...
Because my stalker can not make up his mind, it takes him a long time to decide which 6 different items he’s going to order and pick at... and having Laurence-with-a-Z hovering over the table with his little order book open and pencil poised seems to put extra pressure on my stalker... and I must admit to enjoying this a little. I know that I am going to end up on the hot spot in a few minutes, so a few moments of my stalker on the hot spot feels kind of good. Of course, he isn’t nearly as flustered as he could be, and eventually orders a bunch of seemingly random items and makes sure we get a pickle tray. He doesn’t even wait for the pickles before he begins...
“Now tell me how we shall blend our two creative selves to complete this splendid screenplay!”
Swell. How do I respond to that?
“When, exactly, does Brad Pitt expect this?”
“I believe he said posthaste.”
“Okay, that’s what you believe, but there wasn’t any exact date or anything?”
“I sense your desire to begin our work as soon as possible and this excites me.”
“Look, the script has some problems...”
“I am aware that I am a plebeian in the world of screenwriting, but certainly a man of your talents should have no difficulty correcting any of my minor writing imperfections.”
“Right. Well, my fear here is that the time it’s going to take to fix and finish the script is going to be longer than expected and Pitt may forget you even exist.”
“Then we must begin work immediately.”
“Even then, I’m not sure this script is going to be ready in time.”
“Of course it will be...”
Saved by Laurence-with-a-Z with our drinks. My stalker stops talking mid-sentence, face frozen in place, mouth half open, looking silly. I take this moment to snatch the last pickled green tomato from the plate. They are delicious. When Laurence-with-a-Z tells us that our food will be here shortly and leaves, my stalker’s face begins to thaw. I decide to strike before he can get back to his sentence...
“Look, I have a couple of completed scripts that are ready to go *now*. We can give Pitt one of those right now, just as a stalling tactic while you are working on this script.”
“While *we* are working on this script.”
“I really don’t think I’m going to have the time to help you with the, you know, actual writing on this. I’ve jotted some notes in the margins of the script that should help you along and –“
“But I require your assistance on this.”
“It’s your baby. I can’t write it for you. I’m offering you a way to keep Pitt on the hook until your script is ready. And if, for some reason, he likes one of the scripts I give you, set yourself up as a producer or let me pay you a manager fee or both. Make some money on the deal and become Pitt’s partner. That keeps the door open for your script, right?”
My stalker is not happy. I take a sip of my Coke.
“That plan of action is prone to failure, because Mr. Bradley Pitt requested *my* screenplay based upon the scenario that *I* related to him in that men’s lavatory.”
Now, what I wanted to tell him is that people will often say anything to get away from weirdos who want to have a conversation with them at the urinal. My guess is that Brad Pitt isn’t really waiting for any script, and if this guy slips him one of my scripts it will probably be covered and ignored. But one of my scripts has a better chance than his unfinished script, so why not give it a shot? This is a biz where you throw stuff against the walls and hope that something eventually sticks. You never know what might be the thing that sticks. If this guy who may still drug me and kidnap me and cook me up and serve me with some Chianti and some fava beans can set up one of my scripts with Brad Pitt’s Plan B Productions, he’s worth 10% from me *and* a producer fee from Pitt.
“I understand that - he wants your script. But I think this script is going to take some time to get to a level that’s ready for submission. Instead of having Pitt forget who you are, you can use one of my scripts to kind of keep that door propped open.”
Yes. I have a diabolical side. Usually I would feel bad doing something like this. But I had to read his script, and this is my revenge.
“I can not understand why completion of this screenplay should take so long. You are a most prolific writer and I have already written 53 and a quarter pages. The most difficult material, the framework for the remainder of the screenplay, has been previously created. You need only to finish this work, and we shall both prosper.”
Laurence-with-a-Z arrives with our food, and my stalker stops talking - with his mouth fully closed, thank God. I look at the half sandwich I’ve ordered and wonder just how fast I can eat it and get out of here. This conversation can only get worse. I don’t want to make him angry - who knows what the hell he’ll do? I slide my glass of Coke over to my end of the table - far away from any knock out drops he may have in that bag of his. I’m hoping that picking at the food on all of those plates will prevent him from talking and allow me to wolf down my half sandwich, leave enough money to cover *my food* on the table, and run. But life doesn’t work out like that. I screwed up big time by saying...
“Look, once you see some of the things in your half of the script that need some work, you’ll realize it’s not just some two week quickie, this is going to take a little time.”
“Allow me to decide that for myself. Have you notes on the existing portion of the screenplay?”
“Nothing typed up. I just jotted down some stuff in the margins. You can take it home, read it over, see what I’m talking about, and then get back to me about using one of my scripts as a doorstop at Plan B.”
“I would much rather read these notes now, in your presence, in the event I have any questions you are present to provide answers and assistance.”
Swell. After shoving half of my sandwich in my face, I’m going to be stuck here while he reads all 53 pages of notes on his script. And the worst part? This thing is like a ticking bomb, because somewhere around page 40 I went crazy and let loose on the page with kind of a rant scribbled in the margins. I hope Laurence-with-a-Z has the police on his speed dial.
My stalker picks at his food and reads... and argues or explains every note. Folks, here’s the thing - when someone gives you notes it is not war. It is not an act of aggression. It is someone trying to help you by pointing out things that are confusing or don’t work or some other type of problem. You can decide later if you want to make changes. If several different people give you the same note, they are right and you are wrong... even if you are right! Here’s what I mean: let’s say everyone who reads your script says you needed a scene where a piece of information is related to the audience, and you flip through the script and point to a page where that very information is right there in black and white typed on the page. So everyone is wrong, right? No. Because if everyone misses this, it’s not clear or buried or needs to be stressed more or whatever. We are all missing it. When a studio reader reads your script, they will probably miss it, too. That’s all we’re saying. Hey, we missed this - chances are, the people who matter will also miss it - so make sure they don’t miss it! No one who gives you notes is trying to destroy you - they want to help... and if you strongly disagree with a note - IGNORE IT. No reason to argue or explain why you wrote it that way. Neither of those things is going to make me say, “Hey, you are right, I completely misunderstood this scene and now that you explained it, it all makes sense!” Because, unless you plan on arguing and explaining with every single person who reads your script, it doesn’t matter. You are not going to convince some studio reader to change their minds - they type up the coverage and turn it in and that’s that.
Now, are there times where readers are idiots? Sure! And I have had scripts “wrongly rejected” a bunch of times. But at the end of the day, arguing with anyone isn’t going to change anything - that script will still be rejected. Better to save your energy for stuff you can control. My stalker wanted to argue every single note. All of them. Even the typos. He wasn’t looking for me to clarify anything - he wanted to convince me that the 53 pages were brilliant.
I was mostly calm and constructive and patient... until he came to the first ripped off action scene (the one from LONG KISS GOODNIGHT) and my notes on the page were a little outraged... and he argued.
“Are you insinuating plagiarism, here?”
“It’s the motel scene from LONG KISS GOODNIGHT. The one where Sam Jackson gets blown out the window.”
“I believe you are mistaken - this scene takes place in a hallway of the Presidential residence section of the White House, not a motel.”
“Yeah, but the same exact things happen. You mostly just changed the sluglines.”
“No. No. You are completely misunderstanding my intentions. This passage is obviously intended as an homage. Certainly an artist is allowed to tip their hats to those whom they admire, are they not?”
And that made me think of his weird hats... and wonder what was underneath them. This is the second time I’ve seen him, both times with weird hats... what if the hats are weird on purpose? What if they are distracting attention from his head? What if he’s bald under the hat? Or has a pointed head? Or has antenna? Though I continued the conversation, I also continued thinking about what might be under his hat.
“Well, the problem is that this goes beyond homage - you use the same sentences.”
“No. No. These are two entirely different scenes.”
“I have the script at home, I compared the scenes - you used search and replace or something. It’s not an homage, it’s a rip off.”
“I do not like the tenor of these comments.”
“You can’t have someone else’s scene in your screenplay. And that’s not the only one. All of the action scenes in here came from somewhere else. It’s like a greatest hits album or something.”
“Allow me a question - who, besides yourself, would ever notice?”
And he maybe had me there. Who else would recognize some disguised scene from a Shane Black script? Would any reader ever recognize it?
“Look, that’s not the point. You are selling Brad Pitt an original script, and this part and a couple of others aren’t original. If he finds out, he’s not going to buy it.”
“I still do not comprehend how any of this could matter, does the director not create these sequences? The stunt men? Surely a writer is not expected to create material that will be ignored during production?”
Well, the answer is “yes” but I wasn’t gonna give him that. Hey, he bought my damned book, didn’t he read it? It has all kinds of stuff on writing action scenes! And all kinds of basic screenwriting stuff he seems to have missed. That’s one of those things I don’t understand - with all of this information out there, how come people make all kinds of stupid rookie mistakes still? When I started screenwriting, there weren’t any books - Syd Field’s book was still a few years away. You really had to dig to find anything about screenwriting, now there are hundreds of books, plus stuff online.
“Look, you want to know how some reader might know that it’s a scene from LONG KISS? Because it’s in the movie. Shane writes great action scenes, those scenes tend to be much better than anything some director or stunt guy could come up with, so they film the stuff he wrote. That film plays on Cinemax once a week, and I’m sure every reader in town has seen it. Even with the location change, so much is the same you’re gonna get caught. You need to write *original* action scenes, and action scenes that are story and character related.”
“That is a great deal of effort for –“
“It’s writing the script. That’s what this is all about. Writing the script.”
He almost tore the page turning it to the next scene and the next note. What if he had a third eye under his hat? Wasn’t there a TWILIGHT ZONE episode about a guy with a third eye?
“Perhaps the best solution would be for you to complete the screenplay...”
“Look, I have my own scripts to complete.”
“I do not understand this comment: 'I’ve heard this one before.' What do you mean by that?”
“Oh, it’s one of the Dixie Riddle Cup jokes you keep using in the script.”
“I still do not understand.”
“You have all of these old jokes in the script.”
“There is humor, yes. I was under the impression that humor was a requirement in action screenplays such as these, is that not correct?”
“Yeah.”
“To fulfill this requirement I purchased a volume of One Thousand and One Jokes for All Occasions, and utilized the jokes which fit the occasions in the screenplay.”
“Look, you have to come up with your own jokes, you can’t just steal jokes from someplace. By the time a joke gets put in a book everyone’s already heard it.”
“One can’t be expected to create all of the jokes in a script –“
“Yes, one can - it’s writing the script.”
A point. I’m sure under the hat his head is pointed. Time is running out - he’s around page 38 and on page 40 my rant begins. It may include insults. I lost control. He turns to page 39...
“It appears as if there are several notes on every page.”
“Yes. There are. All the way to the end.”
Crap! He flips to the next page, with the tirade!
Then flips to the page after that, and keeps flipping until he gets to the end.
“Look, we could keep going over this note by note, but you can see there’s all kinds of stuff that needs work, it’s not just writing the last half of the script and sending it off to Brad Pitt. This is major work, here. And I don’t have the time to work on anyone else’s scripts but my own. I’ve given you notes that I think will help guide you through - things to thing about, places where the script needs work –“
“Several notes on every page.”
“Yes.”
And he closes the script without reading the rant on page 40 and smiles at me. I don’t know whether it’s a happy smile or an I can’t wait to see you simmering on my stove in a pot smile.
“You are a very kind man for taking the time to help me. I wish you to know I appreciate that.”
“Thanks.”
“Perhaps this plan of yours to delay Mr. Bradley Pitt with one of your screenplays has merit. Allow me some time to consider it. I will telephone you after I have made my decision.”
I drop more than enough money to cover my half sandwich and Coke on the table and start to get up.
“If you please, William C. Martell, one small gesture before we part.”
I ain’t kissing him.
“What?”
“Would you sign my book?”
He pulls out his copy of my book, the one he spent more than three hundred bucks for on e-bay, and sets it on the table in front of me. I uncap my pen, sign the book to him, and hand it back to him. He tips his hat to me... and has a beautiful head of hair underneath - almost Fabioish - and he looks a little sad behind the smile. Then I give Laurence-with-a-Z a wave and head downstairs and around back to the parking lot and my car. I would never hear from my stalker again. No call for a script to prop open the door at Brad Pitt’s company, nothing. But somewhere, in some popular night club, he’s standing at a urinal pitching a script to some movie star... and for all I know, closing a couple of deals.
- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Dramatizing Emotions - and a film directed by Roman Polanski.
Dinner: A *free* Jack In The Box grilled turkey, bacon, cheddar sandwich. Had to buy a drink to get it, and I ordered a large one... and also some onion rings. So my free sandwich set me back $5... but it was okay. Some tomato/basil stuff in there gave it some zing.
Bicycle: An accidental longer bike ride than planned. After Jack, instead of turning back as planned I continued forward to a far away Starbucks. Then had a long ride home.
“William C. Martell! Once more you have arrived most early.”
My stalker is wearing a different hat, and by different I mean really unusual. Where does he get these hats? I have never seen a man wearing anything like it before - are they specially made for my stalker?
He shakes my hand, and again it is cold and damp... but this time he has not been drinking an ice tea. I am a nervous person and my hands sweat, but I am careful to wipe my palms on my trousers before shaking with anyone - I don’t want them to have to touch my sweat. I don’t like huggers because if I’m nervous it isn’t just my hands that sweat, and if I am greeting someone after riding my bike across town? Yech! Please - do not hug me. But may hands are usually warm - unless I’ve been in a meat locker or something. My stalker was at a different upstairs table at Jerry’s Deli in Westwood Village... but Laurence-with-a-Z was still our waitperson, hovering at his station waiting for me to sit down so that he could glide over and ask it I am ready to order, yet.
PART ONE - if you missed it.
PART TWO - if you missed it.
PART THREE - if you missed it.
PART FOUR - if you missed it.
“Nice to see you again.”
“The pleasure is mine. I should probably wait until after we have been served, but I am aflutter with anticipation - my partial screenplay is precisely what Bradley Pitt will respond positively to, am I correct?”
“Well, we really should order first - that way we won’t be interrupted.”
And, on cue, Laurence-with-a-Z appears at the table. “Good afternoon, gentlemen, I’m Laurence with a Z, and I’ll be your waitperson today. Can I get you started with a beverage and some appetizers?”
“Yes, yes. I shall have an iced tea with a small slice of lemon on the side.”
“And I’ll have a Coca Cola.”
“Would you like that with cherry or lemon?”
“No. Just ice, please”
“Are you two gentlemen ready to order?”
I’m afraid the minute Laurence-with-a-Z leaves we will jump right into the brilliance of his script, and I will be on the spot... “Yeah, I think I know what I’m having.”
“I’m afraid I was not prepared for your prompt response, William C. Martell, I may require some additional time to make my decision.”
“Cool. I’ll have a half...”
And I ordered my half sandwich, realizing that if I ordered a table full of food like my stalker did last time, he would decide to itemize the bill to decide what I owed. But I instantly regretted even ordering the half sandwich. I wanted to dump the screenplay and run, and now I had stupidly just stuck myself with my stalker until the final bill came, the last trump...
Because my stalker can not make up his mind, it takes him a long time to decide which 6 different items he’s going to order and pick at... and having Laurence-with-a-Z hovering over the table with his little order book open and pencil poised seems to put extra pressure on my stalker... and I must admit to enjoying this a little. I know that I am going to end up on the hot spot in a few minutes, so a few moments of my stalker on the hot spot feels kind of good. Of course, he isn’t nearly as flustered as he could be, and eventually orders a bunch of seemingly random items and makes sure we get a pickle tray. He doesn’t even wait for the pickles before he begins...
“Now tell me how we shall blend our two creative selves to complete this splendid screenplay!”
Swell. How do I respond to that?
“When, exactly, does Brad Pitt expect this?”
“I believe he said posthaste.”
“Okay, that’s what you believe, but there wasn’t any exact date or anything?”
“I sense your desire to begin our work as soon as possible and this excites me.”
“Look, the script has some problems...”
“I am aware that I am a plebeian in the world of screenwriting, but certainly a man of your talents should have no difficulty correcting any of my minor writing imperfections.”
“Right. Well, my fear here is that the time it’s going to take to fix and finish the script is going to be longer than expected and Pitt may forget you even exist.”
“Then we must begin work immediately.”
“Even then, I’m not sure this script is going to be ready in time.”
“Of course it will be...”
Saved by Laurence-with-a-Z with our drinks. My stalker stops talking mid-sentence, face frozen in place, mouth half open, looking silly. I take this moment to snatch the last pickled green tomato from the plate. They are delicious. When Laurence-with-a-Z tells us that our food will be here shortly and leaves, my stalker’s face begins to thaw. I decide to strike before he can get back to his sentence...
“Look, I have a couple of completed scripts that are ready to go *now*. We can give Pitt one of those right now, just as a stalling tactic while you are working on this script.”
“While *we* are working on this script.”
“I really don’t think I’m going to have the time to help you with the, you know, actual writing on this. I’ve jotted some notes in the margins of the script that should help you along and –“
“But I require your assistance on this.”
“It’s your baby. I can’t write it for you. I’m offering you a way to keep Pitt on the hook until your script is ready. And if, for some reason, he likes one of the scripts I give you, set yourself up as a producer or let me pay you a manager fee or both. Make some money on the deal and become Pitt’s partner. That keeps the door open for your script, right?”
My stalker is not happy. I take a sip of my Coke.
“That plan of action is prone to failure, because Mr. Bradley Pitt requested *my* screenplay based upon the scenario that *I* related to him in that men’s lavatory.”
Now, what I wanted to tell him is that people will often say anything to get away from weirdos who want to have a conversation with them at the urinal. My guess is that Brad Pitt isn’t really waiting for any script, and if this guy slips him one of my scripts it will probably be covered and ignored. But one of my scripts has a better chance than his unfinished script, so why not give it a shot? This is a biz where you throw stuff against the walls and hope that something eventually sticks. You never know what might be the thing that sticks. If this guy who may still drug me and kidnap me and cook me up and serve me with some Chianti and some fava beans can set up one of my scripts with Brad Pitt’s Plan B Productions, he’s worth 10% from me *and* a producer fee from Pitt.
“I understand that - he wants your script. But I think this script is going to take some time to get to a level that’s ready for submission. Instead of having Pitt forget who you are, you can use one of my scripts to kind of keep that door propped open.”
Yes. I have a diabolical side. Usually I would feel bad doing something like this. But I had to read his script, and this is my revenge.
“I can not understand why completion of this screenplay should take so long. You are a most prolific writer and I have already written 53 and a quarter pages. The most difficult material, the framework for the remainder of the screenplay, has been previously created. You need only to finish this work, and we shall both prosper.”
Laurence-with-a-Z arrives with our food, and my stalker stops talking - with his mouth fully closed, thank God. I look at the half sandwich I’ve ordered and wonder just how fast I can eat it and get out of here. This conversation can only get worse. I don’t want to make him angry - who knows what the hell he’ll do? I slide my glass of Coke over to my end of the table - far away from any knock out drops he may have in that bag of his. I’m hoping that picking at the food on all of those plates will prevent him from talking and allow me to wolf down my half sandwich, leave enough money to cover *my food* on the table, and run. But life doesn’t work out like that. I screwed up big time by saying...
“Look, once you see some of the things in your half of the script that need some work, you’ll realize it’s not just some two week quickie, this is going to take a little time.”
“Allow me to decide that for myself. Have you notes on the existing portion of the screenplay?”
“Nothing typed up. I just jotted down some stuff in the margins. You can take it home, read it over, see what I’m talking about, and then get back to me about using one of my scripts as a doorstop at Plan B.”
“I would much rather read these notes now, in your presence, in the event I have any questions you are present to provide answers and assistance.”
Swell. After shoving half of my sandwich in my face, I’m going to be stuck here while he reads all 53 pages of notes on his script. And the worst part? This thing is like a ticking bomb, because somewhere around page 40 I went crazy and let loose on the page with kind of a rant scribbled in the margins. I hope Laurence-with-a-Z has the police on his speed dial.
My stalker picks at his food and reads... and argues or explains every note. Folks, here’s the thing - when someone gives you notes it is not war. It is not an act of aggression. It is someone trying to help you by pointing out things that are confusing or don’t work or some other type of problem. You can decide later if you want to make changes. If several different people give you the same note, they are right and you are wrong... even if you are right! Here’s what I mean: let’s say everyone who reads your script says you needed a scene where a piece of information is related to the audience, and you flip through the script and point to a page where that very information is right there in black and white typed on the page. So everyone is wrong, right? No. Because if everyone misses this, it’s not clear or buried or needs to be stressed more or whatever. We are all missing it. When a studio reader reads your script, they will probably miss it, too. That’s all we’re saying. Hey, we missed this - chances are, the people who matter will also miss it - so make sure they don’t miss it! No one who gives you notes is trying to destroy you - they want to help... and if you strongly disagree with a note - IGNORE IT. No reason to argue or explain why you wrote it that way. Neither of those things is going to make me say, “Hey, you are right, I completely misunderstood this scene and now that you explained it, it all makes sense!” Because, unless you plan on arguing and explaining with every single person who reads your script, it doesn’t matter. You are not going to convince some studio reader to change their minds - they type up the coverage and turn it in and that’s that.
Now, are there times where readers are idiots? Sure! And I have had scripts “wrongly rejected” a bunch of times. But at the end of the day, arguing with anyone isn’t going to change anything - that script will still be rejected. Better to save your energy for stuff you can control. My stalker wanted to argue every single note. All of them. Even the typos. He wasn’t looking for me to clarify anything - he wanted to convince me that the 53 pages were brilliant.
I was mostly calm and constructive and patient... until he came to the first ripped off action scene (the one from LONG KISS GOODNIGHT) and my notes on the page were a little outraged... and he argued.
“Are you insinuating plagiarism, here?”
“It’s the motel scene from LONG KISS GOODNIGHT. The one where Sam Jackson gets blown out the window.”
“I believe you are mistaken - this scene takes place in a hallway of the Presidential residence section of the White House, not a motel.”
“Yeah, but the same exact things happen. You mostly just changed the sluglines.”
“No. No. You are completely misunderstanding my intentions. This passage is obviously intended as an homage. Certainly an artist is allowed to tip their hats to those whom they admire, are they not?”
And that made me think of his weird hats... and wonder what was underneath them. This is the second time I’ve seen him, both times with weird hats... what if the hats are weird on purpose? What if they are distracting attention from his head? What if he’s bald under the hat? Or has a pointed head? Or has antenna? Though I continued the conversation, I also continued thinking about what might be under his hat.
“Well, the problem is that this goes beyond homage - you use the same sentences.”
“No. No. These are two entirely different scenes.”
“I have the script at home, I compared the scenes - you used search and replace or something. It’s not an homage, it’s a rip off.”
“I do not like the tenor of these comments.”
“You can’t have someone else’s scene in your screenplay. And that’s not the only one. All of the action scenes in here came from somewhere else. It’s like a greatest hits album or something.”
“Allow me a question - who, besides yourself, would ever notice?”
And he maybe had me there. Who else would recognize some disguised scene from a Shane Black script? Would any reader ever recognize it?
“Look, that’s not the point. You are selling Brad Pitt an original script, and this part and a couple of others aren’t original. If he finds out, he’s not going to buy it.”
“I still do not comprehend how any of this could matter, does the director not create these sequences? The stunt men? Surely a writer is not expected to create material that will be ignored during production?”
Well, the answer is “yes” but I wasn’t gonna give him that. Hey, he bought my damned book, didn’t he read it? It has all kinds of stuff on writing action scenes! And all kinds of basic screenwriting stuff he seems to have missed. That’s one of those things I don’t understand - with all of this information out there, how come people make all kinds of stupid rookie mistakes still? When I started screenwriting, there weren’t any books - Syd Field’s book was still a few years away. You really had to dig to find anything about screenwriting, now there are hundreds of books, plus stuff online.
“Look, you want to know how some reader might know that it’s a scene from LONG KISS? Because it’s in the movie. Shane writes great action scenes, those scenes tend to be much better than anything some director or stunt guy could come up with, so they film the stuff he wrote. That film plays on Cinemax once a week, and I’m sure every reader in town has seen it. Even with the location change, so much is the same you’re gonna get caught. You need to write *original* action scenes, and action scenes that are story and character related.”
“That is a great deal of effort for –“
“It’s writing the script. That’s what this is all about. Writing the script.”
He almost tore the page turning it to the next scene and the next note. What if he had a third eye under his hat? Wasn’t there a TWILIGHT ZONE episode about a guy with a third eye?
“Perhaps the best solution would be for you to complete the screenplay...”
“Look, I have my own scripts to complete.”
“I do not understand this comment: 'I’ve heard this one before.' What do you mean by that?”
“Oh, it’s one of the Dixie Riddle Cup jokes you keep using in the script.”
“I still do not understand.”
“You have all of these old jokes in the script.”
“There is humor, yes. I was under the impression that humor was a requirement in action screenplays such as these, is that not correct?”
“Yeah.”
“To fulfill this requirement I purchased a volume of One Thousand and One Jokes for All Occasions, and utilized the jokes which fit the occasions in the screenplay.”
“Look, you have to come up with your own jokes, you can’t just steal jokes from someplace. By the time a joke gets put in a book everyone’s already heard it.”
“One can’t be expected to create all of the jokes in a script –“
“Yes, one can - it’s writing the script.”
A point. I’m sure under the hat his head is pointed. Time is running out - he’s around page 38 and on page 40 my rant begins. It may include insults. I lost control. He turns to page 39...
“It appears as if there are several notes on every page.”
“Yes. There are. All the way to the end.”
Crap! He flips to the next page, with the tirade!
Then flips to the page after that, and keeps flipping until he gets to the end.
“Look, we could keep going over this note by note, but you can see there’s all kinds of stuff that needs work, it’s not just writing the last half of the script and sending it off to Brad Pitt. This is major work, here. And I don’t have the time to work on anyone else’s scripts but my own. I’ve given you notes that I think will help guide you through - things to thing about, places where the script needs work –“
“Several notes on every page.”
“Yes.”
And he closes the script without reading the rant on page 40 and smiles at me. I don’t know whether it’s a happy smile or an I can’t wait to see you simmering on my stove in a pot smile.
“You are a very kind man for taking the time to help me. I wish you to know I appreciate that.”
“Thanks.”
“Perhaps this plan of yours to delay Mr. Bradley Pitt with one of your screenplays has merit. Allow me some time to consider it. I will telephone you after I have made my decision.”
I drop more than enough money to cover my half sandwich and Coke on the table and start to get up.
“If you please, William C. Martell, one small gesture before we part.”
I ain’t kissing him.
“What?”
“Would you sign my book?”
He pulls out his copy of my book, the one he spent more than three hundred bucks for on e-bay, and sets it on the table in front of me. I uncap my pen, sign the book to him, and hand it back to him. He tips his hat to me... and has a beautiful head of hair underneath - almost Fabioish - and he looks a little sad behind the smile. Then I give Laurence-with-a-Z a wave and head downstairs and around back to the parking lot and my car. I would never hear from my stalker again. No call for a script to prop open the door at Brad Pitt’s company, nothing. But somewhere, in some popular night club, he’s standing at a urinal pitching a script to some movie star... and for all I know, closing a couple of deals.
- Bill
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Dramatizing Emotions - and a film directed by Roman Polanski.
Dinner: A *free* Jack In The Box grilled turkey, bacon, cheddar sandwich. Had to buy a drink to get it, and I ordered a large one... and also some onion rings. So my free sandwich set me back $5... but it was okay. Some tomato/basil stuff in there gave it some zing.
Bicycle: An accidental longer bike ride than planned. After Jack, instead of turning back as planned I continued forward to a far away Starbucks. Then had a long ride home.
Monday, July 07, 2014
Lancelot Link: BBQ Edition
Lancelot Link Monday! This was the Independence Day weekend here in the United States, and that means barbecues and fireworks. I did my civic duty by attending a fireworks exhibition in Porter Ranch which was bigger and better than last year. This is also the time of year that the police remind gun owners in America about gravity... and any bullet shot into the air in celebration will come back down and maybe kill somebody. Many seem to believe the bullets are absorbed into the atmosphere or something... which worries me a little that they own guns. While you're thinking about that, here are this week's links to some great screenwriting and film articles, plus some fun stuff that may be of interest to you. Brought to you by that suave and sophisticated secret agent...
Here are a dozen links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Transformers 4.......... $36,400,000
2 Tammy.................... $21,170,000
3 Deliver Us From Evil... $9,500,000
4 22 Jump Street.......... $9,400,000
5 How Dragon 2............ $8,750,000
6 Earth To Echo............ $8,250,000
7 Maleficent................. $6,133,000
8 Jersey Boys............... $5,160,000
9 Think Like A Man 2...... $4,900,000
10 Edge Of Tomorrow..... $3,640,000
This was one of the worst July 4th weekends on record, down 47 percent from last year. Yikes! This is due to TRANSFORMERS doing a massive nosedive in its second weekend... down 64%... and TAMMY doing much less that expected, and EARTH TO ECHO totally tanking. Part of the ecosystem of big movies is that when they sell out, people buy tickets for other films on the list. That happened last week with TRANSFORMERS... but not this week. So the two top films doing blah business meant all of the films underneath them did blah business.
2) The script for THE WIZARD OF OZ!
3) Ehren Kruger On Writing A Transformers Movie.
4) Micahel Bay Thinks TRANSFORMERS Is A Work Of Genius!
5) How To Make A Feature For Under $10k With A 2 Man Crew.
6) Unusual Russian Cinema Posters.
7) PIRATES five and BAD BOYS 3 updates.
8) Malick's KNIGHT OF CUPS release information.
9) One Of My Favorite Films! Behind The Scenes On LOCAL HERO.
10) MIGHTY QUINN's Lorene Scafaria On Screenwriting.
11) Top 10 Practical FX
12) 3 Short Films About The Planet Of The Apes.
And The Car Chase Of The Week!
Sure, that could be the end of a real car chase...
Bill
Here are a dozen links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Transformers 4.......... $36,400,000
2 Tammy.................... $21,170,000
3 Deliver Us From Evil... $9,500,000
4 22 Jump Street.......... $9,400,000
5 How Dragon 2............ $8,750,000
6 Earth To Echo............ $8,250,000
7 Maleficent................. $6,133,000
8 Jersey Boys............... $5,160,000
9 Think Like A Man 2...... $4,900,000
10 Edge Of Tomorrow..... $3,640,000
This was one of the worst July 4th weekends on record, down 47 percent from last year. Yikes! This is due to TRANSFORMERS doing a massive nosedive in its second weekend... down 64%... and TAMMY doing much less that expected, and EARTH TO ECHO totally tanking. Part of the ecosystem of big movies is that when they sell out, people buy tickets for other films on the list. That happened last week with TRANSFORMERS... but not this week. So the two top films doing blah business meant all of the films underneath them did blah business.
2) The script for THE WIZARD OF OZ!
3) Ehren Kruger On Writing A Transformers Movie.
4) Micahel Bay Thinks TRANSFORMERS Is A Work Of Genius!
5) How To Make A Feature For Under $10k With A 2 Man Crew.
6) Unusual Russian Cinema Posters.
7) PIRATES five and BAD BOYS 3 updates.
8) Malick's KNIGHT OF CUPS release information.
9) One Of My Favorite Films! Behind The Scenes On LOCAL HERO.
10) MIGHTY QUINN's Lorene Scafaria On Screenwriting.
11) Top 10 Practical FX
12) 3 Short Films About The Planet Of The Apes.
And The Car Chase Of The Week!
Sure, that could be the end of a real car chase...
Bill
Wednesday, July 02, 2014
The Brad Pitt Guy (part 4)
From 2009...
When I woke up, I was bound with colorful bungee cords in my stalker’s dank Brentwood basement with a huge spider crawling up my left leg. When I looked closer at the spider, I could see the tell-tale red hourglass markings of a black widow.
That’s when my stalker came downstairs with a huge woodcutter’s ax, the Home Depot price tag still on the blade, and asked me, “So - did you like my screenplay?”
And when I hesitated, he knew my answer and swung the blade again and again until both of my legs were gone and I could never run away...
That’s when I really woke up. But that didn’t end the nightmare - I had stupidly taken my stalker’s half written screenplay and offered to read it... when I don’t do that, not even for money. As I said in part 1, I do not do Script Consulting. Everyone wants me to read their script, and I tried it for a while and did not enjoy it at all. The % of good scripts to scripts so bad you want to kill yourself instead of finish reading them is small.
There is a writing guru/consultant who teaches classes (and I’m not mention their name) and when anyone asks them about the odds of selling a script, they say to ignore the numbers - because 90% of all of those scripts out there just completely suck, so they are not your competition. What this guy neglects to mention is that those scripts might be *yours*. If 90% of all scripts suck and he’s telling this to a room with 100 screenwriters in it, then the odds are that 90 of those people have written those sucky scripts. I say - know the odds, know how difficult this is, and use that knowledge to prompt you to work your butt off and keep improving your craft (and your script) until you are in that 10%. And don’t just assume that you are already in that 10% - that’s what everybody does, and instead of working their butts off they relax. The people who are sure they are good usually are not good... and no matter how much they pay for consulting, their script is still not good. And the biggest problem with consulting is that they do not want someone to tell them how to improve their scripts, because they are sure they are already in that 10%... so they tend to argue with you. Which is probably why this guru/consultant wants everyone to believe they are in that 10%, so that they will keep using his services. They think they are getting closer to a sale - and they are... just as West Virginia is closer to Hollywood than Virginia is (but both are still a long ways away). So I do not do consulting - I have my own scripts to write and I’d rather write my Script Tips which may help a bunch of people at the same time without me having to read some of those really bad scripts written by really strange people who give off weird stalker vibes...
Like this guy.
PART ONE - if you missed it.
PART TWO - if you missed it.
PART THREE - if you missed it.
Now I have agreed to read his script and meet him in a week at that Jerry’s Deli in Westwood again and give him notes... but he not-so-secretly wants me to read the script and agree to finish writing it for him in exchange for 50% of whatever Brad Pitt pays him - which is probably one miiiiiiiillllllion dollars.
I put off reading the script for a few days, then realize I’m running out of time and head to Starbucks with the script and a pen. I don’t want to take the time typing up notes for this guy, so I’m just going to mark up the pages. Who knows, maybe it’s brilliant, right? Well, I start reading it and already there are all kinds of problems - it’s written like a novel - a bunch of dense pages of description that do not matter, and lots of things that can not be seen or heard. The guy has a flowery style (who would have guessed?) and seems to think that his style will mask the bland characters and situations... and sometimes the completely over-blown characters and situations. Like his pitch, this script is all over the place and is inconsistent in tone - one minute it’s mundane stuff and the next it’s some larger than life soap opera plot about the cloned Vice President. It’s a mess.
Then I get to the first action scene and it’s much better written than the other stuff and oddly familiar. The more I read, the more it resembles a scene from LONG KISS GOODNIGHT... I mean, *really* resembles it. Like, it is the exact same scene, just with his guy in love with two women while dealing with the death of his wife as the guy in the motel shoot out... and the motel is the White House... but when they guy gets blown out the window and lands in a tree... hell, this is the same damned scene! Later I pull my copy of LONG KISS off the shelf and compare both scenes - and they *are* the same scene - and the same *sentences*! This guy has search-and-replaced action scenes from other screenplays and used them in his. And some of the dialogue scenes seem familiar, too. This is some sort of Frankenscript! No wonder it seems like it’s made up of a dozen different stories!
Not only is that, like, illegal... an action scene is a *character scene* and a *story scene* and is specific to *one script*. You can’t just pull an action scene from one script and put it in another. That action scene serves a story purpose - and unless both scripts are telling the same story, it won’t belong. The spec script I’m working on now has a theme that has to do with faith - so all of the action scenes (including the one I wrote yesterday) have a component of “faith” in them - a character must act on faith or not have faith in something or lose faith in themselves or another character due to the action elements in the scene... but all of the action scenes are about faith. The scene I wrote yesterday had a character who has faith in a certain book of prophecy, drop that book in the middle of a chase scene and decide if he will risk his life to go back for it or continue forward. That’s what that action scene was *about*. I could not lift that scene and put it in some other script - like maybe SLEEPER AGENT which is all about planning versus improvisation. The scene would not fit the story.
And this guy has cut together a bunch of scenes from different scripts to assemble the first half of his over-written and all over the place screenplay. Yikes!
The more I read the script, the more I want to put a gun to my head and stop the pain this is causing my brain. I finish writing my notes, and I’m afraid that they become a little mean spirited at some point. That is a flaw of mine. I try to stay helpful and nice... but then there is that straw that breaks the camel’s back and I suddenly become a complete asshole. After constructive notes scribbled in the margins for most of the script, I’ve just had enough and say what I really think. Things like - YOU CAN’T JUST STEAL SOMEONE’S SCENE LIKE THIS!
Now I’m dreading that meeting at Jerry’s. Maybe I can just show up, drop off the script with the notes, then split? No such luck...
Last Chapter on Wednesday.
- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Drama Is Our Business - and the drama of SUPERBAD.
Dinner: Islands Restaurant - fish tacos (3).
Bicycle: Short rides. It's kind of cloudy - supposed to rain.
Movies: SHUTTER ISLAND - quick review: 138 minutes - should have been 110. Waaaay too long. Slow... and detatched. Not a thrill ride, you aren't scared, and it seems aimless at times. Lots of great atmosphere - but its no substitute for story. The investigation doesn't have any real suspects so they kind of wander around, nothing *driving* each segment of the story. "Hey, let's go check out this location. Hey, let's go look at that location." But it never seems like they MUST go to this SPECIFIC location RIGHT NOW! Also - for a suspense film, no actual suspense scenes. Closest we get is wandering around in the dark with some matches - which is kind of a Scooby Doo cliche. Again - the lack of suspense scenes is in the way the story is told (screenplay issues)... just kinda bland. The wandering around with a match thing is the only situation that creates suspense, and even then - not really set up for suspense. The suspense scenes just are not there. And the film overstays its welcome - it has a twist end that's kind of preposterous, then keeps going for another 10 minutes! Long enough for you to poke all kinds of holes in that end. Has a character related twist at the end, but it's not nearly as powerful as that plot twist, so the film just peters out for ten minutes. Film looks great, acting is great, music is a bit much at times, but movie ends up just okay. Hard to create suspense on screen if there are no suspense scenes in the story.
When I woke up, I was bound with colorful bungee cords in my stalker’s dank Brentwood basement with a huge spider crawling up my left leg. When I looked closer at the spider, I could see the tell-tale red hourglass markings of a black widow.
That’s when my stalker came downstairs with a huge woodcutter’s ax, the Home Depot price tag still on the blade, and asked me, “So - did you like my screenplay?”
And when I hesitated, he knew my answer and swung the blade again and again until both of my legs were gone and I could never run away...
That’s when I really woke up. But that didn’t end the nightmare - I had stupidly taken my stalker’s half written screenplay and offered to read it... when I don’t do that, not even for money. As I said in part 1, I do not do Script Consulting. Everyone wants me to read their script, and I tried it for a while and did not enjoy it at all. The % of good scripts to scripts so bad you want to kill yourself instead of finish reading them is small.
There is a writing guru/consultant who teaches classes (and I’m not mention their name) and when anyone asks them about the odds of selling a script, they say to ignore the numbers - because 90% of all of those scripts out there just completely suck, so they are not your competition. What this guy neglects to mention is that those scripts might be *yours*. If 90% of all scripts suck and he’s telling this to a room with 100 screenwriters in it, then the odds are that 90 of those people have written those sucky scripts. I say - know the odds, know how difficult this is, and use that knowledge to prompt you to work your butt off and keep improving your craft (and your script) until you are in that 10%. And don’t just assume that you are already in that 10% - that’s what everybody does, and instead of working their butts off they relax. The people who are sure they are good usually are not good... and no matter how much they pay for consulting, their script is still not good. And the biggest problem with consulting is that they do not want someone to tell them how to improve their scripts, because they are sure they are already in that 10%... so they tend to argue with you. Which is probably why this guru/consultant wants everyone to believe they are in that 10%, so that they will keep using his services. They think they are getting closer to a sale - and they are... just as West Virginia is closer to Hollywood than Virginia is (but both are still a long ways away). So I do not do consulting - I have my own scripts to write and I’d rather write my Script Tips which may help a bunch of people at the same time without me having to read some of those really bad scripts written by really strange people who give off weird stalker vibes...
Like this guy.
PART ONE - if you missed it.
PART TWO - if you missed it.
PART THREE - if you missed it.
Now I have agreed to read his script and meet him in a week at that Jerry’s Deli in Westwood again and give him notes... but he not-so-secretly wants me to read the script and agree to finish writing it for him in exchange for 50% of whatever Brad Pitt pays him - which is probably one miiiiiiiillllllion dollars.
I put off reading the script for a few days, then realize I’m running out of time and head to Starbucks with the script and a pen. I don’t want to take the time typing up notes for this guy, so I’m just going to mark up the pages. Who knows, maybe it’s brilliant, right? Well, I start reading it and already there are all kinds of problems - it’s written like a novel - a bunch of dense pages of description that do not matter, and lots of things that can not be seen or heard. The guy has a flowery style (who would have guessed?) and seems to think that his style will mask the bland characters and situations... and sometimes the completely over-blown characters and situations. Like his pitch, this script is all over the place and is inconsistent in tone - one minute it’s mundane stuff and the next it’s some larger than life soap opera plot about the cloned Vice President. It’s a mess.
Then I get to the first action scene and it’s much better written than the other stuff and oddly familiar. The more I read, the more it resembles a scene from LONG KISS GOODNIGHT... I mean, *really* resembles it. Like, it is the exact same scene, just with his guy in love with two women while dealing with the death of his wife as the guy in the motel shoot out... and the motel is the White House... but when they guy gets blown out the window and lands in a tree... hell, this is the same damned scene! Later I pull my copy of LONG KISS off the shelf and compare both scenes - and they *are* the same scene - and the same *sentences*! This guy has search-and-replaced action scenes from other screenplays and used them in his. And some of the dialogue scenes seem familiar, too. This is some sort of Frankenscript! No wonder it seems like it’s made up of a dozen different stories!
Not only is that, like, illegal... an action scene is a *character scene* and a *story scene* and is specific to *one script*. You can’t just pull an action scene from one script and put it in another. That action scene serves a story purpose - and unless both scripts are telling the same story, it won’t belong. The spec script I’m working on now has a theme that has to do with faith - so all of the action scenes (including the one I wrote yesterday) have a component of “faith” in them - a character must act on faith or not have faith in something or lose faith in themselves or another character due to the action elements in the scene... but all of the action scenes are about faith. The scene I wrote yesterday had a character who has faith in a certain book of prophecy, drop that book in the middle of a chase scene and decide if he will risk his life to go back for it or continue forward. That’s what that action scene was *about*. I could not lift that scene and put it in some other script - like maybe SLEEPER AGENT which is all about planning versus improvisation. The scene would not fit the story.
And this guy has cut together a bunch of scenes from different scripts to assemble the first half of his over-written and all over the place screenplay. Yikes!
The more I read the script, the more I want to put a gun to my head and stop the pain this is causing my brain. I finish writing my notes, and I’m afraid that they become a little mean spirited at some point. That is a flaw of mine. I try to stay helpful and nice... but then there is that straw that breaks the camel’s back and I suddenly become a complete asshole. After constructive notes scribbled in the margins for most of the script, I’ve just had enough and say what I really think. Things like - YOU CAN’T JUST STEAL SOMEONE’S SCENE LIKE THIS!
Now I’m dreading that meeting at Jerry’s. Maybe I can just show up, drop off the script with the notes, then split? No such luck...
Last Chapter on Wednesday.
- Bill
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Drama Is Our Business - and the drama of SUPERBAD.
Dinner: Islands Restaurant - fish tacos (3).
Bicycle: Short rides. It's kind of cloudy - supposed to rain.
Movies: SHUTTER ISLAND - quick review: 138 minutes - should have been 110. Waaaay too long. Slow... and detatched. Not a thrill ride, you aren't scared, and it seems aimless at times. Lots of great atmosphere - but its no substitute for story. The investigation doesn't have any real suspects so they kind of wander around, nothing *driving* each segment of the story. "Hey, let's go check out this location. Hey, let's go look at that location." But it never seems like they MUST go to this SPECIFIC location RIGHT NOW! Also - for a suspense film, no actual suspense scenes. Closest we get is wandering around in the dark with some matches - which is kind of a Scooby Doo cliche. Again - the lack of suspense scenes is in the way the story is told (screenplay issues)... just kinda bland. The wandering around with a match thing is the only situation that creates suspense, and even then - not really set up for suspense. The suspense scenes just are not there. And the film overstays its welcome - it has a twist end that's kind of preposterous, then keeps going for another 10 minutes! Long enough for you to poke all kinds of holes in that end. Has a character related twist at the end, but it's not nearly as powerful as that plot twist, so the film just peters out for ten minutes. Film looks great, acting is great, music is a bit much at times, but movie ends up just okay. Hard to create suspense on screen if there are no suspense scenes in the story.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Lancelot Link: World Cup Monkey Business
Lancelot Link Monday! You may have noticed there's some sort of sporting event going on now. Here in the melting pot of Los Angeles we have people from all over the world, and they are all watching futbol. There are celebrations in the streets, illegal fireworks, and parties. So, what is *your* favorite soccer film? While you're thinking about that, here are this week's links to some great screenwriting and film articles, plus some fun stuff that may be of interest to you. Brought to you by that suave and sophisticated secret agent...
Here are a baker's dozen links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Transformers 4........ $100,000,000
2 22 Jump Street......... $15,400,000
3 Train Your Dragon 2... $13,100,000
4 Think Like Man 2........ $10,400,000
5 Maleficent.................. $8,237,000
6 Jersey Boys................ $7,610,000
7 Edge Of Tomorrow....... $5,210,000
8 Fault In Stars............. $4,800,000
9 X Men Future Past...... $3,300,000
10 Chef........................ $1,654,000
2) Your Hollywood Leading Man Height Chart... GET SHORTY!
3) Five Lessons From Linklater's BOYHOOD.
4) LEGENDS OF OZ, Family Film Or Sequel To The TV Prison Drama?
5) Shane Black, PREDATOR!
6) PROJECT GREENLIGHT Is Back, Matt & Ben Tell All.
7) MAD MAX: FURY ROAD!
8) Millions Of Great Screengrabs From Movies!
9) Fifty Opening Title Sequences!
10) The Making Of TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE.
11) Interview With My Friend Johnny Sullivan.
12) Is It Plagiarism To Steal A Plot?
13) Last But Never Least: Here Are Your Women Director's Hollywood! Now HIRE THEM!
And the Car Chase Of The Week!
Would you believe, a soccer based action scene? From the *great* movie, SHAOLIN SOCCER directed by the madman Stephen Chow.
Bill
Here are a baker's dozen links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Transformers 4........ $100,000,000
2 22 Jump Street......... $15,400,000
3 Train Your Dragon 2... $13,100,000
4 Think Like Man 2........ $10,400,000
5 Maleficent.................. $8,237,000
6 Jersey Boys................ $7,610,000
7 Edge Of Tomorrow....... $5,210,000
8 Fault In Stars............. $4,800,000
9 X Men Future Past...... $3,300,000
10 Chef........................ $1,654,000
2) Your Hollywood Leading Man Height Chart... GET SHORTY!
3) Five Lessons From Linklater's BOYHOOD.
4) LEGENDS OF OZ, Family Film Or Sequel To The TV Prison Drama?
5) Shane Black, PREDATOR!
6) PROJECT GREENLIGHT Is Back, Matt & Ben Tell All.
7) MAD MAX: FURY ROAD!
8) Millions Of Great Screengrabs From Movies!
9) Fifty Opening Title Sequences!
10) The Making Of TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE.
11) Interview With My Friend Johnny Sullivan.
12) Is It Plagiarism To Steal A Plot?
13) Last But Never Least: Here Are Your Women Director's Hollywood! Now HIRE THEM!
And the Car Chase Of The Week!
Would you believe, a soccer based action scene? From the *great* movie, SHAOLIN SOCCER directed by the madman Stephen Chow.
Bill
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
The Brad Pitt Guy (part 3).
From 2009...
Okay, so I’m sitting in the empty upstairs section of Jerry’s Deli in Westwood with a guy in a funny hat and too much jewelry who may be a crazed stalker but definitely took a piss next to Brad Pitt in some nightclub and pitched him some script that he had not yet written and Brad Pitt said he wanted to read it and this stalker guy tried to write the script and couldn’t and now he wants me to finish the script for him in exchange for half the money Pitt’s company pays him.
Should I say yes? Hey, it’s 50% of some potential deal the originated at a urinal. Actually, not even a deal - just an offer to read a script. Should I say yes?
The entire time I keep my glass of Coca-Cola in sight and often in hand to prevent him from using some knock out drops or something so that he can kidnap me, take me back to his house in TBDotcoLA and do weird things to me while I am unconscious before serving me up with a nice chianti and some fava beans and then either mounting my head on the wall of his trophy room-basement (do houses in the Brentwood District have basements?) or pickling my brain in a jar and putting it with all of the others on the mantle over his fireplace (do houses in the Brentwood District have fireplaces?). The guy may have really pissed with Pitt but that doesn't mean he's not also a crazed stalker.
PART ONE - if you missed it.
PART TWO - if you missed it.
After our waitperson, Laurence-with-a-Z, sets the endless dishes and bowls on the table in front of my stalker, and my half sandwich in front of me, then goes back to his station on the other side of the room, stalker’s face unfreezes.
“So, can you tell me what this story you pitched while pissing is about?”
“Then you are interested? I knew you would be!”
And he tells me the story between bites of food. He has about a dozen plates in front of him, enough food for a bunch of people, and instead of focusing on one plate he ends up nibbling a little bit from each. A bite here, a bite there, a bit of soup and then a forkful of cake. His story is like every episode of 24 mashed together along with a soap opera story about a guy in love with two women and one of them is an imposter and a plot to assassinate the President and some Iraq War stuff and a conspiracy involving cloning the Vice President and the protagonist dealing with the death of his wife in a car accident and ... Brad Pitt must have been saving up pee for weeks in order for this guy to have pitched this whole story to him at one standing!
Afterwards, with all of his food picked at but not a single plate cleaned, he asked me...
“So, William C. Martell, are you intrigued? Excited? Interested in my proposition?”
“Well, it *is* interesting.”
“Ah, I knew you would find the possibility too delicious to ignore!”
“It sounds like this is your baby, though - I think you should write it.”
“Alas, I have made numerous attempts to complete the screenplay, but I am not a professional writer, as you are. I’m afraid I require your assistance.”
“I think you can do it, you got this far, right?”
“I am willing to offer for your services one half of the impending purchase price from Bradley Pitt’s motion picture production company, which I am sure will be most lucrative. I have already written half of the screenplay and as you have heard, planned each of the remaining scenes in the story. This should be simple for someone of your talents and experience!”
And then I say yes.
No, of course I don’t say yes. That would be crazy. This deal is only slightly better than having him kill me and eat me with some Chianti and fava beans.
“I’m kind of in the middle of one of my own projects right now...”
“Completing my screenplay should be quite simple, and consider the rewards.”
“It’s your baby, you should see it through.”
“No. No. I have attempted that and woefully fell short. You have actually written the book on writing such films, you are the expert, you are the individual with the unique talents required to complete my screenplay. Please give this careful consideration.”
And then he reaches into his bag and pulls out...
Is he going for a gun?
Is he grabbing a can of mace or some knock out drugs or something?
I'm I going to end up on the menu with a nice chianti and some fava beans afterall?
His cell phone.
This was a few years ago, so it wasn’t an iPhone, but was whatever the cutting edge phone was at the time. The funny thing is, it may have been a Razr - which is the phone I got for free when I renewed my deal with Verizon a few years ago... the phone I got for free when I renewed my deal last year has a full keyboard for texting and holds about as much music as my iPod and shows movies and has internet access. But this was one damned fancy phone at the time, and he popped it open and went to his contacts page and scrolled down some numbers...
“I meet many people in the motion picture industry in popular night clubs, and would be happy to introduce you to several of them if you wish...”
And he shows me names on his phone - names of people you have heard of. Movie stars, directors, a famous agent or two, the producer or this summer’s big movie. And I want to steal his phone. I want to sucker punch him, grab the phone, and run out of Jerry’s and around the building to the parking lot, get in my car and speed off. Actually - there’s an upstairs back door and stairway down to the parking lot... that will save me some time. Once I’m back home in Studio City I can write down all of the contact information and start calling these people and...
Who am I fooling? I would choke so badly trying to call some famous stranger - trying to call Brad Pitt, even. What would I say? Hey, I stole your number from this stalker of mine and have a great screenplay - wanna meet in a men’s room so that I can pitch it to you? But I want those connections... and this guy has them. I have no idea how this crazy guy got all of these folks to give him their numbers, but he did. Hell, I’m sitting in Jerry’s having lunch with him - so whatever odd anti-social social skills he has, they work. Maybe it’s the hat?
“Look, I can’t. I really can’t. I’m in the middle of this spec, and it’s *your* script that Brad Pitt wants, not mine. You’re the one who has to write it. You *can* do it.”
The phone is snapped closed and goes back in his bag.
“In that case, would you read the material I have written up to this point and advise me on how to best proceed? If you give me your counsel on this matter, I would be willing to introduce you and your work to Mister Bradley Pitt. Perhaps he would be interested in the screenplay you are currently writing?”
I do not read people’s scripts for money... I do read my friend’s scripts... but this guy is not my friend, he’s some weird stalker in an unusual hat.
“Sure, I’ll read it.”
“Good. Good. I knew you would be interested!”
He whips out the script and hands it over his picked at plates of food. I give a quick flip - half a script, I should be able to read it and scribble down some notes in a couple of hours, right?
That’s when our waitperson, Laurence-with-a-Z comes with the check... and my stalker offers to split it with me, he’ll pay half and I’ll pay half. He figures out what half is on that fancy phone of his... and I leave with his script after paying for half of what he ordered. Once I finish reading the script, we’re supposed to meet again at Jerry’s... he seems sure that once I read his brilliant writing I will want to finish the script for him and get half of that money Brad Pitt is never going to pay and some of those contacts in his phone. Hey, maybe I’ll read the script and it will be brilliant - all of those weird subplots will somehow come together into something that makes sense?
At least I escape without ending up this guy’s entre.
Monday - Part Four... all about that brilliant script of his!
- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: We Love Trouble! - how conflict pulls us into character and story... so you need to have lots of it.
Dinner: Popeyes Chicken.
Bicycle: I think I'm almost back... after the holidays and the rain kept me off the bike. Only negative - someone in North Hollywood is using my bike headlight right now... after the stole it!
Okay, so I’m sitting in the empty upstairs section of Jerry’s Deli in Westwood with a guy in a funny hat and too much jewelry who may be a crazed stalker but definitely took a piss next to Brad Pitt in some nightclub and pitched him some script that he had not yet written and Brad Pitt said he wanted to read it and this stalker guy tried to write the script and couldn’t and now he wants me to finish the script for him in exchange for half the money Pitt’s company pays him.
Should I say yes? Hey, it’s 50% of some potential deal the originated at a urinal. Actually, not even a deal - just an offer to read a script. Should I say yes?
The entire time I keep my glass of Coca-Cola in sight and often in hand to prevent him from using some knock out drops or something so that he can kidnap me, take me back to his house in TBDotcoLA and do weird things to me while I am unconscious before serving me up with a nice chianti and some fava beans and then either mounting my head on the wall of his trophy room-basement (do houses in the Brentwood District have basements?) or pickling my brain in a jar and putting it with all of the others on the mantle over his fireplace (do houses in the Brentwood District have fireplaces?). The guy may have really pissed with Pitt but that doesn't mean he's not also a crazed stalker.
PART ONE - if you missed it.
PART TWO - if you missed it.
After our waitperson, Laurence-with-a-Z, sets the endless dishes and bowls on the table in front of my stalker, and my half sandwich in front of me, then goes back to his station on the other side of the room, stalker’s face unfreezes.
“So, can you tell me what this story you pitched while pissing is about?”
“Then you are interested? I knew you would be!”
And he tells me the story between bites of food. He has about a dozen plates in front of him, enough food for a bunch of people, and instead of focusing on one plate he ends up nibbling a little bit from each. A bite here, a bite there, a bit of soup and then a forkful of cake. His story is like every episode of 24 mashed together along with a soap opera story about a guy in love with two women and one of them is an imposter and a plot to assassinate the President and some Iraq War stuff and a conspiracy involving cloning the Vice President and the protagonist dealing with the death of his wife in a car accident and ... Brad Pitt must have been saving up pee for weeks in order for this guy to have pitched this whole story to him at one standing!
Afterwards, with all of his food picked at but not a single plate cleaned, he asked me...
“So, William C. Martell, are you intrigued? Excited? Interested in my proposition?”
“Well, it *is* interesting.”
“Ah, I knew you would find the possibility too delicious to ignore!”
“It sounds like this is your baby, though - I think you should write it.”
“Alas, I have made numerous attempts to complete the screenplay, but I am not a professional writer, as you are. I’m afraid I require your assistance.”
“I think you can do it, you got this far, right?”
“I am willing to offer for your services one half of the impending purchase price from Bradley Pitt’s motion picture production company, which I am sure will be most lucrative. I have already written half of the screenplay and as you have heard, planned each of the remaining scenes in the story. This should be simple for someone of your talents and experience!”
And then I say yes.
No, of course I don’t say yes. That would be crazy. This deal is only slightly better than having him kill me and eat me with some Chianti and fava beans.
“I’m kind of in the middle of one of my own projects right now...”
“Completing my screenplay should be quite simple, and consider the rewards.”
“It’s your baby, you should see it through.”
“No. No. I have attempted that and woefully fell short. You have actually written the book on writing such films, you are the expert, you are the individual with the unique talents required to complete my screenplay. Please give this careful consideration.”
And then he reaches into his bag and pulls out...
Is he going for a gun?
Is he grabbing a can of mace or some knock out drugs or something?
I'm I going to end up on the menu with a nice chianti and some fava beans afterall?
His cell phone.
This was a few years ago, so it wasn’t an iPhone, but was whatever the cutting edge phone was at the time. The funny thing is, it may have been a Razr - which is the phone I got for free when I renewed my deal with Verizon a few years ago... the phone I got for free when I renewed my deal last year has a full keyboard for texting and holds about as much music as my iPod and shows movies and has internet access. But this was one damned fancy phone at the time, and he popped it open and went to his contacts page and scrolled down some numbers...
“I meet many people in the motion picture industry in popular night clubs, and would be happy to introduce you to several of them if you wish...”
And he shows me names on his phone - names of people you have heard of. Movie stars, directors, a famous agent or two, the producer or this summer’s big movie. And I want to steal his phone. I want to sucker punch him, grab the phone, and run out of Jerry’s and around the building to the parking lot, get in my car and speed off. Actually - there’s an upstairs back door and stairway down to the parking lot... that will save me some time. Once I’m back home in Studio City I can write down all of the contact information and start calling these people and...
Who am I fooling? I would choke so badly trying to call some famous stranger - trying to call Brad Pitt, even. What would I say? Hey, I stole your number from this stalker of mine and have a great screenplay - wanna meet in a men’s room so that I can pitch it to you? But I want those connections... and this guy has them. I have no idea how this crazy guy got all of these folks to give him their numbers, but he did. Hell, I’m sitting in Jerry’s having lunch with him - so whatever odd anti-social social skills he has, they work. Maybe it’s the hat?
“Look, I can’t. I really can’t. I’m in the middle of this spec, and it’s *your* script that Brad Pitt wants, not mine. You’re the one who has to write it. You *can* do it.”
The phone is snapped closed and goes back in his bag.
“In that case, would you read the material I have written up to this point and advise me on how to best proceed? If you give me your counsel on this matter, I would be willing to introduce you and your work to Mister Bradley Pitt. Perhaps he would be interested in the screenplay you are currently writing?”
I do not read people’s scripts for money... I do read my friend’s scripts... but this guy is not my friend, he’s some weird stalker in an unusual hat.
“Sure, I’ll read it.”
“Good. Good. I knew you would be interested!”
He whips out the script and hands it over his picked at plates of food. I give a quick flip - half a script, I should be able to read it and scribble down some notes in a couple of hours, right?
That’s when our waitperson, Laurence-with-a-Z comes with the check... and my stalker offers to split it with me, he’ll pay half and I’ll pay half. He figures out what half is on that fancy phone of his... and I leave with his script after paying for half of what he ordered. Once I finish reading the script, we’re supposed to meet again at Jerry’s... he seems sure that once I read his brilliant writing I will want to finish the script for him and get half of that money Brad Pitt is never going to pay and some of those contacts in his phone. Hey, maybe I’ll read the script and it will be brilliant - all of those weird subplots will somehow come together into something that makes sense?
At least I escape without ending up this guy’s entre.
Monday - Part Four... all about that brilliant script of his!
- Bill
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: We Love Trouble! - how conflict pulls us into character and story... so you need to have lots of it.
Dinner: Popeyes Chicken.
Bicycle: I think I'm almost back... after the holidays and the rain kept me off the bike. Only negative - someone in North Hollywood is using my bike headlight right now... after the stole it!
Monday, June 23, 2014
Lancelot Link: Summertime, Summertime, Sum Sum Summertime
Lancelot Link Monday! It's summer! Finally those summer movies will come out! Like CAPTAIN AMERICA and X MEN and GODZILLA... And all of those movies with the number "2" in the title. Here are this week's links to some great screenwriting and film articles, plus some fun stuff that may be of interest to you. Brought to you by that suave and sophisticated secret agent...
Here are ten links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Think Like A Man 2.... $30,000,000
2 22 Jump Street........ $29,000,000
3 Train Your Dragon 2... $25,300,000
4 Jersey Boys........... $13,515,000
5 Maleficent............ $13,012,000
6 Edge Of Tomorrow...... $10,340,000
7 Fault In Stars......... $8,600,000
8 X Men Future Past...... $6,200,000
9 Chef................... $1,845,000
10 Godzilla............... $1,820,000
2) Robert Altman's Lost Movie... found.
3) Could Your Strong Female Character Be Easily Replaced By A Lamp With A Note Attached?
4) Kubrick's copy of Stephen King's THE SHINING."
5) Nabokov's Script Notes On Kubrick's LOLITA.
6) Novelist Tony Cavanaugh's notes on Kubrick, King, Nabokov... well, on the difference between writing a novel and a screenplay.
7) Netflix's VP Of Development... what are they looking for?
8) BRICK Director Lands STAR WARS 8 & 9!
9) SNOW WHITE & THE HUNTSMAN writer Evan Daugherty interviewed.
10) The Ultimate Typos.
And the car chase of the week...
Bill
Here are ten links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Think Like A Man 2.... $30,000,000
2 22 Jump Street........ $29,000,000
3 Train Your Dragon 2... $25,300,000
4 Jersey Boys........... $13,515,000
5 Maleficent............ $13,012,000
6 Edge Of Tomorrow...... $10,340,000
7 Fault In Stars......... $8,600,000
8 X Men Future Past...... $6,200,000
9 Chef................... $1,845,000
10 Godzilla............... $1,820,000
2) Robert Altman's Lost Movie... found.
3) Could Your Strong Female Character Be Easily Replaced By A Lamp With A Note Attached?
4) Kubrick's copy of Stephen King's THE SHINING."
5) Nabokov's Script Notes On Kubrick's LOLITA.
6) Novelist Tony Cavanaugh's notes on Kubrick, King, Nabokov... well, on the difference between writing a novel and a screenplay.
7) Netflix's VP Of Development... what are they looking for?
8) BRICK Director Lands STAR WARS 8 & 9!
9) SNOW WHITE & THE HUNTSMAN writer Evan Daugherty interviewed.
10) The Ultimate Typos.
And the car chase of the week...
Bill
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
The Brad Pitt Guy (part 2)
From 2009...
I’m meeting this strange voice on the phone at Jerry’s Deli in Westwood Village to discuss some secret screenwriting project that supposedly involves some A list star, he would tell me who it is, but then he would have to kill me. Actually, this whole thing has been strange enough that I’m afraid this guy is some sort of stalker who may kill me *before* I find out who the A lister is. That would suck, because I’m curious.
PART ONE - if you missed it.
My potential killer wanted me to come to his house in Brentwood, which is really the Brentwood Village District of the city of Los Angeles... because there is actually a city of Brentwood in California up near where I grew up. This caused a great deal of confusion to people who did not live in Los Angeles during the OJ Trail. Some out of town reporters ended up in the city of Brentwood by mistake wondering where the trial was, and there were all kinds of funny (well, to me - probably not to the people of Brentwood) repercussions from Los Angeles based newscasters covering the story *internationally* and referring to the murder location as “Brentwood” instead of “the Brentwood District of the city of Los Angeles”. When this guy wanted to meet me at his house in TBDotcoLA, my first idea was to meet at Mothers Bar... except that was long gone.
Mothers was a UCLA hangout in TBDotcoLA and I watched much of the first Gulf War from the bar there. I had some potential project at Showtime, which is Westwood, and some potential project at Corman’s, which was 2 blocks from Mothers, and I had MARGIN FOR TERROR at MGM which was in Santa Monica. For whatever reason, all of these meetings were afternoons, and let out at rush hour, and I did not want to get stuck in bumper-to-bumper on the 405. So I would go to Mothers and have burgers and fries and a beer and watch the war on their big screen TVs. But Mothers is gone, now... so I’d suggested Jerry’s in Westwood Village.
I hate Westwood Village. All of the big movie theaters are there, that’s where they do many of the fancy premieres. There are some nice restaurants. And it’s where UCLA is, so it is jam packed with cute college girls, many of them film students. But there is no place to park that doesn’t cost you a bundle. All of these reasons to go to Westwood Village, and when you get there you can’t find parking. I used to know a couple of streets on the east side of the village where you might be able to find parking, but they changed those to permit only. Wilshire Blvd across from the Avco Cinemas goes from traffic lane to parking at 7pm, and if you are lucky and quick you can be in front of a space at exactly 7pm and park... of course, there are a hundred cars circling the block waiting for 7pm. The parking lot for Jerry’s Deli has an attendant with his hand out - I think it cost me $5 to park there, but it might have been more. It’s not as bas as Century City, where I’ve had a bunch of meetings with producers that cost me close to $20 to park... and the producers did not validate. Great, I didn’t get the job *and* it cost me $20! But it was only around $5 in Westwood Village... and that was with validation. Los Angeles is all about cars, and that means there are people who have found a way to get rich off cars.
As I lock my car and go to the back entrance to Jerry’s, I realize I have left my pocket knife at home... the only weapon I have is the pen in my pocket. I just hope I won’t have to use it. Jerry’s is close to empty at 3pm and I climb the stairs to the second floor, which is completely empty... except for one table where one man sits with a tall glass of ice tea... and a waiter hovering at a station on the other side of the room.
I knew this was my stalker, because he was wearing an unusual hat. I’d never seen anything like it on a man before or since. I don’t think Elton John would have worn it - and he dresses funny sometimes. He also wore jewelry - I think there was a ring on each of his fingers, but I didn’t want to stare at his hands, who knew how a stalker would take that? If you know me or have seen me at some event, you may have noticed that I wear no jewelry at all - not even a wrist watch. I used to carry a pocket watch - in the same pocket as my cell phone. I realized my pocket was crowded and I couldn’t make calls from the pocket watch, so it’s now permanently in a drawer in my dresser. This guy would have *wanted* redundant jewelry.
“William C. Martell, I would recognize you anywhere. I have the photo from your website taped to my computer for inspiration. You are slightly early.”
He shakes my hand... and his hand is cold and damp. Maybe it’s from the ice tea glass. I take a seat, while he whips out some hand sanitizer and removes any traces of my flesh from him. This actually comforts me. While he’s doing that, I am secretly looking to see if he actually brought a matchbook and a pad and pen. Not on the table, it may be in his bag.
“I must admit that I have only recently become a fan of yours. I do wish I had known of you earlier, so I might have purchased a copy of your book at a reasonable rate. I’m afraid I paid over three hundred dollars on e-bay. Though it was well worth even that exorbitant price. I consumed it in one delicious gulp.”
“I’m glad you liked it.”
I always feel bad when people pay a lot of money for my book, even though I don’t get any of that money. There’s a place on Amazon Marketplace that currently is selling it for over $100, and it’s a book store that bought copies at wholesale (so I made $4 or something) and every time they sell a copy, another copy takes its place. Do they have a leftover *case* of my books they are selling one at a time for over a hundred bucks? But for some reason, I’m not feeling too sorry for this guy.
“I consumed it in one delicious gulp.”
Okay, now I’m back to being creeped out. “Now can you tell me about this proposition of yours with the A list movie star.”
“Good. Good. Right to the point, eh?”
That’s when the Waiter decides to come over, and my stalker instantly shuts up. Almost mid-word. It’s like hitting a pause button or something. His whole face freezes in place. He looks dopey.
“Good afternoon, I’m Laurence with a Z, and I’ll be your waitperson today. Can I get you started with a beverage, sir?”
(Oops - that should be ‘Laurenze’ I guess)
“Sure, I’ll have...”
I would normally order an ice tea, but that’s what stalker’s having.
“...a Coca Cola.”
“Would you like that with lemon or cherry?”
“Um, no. Just ice.”
“Are you ready to order?”
I haven’t even opened the menu. And I don’t know if stalker is paying or what... Do I *want* stalker to pay? What if that means we’re dating? I’m not Gay, and don’t want to give stalker the wrong impression. Heck, this is like a mine field - anything I do might be taken the wrong way and end up with me either in a relationship with a guy in a weird hat or in his basement freezer... or both!
I end up ordering half a sandwich, stalker ends up ordering half the menu. Have you seen the Jerry’s menu? This guy ordered a meal and a dozen sides and some soup and... I sure hope *I’m* not paying.
The good news is that Laurence-the-a-Z stopped hovering over the table, the bad news is that I am now alone on the second floor with stalker.
“This proposal of yours?”
“Yes, of course. I’m sure you are curious about each of the facets of I alluded to in out phone conversation. On a Saturday evening one month ago I was in a popular night club on Sunset Boulevard and after an hour of dancing felt the urge to urinate.”
Too much information... and this guy was clubbing?
“I partook of the facilities in the men’s lavatory, and noted that an A list star was using the urinal next to mine.”
“Can you tell me who or would you like me to start guessing?”
“I shall get to his identity –“
“Morey Amsterdam from the Dick Van Dyke Show?”
“No. No. I believe I said this was an A list celebrity.”
“Jennifer Connolly?”
“I believe I said this was the men’s lavatory. If you must know at this juncture in the tale, it was --”
That’s when Laurence-with-a-Z returned with my Coca-Cola. Stalker did that human freeze frame thing again - his mouth hanging open mid-word and not moving at all. I’ll bet his tongue was frozen in place, but you know I wasn’t going to look into his mouth.
“Here’s your Coca-Cola, sir, no ice. Your food will be coming shortly.”
“Thanks.”
“Will there be anything else?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“And the gentleman?”
He broke the freeze frame, “No. No. I’m quite alright, thank you.”
We both waited for the waiter to stop waiting on us. Took a while for him to figure it out and go back across the room to his station.
“Okay, it wasn’t Morey Amsterdam.”
“Well, I had the very good fortune to be urinating next to Bradley Pitt, the movie star. I loved him in that Interview With A Vampire movie and he was marvelous in The Mexican.”
“Brad Pitt?”
“Yes, of course. As I was standing beside him, draining my rather full bladder, I decided to pitch him an action tale. Something his production company might be interested in as a vehicle for his various screen talents.”
“How long was the pitch?”
“Oh, it was quite detailed.”
“Must have had a full bladder himself.”
Or maybe just been afraid to turn his back on this guy.
“I don’t know, but he did seem mesmerized by my tale...”
(Scared to death)
“...after he had completed the task at hand, as it were, he gave me his card and told me he was much interested in my screenplay and I should send it to his office posthaste.”
“Brad Pitt said ‘posthaste’?”
“Well, he may have said ‘expeditiuosly’, I don’t really remember his exact wording.”
“I don’t think he said either... but he wants to read your script, so what’s the problem? Congratulations. Send it over and see what happens.”
“Well, that is the problem. There was no screenplay. I did attempt to write it, which is why I obtained your fine book, but the process was more difficult than I had originally imagined and I was unable to complete the screenplay.”
“How far did you get?”
“To the midpoint, approximately 53 and a quarter pages.”
I wish he had been more precise.
“So, what do you want me to do?”
“If you were to finish the screenplay for me, I would pay you half of the money Bradley Pitt’s production company pays me.”
“So, um, what’s the name of Brad Pitt’s company?”
Stalker pulls out a business card and reads off it, “Plan B.”
Crap, that’s really Brad Pitt’s company!
That’s when Laurence-with-a-Z came with our food.
Part Three tomorrow.
- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Writing Indie Films - but not the kind where the hero wears a fedora and uses a whip.
Dinner: City Wok - tomato beef.
Bicycle: Yes! Some long rides every day of the 3 day weekend - went to some Starbucks way out in the West Valley.
Pages: And burning up the keyboard! Almost 8 pages Saturday, only 4 pages Sunday, and just shy of 5 pages Monday. Plan is to have this one finsihed at the end of the month and move on to the next one... which may actually be the new assignment by then. If that one isn't ready to go, yet, I'm diving in to this bad cop script and working on that until the assignment *is* ready. Oh, and I'm finishing up another article for Script Magazine soon after you read this.
I’m meeting this strange voice on the phone at Jerry’s Deli in Westwood Village to discuss some secret screenwriting project that supposedly involves some A list star, he would tell me who it is, but then he would have to kill me. Actually, this whole thing has been strange enough that I’m afraid this guy is some sort of stalker who may kill me *before* I find out who the A lister is. That would suck, because I’m curious.
PART ONE - if you missed it.
My potential killer wanted me to come to his house in Brentwood, which is really the Brentwood Village District of the city of Los Angeles... because there is actually a city of Brentwood in California up near where I grew up. This caused a great deal of confusion to people who did not live in Los Angeles during the OJ Trail. Some out of town reporters ended up in the city of Brentwood by mistake wondering where the trial was, and there were all kinds of funny (well, to me - probably not to the people of Brentwood) repercussions from Los Angeles based newscasters covering the story *internationally* and referring to the murder location as “Brentwood” instead of “the Brentwood District of the city of Los Angeles”. When this guy wanted to meet me at his house in TBDotcoLA, my first idea was to meet at Mothers Bar... except that was long gone.
Mothers was a UCLA hangout in TBDotcoLA and I watched much of the first Gulf War from the bar there. I had some potential project at Showtime, which is Westwood, and some potential project at Corman’s, which was 2 blocks from Mothers, and I had MARGIN FOR TERROR at MGM which was in Santa Monica. For whatever reason, all of these meetings were afternoons, and let out at rush hour, and I did not want to get stuck in bumper-to-bumper on the 405. So I would go to Mothers and have burgers and fries and a beer and watch the war on their big screen TVs. But Mothers is gone, now... so I’d suggested Jerry’s in Westwood Village.
I hate Westwood Village. All of the big movie theaters are there, that’s where they do many of the fancy premieres. There are some nice restaurants. And it’s where UCLA is, so it is jam packed with cute college girls, many of them film students. But there is no place to park that doesn’t cost you a bundle. All of these reasons to go to Westwood Village, and when you get there you can’t find parking. I used to know a couple of streets on the east side of the village where you might be able to find parking, but they changed those to permit only. Wilshire Blvd across from the Avco Cinemas goes from traffic lane to parking at 7pm, and if you are lucky and quick you can be in front of a space at exactly 7pm and park... of course, there are a hundred cars circling the block waiting for 7pm. The parking lot for Jerry’s Deli has an attendant with his hand out - I think it cost me $5 to park there, but it might have been more. It’s not as bas as Century City, where I’ve had a bunch of meetings with producers that cost me close to $20 to park... and the producers did not validate. Great, I didn’t get the job *and* it cost me $20! But it was only around $5 in Westwood Village... and that was with validation. Los Angeles is all about cars, and that means there are people who have found a way to get rich off cars.
As I lock my car and go to the back entrance to Jerry’s, I realize I have left my pocket knife at home... the only weapon I have is the pen in my pocket. I just hope I won’t have to use it. Jerry’s is close to empty at 3pm and I climb the stairs to the second floor, which is completely empty... except for one table where one man sits with a tall glass of ice tea... and a waiter hovering at a station on the other side of the room.
I knew this was my stalker, because he was wearing an unusual hat. I’d never seen anything like it on a man before or since. I don’t think Elton John would have worn it - and he dresses funny sometimes. He also wore jewelry - I think there was a ring on each of his fingers, but I didn’t want to stare at his hands, who knew how a stalker would take that? If you know me or have seen me at some event, you may have noticed that I wear no jewelry at all - not even a wrist watch. I used to carry a pocket watch - in the same pocket as my cell phone. I realized my pocket was crowded and I couldn’t make calls from the pocket watch, so it’s now permanently in a drawer in my dresser. This guy would have *wanted* redundant jewelry.
“William C. Martell, I would recognize you anywhere. I have the photo from your website taped to my computer for inspiration. You are slightly early.”
He shakes my hand... and his hand is cold and damp. Maybe it’s from the ice tea glass. I take a seat, while he whips out some hand sanitizer and removes any traces of my flesh from him. This actually comforts me. While he’s doing that, I am secretly looking to see if he actually brought a matchbook and a pad and pen. Not on the table, it may be in his bag.
“I must admit that I have only recently become a fan of yours. I do wish I had known of you earlier, so I might have purchased a copy of your book at a reasonable rate. I’m afraid I paid over three hundred dollars on e-bay. Though it was well worth even that exorbitant price. I consumed it in one delicious gulp.”
“I’m glad you liked it.”
I always feel bad when people pay a lot of money for my book, even though I don’t get any of that money. There’s a place on Amazon Marketplace that currently is selling it for over $100, and it’s a book store that bought copies at wholesale (so I made $4 or something) and every time they sell a copy, another copy takes its place. Do they have a leftover *case* of my books they are selling one at a time for over a hundred bucks? But for some reason, I’m not feeling too sorry for this guy.
“I consumed it in one delicious gulp.”
Okay, now I’m back to being creeped out. “Now can you tell me about this proposition of yours with the A list movie star.”
“Good. Good. Right to the point, eh?”
That’s when the Waiter decides to come over, and my stalker instantly shuts up. Almost mid-word. It’s like hitting a pause button or something. His whole face freezes in place. He looks dopey.
“Good afternoon, I’m Laurence with a Z, and I’ll be your waitperson today. Can I get you started with a beverage, sir?”
(Oops - that should be ‘Laurenze’ I guess)
“Sure, I’ll have...”
I would normally order an ice tea, but that’s what stalker’s having.
“...a Coca Cola.”
“Would you like that with lemon or cherry?”
“Um, no. Just ice.”
“Are you ready to order?”
I haven’t even opened the menu. And I don’t know if stalker is paying or what... Do I *want* stalker to pay? What if that means we’re dating? I’m not Gay, and don’t want to give stalker the wrong impression. Heck, this is like a mine field - anything I do might be taken the wrong way and end up with me either in a relationship with a guy in a weird hat or in his basement freezer... or both!
I end up ordering half a sandwich, stalker ends up ordering half the menu. Have you seen the Jerry’s menu? This guy ordered a meal and a dozen sides and some soup and... I sure hope *I’m* not paying.
The good news is that Laurence-the-a-Z stopped hovering over the table, the bad news is that I am now alone on the second floor with stalker.
“This proposal of yours?”
“Yes, of course. I’m sure you are curious about each of the facets of I alluded to in out phone conversation. On a Saturday evening one month ago I was in a popular night club on Sunset Boulevard and after an hour of dancing felt the urge to urinate.”
Too much information... and this guy was clubbing?
“I partook of the facilities in the men’s lavatory, and noted that an A list star was using the urinal next to mine.”
“Can you tell me who or would you like me to start guessing?”
“I shall get to his identity –“
“Morey Amsterdam from the Dick Van Dyke Show?”
“No. No. I believe I said this was an A list celebrity.”
“Jennifer Connolly?”
“I believe I said this was the men’s lavatory. If you must know at this juncture in the tale, it was --”
That’s when Laurence-with-a-Z returned with my Coca-Cola. Stalker did that human freeze frame thing again - his mouth hanging open mid-word and not moving at all. I’ll bet his tongue was frozen in place, but you know I wasn’t going to look into his mouth.
“Here’s your Coca-Cola, sir, no ice. Your food will be coming shortly.”
“Thanks.”
“Will there be anything else?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“And the gentleman?”
He broke the freeze frame, “No. No. I’m quite alright, thank you.”
We both waited for the waiter to stop waiting on us. Took a while for him to figure it out and go back across the room to his station.
“Okay, it wasn’t Morey Amsterdam.”
“Well, I had the very good fortune to be urinating next to Bradley Pitt, the movie star. I loved him in that Interview With A Vampire movie and he was marvelous in The Mexican.”
“Brad Pitt?”
“Yes, of course. As I was standing beside him, draining my rather full bladder, I decided to pitch him an action tale. Something his production company might be interested in as a vehicle for his various screen talents.”
“How long was the pitch?”
“Oh, it was quite detailed.”
“Must have had a full bladder himself.”
Or maybe just been afraid to turn his back on this guy.
“I don’t know, but he did seem mesmerized by my tale...”
(Scared to death)
“...after he had completed the task at hand, as it were, he gave me his card and told me he was much interested in my screenplay and I should send it to his office posthaste.”
“Brad Pitt said ‘posthaste’?”
“Well, he may have said ‘expeditiuosly’, I don’t really remember his exact wording.”
“I don’t think he said either... but he wants to read your script, so what’s the problem? Congratulations. Send it over and see what happens.”
“Well, that is the problem. There was no screenplay. I did attempt to write it, which is why I obtained your fine book, but the process was more difficult than I had originally imagined and I was unable to complete the screenplay.”
“How far did you get?”
“To the midpoint, approximately 53 and a quarter pages.”
I wish he had been more precise.
“So, what do you want me to do?”
“If you were to finish the screenplay for me, I would pay you half of the money Bradley Pitt’s production company pays me.”
“So, um, what’s the name of Brad Pitt’s company?”
Stalker pulls out a business card and reads off it, “Plan B.”
Crap, that’s really Brad Pitt’s company!
That’s when Laurence-with-a-Z came with our food.
Part Three tomorrow.
- Bill
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Writing Indie Films - but not the kind where the hero wears a fedora and uses a whip.
Dinner: City Wok - tomato beef.
Bicycle: Yes! Some long rides every day of the 3 day weekend - went to some Starbucks way out in the West Valley.
Pages: And burning up the keyboard! Almost 8 pages Saturday, only 4 pages Sunday, and just shy of 5 pages Monday. Plan is to have this one finsihed at the end of the month and move on to the next one... which may actually be the new assignment by then. If that one isn't ready to go, yet, I'm diving in to this bad cop script and working on that until the assignment *is* ready. Oh, and I'm finishing up another article for Script Magazine soon after you read this.
Monday, June 16, 2014
Lancelot Link: Graduation Day!
Lancelot Link Monday! It pains me to say that there was no POLICE ACADEMY movie subtitled Graduation Day... this explains a lot about those films. They never graduated! Some of you reading this may have had kids who graduated last week, and some may have graduated last week. So here are this week's links to some great screenwriting and film articles, plus some fun stuff that may be of interest to you. Brought to you by that suave and sophisticated secret agent...
Here are ten links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 22 Jump Street............ $60,000,000
2 Train Dragon 2............. $50,000,000
3 Maleficent..................... $19,008,000
4 Edge Of Tomorrow....... $16,175,000
5 Fault In Our Stars......... $15,725,000
6 X Men Days Of Futbol... $9,500,000
7 Godzilla........................... $3,155,000
8 A Million Ways .............. $3,077,000
9 Neighbors..................... $2,484,000
10 Chef............................. $2,276,000
2) Screenwriter John Logan on the next Bond film.
3) Are Movie Stars And Endangered Specied?
4) 10 Tips For Making Your Microbudget Feature.
5) Speaking Of Micro budgets: And Interview With Roger Corman.
2) ALIEN Concept Art.
7) Is Tarantino Playing With Blocks?
8) Screenwriting Isn't Writing? Say What?
9) Pixar's 22 Rules Of Story... The FREE Book!
10) THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK is a symmetrical movie.
And the Car Chase Of The Week!
HOT FUZZ!
Bill
Here are ten links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 22 Jump Street............ $60,000,000
2 Train Dragon 2............. $50,000,000
3 Maleficent..................... $19,008,000
4 Edge Of Tomorrow....... $16,175,000
5 Fault In Our Stars......... $15,725,000
6 X Men Days Of Futbol... $9,500,000
7 Godzilla........................... $3,155,000
8 A Million Ways .............. $3,077,000
9 Neighbors..................... $2,484,000
10 Chef............................. $2,276,000
2) Screenwriter John Logan on the next Bond film.
3) Are Movie Stars And Endangered Specied?
4) 10 Tips For Making Your Microbudget Feature.
5) Speaking Of Micro budgets: And Interview With Roger Corman.
2) ALIEN Concept Art.
7) Is Tarantino Playing With Blocks?
8) Screenwriting Isn't Writing? Say What?
9) Pixar's 22 Rules Of Story... The FREE Book!
10) THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK is a symmetrical movie.
And the Car Chase Of The Week!
HOT FUZZ!
Bill
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
The Brad Pitt Guy (part 1)
From 2009...
I get three kinds of phone calls - calls from people I know, business calls, and some form of phone sales spam from a computer dialer or some poor guy in a cubicle trying to sell me something on commission and praying that he at least gets the steak knives. So when the phone rings and it’s some stranger, I am both annoyed and feel sorry for the guy because Alec Baldwin is going to fire his ass after I tell him “no”. Around a year ago, it’s some stranger who starts asking strange questions...
“Is this William C. Martell?”
Always a tip off that it’s a stranger - that’s the name my phone is listed under.
“Um, what is this about?”
“Am I speaking to William C. Martell?”
If I say “yes” he’ll just dive into his spiel, time shares or whatever.
“Look, whatever it is, I’m not interested, sorry.”
“William C. Martell, the screenwriter?”
Is this some strange sounding producer or producer’s assistant?
“Yes, it is.”
“Good. Good. I got your phone number from the WGA, at first they didn’t want to give it to me, so I called them back and pretended to be a producer. That’s what did the trick...”
Now he’s starting to talk like a salesman... and that is frightening me.
I have stalkers. That sounds strange, because you expect Brad Pitt to have stalkers but not some crappy B movie writer nobody’s ever heard of. Sure, there are *personal stalkers*, and I’ve had a couple of them - women trying out for the roadshow version of PLAY MISTY FOR ME after a handful of dates that did not work at all for me. But I’ve also have *celebrity stalkers* - which is crazy because I am not a celebrity. People who read my blog or go to my website and then start sending me e-mails that begin with praise and soon degenerate into odd threats. The problem is, I’m accessible - even though the address I use is a post box, um, it’s not a post box on the other side of Los Angeles. It’s within walking distance of where I live. And my phone number has slipped out before, even though I try to hide that. And, of course, everyone has my e-mail address... everyone.
Which is the first thing about this caller that seems wrong - why hasn’t he e-mailed me? If it was a producer interested in a script, a quick Google search gets them to my website and e-mail. And then they e-mail me and say, “I’m interested in this script, can you call me at (phone number). That happens fairly often because I do not have an agent or manager - most of the time someone gets hold of one of my scripts by accident (it gets passed to them by somebody else). But usually the script has my number on the title page, so they call. But often they e-mail first (my e-mail is also on the title page). I can’t remember the last time someone tracked me down through the WGA. That’s... unusual.
“Um, why didn’t you e-mail me?”
“Oh, this isn’t the kind of conversation we could have by e-mail.”
Now I’m wondering what the hell I could have possibly done that someone would be able to blackmail me over. You know, I’m a *writer* - I live a boring life. And I’m mostly honest about my life and career - I’m more than willing to share with you, gentle readers, that time I looked like an idiot or hit on some gal half my age while drunk, or wrote some movie for *Oscar winner* Roger Corman about Robot Hookers From Outer Space. Sure, I have secrets that I am not going to share with you - but, they are *boring* secrets. If this guy is a blackmailer he won’t get much from me.
“Um, what is this about?”
“Good. Good. Right to the point, eh?”
“Yes, I’m working on something and...”
“I have an offer for you. I believe you will like it. It is a most interesting offer.”
“Besides ‘interesting’, what kind of job is it?”
“Writing a screenplay. For a well known A list motion picture star. I can’t tell you who it is, that’s not the kind of information I feel comfortable saying on the telephone. That is why we will have to meet somewhere to discuss the details.”
“So, you are a producer? What company?”
“No, No. I am a writer much like yourself. I have a project with an A list motion picture star attached and would like your council and assistance. I have perused your book on the writing of action screenplays and found it quite helpful, but this will require your unique skills and advice.”
“Who’s this A list star?”
“No. No. Not on the phone. We must meet in person for these details to be discussed.”
I’m more confused than I was before - if this guy is not a producer, what the heck does he need me for? “Council?” He wants my opinion on his script? I don’t do that. There are all kinds of people who do script consulting stuff. After my book came out, I had a bunch of people wanting me to read their scripts, so I put up a page on my website with some rates. Well, here’s what I learned from that: I don’t much like doing consulting, and about 90% of the scripts out there are worse than you can imagine. I honestly think the worse someone’s script is, the more likely they are to pay a consultant... and then all they do is argue about the notes and how I didn’t get it. Well, if they had used coherent sentences I might have gotten it. I kept raising my consulting rates hoping that no one would be able to afford me and I could get back to writing scripts... but those crazy bad writers seem to have lots of money. Maybe they are the lunatic children of wealthy people locked up in an asylum writing scripts all day? Anyway, the % of just awful to “hey, this person knows how to write!” combined with me never really wanting to do it in the first place, meant I took the page down and stopped doing consulting. Now I am happily just writing my own scripts and doing the Script Tips and this Blog.
“You do know that I do not do consulting, right?”
“No. No. This is a screenwriting proposition. Where can we meet to discuss the details? I am in Brentwood, and I understand you are in Studio City, is that correct?”
“Yes.”
“You could come to my house...”
Okay, this is slightly creepy. I don’t really want to go to this guy’s house and end up dead in his basement freezer with my brain on display in his trophy room. There are producers who work out of their homes - when I first met with Ashok Armitraj he had just left the Columbia lot and hadn’t set up offices at a new studio nor found a building to move in to, and was working out of the pool house at his house. He’d had it converted into an office and it was probably larger than any studio office I’ve been to. But this guy is not a producer, he’s a writer offering me a writing job - which makes no sense at all.
“I’d rather meet someplace public, if you don’t mind.”
“This needs to be a private conversation. Some elements we discuss are of a sensitive nature. I do not wish to be overheard.”
“Look, we can be anonymous in a crowd. Find someplace with a patio or back booth or something. Speak quietly and write anything really sensitive on paper and burn it afterwards.”
“Yes, that might work.”
“You want, I’ll bring the matches.”
“No. No. I have some packets I can bring with me. Do you know of the Jerry’s World Famous Deli in Westwood Village?”
“I’ve been there before.”
“They have an upstairs section which is never utilized that should allow us a modicum of privacy. My only fear is the discretion of their waitstaff.”
“Like priests and bartenders, anything you say in front of them is privileged info... same as in a confessional. They take vows.”
“I was not aware of that. What day and time would be convenient for you to meet with me?”
Okay, this is where I should have said that I’m busy and don’t have time, even though this is for an A list motion picture star. But, I am curious. What the heck is this all about? I mean, I can say no at the meeting, right? But what if it is a script for Jennifer Connolly? And she’s divorcing Paul Bettany? And looking for a screenwriter to work closely with? I mean, really closely with? Plus, I wanted to see if the guy really brought matches and burned the papers.
“How about Thursday afternoon some time. I don’t do mornings.”
“Good. Good. Thursday it is. Would three O’clock in the afternoon be convenient for you?”
“Sounds good. Um, how will I know you?”
“Do not worry about that, William C. Martell, I shall know you.”
Great. It is a stalker of some sort and I have just fallen into their trap. He drugs my coffee, hustles me to his place in Brentwood, kills me and eats my liver with Chianti and fava beans and sticks my pickled brain on the trophy shelf in his library along with all the others. Maybe I should just not show? Maybe I shouldn’t drink the coffee? But the problem with being a writer is dead cats - curiosity. You even want to know how psycho killers live their lives.
Part 2 on Monday...
- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Dramatic Decisions - and some film directed by Ben Affleck.
Dinner: Carls Junior... food that was bad for me and not worth the price.
Pages: Working on a rewrite for a producer, and hit a tough scene... which I'll do tomorrow.
I get three kinds of phone calls - calls from people I know, business calls, and some form of phone sales spam from a computer dialer or some poor guy in a cubicle trying to sell me something on commission and praying that he at least gets the steak knives. So when the phone rings and it’s some stranger, I am both annoyed and feel sorry for the guy because Alec Baldwin is going to fire his ass after I tell him “no”. Around a year ago, it’s some stranger who starts asking strange questions...
“Is this William C. Martell?”
Always a tip off that it’s a stranger - that’s the name my phone is listed under.
“Um, what is this about?”
“Am I speaking to William C. Martell?”
If I say “yes” he’ll just dive into his spiel, time shares or whatever.
“Look, whatever it is, I’m not interested, sorry.”
“William C. Martell, the screenwriter?”
Is this some strange sounding producer or producer’s assistant?
“Yes, it is.”
“Good. Good. I got your phone number from the WGA, at first they didn’t want to give it to me, so I called them back and pretended to be a producer. That’s what did the trick...”
Now he’s starting to talk like a salesman... and that is frightening me.
I have stalkers. That sounds strange, because you expect Brad Pitt to have stalkers but not some crappy B movie writer nobody’s ever heard of. Sure, there are *personal stalkers*, and I’ve had a couple of them - women trying out for the roadshow version of PLAY MISTY FOR ME after a handful of dates that did not work at all for me. But I’ve also have *celebrity stalkers* - which is crazy because I am not a celebrity. People who read my blog or go to my website and then start sending me e-mails that begin with praise and soon degenerate into odd threats. The problem is, I’m accessible - even though the address I use is a post box, um, it’s not a post box on the other side of Los Angeles. It’s within walking distance of where I live. And my phone number has slipped out before, even though I try to hide that. And, of course, everyone has my e-mail address... everyone.
Which is the first thing about this caller that seems wrong - why hasn’t he e-mailed me? If it was a producer interested in a script, a quick Google search gets them to my website and e-mail. And then they e-mail me and say, “I’m interested in this script, can you call me at (phone number). That happens fairly often because I do not have an agent or manager - most of the time someone gets hold of one of my scripts by accident (it gets passed to them by somebody else). But usually the script has my number on the title page, so they call. But often they e-mail first (my e-mail is also on the title page). I can’t remember the last time someone tracked me down through the WGA. That’s... unusual.
“Um, why didn’t you e-mail me?”
“Oh, this isn’t the kind of conversation we could have by e-mail.”
Now I’m wondering what the hell I could have possibly done that someone would be able to blackmail me over. You know, I’m a *writer* - I live a boring life. And I’m mostly honest about my life and career - I’m more than willing to share with you, gentle readers, that time I looked like an idiot or hit on some gal half my age while drunk, or wrote some movie for *Oscar winner* Roger Corman about Robot Hookers From Outer Space. Sure, I have secrets that I am not going to share with you - but, they are *boring* secrets. If this guy is a blackmailer he won’t get much from me.
“Um, what is this about?”
“Good. Good. Right to the point, eh?”
“Yes, I’m working on something and...”
“I have an offer for you. I believe you will like it. It is a most interesting offer.”
“Besides ‘interesting’, what kind of job is it?”
“Writing a screenplay. For a well known A list motion picture star. I can’t tell you who it is, that’s not the kind of information I feel comfortable saying on the telephone. That is why we will have to meet somewhere to discuss the details.”
“So, you are a producer? What company?”
“No, No. I am a writer much like yourself. I have a project with an A list motion picture star attached and would like your council and assistance. I have perused your book on the writing of action screenplays and found it quite helpful, but this will require your unique skills and advice.”
“Who’s this A list star?”
“No. No. Not on the phone. We must meet in person for these details to be discussed.”
I’m more confused than I was before - if this guy is not a producer, what the heck does he need me for? “Council?” He wants my opinion on his script? I don’t do that. There are all kinds of people who do script consulting stuff. After my book came out, I had a bunch of people wanting me to read their scripts, so I put up a page on my website with some rates. Well, here’s what I learned from that: I don’t much like doing consulting, and about 90% of the scripts out there are worse than you can imagine. I honestly think the worse someone’s script is, the more likely they are to pay a consultant... and then all they do is argue about the notes and how I didn’t get it. Well, if they had used coherent sentences I might have gotten it. I kept raising my consulting rates hoping that no one would be able to afford me and I could get back to writing scripts... but those crazy bad writers seem to have lots of money. Maybe they are the lunatic children of wealthy people locked up in an asylum writing scripts all day? Anyway, the % of just awful to “hey, this person knows how to write!” combined with me never really wanting to do it in the first place, meant I took the page down and stopped doing consulting. Now I am happily just writing my own scripts and doing the Script Tips and this Blog.
“You do know that I do not do consulting, right?”
“No. No. This is a screenwriting proposition. Where can we meet to discuss the details? I am in Brentwood, and I understand you are in Studio City, is that correct?”
“Yes.”
“You could come to my house...”
Okay, this is slightly creepy. I don’t really want to go to this guy’s house and end up dead in his basement freezer with my brain on display in his trophy room. There are producers who work out of their homes - when I first met with Ashok Armitraj he had just left the Columbia lot and hadn’t set up offices at a new studio nor found a building to move in to, and was working out of the pool house at his house. He’d had it converted into an office and it was probably larger than any studio office I’ve been to. But this guy is not a producer, he’s a writer offering me a writing job - which makes no sense at all.
“I’d rather meet someplace public, if you don’t mind.”
“This needs to be a private conversation. Some elements we discuss are of a sensitive nature. I do not wish to be overheard.”
“Look, we can be anonymous in a crowd. Find someplace with a patio or back booth or something. Speak quietly and write anything really sensitive on paper and burn it afterwards.”
“Yes, that might work.”
“You want, I’ll bring the matches.”
“No. No. I have some packets I can bring with me. Do you know of the Jerry’s World Famous Deli in Westwood Village?”
“I’ve been there before.”
“They have an upstairs section which is never utilized that should allow us a modicum of privacy. My only fear is the discretion of their waitstaff.”
“Like priests and bartenders, anything you say in front of them is privileged info... same as in a confessional. They take vows.”
“I was not aware of that. What day and time would be convenient for you to meet with me?”
Okay, this is where I should have said that I’m busy and don’t have time, even though this is for an A list motion picture star. But, I am curious. What the heck is this all about? I mean, I can say no at the meeting, right? But what if it is a script for Jennifer Connolly? And she’s divorcing Paul Bettany? And looking for a screenwriter to work closely with? I mean, really closely with? Plus, I wanted to see if the guy really brought matches and burned the papers.
“How about Thursday afternoon some time. I don’t do mornings.”
“Good. Good. Thursday it is. Would three O’clock in the afternoon be convenient for you?”
“Sounds good. Um, how will I know you?”
“Do not worry about that, William C. Martell, I shall know you.”
Great. It is a stalker of some sort and I have just fallen into their trap. He drugs my coffee, hustles me to his place in Brentwood, kills me and eats my liver with Chianti and fava beans and sticks my pickled brain on the trophy shelf in his library along with all the others. Maybe I should just not show? Maybe I shouldn’t drink the coffee? But the problem with being a writer is dead cats - curiosity. You even want to know how psycho killers live their lives.
Part 2 on Monday...
- Bill
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Dramatic Decisions - and some film directed by Ben Affleck.
Dinner: Carls Junior... food that was bad for me and not worth the price.
Pages: Working on a rewrite for a producer, and hit a tough scene... which I'll do tomorrow.
Monday, June 09, 2014
Lancelot Link: Interview With A Screenwriter
Lancelot Link Monday! For some odd reason, this week's links are almost all advice from working screenwriters. Maybe they're on summer break, or have a deadline they are trying to avoid. In any case, lots of cool stuff! Here are this week's links to some great screenwriting and film articles, plus some fun stuff that may be of interest to you. Brought to you by that suave and sophisticated secret agent...
Here are a baker's dozen links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Fault In Our Stars... $48,200,000
2 Maleficent........... $33,523,000
3 Edge Of Tomorrow..... $29,105,000
4 Days Of Future ...... $14,700,000
5 Million Ways To Die... $7,189,000
6 Godzilla.............. $5,950,000
7 Neighbors............. $5,201,000
8 Blended............... $4,050,000
9 Chef.................. $2,600,000
10 Million Dollar Arm.... $1,822,000
2) The AVATAR Sequels Will Be Musicals!
3) Who The Heck Is Directing ANT MAN This Week?
4) Three Amazing Video Essays On Brian DePalma.
5) Leaked STAR WARS Set Photos.
6) Leaked STAR WARS Set Photos From The First Film.
7) Francis Ford Coppola On Writing THE GODFATHER.
8) Michael Arndt On Writing TOY STORY 3.
9) Wesley Strick On Writing.
10) Jeff Nichols On Writing MUD.
11) With Great American Pitchfest in 2 Weeks: How To Pitch.
12) Abandoned Drive Ins...
13) Quentin Tarantino's Favorite Films That Would Have Played At Those Drive Ins.
And The Car Chase Of The Week!
Okay, no cars.
Bill
Here are a baker's dozen links plus this week's car chase...
1) Weekend Box Office Estimates:
1 Fault In Our Stars... $48,200,000
2 Maleficent........... $33,523,000
3 Edge Of Tomorrow..... $29,105,000
4 Days Of Future ...... $14,700,000
5 Million Ways To Die... $7,189,000
6 Godzilla.............. $5,950,000
7 Neighbors............. $5,201,000
8 Blended............... $4,050,000
9 Chef.................. $2,600,000
10 Million Dollar Arm.... $1,822,000
2) The AVATAR Sequels Will Be Musicals!
3) Who The Heck Is Directing ANT MAN This Week?
4) Three Amazing Video Essays On Brian DePalma.
5) Leaked STAR WARS Set Photos.
6) Leaked STAR WARS Set Photos From The First Film.
7) Francis Ford Coppola On Writing THE GODFATHER.
8) Michael Arndt On Writing TOY STORY 3.
9) Wesley Strick On Writing.
10) Jeff Nichols On Writing MUD.
11) With Great American Pitchfest in 2 Weeks: How To Pitch.
12) Abandoned Drive Ins...
13) Quentin Tarantino's Favorite Films That Would Have Played At Those Drive Ins.
And The Car Chase Of The Week!
Okay, no cars.
Bill
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