If I Owned A Cinema Chain

In Los Angeles, it costs $11.50 to go to the cinema - and that's before you buy popcorn and a soda and red vines.

In today's crappy economy, what I would do if I owned a cinema chain is lower the ticket price to $10 maximum, and lower prices *everywhere*, to make the movies the inexpensive destination for entertainment. The cinema chains make most of their money on that popcorn and soda anyway. I'd also come up with a "family pack" that would include popcorn and sodas and tickets - like some sports arenas do. Maybe even a "family night" - like Tuesday or Wednesday, slow nights, with $5 tickets. Basically, *use* this financial downturn to build the cinema audience and get people in the habit of seeing movies.

Though movies have usually done great business in hard times, offering a low cost escape from all of the problems of the real world, this is the first time we’ve had financial troubles *and* so many different types of inexpensive home entertainment. Not only can I cruise the internet and argue about films and screenwriting with people from around the world in message boards, I can go over to HULU and watch old TV shows *for free*. I can stick around the house and pop in a DVD of a film that came out six months ago and watch it on my home entertainment system. I can also watch cable and network TV - and there are some good shows out there... though TERMINATOR has jumped the shark and I think they screwed up MY OWN WORST ENEMY by mixing up his personalities before season 2. Though I’m not a gamer, that’s another thing you can do at home for very little money.

All of these things that weren’t around last time we had a financial crisis may be taking the audience away from the cinema. But people need to get out of the house now and then or they’ll get cabin fever. When you’re at home, no matter how big your screen is, the bills are still there on the kitchen table waiting to be paid. Hard to escape your problems when they’re in the next room. So there is a need to get out of the house... but if it is too expensive to go to the movies, people will go somewhere else.

About 20 years ago a cinema chain did $2 Tuesdays and actually made *more* money per week... until the studios shut it down. The studios thought that the Tuesday night audience would have paid Friday night prices... but they didn’t realize these were two different audiences. The Tuesday night crowd was made up of people who didn’t go to the cinema because they thought it cost too much. They’d stay home and watch the movie when it came on TV. But at $2? Heck, no brainer - let’s go to the movies!

That's still a great idea - and you don't lose money from those Friday and Saturday night crowds because they still go on those nights. You pick up people who don't usually go to the movies; and 20 years ago, people like me who went to see some movie I didn't want to pay full price for. Guess what? That was $2 from me the cinemas were never going to get any other way. I’m not going to pay full price to see a movie that’s probably bad, but $2? Heck, no brainer - I’m going to the cinema!

So the studios really have nothing to worry about if a cinema chain does a $2 Tuesday or a Family Night with a discount package, or some other way to entice those folks with cabin fever and a limited disposable income.

I always wonder why the guys in the head office at the Cinema Chains don't come up with things like this. Timing is everything - and now we have this financial crisis where people will have less disposable income. So you lower the price and get them hooked on movies. It's good for everyone - families can afford to get out of the house, and they will buy popcorn and soda and red vines, and hopefully they get into the habit of going to the cinema... and keep that habit when things get better. Plus, the *kids* get used to going to the cinema and, like Catholics, you get 'em for life. I think one of the reasons why I became a movie fan is that my Aunt managed a movie theater and would sneak in my family for free some times. So I saw movies in the cinema at a young age, and enjoyed the experience. There really is something about sitting in the dark in a place where your phone isn’t ringing and all of the responsibilities of your life have been left outside the cinema doors, and having this larger than life story play on that big screen. It’s really a shared dream. Being in that dark cinema transports you into that world on screen in a way that your big screen at home can never do. Once you’ve experienced that as a kid, you want to experience it again and again. But there are kids today who have probably never been to the cinema - or seldom go. It’s just too expensive for many families. But a family discount package or a $2 Tuesday? Let’s go to the cinema!

But Cinema chains have to fo this *now*. They have to take advantage of the timing.

There was this church run coffee shop across the street from my local Starbucks. It was a good place to go if Starbucks was too crowded... because it was always empty. Now, it wasn't overtly religious or anything, just on the church property and owned and run by the church. I'm sure they used it for youth groups sometimes and they probably did most of their business after church on Sunday. But the other 6 days - empty. No reason why a Starbucks customer couldn't be stolen away by them. When the Starbucks closed for *a full week* for remodeling, this church coffee shop did *nothing*. Starbucks had announced they would be closing for a week in advance, and the church coffee shop could have printer flyers and littered the apartments with them as if they were Thai restaurant menus. They could have put a big sign in their window facing Starbucks. They could have even sent someone with flyers over to the Starbucks while it was closed - people were still going there. For one week, they were the closest coffee shop for hundreds of people. They did nothing... and went out of business a couple of months later. When the door opens, you have to walk through. It’s all about timing.

A cinema chain can’t sit on their butts and then do this after the window of opportunity has closed. They need to strike while the cliche is hot! They need to do this *now*. And the Studios need to be onboard. The great thing about this is that it’s not just a way to lure a new audience into the cinemas and convert a bunch of kids into film fans and sell popcorn and red vines and soda... this is a great PR move. Imagine how much press a cinema chain would get if they lowered prices due to the tough times in America. That’s free publicity! The thing is - it only takes one cinema chain to do this... and the others will have to follow. Who wants to be the cinema charging $11.50 to see the same exact movie you can see at the cinema down the street for $10? And who wants to be the cinema showing PRIDE AND GLORY to 5 people on Tuesday night when you can fill every seat with people who paid $2? Do that math on that - it’s a no brainer.

And I will not be seeing PRIDE AND GLORY at full price. Not gonna happen. I saw WE OWN THE NIGHT, why would I want to see it with different actors? But there’s this thing with DVD prices that applies to movies not on my “must see” list. When a DVD of some movie like the remake of ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 starts at $20, I’m not going to buy it. When it gets down to $15, still not going to buy it. When it hits $10, it’s not going in my basket. When it hits $7.50 at Target, I think about it. When it lands in that $3.99 bin at Circuit City? Buy! At $3.99 I’ll buy a DVD for a movie I thought was just okay, because some day I may want to see it again. Same thing with cinema tickets for some movie that doesn’t interest me and is getting mixed or even bad reviews. There is a price low enough that I’ll go just to say I’ve seen it and it really does suck. So PRIDE AND GLORY at $2 or $3? Buy! Hell, I’d see the talking Chihuahua movie at that price. I’d see GIGLI for that price. Doing a discount day is a great way for a bad movie to make more money. And the cinema chain gets my soda money and red vine money (unless I sneak them in - hard to do with a soda, though).

Good PR, increased audience, building the future audience, and survival in this age of a million things to do... some Cinema chain needs to step up and do this.

That way, I won’t have to pay full price to see those damned talking dogs.

- Bill

Top 5 Halloween Special!

Okay, you may not know this, but I am a contributor to the Top 5 Comedy List (movie list) which is one of the longest running internet comedy thing-a-ma-bobs. Five days a week, Chris White sends a Top 5 list to your e-mail box for a low yearly subscription. And there are the "Little Fivers" - that are a weekly list on a variety of subjects (like movies), which I think are free. This year, they've done a little visual list for Halloween...



For more info: Top Five Comedy Lists! - and check out the movie Little Fivers for some of my contributions.

- Bill

"Get Off My Lawn!"

There are directors who take years to make a single film... and then there's Clint Eastwood. He made *two* World War 2 movies back-to-back, FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS and LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA. Right now he has THE CHANGELING in cinemas... and a few weeks form now he has another film coming out...



Looks like GRUMPY OLD DEATH WISH - and looks like a movie I'll see on opening day.

- Bill

IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: The Pitch Reveals how your pitch shows the flaws in your story.
Yesterday’s Dinner: El Pollo Loco... when I could have had a free taco at Taco Bell!

Pages: Monday - 4 pages on the Top Secret Project script, which is also not FREE WILLY. But that's a good guess. We've gone to script! I'm still writing today (Tue) so I don't have a final page count.

Bicycle: I have been cycling regularly - though not today because I did laundry (ah, the romantic life of a Hollywood writer!) and stayed close to home.

The Big Break

Thursday night was Final Draft’s Big Break Party, where the winners of the annual screenwriting contest are announced. For the past couple of years it was at this nightclub on Hollywood Blvd, I forget the name, that had multiple rooms and always had a Halloween party going on the same night in some other room, with hot women in skimpy costumes stepping out into the common area. There were probably hot men, too - but I didn’t notice. They also had a red carpet and interviews - just like the Oscars. This year was at the Knitting Factory, another Hollywood Blvd night club - but no red carpet and no Halloween party in the next room.

I’d had some meetings on the top secret studio project earlier in the day. Kind of some good news bad news (though it was really all good news) - things are progressing well on the business side, but some new ideas and some new characters means yet another version of the treatment. I’ve lost count at this point - but there have been a lot. I actually got a little pissy in the meeting, because one of the major changes is a change back to something that was in a previous draft (a few drafts back) and when the decision was made back then to make that change, I asked if they were sure that’s what they wanted... it was a little strange. I guess I should have just smiled at Thursday’s meeting and thought “I told you so”, but this was a difficult change to make in the first place, and changing it back means making a bunch of big changes to the current version. It’s like a house of cards. Hey, my job is to give them the script they want, so I’m going to stop whining and start working. I rode mt bike to that meeting, and was feeling pretty good... but when it was time to go to the party, I was losing steam.

The thing about parties like this is - should I eat first? If I eat first, there’s always a ton of hors d’oeuvres. If I don’t eat because the invite mentions food, there are two trays of crackers and cheese that are empty by the time the server gets to me. I hadn’t eaten dinner, and didn’t want to be one of those two beer drunks - especially when the drinks are free. So I figured I’d better eat something, and wolfed down some Carl’s jr burgers and fries on my way to the party. So, you know what that means...

All kinds of food. Tons of food. Mini burgers. California roll. Chicken skewers. Veggies. Cake. Cookies. When I arrived, there was an endless flow of food - but I had just eaten. Pisser. And the food looked better than my quick drive through meal.

If you didn’t know, Final Draft software *bought* Script Magazine a couple of years ago, so they are technically my employer (one of them - pizza and beer money). So I said hello to the boss and he complimented me on my Deliverance article a few issues back. I also said hello to my other boss, Shelly the editor. When Final Draft first bought Script, they were really “hands on” and wanted to target the magazine to WGA members... which was a mistake. There are fewer WGA members than general screenwriters (people trying to break in, etc) and the WGA has its own magazine. So we had a rocky couple of issues after the “merger”, then Final Draft realized if it wasn’t broke, don’t try to fix it, and let Shelly go back to targeting general screenwriters. The magazine has done well, and if you live in Los Angeles or New York, you may have noticed it in your local Blockbuster Video Store - they ordered it from the distrib for their store’s magazine rack. Right next to Entertainment Weekly and Premiere. Kinda cool.

One of the cool things about a party for screenwriters is that I’m likely to know someone. I am shy around strangers, making me a bit of a wall-flower at most parties, but here I know all kinds of people. I bump into Joe and Charles from the Scriptwriter’s Network, which I’ve been a member of since moving to Los Angeles about 19 years ago. I haven’t been to a meeting in months, so we had plenty to talk about. The organization is starting a new international program where the monthly meetings will be podcast, so that you can hear whatever big name screenwriter is our guest speaker. I also bumped into Will and Kel from Done Deal, who are now married (Congratulations!). I remember when Kel moved to Los Angeles, she ended up in an apartment on my street and I went to her house warming party. I also remember when Will (and his business partner Jennifer) started Done Deal, I think as a Tripod website. Now it’s huge! I was one of the first screenwriters they interviewed when they got their own domain, and we talked about doing a new interview when my big deal is officially announced. I also talked to cute little Debra who writes about TV for Script, and a bunch of other writers I know.

They hustled us into another room, with a stage, where they announced the winners of the Big Break Contest - and there is *always* one from the U.K. Always. I don’t know why that is. After the winners grabbed their trophies (and, I think, checks), then introduced the Lifetime Achievement Award Winner - Stephen J. Cannell. After some screen and projector hi-jinks they showed some clips from his TV shows, Rockford, Greatest American Hero, A-Team, and over 2 dozen others. I grew up watching all of these shows. In fact, Cannell is one of the reasons why I am a screenwriter.

You may have heard me tell this story - when I was young (high school or middle school, I don’t remember) I started to notice those credits on movies and realized that someone wrote them. That was their job - writing movies. I wanted that job! My Grandmother had a subscription to TV Guide Magazine (my parents did not - if you want to know what’s on TV, just change the channel) and in the back there was an advertisement for a place that sold scripts from your favorite TV shows. I don’t remember how much they were, but I worked my after school job and saved my money and sent away for scripts from my favorite TV shows - Rockford Files and Colombo and The Law - and watched the mail box every day like a kid waiting for his mail order cereal prize. When they came, I read them, studied them, and even measured them to find out what the margins were supposed to be on a screenplay. Then I started writing my own scripts. But here’s the thing - that Rockford Files script was written by Cannell. He became one of “My Writers” - the people who wrote movies or TV shows that I loved. Levinson & Link were on that list - they created Colombo and wrote some great TV stuff. Lawrence Kasdan was on the list - he wrote RAIDERS and EMPIRE and CONTINENTAL DIVIDE and BODY HEAT. Paul Schrader was on the list, and John Sayles and John Michael Hayes and Ernest Lehman and some others. When any of those guys had a new TV show or a new movie, I *had* to see it.

So it was cool to honor him, and he gave a great inspiring speech about driving a truck for his dad’s company and writing scripts in his spare time... and doing this for *years* until he got his big break and someone actually bought one. If you want to do it, keep doing it. Don’t give up doing what you love. Part of that is loving it in the first place.

After he got his trophy, they DJ jumped in and started playing music so loud none of us could hold a conversation anymore... and it’s a room full of writers, so no one was dancing. You know, for writers I think loud dance music probably isn’t the best choice. How about some nice jazz that can play in the background while we talk?

Several beers later, I was ready for some food... and there were no more servers with trays. There *was* a tray of cookies on a table, but all of the really good oatmeal cookies were gone. There were some sugar cookies... but what I really wanted were some of those mini hamburgers I turned down a hundred times earlier in the evening. I took a couple of cookies, wrapped them in a napkin, and put them in my pocket. In case of emergency. Then I talked to Shelly for a few minutes... and by some miracle, *one* tray of mini hamburgers came out of the kitchen on the hand of a server and I grabbed two.

Which lead to me forgetting about the cookies in my pocket...
Which lead to my reaching into my pants pocket for my keys when I got home and coming out with a handful of cookie crumbs. My pocket was *filled* with broken cookies.

My big break for the night - sugar cookies.

- Bill

Final Draft Big Break Party

Tonight (Thursday) I will be at the Final Draft Big Break Party, drinking free Final Draft beer. If you are also there, say hello.

If you aren't at the party, here's some free 7-UP...



- Bill

PS: Friday, Movies 4 Men 2 (UK) 19:10, Steel Sharks - When a United States submarine is seized by terrorists, a rescue attempt by Elite Navy Seals goes awry. The submarine crew wages a silent war beneath the waves in this tense undersea thriller.

You have been warned.

Those Danged Arty French Films!

I had a meeting yesterday at Lionsgate and they had a massive cardboard stand up for TRANSPORTER 3... which is a French film. That's right, those wine sipping dudes in berets who smoke unfiltered cigarettes and eat snails with little forks make kick ass action films.

And here's a trailer for the next French film I'm probably going to be first in line to see (caution - subtitles):



The trailer looks better than that Jodie Foster movie. This sure ain't NELL.

- Bill

Last Night, I Had A Weird Dream....

Last Night, I had a weird dream... no, I didn’t visit a WILD STRAWBERRY patch nor an outhouse I used as a child... and I don’t think you need a dream analysis too to figure this one out. Last night, I dreamed I was in a Hollywood movie... sort of.

I was working on a script, and wrote a scene where I did my usual Hitchcock cameo - you can see me in NIGHT HUNTER and CYBERZONE and a bunch of my other movies - though sometimes you have to use the pause button. I wrote in this scene where I was walking a dog in the background of a shot - my childhood dog Waggles who is long gone. And when we come to shoot that scene the Director loves Waggles but comes up with this great idea on the set... instead of walking the dog, Waggles is off the leash and being chased by his owner - this really hot chick in a miniskirt. And then, throughout the movie, the hot chick chases Waggles! And by the end, there are scenes with the hot chick and Waggles and the lead characters. The hero gravs the running Waggles and gives him back to the hot chick in the miniskirt and they fall in love... while petting Waggles.

And I no longer have a cameo in the film.

So I write this on the set while everyone is waiting... and wanting me to hurry up...

They film it.

Everyone loves Waggles... and Waggles even gets scenes without the hot chick...

Waggles is on the poster! My name is in fine print at the bottom.

Waggles gets invite do the premiere in Westwood, and I do not.

Now, I can kind of understand why they’d want him on the red carpet. My long dead childhood dog was the cutest dig that ever lived - we named him Waggles because it wasn’t just his tail that wagged when he was excited - it was his whole body. It would start at the tail, then travel forward until he was completely wagging - even his head. Waggles was a small dog - a terrier mix - but he could jump the six foot fence in our back yard. At least once a month he’s jump the fence - a miracle or sheer determination - and find some girlfriend dog in the neighborhood, then come back to the front door of the house and scratch at it until someone let him in.

But about once a year, Waggles would jump the fence and be gone for days. We’d all be worried that he may have been hit by a car or something while on his adventure... but then he’d show up at the front door, tired and ready to get back to work with his job of being petted and fed and played with by my brother and sister and myself. Somewhere out there were probably some little Waggles and some pissed off female dog owners. Every time there were local kids with a box of free puppies in front of the grocery store, I’d check them out to see if they looked like Waggles... sometimes they did.

On time Waggles jumped the fence and didn’t come back... and weeks past. The first couple of days, we’d check the front porch to see if he was out there too tired to scratch oin the door... but he wasn’t there. After a couple of weeks, we began to suspect the worst - he’d been hit by a car and was dead on the side of some road. And, as the eldest kid, whenever I rode my bike on some road I’d look in the ditches for Waggles - so that I could take him home and we could give him a funeral... but I never found him. Other dogs, cats, and other animals - yeah. But no cute waggly terrier mix.

Over a month later there was a scratching at the front door - Waggles, in a strange collar. A really expensive collar. For a while, Waggles had been someone else’s pet... but he came back to us. My guess is that they fed him canned dog food - we fed him cheap dry dog food - and probably petted him and played with him more than we did, because we kind of took him for granted at that point. But after a month and a half of being pampered, he was homesick. We were his family. So he decided to end his long adventure and hop some other fence and come back to the people he loved. And for a while we petted and played with him constantly. We were happy to have him back. And his return became a family holiday - every year we would celebrate Waggles Return From His Long Goneness. On the big board of Scripts To Write, one is about Waggles adventures when he jumped the fence and lived with rich people... was he heir to some millionaire’s fortune?

In my dream, Waggles becomes a movie star and signs a three picture deal with Disney. And I am sitting at home watching Entertainment Tonight interview him. And Salma Hayak play with him and pet him on the big screen. And TMZ shows Waggles and Paris Hilton coming of out a trendy nightclub. And I watch the big dog star rise to the top and steal roles away from Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt like everyone else... on television. This is the life of a screenwriter....

It was a weird dream, because I was both proud and jealous of Waggles... I didn’t even get my cameo in the movie I wrote. Pisser.

In real life, I had long moved out of my parent’s house and Waggles was an old man when he hopped the fence one last time. I don’t know what kind of adventure he had, but it was his last. He never came back. I suspect he just didn’t want to die in the back yard, and found some porch to crawl under or dark quiet place to spend his final hours. But Waggles lives on in my memory... and in my imagination he’s always sipping Perrier in his dog bowl and having a private chef whip him up meals in some mansion up the hill... and I guess he lives on in my dreams as a movie star.

- Bill

What's your favorite Web site? E-mail AP Entertainment Writer Jake Coyle at jcoyle(at)ap.org

2 Busy 2 Blog

You may be wondering where Friday’s Hitchcock entry on TO CATCH A THIEF went, ot where this coming Friday’s entry on REAR WINDOW vanished to... or maybe even next Friday’s Hitchcock entry... though I’m hoping to get my life back to normal by then. Over the past week I’ve written what would translate (by word count) into 100 novel pages. If I did that every week, I’d have a 400 page novel every month. Now I know what it feels like to be Stephen King.

But I haven’t been working on a novel, I’ve been working on the Top Secret Studio Remake Project. We have a stack of meetings lined up, and need the *perfect* treatment, so that’s what I’ve been writing and rewriting and rewriting and doing something 180 degrees from the original one time and then 360 degrees from the original the next. This is a speed and accuracy deal - the thing has to be written *fast* and it also had to be written well, or we may not get the deal... or the best deal (the original film was a hit, opened at #1, so I don’t see it not being remade). But, since there’s not cast signed or director signed... well, it’s the original property and my work.

And I can be replaced in a heartbeat. Somewhere, David Koepp is waiting for a phone call. Actually, he’s fit this material really well.... I’d better do a great job.

So I’ve been under a little pressure lately. You know, the kind where you think your head might explode? And I’ve been typing like crazy - and had a day when the laptop went wacky and I almost bought a new one but instead found a solution to the problem the next day - and there were days when I couldn’t figure out how part of the film could work, and had to wrestle with the story until I figured it out. The thing about a treatment is that it’s pretty much a condensed version of the script - you have to figure it all out in order to write it. All of the problems in the script have to be solved. And when they decide to take a different approach to the story - you have to figure out the entire script all over again. Fewer pages, but close to the same amount of brain work as writing the entire script.

So, while I’ve been doing this stuff, I’ve been neglecting the blog, and haven’t written any new script tips for the website and haven’t done a damned thing on Second Son (spec) or anything else. There was a day when I forgot to eat. When all of this settles down and I’m working on the script (or David Koepp is) the Hitchcock Fridays will resume - probably even before that, since once we get that perfect treatment it’s just a bunch of meetings where I have to pitch a story that will make a studio exec spend tens of millions of dollars. No pressure there.

Now, I may sneak in a blog entry like this one if my brain isn’t fried at the end of the day. Probably won’t be long, though. Oddly, I want to go back to work on Second Son - my brain keeps coming up with scenes on that one while I’m writing this one. The scenes are always greener on the other side of the fence...

- Bill

Song Meme

It's going around, saw it on wcdixon's blog...

"Find a song that sums up what you think it means to be a writer and post the lyrics on your blog and why you've chosen it. NB: It doesn't have to be your favourite song, it just has to express how you feel about writing and/or being a writer. It can be literal, metaphorical, about a particular form or aspect of writing - whatever you want. Then tag 5 others to do the same."

So here's my choice...

NOTE: Due to some weird volume thing, you'll have to crank it to hear it - not like she was singing softly.



And I think the lyrics sum it up - there's kind of this love/hate thing with writing, you have to give a piece of your heart... but it makes me feel good. Sometimes it's too painful and you want to give up, but then the writing holds you in its arms...

But basically - this is just an excuse for me to hear one of my favorite songs again... and in someone's weird edit of NIGHTMARE!

- Bill

Investing In Screenplays

Okay, so the economy is going to hell, but films are doing just fine. Relativity (funding) is investing in Universal, the UAE is investing *$1 billion* in movies, and Disney is announcing all kinds of biog new movies - PIRATES 4, THE LONE RANGER (with Johnny Depp as Tonto) and NATIONAL TREASURE 3...



And what all three of these projects have in common is Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio - who have written or contributed to previous films in the series. Which makes them stars. Disney is investing in things they wrote.

That may have never clicked in your mind before, but a studio or producer doesn't buy our script - they *invest* in our scripts. They hope this investment will pay off in a hit (money making) movie. So part of our job is to create a sound investment.

Is your script a good investment?

- Bill

Kaiser Soze

If you are going to write a speech, make sure it is riviting. You are up against the sililoqy from HAMLET and "Once more into the breech" and the story of the Gold Watch from PULP FICTION and other amazing speeches. Any time you go more than 4 lines of dialogue (not four sentences, four *lines*) you have a speech. The cool thing about this speech is that it is not only our introduction to Kaiser Soze... it has a second level of information once we know the twist end.

- Bill

That 5 Cent Residual Check Is On Its Way!

Tuesday (today) 19:25 (7:25 PM) - Movies 4 Men 2 (UK)
BLACK THUNDER.

When the world's most powerful stealth jet fighter falls into enemy hands, only one man can get it back. Starring Michael Dudikoff, Richard Norton.

And... I'm famous in Brazil (and so is BLACK THUNDER)...
http://vaeveja.blogspot.com/

- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TOMORROW'S SCRIPT TIP: Villains, Plans & Motivations and LAKEVIEW TERRACE.
Yesterday’s Dinner: Chicken Caesar salad at Fuddruckers.

Entertainment Weekly Hates Me

How out of touch with the real world is Entertainment Weekly Magazine?

Last month Paramount announced they were forming a new division to make D-2-DVD movies. That means almost every major studio is now focusing on the very profitable direct to DVD market. Universal released a DVD original SCORPION KING sequel to coincide with the MUMMY 3 hitting cinemas (and the DVD did better than the theatrical!)... and they keep cranking out AMERICAN PIE sequels every couple of months. Warner Bros has a D2DVD horror label, but since horror is beginning to soften, maybe they’ll come up with another label for action and comedy and thriller DVD premieres. The big daddy of D2DVD is Sony, which seems to be actively working on sequels to everything in the Columbia, Tri-Star and MGM libraries for the D2DVD pipeline. Fox *claims* they have a direct to DVD division, but where are the films? They seem to make a film a year - at best - and ignore outside producers. This is big business folks! Get with the program!

As your local Blockbuster is flooded with these new studio made direct to DVD titles, and Netflix buys truckloads of titles to ship to consumers who need to know how that Scorpion King guy got his start; Entertainment Weekly Magazine has gone through a redesign... dropping the DVD section completely. Now, a handful of DVD reviews are included in both the Movies section and the TV section. So when DARK KNIGHT hits DVD, it will be in a sidebar in the movie section. When the new season of THE OFFICE hits DVD, it will be noted in the TV section of the magazine. But when all of these new studio made direct to DVD movies come out? There is no place in the magazine for them anymore.

I have no idea why they made this decision. They must read the trades, too - and know that all of the studios are ramping up production of direct to DVD movies... Have they just decided not to review them? Not even to acknowledge them?

You may think this might be a quality issue - but some of these studio projects have budgets equal to or sometimes even larger than a low budget theatrical film. One of the reasons why the studios are making sequels to their library titles as D2DVDs is that the cost of *advertizing* a theatrical movie is $35.9 million (average). You read that right. Sometimes the cost of getting the butts in cinema seats is more than the cost of making the film! So skipping the cinemas is a way to make money. DVDs make something like 3-4 times cinema box office on DVD, and a big chunk of the DVD market are things that have never been shown on a cinema screen. By making D2DVD sequels to popular films, the studios believe the original film works as the advertizing for the sequel.

So you’re walking through Blockbuster looking for a rental, or you’re in Best Buy looking for a DVD to buy, and you want to know - is the new AMERICAN PIE movie any good? How about that GET SMART spin off that was a DVD original? How about SCORPION KING 2? The new LOST BOYS movie? ART OF WAR 2 - is it better than the first one? There is no way to find the answers in Entertainment Weekly. There is no section for these films... And SCORPION KING 2 was the #1 rental in the United States! LOST BOYS 2 and ART OF WAR 2 were in the top ten!

So there is an audience for these films... and that audience can’t read reviews or get *any* information in Entertainment Weekly Magazine. They don't even have a Top Rental Chart or Top DVD Sales Chart - it is as if DVDs did not exist! Why did they get rid of DVDs at the very time *studios* are making more original movies?

Write ‘em and ask: Where are the DVD original movie reviews in the magazine?
Entertainment Weekly's e-mail

- Bill

New Issue Of Script Magazine

You may or may not know that I'm the "West Coast Editor" of Script Magazine. The new issue of Script is on newsstands, book stores, and maybe even your mailbox (if you subscribe). Here's the table of contents....

Heroes and Miracles: Miracle at St. Anna
By Ray Morton
Whether you believe in miracles or not, some Divine intervention brought James McBride’s celebrated novel to the attention of celebrated filmmaker Spike Lee. Above writing a powerful screenplay, or creating a beautiful piece of cinema, both men hoped to honor the Buffalo Soldiers of the 92nd Infantry with their Miracle at St. Anna. To accomplish this feat, McBride and Lee delved into World War II history, Italian culture, and the firsthand accounts of black American veterans.

Script to Screen: City of Ember
by David S. Cohen
Caroline Thompson endured a long, difficult slog through development with the first post-apocalyptic children’s movie: City of Ember. As the screenwriter behind some of the most beloved characters in film -- from Edward Scissorhands to Black Beauty -- Thompson talks about her experience on Ember, her writing routine, and her new new-media venture.

Last Page First: Russell Gewirtz on Righteous Kill
by Aaron Ginsburg
With one action hit under his belt -- 2006’s bank-heist with a twist, Inside Man -- Russell Gewirtz had already achieved the pinnacle of screenwriterdom. That is until his second script, Righteous Kill, attracted two screen legends in what some are deeming an “historic” film event.

Un-Scripted With Shawn Ryan by Aaron Ginsburg
You wouldn’t know it now, but in 2002, gritty basic-cable dramas were not considered the norm. Enter Shawn Ryan and his seminal hit The Shield. After seven seasons of pushing the envelope, Vic Mackey and the Strike Team -- and series creator Ryan -- are ready for their final bow.

Networking
by Sandra Lord
In the second installment of her networking tips, Hollywood Networking Breakfast® creator Sandra Lord discusses the etiquette and practices of effective career networking.

ProdCo Spotlight: The Jim Henson Company
by Joshua Stecker
Decades ago, Jim Henson redefined educational programming. Is it any wonder, 40 years after Sesame Street’s debut, The Jim Henson Company has a new definition for the new-media generation?

Writers on Writing: Traitor
by Jeffrey Nachmanoff
Upon receiving the pitch for Traitor, Jeffrey Nachmanoff had some specific concerns about writing in the terrorism genre. Here, Nachmanoff explains how he wrote through those concerns.

Writers on Writing: Lakeview Terrace
by David Loughery
For the forthcoming Lakeview Terrace, David Loughery decided that he would not skirt the tough topics of race relations, suburban hypocrisy, and man’s territorial imperative.

Small Screen: The Starter Wife
by Debra L. Eckerling
Last summer, The Starter Wife mini-series became a must-see event. This fall, with scribes Sara Parriott and Josanna McGibbon on board, USA hopes The Starter Wife series inspires the same must-see fever.

Real Men Write
by Liz Alani
Based on the glut of Iraq-conflict films last fall, it seems like every filmmaker has an angle on the fallout of war. But, what about filmmakers who have been to war? It’s their turn to say something.

New Media: Not So Lonely Anymore
by Robert Gustafson & Alec McNayr
When LonelyGirl15 was revealed for what she was -- an actress playing a role -- she could have gotten the cold shoulder. Instead, creators Miles Beckett and Greg Goodfried got a development deal.

Independents: Film Market Mistakes
by William Martell
Every independent film that finds distribution will end up at the American Film Market in Santa Monica -- from Oscar® nominees to low-budget horror movies. How to make sure your film gets there.

Screenwriting Legend: Anthony Minghella
by Ray Morton
When an accomplished artist dies in the middle of an exemplary career, it is cause for sadness. But the work he left behind is cause for celebration. A look at the brief, yet prolific, career of Anthony Minghella.

For more info:
http://www.ScriptMag.com

PS: The pisser with this issue. They told me it was going to be a Do It Yourself theme, and all of the articles were going to be about making your own movie. Well, I've written all kinds of stuff about writing scripts for cable and Indie - and making the film yourself out of pocket. People think they can just write any script and then make it themselves... then they realize they have to schedule and budget the script. It's easy to type a new slugline, much more difficult to find a new location, secure a location (rent it or talk someone into giving it to you), and then a complete pain in the butt to pack up all of the equipment and move to a new loaction, just because you typed a new slug line. And it's easy to type up new characters, and end up with 30 or 40 characters... much harder to find 30 to 40 friends who can act, or actors who will work for free, or actors who will work cheap. Most people just never consider that what they write has to be filmed. I have an audio class on Indie Writing that goes over all of this... So for this issue I thought I'd write something about distribution - what you need to have. So many people make their film and have no money left over for all of the elements they will need to *sell* the film. Or they forget to take still pictures - or don't take enough. There's a huge list of things a distrib needs from you - and that's what my article was all about.

Except... I'm the only article in the issues about making your own movie! So the article looks weird. Hey, I just work here...

- Bill

The Meal Meeting Diet (part three - Breakfast)

I lost 20 pounds on the Meal Meeting Diet - and you can too!

Okay, I have to pitch my take for a remake of a hit 1980s film to a legendary producer... and I haven’t seen the film since the 1980s when it came out. My *memory* of the film is sketchy. And I have another magazine article I have to crank out, plus the Arclight has been doing these screenings of new prints of sci-fi films, plus screenings of new prints of films from the 100 Great Film Series - often with director doing Q&A. Some friends and I have tickets to these, bought way in advance... and a couple of these screenings hit between MOW meal meeting and the remake meeting. I can handle it. I can handle it.

But I really have too much to do. And the first real problem is finding a copy of this film on DVD. I went to a couple of places to buy a copy, and they didn’t have it. Both places had a DVD with all of the sequels, but not the first film. Pisser. I know that I *can* find it somewhere, because it’s on Amazon. I should have just ordered it from Amazon, but I kept thinking I needed it *now* and couldn’t wait for delivery. But it would have been delivered by now, had I ordered it. The cold is what killed me - I just wasn’t thinking straight. Now that the cold is over, I'm thinking fine... and thinking that I should have ordered the danged DVD from Amazon. Anyway, I realize I can drive all over town... or just go down the street to Odyssey Video and rent it.

Odyssey is one of those places that has everything. They have two or three stores in Los Angeles, and that’s it. One store is right down the street from me, and I’ve rented there forever. On Tuesdays & Thursdays - every movie, including new releases, 99 cents. Can’t beat it when you want to see that film that got 5% on the Tomato Meeter to see it it really is that bad... or the latest Nic Cage “quirky hair” film. The great thing about Odyssey is that they keep new releases on the new wall until they stop renting well... and it becomes kind of a gauge as to how well your film is doing. For some reason, NIGHT HUNTER was on the New Release Wall for over a year - it was *always* rented out. I have no idea why. Many of my other films stayed on the wall *long* after studio new releases went into general population with the rest of the riff-raff. Anyway, I search their DVD section for this film and they don’t seem to have it - maybe it’s rented out. I go up to the counter, where they look it up and are shocked that they don’t have it on DVD at all... but they still have it on VHS. Hey, I actually still have a VHS player. I grab it - 99 cents a day every day - and watch it and take notes and watch it again... and keep it for 5 days.

I work out three different ways the story could go, e-mail the producer, and he picks one. Then I start to come up with how that story would work in 2010 (that’s when this film will hit your local cinemas). One of the major elements in this story has to do with the events of the time - and that has to be replaced with something new. And one thing that always bugged me about the movie is that it has an artificially happy ending. There is a huge tragic event in the story, and due to some fancy foot work on the part of the original writer, the tragic event is *erased* by the end and everyone lives happily ever after. One of those happy endings that makes no sense if you think about it... but everyone is grabbing their coats and leaving the cinema, and not thinking. So I come up with a cool solution to this that *keeps* the tragedy, and uses it for a big emotional scene at the end. Instead of a happy ending, we get a big cry ending. I think that works even better. I pitch my ending to a friend who has seen the original movie, and he thinks it works... and will be one of those “E.T.” “I’ll be right here” scenes (which is what I was going for).

Then I get the phone call... the meeting was supposed to be in the afternoon, but will now be a *breakfast meeting* at 9am. I don’t do mornings. I don’t do breakfast. I do not function at a high enough level at 9am to convince a legendary (and intelligent) producer that the end of one if his hit films doesn’t work, and I have a better ending. And this 9am meeting is right around the corner!

I transfer all of my notes to index cards, my cheat sheet for the meeting. But as I’m doing this, I’m coming up with new ideas and rearranging the cards and still fine tuning...

And I’m doing this up until about 2am before that 9am meeting. I *want* to go to bed early, but I just can’t sleep. I’m excited and nervous and worried. I keep going over the cards. I keep worrying that he will absolutely hate my ending.

Alarm goes off a few hours later, I shower shave dress, and head down to the restaurant for breakfast. I’m there a half hour early (as usual) and flip through the cards again - actually pulling out blanks and writing a new scene. I need coffee... and I almost cross the street to a Coffee Bean, but think that’s stupid - I’m about to go to a breakfast meeting. There will be coffee.

Legendary producer arrives, with two other members of his team. Everyone orders a big breakfast, as do I. Everyone orders coffee, as do I. There’s a little chit chat, then I pull out my cards and begin the show... but I’ve had a couple of sips of coffee and the caffeine hasn’t kicked in - I’m mostly reading off cards. This is good, because if I didn’t have the cards, I’d probably just be drooling or something. I get to the first indication that I’ve changed the impossible happy ending... and I see the Legendary Producer’s expression change. He hates it. Now, *I* think that when we get to the end, it will all come together, there will be that “I’ll be right here” ET moment, he’ll cry... and everything will end happily ever after (even if the movie doesn’t). Except... The producer has another meeting on his film in post (they’re about to lock it, and need to do any last minute changes), and has to split before I get to the ending. His two team members stay, and both seem to like my ending. Actually one really likes it, one doesn’t hate it. But the meeting is over, and I’ve taken *one bite* of my big breakfast... everyone else has cleaned their plates. The Legendary Producer actually cleaned his plate before zipping away to his meeting on the new film. Everyone else has probably drank three times the coffee as I have... because they were drinking coffee and eating while I was talking. So, when we leave, I look down at my big breakfast... and think for a moment about doggie bags and starving people in Africa and all kinds of other things... but don’t want to be the guy carrying the doggie bag out to my car, so let the busboy take it away.

Three meal meetings, and I probably had three to six bites of food total. When you’re the guy doing all of the talking, it’s difficult to eat at the same time. Maybe there’s some trick to it that I don’t know. Anyone know how to actually *eat* at a meal meeting?

So, now we have another meeting on the remake project before we go out to the studios.... and I’m not planning on eating anything at the meeting. If I keep having meetings, who knows how much I can lose.

- Bill

PS: Obviously VERTIGO has been bumped back to *next week*, but I figured a "real blog entry" would be better than "content generation".

PPS: As soon as this becomes more than a bunch of meetings and turns into an actual deal, I'll have some more entries - including whether my major end change stayed and what happens when we try to set this up at a studio (that begins on Monday). But I'm going to wait until it's over before telling you about it.

IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Sullivan's Travels and 9/11.
Yesterday’s Dinner: Chicken tacos at Del Taco.

The Meal Meeting Diet (part two - BBQ Chicken)

I lost 20 pounds on the Meal Meeting Diet - and you can too!

I have a meeting with a *very* prolific MOW production company at the end of the week, I have to come up with a “take” on the remake of a hit 1980s film, and I have a killer cold.

I get absolutely nothing done while I have the cold, except blow my nose and goof off online. I actually write a new script tip - but nothing on the remake project. I get a call from the MOW producer - Friday at 1pm. This is great, because the cold is still a bit sniffly on Thursday, but will be gone by Friday.

And 1pm is a good time for a meeting in Simi Valley. That’s out in the boondocks on the very far edge of the 30 mile zone. Way out there. And it’s bedroom community for Los Angeles - so you *don’t* want to be heading there during rush hour. At 1pm, I can get there, have my meeting, and get home *before* rush hour. And even if the meeting lasts a bit longer than expected, I’ll be heading in the opposite direction as rush hour traffic. But Simi Valley? That’s a long way to go for a meeting.

Now, I’m a prompt person in a business where everyone is running late. So I’m in Simi Valley a half hour early... when I get the cell phone call pushing back the meeting two hours. So I figure I’ll just go to some Starbucks, open up the laptop, and work on the remake project. Except I can’t find a Starbucks. In fact, I can’t find anything. There is nothing to be found. One way, the road goes into the mountains. Another road leads into miles of tract homes. And then there’s the road that leads back to the freeway... where a strip mall and a gas station can be seen by big rigs zipping by. No Starbucks in the strip mall - but there’s a liquor store and a Round Table Pizza. Hey, I can work in the pizza place!

Except it’s mostly a delivery / take out place - *two* tables, *four* chairs total - no electrical sockets, so my 2 hour laptop battery is it. Not a problem, the meeting is in 2 hours. But it’s a meal meeting, so I wasn’t going to order a pizza... and they only have 2 liters of Pepsi and 20 oz bottles. I bought a 20 oz bottle, gave the guy behind the counter a $20 (all I had in my wallet was $20s, fresh from the ATM). He opens the register - no change. He counts out singles... and quarters... and there isn’t enough. He’s panicking. I ask if there’s a minimum for credit cards - yes there is. What about debit cards? No... hey, if I paid the $1.80 with a debit card, the change thing wouldn’t be a problem. I give him my debit card, he punches in numbers and runs it, hands it back to me... and he has charged me $18.00. Um, mistake. The guy says he can credit my card... but I’ll have to wait until the manager comes in. How long will that be? A couple of hours. Maybe sooner.

So I drink my $18 Pepsi and open the laptop and do a little work, but my brain just isn’t into it - I’m thinking more about the upcoming meeting, and wondering if the manager will return to credit my account before I have to leave for my meeting. As my battery is starting to flicker... my cell phone rings with the answer. The meeting has been pushed back until 5pm, now. This is all because they are trying to target one of their film’s meal breaks, and they were at a meeting in Westwood that ran late, creating a domino effect. So, now I’m stuck in this 2 table Simi Valley pizza place - without power - for a couple more hours. The manager comes, they credit my card and *give me* the Pepsi. I jot notes on the remake project... and at 4:30, I leave. So what if I’m early.

They have gates and guards and I have a drive on pass - just like any other studio. The place is huge - not as big as a real studio, but not like one of those converted warehouse places out in the north Valley. Kind of like CBS Radford or Raleigh. Gate guard tells me where to go. I get to the correct production office, and the person who recommended me for al of this is there. Introductions, conversation, apology.... It’s looking more like 6pm, now. This is the second to the last day on this shoot, and they have to get scenes on film before they can break for a meal. Okay. But they’ll give me a quick tour of the facility to kill time - which ends up being cool because they have all kinds of sets, including what looks like the CRASH DIVE submarine set (though I forgot to ask). They have 747 interiors, they have just about anything you can imagine - anything you would need for an MOW.

By the time 6pm rolls around, I was wishing I’d had a pizza. They break shooting for dinner, I’m taken by the office person who is, I guess, my contact at this company, to the area where the catering truck is parked and the tables are set up, and we grab a place in line to get food. Hey, is that Faith Ford? She’s the star of this MOW. And other actors I recognize. There are three choices of entree, I think BBQ chicken sounds good, I get a breast dripping with BBQ sauce and some yummy sides and am taken to the “adult table” to meet the two people in charge of production. One is good cop, one is bad cop. Or maybe that’s just their personalities. Or maybe that’s what makes for a good producing partnership. Whatever.

My contact person introduces me, “This is Bill Martell, the writer I told you about...” and then the introduction goes off track. I’m sure this person was trying to reassure them that I can write for an MOW budget, and that I’m less expensive than David Koepp, but if you can imagine the absolutely worst ways to say that - this was even worse than that! I would rather be introduced in a way that points up the best parts of my career, rather than things that might be the worst parts. No mention was made of those best parts. My personal problem is that I don’t brag well. I either say nothing, being modest... or when there is a glaring omission, I hit too hard. That easy middle that most people have - I have yet to master. I am a social misfit. I usually say nothing at all, or joke about my achievements. Anyway, there was no humor in the delivery of this introduction...

I scramble to set things right, but the conversation is already on to their company and what they do and what they’re looking for... and Bad Cop keeps hammering me on everything... and that delicious chicken breast drizzled with BBQ sauce sits untouched on te plate. I pick at the salad and vegetables. The chicken requires actual public mastication, and between not wanting to look like a hungry hack and not wanting to do a spit take with food in the event of further introduction details, it sits untouched on the plate. I *think* I get things back on track, and I *think* I correct my introduction, but the end result is... they need a script *now* that would appeal to families, and is something that my mother would enjoy watching on TV... and I don’t really think I have something like that. Oh, and it has to have a Christmas theme. I tell them about my Barrel Racer treatment, they want to look at it, and COMPLEX, which they want to read. And they say because they make 48 films a year, they are always looking for writers to work with and material - specifically scripts centered aroudn a holiday - that someone like my mom might enjoy watching on TV. So if I ever have anything like that, send it their way.

Meeting is over, cast and crew are going back to work on the film... and I’m leaving a plate full of food on the table. On the way out of Simi Valley, I head in a different direction... passing a big shopping mall with movie theaters and a Starbucks. If I’d know the geography of Simi Valley I could have hung out in that Starbucks (with power for my laptop) and worked until the meeting. Instead, basically a day shot and it takes a full week for that $18 credit to pop up. Now all I have to do is develop this remake pitch... based on a movie I haven't seen in 20 years and barely have a memory of.

And find some dinner.

- Bill

The Meal Meeting Diet (part one - Chinese Food)

I lost 20 pounds on the Meal Meeting Diet - and you can too!

I have been busy as heck for the past three weeks... and have had some very important meetings over meals. It all began late last year, just before the strike, when I had a meeting with a well known producer... over lunch. This producer is a legend - he made a bunch of hit films in the 1970s and 1980s. Every film he made in those decades was a hit. You’ve seen them... or the sequels. Though he’s still making films, nothing compares to those two decades.

So I was kind of nervous at lunch, and didn’t want to just be shoveling food into my mouth, so I picked at my food and listened. Since I have no agent and no manager and no really good connections, producers usually find me from reading something of mine passed to them by someone they *do* know. Someone I know reads one of my scripts, and it gets passed around town, until it ends up with some producer I don’t know. So now I’m eating Chinese food with this legendary producer - except I’m not really eating much Chinese food... which is a shame, because it’s *expensive* Chinese food and really good. But I don’t want to look hungry (by any definition) so I have *one* honey walnut prawn while we talk about this project of his.

You may have noticed that they are remaking a lot of movies... including films from the 1970s and 1980s. This producer managed to hold onto remake rights and sequel rights to all of his films, and now he’s setting a few of his hits up as remakes at various studios - mostly the studio where these films were originally made. But what he’s talking to me about is a different kind of remake - a foreign language film that was never released in the USA, but has one hell of a story... although it completely falls apart at the end. He would like me to watch the film, figure out how to Americanize it and fix the end. He’s read my stuff and thinks I’m the perfect match for the material. This is kind of daunting, because his film in production was written by a writer I really like. Was that guy busy?

Anyway, I pick at the Chinese food as we talk, and he gives me a no region DVD of the film so that I can watch it. When I’ve watched the film and come up with my “take” I’m supposed to call him and set up another meeting. Cool. The meeting is over and the busboy takes away a half dozen honey walnut prawns and the rest of the delicious food.

A couple of days later... the strike. The DVD, unwatched, goes on the pile in back. I decide to go home for the holidays early - basically spend Thanksgiving to New Years hanging out with old friends, and forget the DVD... even though I figured watching a movie that’s the kind of movie I normally watch would probably be okay. When I return from the holidays, the strike ends... but I have completely forgotten about that DVD. I never watch it. *Months* later, I’m looking for some movie, find that DVD... and realize I’ve screwed up. The strike has been over for months and I haven’t called the producer... in fact, I haven’t watched the DVD. (To this day, I have not watched it.)

So, when I get a call from the producer about a month ago, I kind of panic. I apologize for not getting back to him and... He tells me that’s not what it’s about. Can I meet him at his office? We set up an appointment - no meal involved. A morning meeting. I don’t do mornings well. I’m usually asleep while you are going to work. Sorry. Well, the days before the meeting I’m excited and nervous and wondering what this is going to be about... and I’m also working on the Hawaii script rewrite and knocking out an article for Script and seeing some movies and... well, not sleeping very well. By the day of the meeting I’m run down and wondering if I’m coming down with something. But I can’t miss the meeting! I ride my bike, hoping to get the blood flowing.

At the meeting he tells me that there is some interest in remaking one of his old 80s hits, and I’m just the guy to write the script. Cool! We discuss the project. He wants me to put together a “take” and pitch it to him in 2 weeks. Sounds great. I don’t have a copy of the film on DVD, but I know its available. I’ve seen it in stores. I leave the meeting...

And the next morning I have a killer cold. My nose will not stop running, and my *brain* is full of snot. While I’m dragging myself around, the phone rings. It’s a company that supplies movies of the week for the last cable net that focuses on movies instead of series... oh, hell - it’s the only cable net owned by a greeting card company. So, they make and show something like 48 made for TV movies a year. That’s a lot. They have six crews working at the same time - three in pre-production while three are in production. It’s a factory. They had a script fall out, and someone in their office had worked in some other office and had read some of my stuff in the past... and recommended me. I think they even had a copy of my ALTITUDE script, swiped from that past office job. Anyway, the head of production would like to meet with me at the end of the week - Thursday or Friday - at their studio in Simi Valley. Hey, they’ve got a couple of films going - why don’t I come out for the dinner break? We can have our meeting on the set at the movie star table. Cool. Hopefully I’ll be over this cold by then.

But my nose keeps running...
And I keep coughing up chunky style...
And My head feels like someone has stuffed dirty sweat socks where my brain is supposed to be...

- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Creating your own characters and PULP FICTION.
Yesterday’s Dinner: Tomato Beef at City Wok.

Movies: PINEAPPLE EXPRESS - The Judd Apatow Movie Factory needs to hire someone for Quality Control. Making movies is different than making TV shows. On a TV show there are a bunch of writers in the Writer’s Room and they might throw around ideas and jokes and come up with funny lines before the script is written, plus they might punch it up after it is written - adding more jokes and fine tuning the script, not to mention the show runner/producer who probably does a pass on the script, pulling it all together sometimes, and there are table reads where some things they thought were funny may not work and get cut, while other things that really work are expanded... and sometimes new material just happens. When it’s two guys writing a feature script in a room, there aren’t the checks and balances in place - which is why those two guys really have to deliver.

Third biggest problem with PINEAPPLE - just not enough of the funny stuff.

Second problem with PINEAPPLE - tone issues. I mean, this movie is all over the place. Is it a parody of action movies? Is it a comedy? Is it a farce? Is it a violent action film? From moment to moment the tone changes - and you keep losing your footing. Nothing is consistent. It’s almost as if they farmed out every page of the script to a radically different screenwriter - and they ended up with 110 pages: each telling the story in a completely different way. So we get a page from Cheech & Chong, a page from Peckinpah, a page from Woody Allen, a page from AIRPLANE, then a page from BAD BOYS. You never know what the film is from minute to minute.

Seth Rogen compared the film to MIDNIGHT RUN... friends, I’ve seen MIDNIGHT RUN, and PINEAPPLE EXPRESS is no MIDNIGHT RUN.

MIDNIGHT RUN has a completely consistent tone. So does 48 HOURS. So does BEVERLY HILLS COP. All of those are action films with real characters who are funny. They are reality based. There are no idiot hit men. When someone gets shot, they are really hurt.

I think it’s time for Rogen and Goldberg to get a room. You know, Gay Marriage is legal in California, they should make it legal. Buy rings, set a date, send out invitations. When "Bromance" becomes more like romance, it's just strange.

And stop writing while they are stoned. This script is sloppy and too long and seems like a bad rough draft... the homework assignment you did on the way to class. Rogen is supposed to be a process server, but they seemed to do zero research on that job. There’s a cool book by Elmore Leonard, UNKNOWN MAN #89, about a process server - and Leonard takes you into that world and shows you how process servers and skip tracers work. It’s a fascinating world... and we don’t see any of it in PINEAPPLE. It’s like they needed an excuse for Rogen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. They make a big thing put of all of the disguises he has in the back of his car... but then don’t use it! None of this stuff comes together - I guess they got the munchies and forgot.

On a message board someone recently asked if a comedy scene needed to have anything to do with the story or even the characters - couldn’t it just be funny? Well, you’d think the answer would be that comedy trumps everything. And I would have loved to have a whole bunch more really funny scenes in PINEAPPLE, and may not have cared much if they had anything to do with the story... except that would have been more of the same - because this film has all kinds of comedy stuff that has nothing to do with the story... and the problem is, much of it isn’t funny. And when the pointless pasted on comedy scene isn’t funny? Well, it’s *really* pointless. But if a story scene isn’t funny? It’s still a story scene. It’s got a purpose. What you want are comedy scenes that are part of the story - not pasted on. Because if they *don’t* work - they still work!

First biggest problem with PINEAPPLE - There are some funny scenes and funny gags in PINEAPPLES EXPRESS, just not enough for the running time... and the story doesn’t work... and the action scenes don’t work, because these guys don’t know how to write action. Probably an okay rental... but complete junk compared to TROPIC THUNDER - an action comedy that gets it right.

- Bill

End Of An Era

A couple of days ago when I went online, all of my movie posters had vanished from my Script Secrets website. Stolen? How can someone steal gifs & jpgs? (Though - there’s probably and interesting MATRIX-like movie in that.) Actually, a couple were still there - but it was difficult to see which ones because that page is set to bounce you to the tip of the day after a few seconds. Eventually I figured it out... The missing pictures were on the old Compuserve site - still linked from there. And, I guess, the Compuserve site is finally gone - those servers have now gone dark.

When I first put up my Script Secrets website in 1997 the internet was a different place. I had started out on Compuserve years earlier - when the internet was black and green and you had to type some basic code to do anything. Compuserve was *the* place for people in the film business, or people who loved film. A bunch of pro screenwriters and directors and actors were there, along with Roger Ebert. In fact, Ebert mentions those good old days in a recent post in his blog. After a couple of years of green and black, AOL offered a world in color, and I jumped ship to the Follywood Forum. After posting there for a while, they actually offered me a moderator position (no pay, but they’d pick up my monthly fees). I turned that down - too much responsibility - and discovered that the other guy they went to was Terry Rossio - and that was the beginning of the Wordplay website. Terry began writing articles for the AOL site, and answering questions, and eventually jumped ship to his own site (with his writing partner Ted Elliott) - which is the best place on the web for screenwriters. Go there!

But I jumped back to Compuserve, which was in living color by that time, and used the names of forum members in a script - BLACK THUNDER. Don, who will be reading this, is one of a handful of people I’m still in contact with online. His character in BLACK THUNDER was a fighter pilot... and then in the remake they did last year. When Compuserve offered free web pages (at a time when your webpage was probably on tripod or aol or some other service) I signed up. I put some articles up, and eventually an advert and sample chapters for my book. Someplace along the way, it turned into an actual website with all kinds of articles and the Script Tip Of The Day. And box or poster art for all of my movies.

When I ran out of space on Compuserve, I bought ScriptSecrets.Com and transferred everything over. I got this deal with a webhost - they would pay ICAN for the domain name I signed up for 2 years of hosting with them. Deal...

But they somehow “lost” my domain name to some consulting company - and that consulting company offered to sell it to me for $2k. As they told me, that was only $1 per daily hit - cheap! As I told them, go eff yourself. I bought .net and paid for 5 years, I think. No chance of losing it again. And within a year, I had all of my hits back. And that consulting firm continued to try and sell me .com for $2k. Eventually they stopped - I believe it is *still* a dead page (actually, and advert for the consulting company with links to the company’s pages). And I’ve been on .net with a Script Tip every day for several years, now... and every year I write new tips and rewrite old ones. And the Script Tips are still 100% free. The website *costs me money* to operate.

But most of the gifs and jpgs were still housed on the decade old Compuserve homepage... even though I haven’t had a Compuserve account for about 3-4 years. The site was just floating out there on the web - in limbo. Then something happened - and the site no longer exists... and my gifs and jpgs on ScriptSecrets.Net vanished overnight. Had to scramble to fix all of the links so that the images would appear again. But the strange thing is, they didn’t get all of it - http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/wcmartell still takes you to a 2001 version of the website’s main page - with a bunch of dead links. That’s all that’s left of the first version of Script Secrets. Now, like Mad Max, it exists only in memory...

PS: Friday's VERTIGO article... is coming this Friday.

- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Sci-Fi Research and THE ISLAND.
Yesterday’s Dinner: So, I was tired (did a class for Script Mag/Final Draft) and decided to just grab a sandwich. Pastrami. Was going to go to Togo's because it's close, but ended up at Subway. Where I got about a third of the meat I'd get at Togos... and the roll was smaller (maybe to make it look like there was more meat). Instead, small roll, less meat - made me think I was getting less food (which I was). Bigger roll, more veggie stuff would have made me think I was getting as much food (just not as much meat, which may be better for me). And, they always screw you at the drive thru!

Is It Because I Have A Penis?

The new season of TV is about to begin... and my penis may be getting in the way!

I have never been a regular TV viewer, but I have gotten hooked on some shows for a while. So there was a time when I was home every Thursday night to watch the NBC lineup - SEINFELD to ER, including whatever half hour show they were trying to make work in that leftover slot (NEWS RADIO, whatever). But the shows fade, or run their 10 years, and I move on. Every so often some new show looks great, I watch it for a while... and then it just screws up. I watched 4 seasons of 24, hoping that they would figure out how to make the show work - but the cougar attacks and madmen of the week kept on coming. There were always episodes that seemed like fillers, and things that were *really important* in episode 5 that were forgotten in every episode after that. So I quit watching. I came in late on LOST - and it seemed like a house of cards show that could never add up to anything... maybe I needed to start from the beginning on that one.

There are two shows on TNT that get a lot of critical attention and Emmy notice, CLOSER and SAVING GRACE, so I thought I’d try them out. TNT does new episodes during summer, which is a great idea - they probably make fewer new shows, but they air while everyone else is doing reruns or crap reality shows.

CLOSER is a typical cop show built around a female detective name Brenda (Kyra Sedgewick) who can get a confession out of anyone. She’s an interesting, human, character and her personal problems are B story or runner in every episode. But the main story is crime-clues-confession. Some good twists, you don’t know who the killer is until the end. And the supporting characters are interesting and fun. The show has some wiggle room, and uses it - last week’s episode was dead serious, about one of the guys on the homicide team’s brother being shot on the street, and how difficult it was for him to just go home and let his fellow detectives handle it. He wanted to *do something*. It was very emotional, and had one of those great 1st season LAW & ORDER reveals - the reason the brother was shot was because he was wearing a baseball cap that looked like it belonged to a rival gang... and it was the brother cop who gave it to him as a gift. A couple of episodes before this they did a comedy with Jennifer Coolidge (Stiffler’s mom) as a trophy wife who hires a hitman to kill her husband. The hitman was one of the detectives, GW Baily, undercover. They have the whole thing on videotape, all of the evidence in the back of the Baily’s car... and the car gets stolen! Now they have to get the evidence back before anyone knows it’s missing... and hijinks ensue. Same show, and same confession device - in this episode, GW Baily - who is Brenda’s mentor - has to prove himself by getting Jennifer’s confession... as Brenda, in another room, gets a confession from the killer. Both episodes worked as cop show and character shows - which is why all of the Emmy nominations.

So, I’ve seen every episode of CLOSER I’ve recorded, but only made it through one episode of SAVING GRACE... abandoning the others after the first commercial break. GRACE pretends to be a cop show, and stars Holly Hunter and Laura San Giacomo - two actresses I really like. I like them more than Kyra Sedgewick. But I don’t like the show, and I suspect it may be because I have a penis.

Where CLOSER is a typical cop show with a crime that is solved, GRACE is something else. The cop show part takes up about 15 minutes of the hour long show, and the rest is all about the characters. The crime is a subplot. The show is looser and more realistic and seems more natural... because most of the show is “plotless”. The main story seems to be about Grace, her Guardian Angel who sometimes only she can see and hear and other times gets involved in bar fights with people - I don’t understand the rules of this angel, and the other cops who work with Grace: one is dealing with the death of his brother, one is in deep cover and misses his wife and kids, one seems to have a sex addiction problem, and all of the others have problems and relationship issues and spend the episodes drinking and dealing with problems and arguing with each other... and maybe they solve a crime in their spare time. And it comes off as a soap opera to me.

Now, maybe I needed to get in from the beginning, like with LOST. Maybe if I knew these characters and their issues it would seem less soapy. But I came in late to NYPD BLUE and never had a problem with that show. NYPD was in syndication, playing late night on weekends in LA, and being an insomniac, it was the only thing on that wasn’t showing me how to use this portable appliance to completely cook a frozen turkey in less than ten minutes. So I began watching it in the middle of season 3... and had no problem understanding all of the relationships on the show. That was probably because there were usually 2 crimes per episode, then a couple of minutes of TV safe nudity involving the off duty relationships. Andy (Dennis Franz) was an amazing flawed character, but most of his character came out during the search for the criminal portion of the show.

I have a theory that any halfway decent writer can write a *great* stand alone scene. In fact, any halfway decent writer can write two dozen *great* stand alone scenes. The problem is making all of those scenes connect to each other and add up to something. When a scene is on its own, it’s free to do whatever it wants - it can begin where it wants and end where it wants and what happens can be unusual and interesting and take characters right up to the edge of a cliff... But when a scene has to be part of something larger - a story - it has to start (more or less) where the last scene ended, and the characters must do and say things that are story related, and it needs to advance the story - so it has to service the story, and it can’t end at the edge of a cliff (metaphorically) because there’s a scene after it - so it must end in a way that leads us to the next scene. Once your scenes have to be part of something larger - the story - they have many more responsibilities... and are no longer free. They *serve* the story. And those scenes are much much much more difficult to write.

On GRACE, we get character without crime. Just scenes of one of the characters dealing with their alcohol problems, or sleeping with some other cop’s wife, or... Well, they are stand alone scenes that don’t service the plot, because the plots tend to be ultra-simple things that can be resolved in 15 minutes of TV time (probably 11 minutes). There is a crime, there is a suspect, they capture the suspect, the end. No complications, no false trails, no twists. Those things are on CLOSER - and that’s why the scenes on CLOSER can’t go off on some wild tangent that leads nowhere... and why CLOSER needs to show character as it relates to story, not in some separate scene. GRACE is all over the place with a dozen character subplots... and to me these dramatic scenes that are peripheral to the cop part seem like a big soap opera. Tune in next week to find out if Bobby gets caught sleeping with Darlene! Though NYPD BLUE had a continuing character story as well, it wasn’t the *focus* of the show. They had those 2 crimes to solve. On GRACE, so much of the show is continuing character that it turns into EDGE OF NIGHT - a soap opera about cops. Hey, it’s a high quality soap with great actors, but still a soap.

Which got me thinking about shows that have no genre to guide them and focus on the problems of their characters almost exclusively - we’re getting a new version of 90210... that was a high school soap opera. DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES is basically a soap. Isn’t it about time for a reboot of DALLAS, which was a “primetime soap”. When you take a dramatic TV show out of the cop shop or the hospital or the court room you end up with all of the big character scenes without the anchor of a genre - and it gets soapy. And I started thinking about *films* that skip the whole genre thing and end up straight dramas about people dealing with their problems - some of these films work, but others really do get soapy at times. The character’s personal problems get kicked up a dramatic notch in order to fill the screen, and we get soap.

But maybe the only reason why I care about that is because I have a penis.

Soap operas appeal to women viewers more than men. And I think shows like DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES and SAVING GRACE probably appeal to women more than men. And I think those drama films like LORENZO’S OIL appeal to women more than men. Men have that mechanical thing - we want to see all of the pieces come together... and become a 1968 Ford Mustang or something. We’re frustrated when the assembly process gets slowed down... or doesn’t seem to exist. Women seem to be all about the feelings, the scene, the emotions... and it may not matter if it ever adds up. Yes, these are generalizations. I’m just trying to figure out why a critically acclaimed show like SAVING GRACE makes my head explode like that guy in SCANNERS. Why I can’t make it through an episode. After 15 minutes of characters dealing with their drug issues and sex addiction issues and betrayed friendship issues and all of these little character issues, I turn it off... Yet, last week’s episode of CLOSER which was all about cop Raymond Cruz dealing with the death of his brother... while he was ordered to go home and not do the job he was trained to do: find the killer... was amazing, emotional TV. And, I think deeper than anything on that one episode of GRACE I made it through. Maybe it didn’t seem as “natural” because it was tied to plot, but that end where he reveals he bought the baseball cap and then completely breaks down was a *moment* - and worthy of an Emmy nom for Cruz.

So... do we need plot and story? Or is that just my penis - and we can have a bunch of character scenes that have nothing to do with each other? What do you think?

- Bill

CLASSES ON CD - ON SALE NOW!

Flash Mob Assignment: See IRON MAN Again!

You want to mess with The Man in Hollywood?

This coming weekend the only action flick we have is the DEATH RACE remake. I'll probably see it, but I suspect it's junk. The reason why I loved the original is because it's all about hitting pedestrians - something that causes you to lose points in a driving game... but in the film you *got points* for running over people. It's a sick film. The remake seems sanitized - prisoners against prisoners.

So, DEATH RACE isn't a must see for me. I was thinking about what film I really liked and would like to see again... and instead of seeing DARK KNIGHT one more time, I thought it might be cool to see IRON MAN. And it's still playing at some far off cinema in Los Angeles. Hey, why not?

So, here's the deal - if you like IRON MAN, and it's still playing somewhere near you, and you want to have fun with the big chart in Variety - see it again this weekend. And spread the word. I think it would be fun if suddenly IRON MAN jumped up the Variety list a few steps so late in its run. Over the weekend it was #22 on the list, playing on 315 screens in the USA.

If we can get enough people to see it again that it jumps back into the top 20, someone in Hollywood's gonna wonder what the heck happened... and become confused.

- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Take My Name Off It!
Yesterday’s Dinner: Fish Tacos at Islands.
Pages: Working on an article for Script... and the rewrite.
Bicycle: Rode yesterday and today... and that's the plan until I'm 30 pounds lighter. Just keep riding.
DVD: BUG - Missed it in the cinema, $3.99 on DVD. Trailer had bugs crawling under people's skin... none of that in the movie. Minute 41 was the first bug. Except, there are no bugs. Based on a stage play. and it shows... even down to the sloppy plotting and lack of an end. Has some creepy stuff, just not enough... and it's mostly talk (hey, it was a play). It's not a bad movie, just not a good one. Judd and Harry Connick are great (Connick is her abusive jailbird hubby - and he's freakin' evil! Total image change for him - and he's more scary than anything else in the film.) Problem is male lead - he's from the stage version. The role is a guy in his early 20s, but this guy is *obviously* late 30s. Maybe even early 40s. On stage, he can probably pass - on screen, he's just too old for the role. And he's one of those obviously intense actors, when this needed someone who could start as an innocent and build the intensity. Worst part of the film - no bugs. It's a talk-drama... and could have been better if *we saw* the delusions. Instead, the set becomes more extreme (like it would in a stage play) to reflect the mood... and it's overkill. Eventually they have covered every square inch of their apartment with aluminium foil and use black lights and wear white clothes. Completely artificial & stagey. The trailer had bugs under the skin... and they *talk* about that. But why not show it? The thing is, the story has nowhere to go - it also doesn't seem to have much point. Judd is so good as this character continues to deteriorate mentally, that you want to see her in more movies.

- Bill