Trailer Tuesday: OHMSS (1969)

Because these are the days when this story takes place...

ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE (1969)

Directed by: Peter Hunt.
Written by: Richard Maibaum based on the novel by Ian Fleming.
Starring: George Lazenby, Diana Rigg, Telly Savalas.
Produced by: Broccoli & Saltzman.
Music by: John Barry, maybe his best Bond score.
Cinematography by: Michael Reed.


If you ask real James Bond fans what the best Bond film is, the answer you will usually get is: ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE.

"Huh? Never heard of it? Was it a Roger Moore or a Sean Connery?"
Neither.
"Then it had to be the Timothy Dalton one I didn't see."
Not Dalton either.
"I was sure I saw all of the Brosnan movies, even the silly ones where Denise Richards was a scientific genius and the one where the car ice skates on its roof. And I saw all of the recent ones with Daniel Craig, even the terrible one that came after CASINO ROYALE."
It was the one that starred George Lazenby.
"Who?"



Lazenby played Bond in one film, between Connery and... Connery. After YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE Connery walked away from the series to do something else... and they did one of those worldwide searches for the next James Bond and came up with this guy Lazenby... from Australia! Compared to Connery, Lazenby was... a little light. He was a male model, not an actor, and where Connery could deliver a quip with an underlying threat, Lazenby’s delivery of quips was a little more like Moore. Audiences rejected him, and his agents screwed things up so that he wouldn’t be in a second film - even though this film was originally made to set up the next film in the series.

So he ends up the only one film Bond, with Connery returning two years later for DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER, and then Moore takes over... except for the parallel universe Bond movie NEVER SAY NEVER. So he had this one Bond film (and he’s really not bad) and it’s what is probably the best of all Bond films. After Connery’s films were getting too gadget filled and beginning to creep into that over-the-top tone that the Moore films would thrive in, the decision was made to tone this one down and be more faithful to the Fleming novel... which was more of a straight forward spy film, even though it was written post THUNDERBALL and included the mega-villain Blofeld and SPECTRE instead of the Russians and SMERSH, as the books before McClory came along did. This was more like FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE in tone - even with the mega-villain. And Connery almost starred. Originally this was going to come right after McClory’s THUNDERBALL to kind of correct course, but the problem was - there was no snow! This story involves epic ski chases, and for that you need a snowy winter. So the Japan based YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE was made instead... and Connery decided that would be his last Bond film. So they scrambled to find a replacement, and ended up with this Lazenby fellow.

The reason why this is often considered the best in the series by fans is due to that course correction back to the FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE tone - it’s a great mix of amazing action and exotic locations and real suspense scenes along with great characters and real emotions. This is the movie where James Bond gets married, where James Bond cries. You may think that both of those are out of character, but that is what makes this film special - we get to see a different side of Bond as well as the usual stuff. And Lazenby knows how to throw a punch! He did most of his own stunts (broke his arm doing a skiing stunt, so in some scenes he has his coat over his arm to hide the cast) and broke a stuntman’s nose in a fight scene. Australia!

BOND MEETS HIS MATCH

The story opens without showing Bond’s face as he speeds down a winding ocean side road in the latest model Aston-Martin, and is passed by a beautiful woman - Tracy (Diana Rigg) in a red Mercury Cougar convertible. When he lights a cigarette we can see his face for the first time - a new Bond (George Lazenby). He pulls off the road when he spots Tracy’s parked car and watches as she attempts to commit suicide by walking into the sea - and speeds down to rescue her. After setting her down on the sand, he is suddenly attacked by two men - and we get a vicious fight scene that uses boat anchors and oars and everything else as weapons - the thing that I loved about the Connery fight scenes was that they were brutal and inventive and it always seemed like stunt men might have actually been hurt in the process. This is one of those fight scenes. Great way to start a movie. After Bond beats both of the much larger guys, Tracy gets into her car and speeds off... and Bond races to his car and tries to speed after her...

Spotting her car parked in front of a luxury hotel and casino.

Bond and Tracy hook up after some gambling.

The next morning, she is gone... and so is his gun.

Hey, I have just left out another freaking brutal fight scene between Bond and a HUGE guy in Tracy’s hotel room - she gave him the key, and instead of being greeted by her he almost gets his ass whipped, then goes back to his own room and finds her in bed waiting for him - and a suspense scene where that HUGE guy goes to Bond’s room while he and Tracy are screwing and almost breaks in... then decides not to. There are too many fight scenes and suspense scenes in this movie to mention all of them, so just assume that there are a couple between every scene that I do mention. (That’s why this is a fan favorite - no shortage of action and suspense).

When Bond leaves the hotel, that HUGE guy and another guy are waiting for him in the parking area... with Bond’s gun. They kidnap him (after a fight) and take him in a suspense filled scene to the docks where he meets...

Draco (Gabriele Ferzetti) who is the head of the Corsican mob - but like all mobsters he has a front in construction. He is Tracy’s father, and tries to convince Bond to be Tracy’s Bodyguard/Lover/Role Model because she is wild and needs to be tamed. He offers Bond a bunch of money... but Bond explains that he’s an agent of Her Majesty’s Secret Service and what he really wants is information of Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Telly Savalas this time around) and his cat. Draco says that might be possible...

TWO FILMS IN ONE!

When Bond shows up at M’s office and throws his hat and flirts with Moneypenny and gets chewed out and taken off the Blofeld case and hands in his resignation, he goes back to Draco and accepts the deal - he will date and maybe even marry Tracy in exchange for information on Blofeld. The film does a great job of balancing these two storylines - Bond & Tracy and Bond vs. Blofeld with many overlapping scenes. We get a personal story about a side of Bond that we don’t normally see, and probably the most exciting Bond story... which includes a virus designed to spread throughout the world.

We get a great suspense scene where Bond breaks into Blofeld’s lawyer’s office while the lawyer is away for lunch and cracks his safe using a computerized safe cracking machine that has been “airlifted” by crane into the upper floor office from one of Draco’s construction sites across the street. Bond has to get the safe open, photocopy all of the Blofeld documents, close the safe and get the safe cracking computer back on the crane and leave the office in an hour... and the lawyer comes back a little early. This is a cool scene and works really well - with the added bonus of having Bond reading Playboy while the safe cracking computer is trying every possible combination. He steals the Playboy magazine and passes the lawyer on the way out... still reading it.

Bond discovers that Blofeld is in the Swiss Alps doing some kind of allergy research and trying to assume the fortune and royal title of Count Bleauchamp by hiring noted genealogist Sir Hillary Bray to prove his lineage...

CONNECTIONS

Which brings us to a great story element - everything is connected in this story. The title is about *royalty* (Her Majesty) and that connects all kinds of things in the story and film. The color *purple* - a royal color - is present in the decor of the casino and some other locations. Tracy is actually a Contessa - Corsican royalty. Blofeld has a two pronged plan, one of the major elements is to prove that he is the Baron Bleauchamp (royalty) so that he can have access to that family’s money and throne and respect. The way Bond gets into Blofeld’s stronghold is by pretending to be Sir Hillary Bray - an expert on royal families and genealogy. Every danged thing in this film is about *royalty* (even the curtains and wallpaper) - and echoes back to the film’s title. The title sequence features a crown!

As I have said in some of my books and a bunch of articles in Script Magazine, *everything* in a film is connected. Everything. That is a basic of storytelling - Unity. A good film has it...

When Bond shows up at Draco’s birthday extravaganza to start his relationship with Tracy, as per his deal with Draco, she bolts. This woman is Bond’s equal, and has figured out there’s a deal and doesn’t want any damned man who is bought for her by daddy. Bond chases after her, finds her crying, and tells her that his emotions can’t be bought... and they begin an actual romance. Which includes lots of horse riding montages. But just when it looks like there may be an actual love connection here...

Bond has to go to Blofeld’s stronghold, disguised as Sir Hillary Bray, and do a version of that PBS show FINDING YOUR ROOTS with Ernst Stravro Blofeld. And Tracy breaks up with him forever.

VILLAIN’S FORTRESS

Blofeld’s stronghold is a mystery, and when Bond (as Bray) gets off the train in Switzerland he is met by Rosa Kleb clone Irma Bunt (Ilse Steppat) - Blofeld’s henchperson... Blofeld likes to promote evil women with German accents. They are followed by a suspicious man in a Volkswagen Bug named Campbell (Bernard Horsfall) who ends up the Felix Lieter clone in this story... but at this point we don’t know if he is a good guy or a bad guy, which creates some suspense. Bunt is in a horse drawn sleigh which can cover terrain that the Volkswagen can not - and Campbell loses them when they get into a helicopter and fly away. All of this is a great build up to the reveal of the villain’s fortress...

The helicopter lands on the roof of a mountain top stronghold right out of a James Bond film... that was actually a restaurant in real life. But this place is crazy megavillain hide out looking. Inside, Bunt introduces Bond to a group of super hot young women in their 20s from all over the world who are there for allergy treatments. We will later learn that these are Blofeld’s “Angels Of Death”, so I am just going to call them that. These women have been at the mountaintop stronghold for a long time without any male companionship, so you can guess what is going to happen. I mean, Bond and Tracy have broken up, he’s kind of on the rebound, and in a room full of hot and horny women of every race and country?

One of them - the English Girl - is played by an impossible young Joanna Lumley from AB-FAB... and there’s a great scene where Bond is in a formal kilt at dinner and she writes her room number in lipstick on his upper thigh. Bond breaks out of his room at night, sleeps with her and another girl and does some general sneaking around. He verbally spars with Blofeld a bit about his claims of royalty - trying to get him to leave the stronghold and go someplace where he can be arrested, but that doesn’t work.

One night while sneaking into rooms to have some more sex with all of these hot young women, Bond discovers that they girls aren’t here for allergy treatment. Producer Harry Saltzman, who made IPCRESS FILE, uses the (real CIA MKULTRA) mind control methods again, but this time it’s Blofeld saying “Listen to me”. He is brainwashing the girls to become his agents - and he has created viruses that will be passed by the hot babes (one from every country in the world) and destroy the world's food supply... and then a virus that will make everyone very very sick. This plan is really topical now - not just due to COVID-19, but there is also lots of concern about modified grains and animals and the health risks of eating them. GMOs? Cloned corn anyone? How about cloned cows? Or mad cow disease? (Which gets a mention in this film.) All of these things are part of Blofeld's plot to control the world. It's always the world - no one ever wants to control Canarsie, NY. Why is that?

But this 1969 evil villain’s plan seems even more relevant today. I wondered why they haven’t remade it with Daniel Craig - and the Bond quits HMSS and gets married elements fit the Craig version of Bond. I think this was a lost chance at an amazing movie. Oh, and it’s a Christmas film! It takes place in the days leading up to Christmas, and there’s even a song about Christmas Trees that will get on your nerves and the virus is in an aerosol spray given to the Angeles Of Death as Christmas gifts!

HERO & VILLAIN

As usual, Blofeld is a few steps ahead of Bond and knows that he isn’t Sir Hillary Bray, and captures him so that he can explain the details of his plan and then lock up Bond in a completely escape proof room - the mechanical room for the overhead cable cars that connect the stronghold on the top of the mountain to the ski village below. Great suspense scene as Bond tries to escape by climbing up the giant gears to the cable that leads outside, where he can maybe find some way to climb up the side of the building - but the cable cars keep going back and forth - causing the giant gears to move and almost crush him and then the cable that he is holding onto pulls him out of the building and hundreds of feel over the edge of the mountain. Feet dangling.

One of the great things about this scene and the fight scenes and all of the rest of the action is that Lazenby does many of his own stunts. Though it isn’t him dangling from the cable over nothing, it is him in some of the scary and hairy scenes with the gears. And in fight scenes - Lazenby the non-actor was famous on set for bringing his brawling past to the fights... and actually connecting every once in a while... breaking a stuntman’s nose in a scene. There are enough shots where you can see that it is Lazenby doing the stunt that it sells all of the places where a stuntman takes over. Most of the shots with him in the grinding gears is actually him.

Bond escapes the mechanical room and climbs up the side of the building like Cary Grant in NORTH BY NORTHWEST and sneaks back inside just in time to hear Blofeld’s final mind control instructions to the Angels Of Death - as they open their Christmas presents. Make up kits, where the compact is a secret radio receiver and the perfume spray is a deadly virus. Blofeld will radio the IPCRESS command phrase when they are supposed to release the virus, if his multimillion dollar demands and his royal title requirements are not met. As royalty Blofeld will be some form of above the law - so he will get away with all of this... and now we enter the non-stop action phase of the film.

AMAZING CHASES

Bond is discovered, the Angels Of Death are sent by cable car down to the village to be dispersed to all of the corners of the world, and Bond must stop them... which requires that he ski down the mountain chased by Blofeld’s army who have machine guns as well as skis. This is one of the greatest ski chases ever filmed - exciting and filled with insane stunts, and shot with “you are there” angles by Olympic skier Willy Bogner - who skied backwards holding the camera while doing insane moves, and some amazing moving overhead shots - thanks to a crazy basket rig under a helicopter that allowed a camera man to swing back and forth while being suspended under the chopper as they followed the action. If the ski chase seems slightly familiar to you it’s because this is Christopher Nolan’s favorite James Bond film and he swiped part of it for a dream in INCEPTION. This is one of two amazing ski chases in the film. Oh, lots of machine guns and skiing off cliffs and other fun stuff. Oh, and a skier gets ground up in a snow plow! This is one of the high points of any Bond film.

When Bond evades Blofeld and his skiing army, he ends up in the ski village which is packed with tourists celebrating the holidays, and we have a great suspense hide and go seek version of the Junkanoo chase in THUNDERBALL with Bond trying to blend into the crowd as he is hunted by Blofeld’s army. There’s a great fight scene in a shed filled with giant bells in here, where Bond is trying to be quiet so as not to attract the other bad guys as he fights one of them - and the danged bells keep ringing! Again, the imagination involved in these fight scenes is great - it’s not just a fight scene, it’s in a room filled with bells of all sizes which clang and bring more badguys. This also is a great illustration of “Hitchcock’s Chocolates” - the idea of using all of the things that we associate with a location into the story. Make a list of things that you might find in an Alpine ski resort and it ends up in this chase and fight scene.

He eventually hides out at a skating rink- trying to blend in - while Bunt leads the search for him... and a pair of sexy women’s legs skate right up to him! Caught? He looks up to see... Tracy. How did she find him? She asked her father where Bond was. Does she have a car? This is another example of how the two plots, personal and action, logically connect throughout the story. Because Bond has quit HMSS and is using Draco’s criminal and business connections to infiltrate Blofeld’s stronghold - from using Draco’s construction company to get the safe cracking equipment hoisted to Blofeld’s lawyer’s office, to a later use of Draco’s helicopters and criminal army, to things like this - not a coincidence that those sexy skater legs belong to Tracy... that love story element is logically connected.

BOND & TRACY

Now we get an epic car chase as Bunt chases Bond and Tracy in her Cougar down very icy roads and narrow snow plowed roads that seem more like bobsled slaloms. There is some "drifting" before that was even a word - which is really cool on icy roads! Lots of machine gun fire, here, too! They end up crashing into a stock car race - part of the festivities - and now we have a car chase in a circle with a bunch of other cars that are just part of the race and don’t have machine guns. This is one of those silly Roger Moore things that were beginning to intrude on the series... but maybe the only one in this film. I always call YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE the “Indiana Jones James Bond Film” because it’s out of the fry pan into the fire - one bad situation creating the next, and sometimes without much logic. Though this film minimizes that, it pops up in the stock car race in the snow in an Alpine skiing village.

They end up winning the race, evading Bunt and her machine guns, and hiding themselves and the car in an old barn for the night... where Bond proposes marriage to Tracy. She is the perfect match for him. The strong woman who compliments him. She’s wild, but so is he. They make love, and he tells her that he will have to quit Her Majesty’s Secret Service because it is too dangerous for a married man. This is a great scene - human and romantic and shows us a side of Bond that we have never seen before. It’s also funny and playful - there’s almost a call-back to GOLDFINGER when Bond insists that Tracy sleep in a haycart so that she will be a virgin on their wedding night (too late!) and then topples the haycart so that she rolls into his arms. They’ll practice safe distancing after they are officially engaged.

The next morning Blofeld and Bunt storm the old barn!

And find it empty - except for Tracy’s Mercury Cougar.

Bond and Tracy heard them coming and skied away...

Another exciting epic ski chase, but this time Blofeld uses a mini rocket launcher to cause an avalanche! Bond and Tracy must out-ski the avalanche! Really exciting scene as they almost succeed in outrunning the massive avalanche... They almost make it, but are buried in the snow. Blofeld and his army come after them, and capture Tracy... but Bond manages to escape.

Leaving behind the woman he loves.

LEAVING HMSS

Bond asks M for help rescuing Tracy, but is refused - Blofeld holds all of the cards. He is threatening the world with his killer virus, and everyone has decided to pay him. The threat of the virus is something that no government is really equipped to deal with. It’s a war from inside. Even if they know who all of the Angels Of Death are, there is no way to find them and isolate them before Blofeld’s deadline. Easier to pay his demands. Too bad about Tracy...

Tracy, as Blofeld’s captive, is trying to outsmart him and get as much information about his plan as she can... maybe she will be able to hep stop the spread of the virus if she can escape? This is a great Diana Rigg scene - she verbally spars with Blofeld and shows that she really is Bond’s equal. This is the scene that is usually *Bond* verbally sparring with the villain, where we learn some details of his plan, but instead of Bond being captured and watching the end of the world on television, it’s Tracy.

Telly Savalas is not as good a fit as Blofeld as Donald Plesance in YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE, but a bigger star. Pleasance had that weird accent and those strange mannerisms, and Savalas plays it completely American - no accent. I think that Pleasance was the best Blofeld, mostly because he was so strange. Savalas always seems like a guy you might have a beer with after work, maybe play a game of poker with (though I guess that’s a bad idea - Lazenby lost a bunch of money playing poker with Savalas at night after filming). The weird feeling helps a villain seem unpredictable and threatening. I never get that from Savalas in this film. They recast Blofeld because they wanted him to ski and fight - but there really isn’t that much of either in the film that isn’t done by Savalas’ stunt man.

CRIMINAL COMMANDO RAID

Once again Bond resigns his job and goes to Draco for help.

They storm the stronghold in a trio of helicopters with a bunch of mercenaries and rescue Tracy (who does a pretty good job of rescuing herself in a great fight scene with a HUGE badguy - that Mrs. Peel martial arts training comes in handy in the film), and set charges to destroy the stronghold and the radio used to contact the Angels Of Death - ending Blofeld’s plan. This is a smart resolution - they can’t find all of the Angels Of Death scattered all over the world in time to prevent Blofeld from triggering them into weapons - and unleashing the virus - but they can find and destroy the method that Blofeld needs to use to trigger them: the radio set up in the stronghold.

But after the charges have been set and Tracy has been rescued and the helicopters fly away, Bond isn’t on them - he is chasing Blofeld! More ski chase action, plus a great *bobsled chase* and a fight on a bobsled. The Bobsled chase and fight are exciting - and the stuntmen who did some of the more crazy things... actually did them. Stuff that no sane person would do. The fight on the bobsled ends with Blofeld’s head slamming into a tree... and “branching off” as Bond quips

And then Bond and Tracy get married and live happily ever after....

The emotional element is one of the things that makes this Bond film work even without Connery. The other things that make it one of the best (if not the best) are the amazing action scenes - those amazing ski chases, and all of the other action scenes are balls-to-the wall great stuff! The tone is less jokey, more gritty, in this film (with one exception). The score by John Barry is probably the best Bond score ever - some of it gets reused in later films.

Seriously - this is the film they should have remade as the next Bond film. It has everything going for it, and very few people have seen it... plus that virus plot that is probably too topical, now.

Something to watch while this virus has you shut in...

- Bill