Welcome To Fango 2008!

Every once in a while when I’m doing my Horror Class, someone asks me why I feel qualified to teach about horror screenwriting. Fair question. When you look at my credits, it’s mostly action and thriller films, with that odd family comedy. But NIGHT HUNTER started out as horror action (until it was stripped of the horror part) and I have written a bunch of horror scripts that didn’t get made (though a couple got really close - and I was once up for a HALLOWEEN sequel). I’m a horror movie fan, and one of my first scripts was about an OMEN homage about a Satanic cult made up of Pacific Gas & Electric executives who brought death and destruction to anyone who opposed their nuclear power plant plans for Point Arena, California. I have been attending the Fangoria weekend Of Horrors for about 15 years, now - and if you ever bought any of the behind the scenes of horror movies video series called THE DEAD BEAT, check the opening credits... I was one of the three principals behind that series.

If you aren’t familiar with Fango - it’s the magazine for horror movie fans, run by Tony Timpone, and every year in Los Angeles (and other major cities) they have a convention where horror movie stars and horror movie makers interact with fans. When I first began going, it was at one of the LAX hotels, then they moved to the Burbank Hilton, and this year they moved to the Los Angeles Convention Center downtown.

Horror movie fans have changed over the years - when I first began going to Fango, it was 95% geek guys and 5% geek gals and wives who didn’t understand. Then, a few years ago, Goth happened... and now probably over a third of the audience are goth gals covered with tattoos wearing really hot outfits. And last year at Burbank there seemed to be more crossover - with mainstream film fans joining the audience. Part of that is due to horror being hot right now - every couple of weeks there is a new horror film in cinemas - and movie stars are often in these films. For a while, there, horror was a ghetto, and the movies starred people mainstream audiences have never heard of.

When they announced that Fango was moving to the Convention Center, my first response was - Where will we drink? Where will we eat? The Convention Center is in a section of downtown surrounded by an area where you don’t want to park your car. For all the talk about rebuilding downtown, there aren’t really any places to eat... and the bars are scary. There are a couple of hotels in walking distance, but on site the only place to eat is the Convention Center cafeteria - where I paid $9.50 for the worst hamburger I have ever eaten in my life... and I can’t figure out how you can screw up a hamburger. My friend Regent bought a salad he said tasted weird - chemically - so they are able to screw up salads as well as burgers. The 99 cent burger at Carl’s Jr is a million times better than that $10 Convention Center burger...

But I’m getting ahead of myself....

The reason for Fango going to the Convention Center - last year they had to turn people away at Burbank. It was crowded. To get your ticket, you had to stand outside in the heat for hours in a line that stretched around the hotel. Once inside - you might have to stand in back to hear Guellermo del Toro talk - and the dealer’s room was really a whole bunch of rooms... a main room and a half dozen smaller rooms. The show needed more room. But when I arrived on Friday, there was no real line for tickets - maybe a dozen people compared to the hundreds last year. Strange.

Events like this used to have the weekend pass and the day pass, but now they have Gold Passes (first five rows for all panels and free autographs) and Silver Passes (next ten rows and something) and Preferred Pass (next five rows) and then the weekend and day passes... so the Weekend Pass isn’t on a lanyard anymore, it’s a wrist band like the day passes... but you wear it for all 3 days. Meaning - you shower with it. This is not convenient. In fact, it’s kinda gross.

So I wander into the auditorium for the opening ceremony - and it’s empty. It looks *really* empty, because it’s so big, and because there are only a couple dozen people in the first 20 rows. You’re sitting in row 21, and there are hundreds of seats in front of you that you are not allowed to sit in. Maybe it will fill up on Saturday?

They show a bunch of trailers - including Indiana Jones and Ironman and some other non-horror films that appeal to the horror crowd... then the trailers change to low budget horror films that you’ve never heard of. I open up my program to see who the guests are this year... and wonder if I’ve been given a program from 15 years ago by mistake. Okay, there’s Clive Barker - he’s there every year. And Reggie Bannister from PHANTASM. And David Naughton from AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. And the cast of the original NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. And Tony Todd from CANDYMAN. And Angus Scrimm from PHANTASM. And Gunnar Hanson from the original TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. And... well, a bunch of other people from the past. Plus a bunch of panels from low low budget horror movies (some backyard productions) and the crew from FEAST to talk about 2&3 and “The Girls Of Moonlight” and... well, no one from a studio horror film. No panels from a single film with a budget over $2 million. What the heck is going on here?

So on Saturday and Sunday - all of those front rows were still mostly empty. And no one thought it might be a good idea to get rid of some of the empty Gold & Silver & Premium rows so that they place didn’t look like a ghost town, and those of us who had paid the standard $60 to get in weren’t so far back that we needed binoculars.

They always have a screening room at Fango, that shows a mix of “classic” horror film from the 80s and new films getting a sneak (not uncommon for someone like Frank Darabont to bring his new movie and the Fango crowd gets to see it before anyone else)... that was upstairs at the Convention Center... and the escalator was not on. Took until Sunday afternoon before someone switched it on! So you had to climb the stairs to get to the screening room... which was about the size of the last screen in that multiplex in BACHELOR PARTY. Okay, maybe not that small - but about 30-50 seats. That ended up not really being an issue for two reasons - nobody came to Fango this year, and the movies they were showing were all low low budget crap. The only “classic” film was THE DEAD PIT (most of you have never heard of this film) - which was made on a very very low budget in the Bay Area with my late friend Curt Wells on the FX crew. It was direct to video. Not quite in the same league as the usual “classic” films they’ve shown in the past.

I ventured into the Dealer’s Room, which was where the action was - instead of a main room and satellite rooms you may never even know exist, one big room. The good news for dealers was that they were all more or less equal (though David Naughton had an autograph table in the very back of the room facing the wall - most people probably never got back that far) it also exposed the number of tables for single films - movies made in someone’s backyard that they were selling on DVD at Fango. And this year there seemed to be a new type of dealer - people selling sex. There were pin up calenders and photos and even a T shirt place had a stripper pole and dancers to help advertize their wares. Usually Fango is kind of a family friendly event - even though there are companies selling crawling severed arms and scary masks and props from horror films, the “tween” kids are a big part of the horror movie audience. I was into horror movies as a 13 year old boy. I think part of the reason for this is that kids at that fragile age feel stronger if they can conquer and control their fears, and horror movies allow them to do this. But this year the dealer’s room was filled with strippers and girls with their asses hanging out - and lots and lots of boobs in tiny tiny bikini tops. Now, these things probably also interest 13 year old boys (they interested me at 13), but not with mom & dad standing next to them. And mom & dad don’t really want their kids to see this stuff. I kept thinking that in the old venue, they could have had a PG-13 main dealer’s room with some R rated satellite rooms. Here, you couldn’t avoid the asses hanging out. Even for boys older than 13, it was, um, distracting.

The first row of the dealer’s room was supposed to be the prime real estate... but the traffic tended to flow forward, down the center aisle. So you had to remember to go back and look at the 8 Films To Die For booth and the Anchor Bay booth. Studios - not here this year!

The only thing crowded was the literature table - which was way too small for all of the junk on it. Usually there are give away mini posters and post cards for all kinds of films and services... but this year the table was half the size with twice the junk. Lots of xeroxed movie posters and fliers, and post cards for websites for films that don’t exist... yet. One of the days there was an avalanche of junk, and mini posters and postcards flowed onto the floor. Swell!

On Saturday night we all walked down to the Holiday Inn’s bar and had several drinks. For no apparent reason, actress Tiffany Shepis (NIGHTMARE MAN) sat on my lap at one point. We’re friends, but any time a hot actress sits on my lap is worth mentioning. A fist fight broke out in the bar, and the hotel’s security guy stepped in to break it up... which resulted in the security guard fighting one of the guys... and they fought through the lobby to the elevator banks... and when one elevator door opened, the guy knocked the security guard into the elevator... and then moved in to continue the fight... then the elevator doors closed over them. I kept watching the elevators for one or the other to come down, but when the elevators doors opened, other guests exited. Obviously the two were fighting on some floor up there. Maybe a half hour later, the elevator doors opened and the messed up security guard stepped out. This was like something out of a movie.

Most of the rest of the event was kind of dull, the high points being a panel with Joe Dante and Robert Picardo (from THE HOWLING and many other movies that are favs of mine... even though Joe hasn’t done a feature since 2003's LOONEY TUNES movie) and George Romero and the cast & crew of the original NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD - lots of great behind the scenes stories, including that Duane Jones (Ben) hadn’t been written as African American, he was just the best actor they auditioned... and when Martin Luther King, jr was assassinated they realized that life had mirrored the end of their film... making it more topical than they had intended (the Viet Nam War was always part of the film’s background). These were the highpoints of the 3 days.

So they have this big venue, and nada. Why not have side-bar classes on writing horror and directing horror and make up and FX stuff? There was room for it. I have volunteered to Tony to do my horror class for free every year. Since they had the trailers for Indiana Jones and those other big films with cross-over, why not have a guest speaker or panel from those to bring in a larger crowd? I’ll bet you could get the screenwriter of the new Indiana Jones movie to speak (no one ever asks screenwriters to do anything, and I’ve seen David Koepp speak at other events) and we’re in the publicity push for IRONMAN, so someone could have shown up from that. Why not try to bring in the mainstream audience with big summer tentpole movies... and treat them to the world of horror flicks?

Why not show better movies in the screening room? A couple of years ago someone passed my zombie script to a low budget producer who called me, wanting to buy it... but he was making films for pocket change, and offered me even less than he should have (so I turned it down)... then made a zombie film that seemed *very* similar to mine called EVILUTION. So I figured I’d watch it and see if it was worth suing his @ss over... but after 20 minutes I left the screening room *screaming*!

It was that bad.

The scene where the gang members introduce themselves to the lead in a stilted exposition dump that seemed more like reading character bios from the casting notice than conversation is an example of this film's *terrible* writing.

Suing them would be an insult to my script.

I’m really not sure the idea of *anyone* being able to make a movie is a good thing. I mean, in theory it’s great that anyone can just make a movie... but shouldn’t they try to learn how first? This was a terrible script, terrible acting, terrible direction. Guess what? You can learn how to do all of those things - I have a website where you can learn about screenwriting for *free* and there are places to learn about directing and acting and how to deal with actors. Why not do some plays with community theater to get a handle on how actors think? Why not prepare *before* you make the film? And why don't producers who have no idea what good writing is, *stop rewriting scripts*? I've said this before, but there are lots of low budget producers in this biz who can take a script that might have sold for $500k and turn it into a movie that isn't even worth half that.

One of the strange things about this Fango was that it seemed incestuous - horror movies made by fans for fans seems like a good idea, but it seemed like they were rejecting the studio films completely... which leads to a program of low budget stuff that seems like it was cobbled from pieces of other movies. There was a comedy film they showed clips from that starred all of the people from 80s horror movies doing in-jokes that only fans of 80s horror films would get. This *limits* the audience. Why not try to expand the audience?

Maybe next year they’ll figure it out...

- Bill.
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: How You Tell The Story
Yesterday’s Dinner: Tomato-Beef at City Wok in Studio City.

Movies: I'll talk about them in the next post.

Score Card For Mid-April

SCORECARD...

Monster movie assignment script - finished, delivered, and preparing for notes and rewrites. Shoots in a couple of months.

Family script from my treatment - dead... but the director likes it and wants to know if he can try to set it up elsewhere. Sure, why not? Odd Update: Seems it ain't quite dead! Someone else at the same company read it, loved it, and passed it over to production... so it still may happen.

That action project I tried to convert into an assignment - probably dead. No money, no contract... and the Producer doesn’t seem to be interested enough to call or e-mail and ask what’s going on.

Art house assignment - weird story idea from the producer, we’re still talking about it. May go next month.

Two specs that had traveled up the development chain... died. In one case, they thought it opened slow, in the other I have no idea what happened. Note to self: Always open script with naked women and explosions, no matter what the genre.


Next up - hopefully I finally get around to revising the damned book. Plus, some other specs are out there being read by folks. Who knows what will happen.

And, there's a mystery project I'm keeping hush-hush: It will either completely change my career... or may just be a lot of nothing.

-Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: How Stories Unfold
Yesterday’s Dinner: Pizza in Burbank.

Movies: SUPERHERO MOVIE - Needed to be 17% funnier. (just joking Craig)

Made single-handedly by Craig Mazin over at Artful Writer. He wrote, directed, produced, and plays a janitor. Of course, that doesn’t stop the end credit roll from being about 25 minutes of a 85 minute movie. You may think I’m joking, but this is the shortest movie with the longest end credit crawl I have ever seen. Of course, there are out takes in the end credits. Not just a couple of minutes of flubs, but whole scenes - some with stars that aren’t in the main body of the film! There may be a good 20 minutes of scenes! And most are pretty good - the whole scene with Woolverine having problems wiping his butt and Toilet Paper Hand Man coming to the “rescue” was just as funny as anything else in the movie.

And that gives you an idea of the type and level of humor in this film. Mostly a parody of SPIDER-MAN, with nerdy Rick Riker living with his aunt (Marion Ross) and uncle (Leslie Neilsen) after his parents (Robert Hays - great to see him in a ZAZ movie again! and Nicole Sullivan) are murdered (in a flashback from BATMAN BEGINS). Pretty much, scene-for-scene we get the SPIDER-MAN story, though this time it’s a dragonfly.

Rick keeps bumping into other superheroes from other movies, and here’s where the film could have been 17% funnier. Instead of some parody of the superhero, we get the actual superhero (played by some other actor) and some gag. So the Human Torch from Fantastic 4 catches fire and can’t put himself out... but they could have done that gag *and* found a funny variation on the Human Torch character. Storm is just Storm. Professor Xavier works well because he’s *not* the comic book character - he’s Tracy Morgan with no shortage of attitude and a wife (parody movie regular Regina Hall) who seems like she just stepped out of a Tyler Perry movie... oh, and she’s sure he’s been sleeping with Invisible Girl (Pamela Anderson - who, it must be noted, has unrealistically large breasts). They have a half dozen little bald kids in wheelchairs with super powers. These are funny things to do with the superhero characters - and I wish they’d done more with the actual superheroes they used (what if Human Torch was Gay?) or made them parody characters *like* actual superheroes, but with slightly different powers or personalities.

The plot is also too normal - I mean, Lex Luthor in the first SUPERMAN movie had a funnier evil plan! And when you add all of those old TV series like CAPTAIN NICE and MR. TERRIFIC, which had silly plots like bridges made of oatmeal and lines like Alice Ghostly’s response to her son admitting he does something that birds do, “Should I spread newspaper on the floor?” (NICE was from the creative team that gave us GET SMART, including Buck Henry!). Those shows had *funny* plots. SUPERGEO MOVIE has a villain who must kill one a day to stay alive.

SUPERHERO MOVIE has no shortage of fart jokes. In fact, every fart joke was used in the movie - there are none in the 20 minutes (or whatever) of closing credit materials. Marion Ross gets the majority of flatulence... and she’s combustible for an entire scene. When the odor gets so bad that our hero brings out a scented candle so his girlfriend can breathe, we can see the joke coming from a mile away... and that’s okay! It builds up suspense and anticipation. This probably adds a few laughs before the blue flame shoots across the room.

And, with that folks, I think I’m going to draw this review to a close. Funny if you like that kind of stuff (um, I do) and much better than most of the BLANK MOVIEs (the non-Zucker ones). Oh, and they recycle that ejector chair gag from, I think, the second NAKED GUN movie. And one guy did all of it.

- Bill

Chuckles Heston - RIP

I met Charlton Heston back when they did the re-release of TOUCH OF EVIL, interviewed him for my article on the restoration of the film. It was a strange experience - he was an old man. He looked old. He acted old. Completely different than the Heston I grew up watching on screen in cheesy movies and Biblical epics. As a kid, I saw him in EXODUS and BEN HUR and other big films that played on TV on holidays. When you’re a kid who is a complete introvert and loves movies, Holidays are often a mine field of relatives you see once or twice a year, plus the rest of the family, and it gets boring fast. But, if part of the holidays might include some big Biblical film where Heston races chariots and women wear filmy clinging clothes... well, that can turn a boring evening with relatives into something exciting. And Heston was the strong, powerful, take no BS hero in all of these films. I never really thought Jewish leader Moses was a kick-ass tough guy until I saw Heston play him.... he didn’t seem like that in Sunday school lessons.



A little later, Heston became the first Ah-nuld - playing the macho bad-ass heroes in sc-fi films. “Get your stinking paws off me you damned dirty ape!” PLANET OF THE APES was one of my favorite movies - saw it on TV as a kid and the twist end blew my mind. And Moses sure could kick monkey butt! After that Heston kicked butt in SOYLENT GREEN and OMEGA MAN and other cool films from my childhood. He also starred in another of my favorite films from childhood - THE NAKED JUNGLE (about an army of fire ants... coming right at us!). He made all kinds of great films, or, at least entertaining ones. He was also in two great western films, MAJOR DUNDEE and WILL PENNY. And who could forget him as the macho lady’s man football player in NUMBER ONE and the pilot in AIRPORT 75 (my favorite in the series) and the cop in TWO MINUTE WARNING?

But Heston turned into a grumpy old man - NRA President and right wing politics. That stuff was always there - it’s part of his tough-but-religious characters. I didn’t agree with his politics, but it was cool to see him and Ah-nuld in TRUE LIES.

So, when I was preparing to interview him, I came up with some hard ball gun questions about hunting weapons and self defense weapons and MAC-10s and other machine guns... but when I sat down at the table with him, he was somebody’s great grandfather *and* that actor who had been in so many films from my childhood. A nice guy, trying to find the best answers to questions about a film he made as a fairly young man - TOUCH OF EVIL. Who could remember back that far? Yet he tried to give complete answers and come up with interesting stories about the film. Instead of hardball questions, I told him how much I loved NAKED JUNGLE as a kid. You always worry that when you say you were a kid when you saw it on some Saturday afternoon TV showing decades after it was new you’re going to make him feel old. But he thanked me, and then it was the next reporter’s turn.

In retrospect, I think Heston was an underrated actor. He did all kinds of movies, all kinds of characters, and even if they did all look and sound like Heston (in TOUCH OF EVIL he played a Mexican police detective... who sounded just like Heston and looked like Heston after a tanning booth accident), he gave every role a feeling of strength and determination. He made Moses into an action hero. What other actor could have done that?

No one will ever be able to replace Charlton Heston - he will be missed.

- Bill

Philippe De Broca

One of my favorite directors. Died in 2004... last film directed in 2004.

You know how Madonna doesn't need a last name? There was probably a ten year period where De Broca was famous enough in the USA that he didn't need a first name. Trailers just said "DeBroca" and that was enough.

I probably first heard his name from my parents - and we aren't talking about people who saw movies in art houses while wearing black berets and reading Camus, here. My parents are normal people. They saw normal movies. De Broca made a film in the mid-60s called THAT MAN FROM RIO - a funny spy film - that was a huge hit in the USA. I don't mean an arthouse hit, I mean a mainstream hit. It was a funny James Bond kind of thing when those films were really popular - a globe hopping adventure story. So, when it was on NBC Monday Night At The Movies (or whatever) they watched it. And I watched it... and it's my kind of movie. (When was the last time a dubbed foreign language movie played on network TV?)

So it was one of my favorite movies on TV, and some of his other movies were also on TV (he was a famous director back then) and eventually I saw one of his films, Le MAGNIFIQUE, on my own in a cinema... And became a huge fan all over again. MAGNIFIQUE is about a writer of spy novels who ends up involved in a real life spy story... but, he's just a writer! Now, all of the kinds of things he creates for fiction he must live as fact in order to survive.

Though this film wasn't a huge hit like THAT MAN, it didn't only play in big cities... it played in my home town. Maybe a semi-wide release kind of thing.

This was followed up by a couple of movies that I think were major cities only - so I have to drive to see them: DEAR DETECTIVE, a comedy cop movie that's part rom-com, and the sequel (title I do not remember) that takes the same two characters on a new case. And then he kind of disappeared from US cinemas. Still making movies in France, we just weren't getting them. He made some films a bit later that played art houses and I saw them, but he wasn't famous anymore.

The film I left out is the one that probably made him most famous - and the one I watched on DVD last night... KING OF HEARTS starring Alan Bates and, I think, Geneveive Bujold's first movie. It's an anti-war comedy, made in the late 60s with a British star... and kind of became an anti Viet Nam War film. Probably wasn't even intended as such. Has a strange history, because when it came out in the 60s, it flopped big time. Big time. It killed DeBroca's career... But a strange thing happened during the Viet Nam War, it started popping up in college area cinemas. And was one of those movies that was playing *somewhere* up until 1975 when the war ended. In fact, there was one cinema that played it non-stop for *over five years* until the Viet Nam War was over. First time I saw it was at the UC Theater in Berkeley... and it played *somewhere* in Berkeley through the 70s... and brought back DeBroca's career in the USA.

Story is a comedy that takes place in France in WW1. The German army has taken over a town in France, but when they see a larger group of British soldiers (actually Scottish - kilts are funnier) approaching, they decide to evacuate... but hide a booby trap bomb in the town that will explode at midnight and kill the Scottish soldiers and their commanders. The next day the Germans plan to return and re-take the town from any survivors.

Well, a French underground guy radios the Scottish army and tells them about this plan... but tells them about it in French. So things get lost in translation. And the bomb is set to go off at midnight... and the town has a beautiful ornate clock in town square where a mechanical knight in armor comes out to strike the midnight bell with his mace. This information really loses something in translation - nobody knows what it means.

So the Scottish send in a man to disarm the bomb before they occupy the town. Since none of the demolitions guys speak French, they send in Alan Bates - a communications officer. A geek. A non-heroic guy.

Once he finds the bombs, they will either send in a demo guy or have a demo guy talk Bates through disarming the explosives.

Well, the whole town evacuates because if the bomb.
And they leave the gates to the asylum open.
And the crazy people venture out, don clothes of the townspeople, and kind of have a looney-bin holiday.

And when Bates enters the town, well... the people are acting strange. And that's the set up. The rest of the movie compares the crazy people to the soldiers & the war... and guess which is crazier? And Bates has to figure out why the townspeople are strange, then figure out where the explosives are, then stop them from blowing up, then decide if this crazy-world is more sane than the war around it...

And he falls in love with Bujold in the process, and is crowned King of the crazy people.

The movie is charming. Not laugh outloud funny. What used to be called a "gentle comedy". It's kind of like going to the circus (hey, Bujold does tight-rope walking on power lines in a scene, and there are lions and bears!) - it's also a beautiful film... really well shot. Hard to tell if it holds up - since it's already a period film, it can't really be dated. But it's a gentle film... kind of the anti-Michael Bay. And it still charmed me.

The last film of his I saw was ON GUARD, which actually got a wide release a few years before DeBroca died. A THREE MUSKETEERS kind of thing filled with sword fights and action and romance... about a female sword fighter tracking down the villains who killer her father, and finding love along the way.

- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Fast & The Furious *is* No Man’s Land *is* Point Break
Yesterday’s Dinner: Sausage pizza on honey wheat at CPK on Sunset.

Movies: Two Number Movies...

10,000 BC. - Completely silly movie... but much better than it needed to be. Some people are complaining that it’s not historically accurate... well, duh! The thing was made by Roland Emmerich, the guy who had aliens building the pyramids in STARGATE and time travelers zooming around from present day to pyramid time. He’s wacky! He mixes up time periods for fun. And here we get sabertooth tigers and Egyptian Pyramids and anything else Roland wants to put in the film. Story is kind of lifted from APOCALYPTO - a cave dude who is reluctant to lead has the girl he loves stolen by evil dudes - probably to be sacrificed - so he and his worst enemy and a village elder and some tag-along kid go to get her back. They manage to walk across the world, meeting all kinds of folks from all kinds of time periods - from African tribesmen to Egyptians to, well, an alien dude building pyramids (not Jaye Davidson - which would have been a cool in0joke and cameo). Here’s the thing about Roland - he knows how to make a cheesy movie. This film has some big emotional moments, and some amazing magical moments (the red birds) and lots of CGI spectacle stuff. And the film has a *scope* - Roland makes films for the big screen - he may not have the talent of David Lean, but he steals lots of shots from LAWRENCE OF ARABIA. When characters cross the desert, you get to see the whole damned desert! This film reminded me of a Conan movie or an Edgar Rice Burroughs novel. If you're in the mood for a big dumb epic adventure - it's okay. Just check your brain at the door.

21 - Based on a true story... which probably wasn’t as boring as this film. This thing seemed like the rough first draft of a script, complete with placeholders scenes, We start out with some tin-ear dialogue - awful OTN stuff. Story has whiter-than-white college kid at MIT who *dreams* of going to Harvard Med. That’s his motivation - he has this dream. He doesn’t want to be a doctor to help people or be a doctor to cure cancer or be a doctor to make lots of money... he just dreams of going to Harvard Med. He seems to have no goal after he graduates from Harvard Med. He has these two fake friends, who seem like place holders for characters to be created later. They are generic nerds, who have a generic science project.... and here’s the thing - they look completely different than our hero. He’s a handsome guy, they are chubby nerdy guys. So you *know* that he’s going to dump them and move up. Our hero works at a retail job in a clothing store... that is pure hell. Except, it’s not. We see him goofing off in the back room, and his job is dealing with upscale people buying upscale clothes. When I worked at Safeway Grocery, they would send me to other stores to fill in for people on vacation sometimes... and no matter how much seniority I had at my store, in the other stores I was the guy they gave the crap jobs to - and that usually meant cleaning the public restrooms, and *actual* crap job. I scrubbed toilets. That’s the kind of job you learn to dislike. That’s the kind of job that makes you say “Yes” when someone asks if you’d like to do something on the fringe of illegal. But he’s got a nice, clean job selling upscale suits. It’s a bland job.

For a moment, you think there may be some kinky twist when our hero seems to flirt with an older diner waitress - and he says he’s coming home with her.. But then we figure out she’s his mother. It was a bad way to introduce her... but after that, his relationship with his mom? Bland. She loves and supports him... no drama, nothing interesting - she’s kind of a generic, place holder character.

Kevin Spacey, who produced this film, plays the MIT professor who brings our hero onto his team of card counters who fly to Vegas on weekends to make lots of money. Our hero says he’s only interested in making enough to pay for Harvard Med, then he quits. The other members on the team are all place holders - they have no characters. Sure, one is a klepto, and one is a pretty boy and one likes to wear wigs... but none of these are *characters* - they are sketches. Kate Boswell plays the girl - and that’s pretty much what her role is. Our hero has the hots for her, and there are scenes where they talk for a moment and this is supposed to show the relationship progressing... and eventually she invites him to a comped room in Vegas, and you’re thinking - they have no relationship at all! We know *nothing* about her - in fact, we know so little about her that I thought for a while she might be Spacey’s daughter. They don’t have anything in common, other than they’re in the same movie and on the same card counting team, but why doesn’t she hook up with one of the other guys? Or Spacey? So our hero goes up to her room, and they kiss in front of a penthouse window overlooking Vegas.... but they have no conversation! They have no characters! Afterwards, they don’t act like slept together - they treat each other like strangers... which is pretty much how they treated each other before. It’s bland. No drama. No real characters. It’s a placeholder scene - an outline of a scene, but not the scene.

Also in Vegas, we have the place holder for a villain, played by Larry Fishburne... who seems like he belongs in some other movie - some 1950s mob flick. He’s a cliche leg breaker... but in modern Vegas. Completely out pf place! They keep trying to find ways to Scotch tape him into the story - but he seems like he stumbled in from other film. Since card counting is not illegal, just frowned upon, they needed some physical threat - and that’s Fish. He beats people up just for fun - because modern Vegas isn’t mobbed up anymore.

The film just goes through the motions, ticking off scenes until they reach the running time... but none of it adds up to anything. The characters seem like sketches, there is no drama, there is no actual conflict, and we don’t care. The film has no “juice” - we fell nothing at all. There is no suspense or mystery or romance or excitement or anything. One character says “In Vegas you can be anybody” - except none of these people live a fantasy life. Sure, they put on wigs or moustaches and go to strip clubs - but they don’t live any fantasy. They just play cards.

Eventually Spacey gets to say, “You know what I’m capable of!” as a threat... but we don’t know what he’s talking about, so it’s an empty threat - even a silly threat.

And they come to the end of the list of scenes and we get closing credits... but I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t care... and I didn’t really believe any of these people or events ever existed, even though it’s based on a true story.

Every scene of your screenplay, you should know - what do you want the audience to feel? And how are you making them feel that? If they aren’t feeling anything, they are just sitting there... wondering when the damned movie is going to be over.

Pages: Finished the script, delivered it... and had a meeting on another potential assignment. And this blog entry... and some other stuff.

Fade Out Tomorrow

I’m typing as fast as I can!

My 5 pages a day plan kind of worked out... that was probably my average on this script, even though I didn't work six days a week.

Though the original plan was to finish the script early, and have a week for rewrites and maybe some new Script Tips... I had a few days where I wrote nada. Original plan was to write more pages and work on Sundays... but I never really did the “make up pages” after a full day’s work, and never worked on a Sunday. A zillion problems came up while I was writing this script... but I will finish tomorrow on deadline. And I’m happy with the script.

One thing that happened were rewrites as I was writing - something that I have done before, but usually don't do too much of. On this script, I did whole scenes, rewrote major chunks, and made a big change to my protagonist at the last minute (really improved a later scene) - which meant going back and doing touch up work on every single scene he was in. And the monster got killed in a much more interesting way than originally planned, and that required rewriting a few scenes to set that up. Lots of rewriting while writing.

I still have one day left, but I have already written the ending - the last few scenes are finished, I need to fill in a few scenes before the end sequence. That will happen on Monday, and I will turn it in on time on Tuesday.

Some of the things that put me behind were a couple of magazine emergencies - a magazine I write for had an article by another writer fall out an the editor asked if I could fill in - so I had to write two articles I hadn’t planned on writing. That's a few days that took time away from the script. Plus I had some momentum problems - I haven't done a 0 to 60 assignment script on a deadline in a while... a long while! CROOKED was a spec, and since then I've written specs without any deadline. Jusk poked along at my own speed. Th last time I had to blast out a script was... well, a couple of years ago.

And my “Friday fiasco” from the beginning of the month continued to be a big problem - just one of those dumb things that screw up your life every once in a while - too boring to even mention. It’s happened to you. But these real life things take time away from writing... and that put me behind. One of the things about writing is that you're also living a life. You have a couple of nights where you don't sleep well - that impacts the page count. But even with all of the bumps in the road, I crossed the finish line on time...

Or, I will. I still have a day's work to do on it...

But I'm really happy with how it turned out - and re-reading it I laughed a couple of times at lines I'd forgotten I'd written. This will be a fun movie... I hope.

- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Take Us Someplace Cool.
Yesterday’s Dinner: Kung pao chicken at City Wok.

Movies: DOOMSDAY - When this film comes out on DVD, there needs to be a drinking game on what movie this scene or line or character is stolen from. I don't mean homage - I mean outright theft. From the trailer it looked like an ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK “inspired” film, and that can be okay if they make enough changes so that it’s its own movie. So far, the worst rip-off of ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK has been ESCAPE FROM LA - it’s as if Carpenter was just cashing in! A “serach & replace” screenplay. So DOOMSDAY could have been “inspired by” and still been a cool film... but they even steal the *music* from ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK.

Rhona Mitra plays the nihilistic hero, who wears an eyepatch... just like Snake Plisken from ESCAPE. She also has a fake eye that works as a remote camera if she pops it out and rolls it down a hallway. Kind of cool... but still inspired by ESCAPE. Just like Snake, sizzling hot Mitra (from THE PRACTICE) is sent by a tough cop (Bob Hoskins) over the walls into hell to bring something back... not the President, but a scientist played by Malcolm McDowell. Though they don’t put an explosive device in her neck, they do give her a time limit.

Just when you think they’ve just remade ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, they change scripts and give us a big chunk from ALIENS - she is the Ripley character going in with a military team - and we get the ALIENS script from the introduction of the Space Marines to the scene where they crash the tank - every scene, with Mad Max type gangs instead of Aliens. They keep stealing whole sequences and characters and scenes from other movies - without changing anything!

Funniest bit is when the Gimp from PULP FICTION ends up as the Gimp on the front of the ROAD WARRIOR dune buggy...

And then a whole bit from THE WARRIORS pops up in the scenes from ALIENS, and they somehow get to EXCALIBUR combined with GLADIATOR and...

Weird thing is, this is a mash-up from all of my favorite movies... so while half of me is thinking it's just wrong to do the Mad Max hits the brakes and the bad guys shoot arrows at each other shot-for-shot, the other half is going "Yeah, that was a cool scene!"

But how is this legal? Are the copyright police asleep?

I was a huge fan of THE DESCENT - and even though I knew this film was going to be modeled after ESCAPE, I expected it to use that as a framework and do something interesting within that framework... and they mostly add scenes from other movies - and whole sections from other movies.

My NIGHT HUNTER movie was about stopping a vampire infestation in Los Angeles, and for the sequel I pitched an ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK kind of thing where San Francisco gets hit while our hero is in prison, they block the exits and lock down the city... but the President's daughter is trapped in the city, and they spring John Cutter to get her out... but that's about it for ESCAPE theft, and after that it's one man in a world of vampires. I really wanted to do this one, for a scene with a white picket fence used against a charging hoard of vampires.

The thing with DOOMSDAY is that it's like a fan film - not only do we get our favorite scenes from our favorite films (well, my favorite films) we also get some *savage* gore material - cartoony and kind of played for laughs. No one gets killed in a polite way, and all of the kills are right there on camera (or the aftermath is). In one scene a head gets blown to bits by a shotgun... and it's like firecrackers in a watermelon! Whenever they run over someone in their tank - we see the squished body - kind of like the aftermath in a Roadrunner Cartoon. And severed heads often fly right at the camera as if the director is throwing them at you. Call me a sick bastard, but I laughed and cheered at these things. That's what I paid for.

So I enjoyed the film... though I thought it was outright theft.

Pages: Seven of them... and tomorrow I finish.

Feeling Remote

About 15 years ago I bought a new Panasonic VCR that came with a universal remote. This remote perfectly fit the shape of my hand, and all of the buttons were in the perfect location - and were the perfect size. With a click of a button, I could program it to operate my TV *and* the VCR. I can hold the remote in one hand and operate it with my thumb. My hand can slide down the remote and easily hit every button. It is easy to use, and comfortable.

That VCR died, and was replaced by a much better VCR... with a crappy remote. You know, it was probably a more expensive remote, but the buttons were in difficult positions and it didn’t fit well in the hand. In order to use it, you had to hold it in one hand and push the buttons with the other. Hey, that’s not how a remote works! So, I tried the old Panasonic remote on the new non-Panasonic VCR... and it worked!

Since then I’ve had a bunch of different TVs and DVD players... but this old Panasonic universal remote has worked on every single one of them. I always try out the remote that comes with the TV or DVD player, and they are always poorly designed. My first DVD player was almost as big as the TV, and came with a remote that had strange buttons that operated features you never use in the places that were most convenient... while the play and other frequently used buttons were at hard to reach places. That one got tossed.

The DVD player I have now is small and sleek, the TV is big. The old remote works for both. The new DVD player’s remote has a zillion little buttons, and my fat fingers hit two at once. And, again, the buttons are in strange places. It’s almost as if a left handed person designed the remote (and I am right handed). And the remotes don’t fit your hand! You’d think it’s easy to design a remote - but obviously only those long gone Panasonic guys knew how to do it. No one else can figure it out. And the amazing thing about the Panasonic remote is that it works for everything. Everything!

This old Panasonic remote has been taken apart and cleaned a half dozen times. It’s gone through a bunch of batteries... it still works. Well, except for the channel clicker, which works going *up* channels but not going down. That means if I’m on channel 7 and I want to watch channel 9, I either have to click around the horn through Mexican TV to get there, or slide my hand down and hit the 9 button. Now, if I’m on channel 9 and want to go to channel 7, click-click, I’m there. Slightly inconvenient - but I have accidentally caught one of my movies on Mexican TV, and am now familiar with odd infomercials targeting the Hispanic audience, like the “miracle panty” which shapes a bulging fatty butt into a pleasantly shaped butt by taking all of the fat and moving it above and below the “miracle panty”. If the remote had not been broken, I would never have known about such things! (I have never dated a woman who wears the “miracle panty”.) So the defect has some interesting side effects...

But yesterday I dropped the remove, and the little panel that holds in the batteries fell off and the little plastic tab that holds it in place broke. It won’t stay in place without tape. So, there’s a big old piece of tape on my remote today... and I have realized that soon the time will come when I have to replace te batteries, and the thing will have to be de-taped and re-taped... and that’s going to be messy and the remote’s days are numbered. My current, sleek, DVD player’s remote - does not operate the TV at all. I tried that today. So, I’m probably going to have to by a new remote... and it won’t fit my hand, and it won’t be easy to use, and my life will be diminished.

Pisser.

- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Lingo vs. Slang
Yesterday’s Dinner: Burgers on the run at Carl's Jr.

Movies: BANK JOB - After seeing a bunch of bad movies, I finally saw a good one... twice. Reason: well, first time was with one friend when it was at the top of my list, second time was with another friend when it was the top of their list, and the alternative seemed to be 10,000 BC (which I will eventually get around to seeing, because the always prickly Kenneth Turan of the LA Times gave it a good review, as did Hollywood Reporter). When movies cost $11.50 in Los Angeles, you have to really like a film to see it twice. And BANK JOB was just as good the second time around, maybe even better. Second time you notice a lot of details you missed the first time around.

Basically, it works really well as a crime film *and* really well as a character story about obligations to family and friends. It does what I call the 50-50 split. If I were a guy who loved the first TRANSPORTER movie and was looking for an entertaining action film complete with suspense and fight scenes and people getting shot and scenes in topless bars, I would enjoy this film. If I were some guy who wanted to see a character based drama about an interesting event in history that impacted the British government, I would enjoy this film. It’s like a Doublemint Movie - two films in one.

The movie begins with a few time jumps, then settles down... and for the TRANSPORTER audience, it may start a bit slow, but that’s because there are a bunch of subplot characters we need to know about, because later in the film they become *dangerous* and create much of the reason for the shooting and fight scenes. Once all of these threads have been set up and we get to the bank robbery, it’s an express train.

BANK JOB is a *caper* rather than a *heist* - it's not about armed guys who enter a bank during the hours of operation and threaten customers and employees in order to get the money (like HEAT), it's about a carefully planned break in after hours where they steal without ever using a gun - they sneak away with the loot (like TOPKAPI). These films usually have an inside man who knows about some treasure, the assembly of the team, the caper - where things go wrong, often a double cross, the police pursuit, and some sort of action ending (either with the police, or with the double crossers, or both). BANK JOB fits that model... with a twist.

Terry (rugged Jason Statham) is a struggling car lot owner with a wife and two of the cutest little girls ever put on film (don’t be surprised if you hear the TRANSPORTER crowd going “Aww”). He lives in the old neighborhood, wants to make enough to money to get his family to somewhere better. When a woman from his past, Martine (Saffron Burrows), shows up with a bank robbery scheme, he needs to be convinced. Terry’s pals are not above a little after hours shopping, but robbing a bank is a serious crime. Martine tells him she slept with a guy who told her about a bank where the alarm will be out of commission for a week while they make repairs, and if they only steal from the safety deposit boxes they will end up with money that hasn’t been reported to the IRS, so the victims won’t report it to the police.

Then we get a time jump to show us the truth - the British Secret Service (MI-5... or maybe 6) wants to retrieve blackmail material against the Royal Family that is in one of the safety deposit boxes... with maximum deniability. They arrest Martine for drug possession and use her to find some thieves... Terry and his friends. Martine used to be one of the group - she dated one of the other guys, not Terry. One of the great things about this movie is that it’s not just a story about breaking into a bank, it’s the story about a group of childhood friends who are *still* friends. When they decide to break into the bank over the weekend, the robbery impacts the friendships. No extra scenes needed - the robbery scenes also have the friendship elements. The scenes where they meet to discuss the robbery end up being the bachelor party for one of the guys and later at the wedding.

In the beginning, we have all of these dangerous subplot characters who have things in the safety deposit boxes they’d *kill* to keep secret, they manage to find an elegant way to give us a bunch of characters in very little time and very few scenes. One character leads us to the next in kind of a tag-team (this probably was much better on paper, the direction didn’t seem to get the idea.) So while the guys are taking about the robbery at a strip bar during the bachelor party, a pair of cops enter and go into the back room to talk to the boss, crime lord Lou Vogel played by David Suchet (villain in EXECUTIVE DECISION). These two cops are on the take, and are here for their payoff... and mention that Vogel’s madam friend has raised her rates, so they want more money from her. When the cops leave, Vogel calls the madam, and we get to see her operation for a moment... including her British Government clients... and her “insurance” - she photographs and films all of her clients, especially the ones in government. And guess where all of these people keep their secrets? In those safety deposit boxes our guys are about to break into.


The wedding scene gives us a scene where Terry dances with his daughter, a sweet scene... and it shows us another side of Statham. He’s a great dad and husband... but his wife wants to know what Martine is doing here and what they are discussing in secret. The other great element of this film is how the robbery impacts Terry’s marriage and family life. At first the family life is a conflict because Terry’s wife doesn’t want him to go back to his old law breaking ways... but later, when everything goes wrong, they end up in danger and Terry really comes to realize how this criminal act has impacted his wife and kids. Oh, and there’s some excitement and action that comes from that.

When we get to the break in, all of the friends and family and crime threads amplify. And many many things go wrong. One of the great things about this film is how many reversals there are - just when you think things are going okay, something terrible happens that changes everything... and Terry has to come up with some instant solution. The twist just keep coming - and Terry always comes up with some amazing way to save himself and his friends. Lots of excitement!

As usual, there are double crosses and team members who do not survive... but unlike your usual caper movie, these things happen with friends and family! So there’s an emotional element *and* a conflict element. That sand blaster is being used on one of Terry’s friends! Though it may have a slow start for you TRANSPORTER fans, hang in there and you’ll be treated to an exciting movie where Statham finds an interesting use for am old brick wall. And it stars two people I’ve met, one who tried to kill me*...

BANK JOB was written by the guys who scripted THE COMMITMENTS, based on a true story... and I was kind of curious about the member of the Royal Family mentioned... and it seems she really was involved in scandalous behavior. Probably a laugh moment for the British audience.

PAGES: Sunday - no writing at all. Monday was not a great day, but not a bad day. It *was* a day where I wrote 7.5 pages... Tuesday, looking good so far!

- Bill






*Jason - I just had a nice conversation with him. LOCK STOCK had just come out, and the US producers on it loved one of my scripts and I had some meetings with them... and they gave me a crew hat. So, we talked about the movie and I told him how much I liked it and liked his performance. He's really good in BANK JOB - he plays a dad, and there's a great scene where he dances with his little daughter at a wedding that's just sweet. Statham sweet? That's one of the great things about this film - every character is three dimensional.

Saffron - we were on a film fest jury together in London. I imagined sitting in a dark cinema with her watching movies every night for a week and a half... didn't happen that way. I was the only one on the jury who actually saw the films in the cinema! Everyone else watched them on DVD. So, I was in a packed cinema when they showed VISITOR Q... and we laughed like crazy. That is a sick, twisted, nasty movie... and funny. But if you see it on DVD at home, I guess it's only sick, twisted and nasty. Not funny. So, the jury meets for the first time at a room several floors above street level at the Soho Club, and we're discussing which movies we liked... and I mentioned how funny VQ was, and Saffron *passionately* disagreed with me... and charged me! And I'm standing in front of an open window! And she's *tall*! I'm 6'4", and she's about as tall as I am! And angry as heck! And I could just imagine the headlines the next day "Beautiful and talented actress kills completely unknown screenwriter". But she didn't push me out of the window - she just got in my face to tell me how unfunny she thought the movie was, and how I must be sick & twisted to have laughed at it. Needless to say, VQ was not the winner (a great movie called NO MAN'S LAND was). Later, she was in town doing publicity for ENIGMA and we bumped into each other at the Sunset 5 Cinema and had a laugh about it. She's really good in BANK JOB as a very non-traditional type of femme fatale - she is never overtly sexual in any way... she's just there and beautiful and probably not 100% part of the team.

- Bill

Still 2 Days Behind

So I’m on the writing treadmill, and I think I’ll post about that tomorrow, but every day I have to write in order to make my deadline. Yesterday I woke up feeling great, and wrote up a blog entry then pounded out 5.5 pages. Yeah, I wanted to do 2 pages more to help catch up, but things went well. This morning, I woke up feeling groggy and blah... I have no idea why. Anyway, I also forgot to buy coffee, so I had zilch in the way of caffeine to jump start a blah day. I’m not much of a soda guy... and I didn’t have anything else that’s caffeinated in the house. I also had some errands to do, so I zipped all over town... but never managed to be on the same side of the street as a Starbucks or Coffee Bean or any other place to get coffee. I don’t even know how that is possible in Los Angeles! So no iced coffee to go, and when I finally finish all of the errands and end up at a coffee house to write, I still feel blah.

Problem is, now it’s too late for caffeine... unless I want to be up all night and screw up tomorrow’s writing. So I make the decision to take a long walk and see if that helps. I feel a little better now, but as the old joke goes - "Hey Doc, I've been running 5 miles every day, and now that a month has passed, I’m miles away from home." I’ve been lugging the laptop with me, and now I’m in some strange coffee shop typing this... and wondering if I should keep typing here or go back to the Starbucks I started out in... where there’s a vehicle to take me home when I finish. I’m thinking maybe of writing this blog entry, then walking back to post it and work on the script at the Starbucks Of Origin. Maybe find dinner somewhere in between...

(I decided to walk back to the Starbucks Of Origin... and due to Daylight Savings Time, the sun was *blasting* down at my face. The laptop bag wasn’t getting any lighter... and I finally ended up here at Starbucks less blah than before but kind of sun dazed.)

It’s going to be a struggle to get my pages done today.

- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Where's The Beef? - On Conflict In Act 2
Yesterday’s Dinner: BBQ Pork & Chinese Veggies at City Wok.

Movies: VANTAGE POINT - One of my favorite films of all times is THE PARALLAX VIEW starring Warren Beatty as a reporter who investigates the assassination of the President by a lone gunman, and uncovers a massive conspiracy. So, decades ago I wrote a political assassination script... here’s the crappy old logline (needs work):

THE THIRD GUNMAN
Worn out Public Defender Del Harper is assigned the case of a Senator's assassin, who claims to be innocent. The alleged assassin's conspiracy story, about an assassin-for-hire organization, seems possible, and Del wonders if his client is innocent. But the client is killed by a Jack Ruby like zealot before the trial. Now Harper is the man who knew too much. As he tries to prove the assassin for hire organization exists, he finds himself on the run. Chased by dozen of assassins, sent to keep him quiet. Will Del Harper be able to uncover the conspiracy before the catch him... and kill him?

Okay, this ancient script is scheduled for a page one rewrite. One of the elements in Act 2 is a search for the second gunman, and to do that, Harper interviews the surviving witnesses... and each one had a different POV and seems to have seen a different assassination, with a different gunman. I have done the Rashomon thing before in a script called KILLING ANGLE where 4 security cameras record a murder - and each seems to show a different killer! I love the idea that two people, or even two *cameras*, can see the same thing and yet see something entirely different. And it’s also a great Act 2 - having our hero trying to figure out which version of the story is the real one - or which *combination* of versions adds up to the truth. And *is* there such a thing as truth? What if we all have our individual truths? And what if you get stuck with the truth that no one believes?

So, a couple of years ago when I did a class for the Dallas Screenwriter’s Association (great people!) I did the whole JFK assassination tour, looked through the window of the book depository, checked out the grassy knoll, and took all kinds of notes for the upcoming rewrite. Though my script isn’t about JFK, it sort of is... aren’t all assassination conspiracy movies about JFK?

Isn’t VANTAGE POINT really about JFK?

And how does that completely screw up my rewrite on THIRD GUNMAN?

So VANTAGE POINT begins with a bunch of really clunky dialogue - the kind of stuff that needs to be fixed because it’s right up front. When you begin with a patch of bad dialogue, you start looking for it in the rest of the film... and you find it. You always want to start a movie strong... but this one fumbles a little more... We also get Sigourney Weaver in what might have been a couple of days of work as a TV news director in a van who seems like she was forced to to this movie by off camera gunmen. She’s one of my favorite actresses, from ALIENS to YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY to GHOSTBUSTERS - she seems to be able to do everything. Lately she’s done all kinds of great small roles in films, and she’s often a high point of the film... But here she sounds stiff - like she’s ether reading off cue cards or being forced to act.

And things continue to go south... We have a newscaster who is covering the biggest event in history who goes off on her own political rant while on live TV. Except the political rant seems scripted. And when she is scolded by Signourney, she goes back on page... and it sounds nothing like any TV news report I’ve ever heard. TV news broadcasts are tricky in films, because we see them all of the time in real life and know what they should be like - almost on a subconscious level. We’ve seen thousands of newscasts.... and know when it’s wrong.

So when the story started, I was on “bad movie high alert”... even though it stars a bunch of people I really like... and though they are never in a scene together Signourney Weaver and William Hurt star in one of my favorite movies that doesn’t work. But I like it anyway - EYEWITNESS. So I try to forget the clunky dialogue and not-so-hot performances and get into the film, but my antennae are up.

And the film starts to pick up steam and get pretty good for a while. Except somewhere in the back of your mind a little voice nags you about things like holding a speech with a dozen world leaders including POTUS at a location with so many places where snipers might hide, but you get past that... and the President goes yo to make his speech and gets shot! And then we zip back to the beginning and start again with another character...

And here’s where it really goes wrong. Because the *concept* here is that each point of view is different, but they aren’t. In almost every zip-back new POV we see the exact same things happening in the exact same way. Nothing different. And the film *cheats* as far as the “clues” are concerned - in two cases when Dennis Quaid looks at something we *do not see what he sees* just to hold back the information for the next POV. It’s as if every other character’s eye sight fails suddenly after Quaid sees what he sees... but we don’t get to see it.

Until later.

But everything else in that segment, we get to see again, just from a different angle.

The problem is that none of the different angles are that different - though we finally get to follow the President, and the trailer gives this away, so I don’t think this is really a spoiler - the President doesn’t get shot... a double does. Though this gives us a different POV, because the President watches the assassination on TV in a hotel room, it creates a massive problem...

Because this is a major meeting of world leaders to discuss terrorism. All of the other world leaders are there. The President’s *double* is used, because of the danger of assassination... and that kind of makes sense... but once the President is introduced, what’s he supposed to do? Address world leaders? Make a speech televised on every TV set in the world? This guy’s a *decoy* - and he’s going to make US policy in front of a world-wide audience? Okay, there’s this throw away line where the real Prez says he’s not going to make a speech... but that makes no sense at all because at the event he is introduced and walks up to a podium. What else is he going to do? Dance? A person stands at a podium to *speak* - and all of those cameras from all of those news agencies are there to film the speech. So you wonder what would have happened if they *hadn’t* have shot the decoy. What if the threat was just a threat, and nothing happened? Would the decoy be making US policy? Would the decoy be talking to the other world leaders?

This is one of those rookie mistakes I see in new writer’s scripts sometimes - they don’t follow each plot thread to it’s logical conclusion if the events in the story did *not* take place. So the only way the story works is if the characters do what the story requires them to do, and if something else had happened everything just falls apart. If *any* of the events of your story had not happened, the resulting story still has to make sense... and be possible! Or else you end up with something that’s contrived.

But we get the same things happening in the same way over and over again... except for one scene that really works! In fact, because it works so well, it points out how the rest of the story doesn’t work. Hey - one scene that lives up to the promise of the concept! (If you’ve seen the film - it’s the lovers). Then we’re back to the same scene seen again and again with nothing really different.

And part of the promise of the concept is that different POVs show us different versions of facts - that’s what *my* use of this device in my script is all about. That two people can see the same event and see something completely different - and maybe it even is something different. Maybe a different POV changes *history* or changes *facts*. That’s an interesting point to make... But this film doesn’t make any point at all (except for that heavy handed reporter’s rant) - the film misses the point of its concept.

And we end up with a pointless film, and a completely pointless car chase that doesn’t really do anything except give us some junk-food excitement at about the time we were nodding off.

In a strange way, VANTAGE POINT is like JUMPER - all kinds of needless complications to cover the lack of story or purpose. Kind of two forms of teleportation to add pointless movement to make a dead story seem alive... but it’s dead, Jim!

And then we come to an ending that ends up being a laugh riot. Every review has mentioned the unintentionally funny ending - and again it’s rookie mistakes. The people who either allowed this end to remain in the screenplay or - and here’s a frightening thought - added this crazy ending in development, need to be banished from Hollywood forever. Just kicked out. You know, maybe even the death penalty is called for in this case. So, without significant spoilers, here’s where things get funny...

First, we have an overly complicated answer to a bunch of little questions that require a criminal mastermind who has read the script and knows what every single character will do at every minute... making it contrived and silly. But we can get past that... except, again we have our antennae up for problems.

And boy do we get a whopper! A character who we have seen (again and again and again) with a certain character nature... who suddenly, and for no apparent reason, completely does a 180. They do the exact opposite of what is their established nature. This gets back to the Egri thing that a thief does not become an honest man overnight - radical character change takes *time* - and this happens in the blink of an eye. And it’s so out of character that you can’t help but laugh. It’s ridiculous. Silly.

I can’t imagine reading the ending of this script without saying “WTF?” Unless maybe there was some fancy writer footwork where things we *can not see or know* are used in the action lines to cover the complete 180 this character does. But even then, shouldn’t someone have pointed out the writer’s cover up? Or was there a conspiracy involved? Were the development people involved? Did they help with the cover up of this crazy ending... or just look the other way? You know, this conspiracy is more interesting than the one in the film!

You know, without that ending this film would have got my “OK for DVD” recommendation - a film that might not be worth the $11 to see in a cinema but would still be enjoyable as a rental. It still may work on DVD for you I you can get past the silly ending.

Anyway, they completely squander the multiple POV thing, so my script probably isn’t in trouble... but I’m pushing the rewrite back a few months to avoid any comparisons with this turkey. My script is more about proving the client is innocent (and the team of assassins who come after our hero at the end) so it’s not even the main thing my script is about - my script is about a lawyer who settles out of court... with a machinegun.

You know, it seems like all I’m seeing are half-good (or downright bad) movies lately, but that’s the time of year. It’s dumping season. All of the films that aren’t good enough for summer or holiday season end up in the post Oscar dead zone. This is when the Oscar winners get their post-awards re-release so that they can make another buck or two, and the big studio films that didn’t quite work get released.

Pages: 5.5 yesterday, and the plan was to write 7.5... so I didn't make up, but I didn't get farther behind, either. I'll talk about teh writing schedule tomorrow... But I have to get something done *today* first.

Jumper

Okay, I'm working on the script. And my Friday Fiasco is now under control: I had one of those days where you end up on hold for most of the day, so that you can speak to a series of folks who can't help you, so that you can climb the ladder to the person in charge, so that they can fix your problem... actually, the problem *they* created through some dumb mistake, that has pretty much ruined your day. But now, it's mostly over. I can get back to writing...

- Bill

IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Hero's Entrance - PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL.
Yesterday’s Dinner: Pork Fried Rice at City Wok.

Movies: JUMPER - You know, you can’t copyright an idea, only the execution of an idea (a screenplay) - so when people tell me that “Hollywood stole my idea”, but that’s al they had - an idea with nothing on paper, I don’t sympathize much. If they had a finished script, I’d say “That’s a pisser, but hopefully the film coming out is different enough than what you wrote that it still has a shot... and if not, change it.” But things like this happen to me all of the time - partially because I don’t just talk about writing screenplays, I actually do it. So, when I saw the trailers to JUMPER and VANTAGE POINT I became a little concerned. I have projects similar to each of those. In the case of VANTAGE POINT, I have an existing screenplay with a political assassination... and we see the assassination from a handful of different POVs, and each seems to show a different killer. In the case of JUMPER... well, I’m one of those morons who don’t have the finished script and is worried that Hollywood is stealing my idea (I am now wearing a tin foil hat, just in case).

I have a scribbled outline and a pile of notes for a script called SHORT CUTS about teleportation. And I’ve talked about it in my classes and on message boards - the concept of “space travel” - from one space to another. This was kind of an idea in search of a story, until I noticed a tattoo on my friend Steve’s arm... and the whole thing fell into place. At that point, I began generating a bunch of scene ideas and character ideas and roughed out an outline and put it on the big boards - I scheduled time to write the script later this year. (It was actually supposed to be last year, but things happened and it was postponed). So, when I saw the JUMPER trailer a few months ago, I was worried... Yes, I know it’s based on a novel, so it’s not like I’m the first one there... but I don’t want to scrap my work.

So we have a great basic concept - a guy who can teleport (Hayden Christensen - who can not act if his life depended on it) - and lots of beautiful scenery and amazing locations and some cool special effects (and cool teleportation ideas like anchors and a gizmo that keeps the wormhole open so that people can follow you, and lots of great ideas about teleoprtation) - plus Samuel L. Jackson as the villain and...

The movie squanders all of that. It just kills all of those great ideas with a rookie mistake.

The Hero... just wants to be left alone. He’s basically passive. He has this amazing teleportation gift, and he uses it to sight see and rob banks... leaving IOU notes behind. Nothing much happens in his life, and he has no real problems. Passive.

The Villain... just wants to stop the hero from teleporting. No real reason why (and here’s a major problem with the film - Jackson’s reason for spending every waking moment trying to stop people from teleporting is that only God should have that power... which makes him kind of silly). The villain’s plan is the most important element of any film, and Samuel L. Jackson’s plan here is.... Oh, he doesn’t have one. He just wants to stop our hero from teleporting. And for no good reason. Which means we also have a passive villain.

Passive hero. Passive villain. Um, that means the conflict makes no sense! How could such a basic story problem end up in a big budget Hollywood film? Okay, how could it end up in a low budget film? Okay, how could it end up *anywhere*? It’s screenwriting 101 - storytelling 101... cavemen knew better than to have a story where both hero and villain were passive.

And that’s the big problem with the movie - it’s a bunch of contrived teleportation. Movement without meaning. Hey - he’s in Egypt! Hey - he’s in Rome! Hey - he’s in his home town! But none of it means anything - he could have just sat around the house in New York and the same lack-of-plot could have happened.

The great Michael Rooker shows up in a subplot as his drunk and abusive father... but absolutely nothing is done with that! No scenes there! In the “prologue” Rooker gets to be drunk and abusive in one scene... but later he’s just *there*. No interaction between father and son at all! And they could have really done something with this! Rooker is a great actor - look at all of the different kinds of characters he has played - but they just waste him.

Diane Lane plays the hero’s missing mother, and she pops up in a couple of scenes where she rescues him for no apparent reason (except he needs rescued and she’s the picture in the photos of Mom)... and then we get a completely WTF twist ending that makes no sense - and actually makes the film so far make even less sense!

Rachel Bilson plays his high school sweetheart - a character created just to have someone in peril for no real reason. But even here they screw it all up - after a completely boring, plotless and pointless story - they give us a ticking clock. Bilson is on a plane, and Hayden has eight hours to rescue her before the plane lands and Jackson captures her. Hey, there might be some excitement in that scenario! But, they just *forget* the ticking clock aspect, and then have Hayden show up late - so the clock didn’t matter, then have Jackson *easily* capture her... so that we can have some sort of pointless and boring action ending.

The problem with watching a bad movie like this is that you can’t help but compare it to better movies... even if those movies aren’t very good. The Hayden - Jackson thing is kind of like HIGHLANDER - not a great movie by a long shot, but CITIZEN KANE compared to this piece of poop!

And there’s another teleporter character played by Jamie Bell (that’s a dude) who has no purpose in this film. Okay, I guess he’s someone for Hayden to have pointless conversations with... but you can’t help but wonder why this character wasn’t like the Train Ghost (Vincent Schiavelli) in GHOST who teaches our hero how to use the gift. That would have given the character some reason to be in the film. Instead, he’s just someone to talk to and a Ratzo Rizo sidekick. A pointless character in a pointless film.

And that’s another big issue with this film - no point, no theme, no character arc, no valuable lesson learned... nothing. Hayden robs banks and leaves IOUs, but doesn’t seem to be doing anything to make the money to pay them back. And doesn’t regret robbing the banks. And doesn’t care. And... well, there’s nothing worse than a bland actor in a bland and pointless role!

The movie ends with the set up for a sequel... that just isn’t going to happen. And if it does - well, it’s going to die some horrible death at the box office unless they can take this guy with super powers and give him something to do other than shopping and globe hopping. So *my* script? Well, I’m pushing it back a year - so that everyone forgets the *stench* of JUMPER when I finally go out with my script.

Oh... my script has an active villain and an active hero and one heck of a cool plot concerning what bad guys might do if they could teleport. Dodged that copycat bullet... but what about VANTAGE POINT?

Pages: I did zilch on Sunday, but 4 pages on Monday... still behind, but still able to make it up over the rest of this week.

- Bill

Oscar Nominated... and Crazy!

Before Gary Busey ended up making the kind of stuff I write, he was an Oscar nominated actor who played Buddy Holly and was in one of my favorite movies - BIG WEDNESDAY. Actually, if you made a list of Gary's movies, he's been in a ton of great stuff and steals the film in everything from LETHAL WEAPON to UNDER SIEGE.

Here's Gary on the red carpet at the Oscars...


- Bill

In Today's News....

STARBUCKS CLOSED TODAY

Starbucks coffee shops all over the United States are closed today from 5:30 to 8:30. Though the company denies rumors that the reason for the simultaneous store closings has anything to do with the secret society that owns the company, or their disciples (known as “baristas”), or the annual animal sacrifices that keep the chain growing at an alarming rate. It is believed that after this day of rituals and animal sacrifice, two hundred more Starbucks stores will be born. Nothing for us to worry about.

Picture: Starbucks leader addressing courtyard full of baristas.

- Bill

Questions...

I'm sure you all have questions...

And I'm looking for questions...

Questions about the *writing* of screenplays. (Craft oriented - not business oriented.)

I'm preparing some new articles for Script Magazine and preparing to fill in some new script tips - and I need to know what YOU want to know.

Ask them in the comments section. Or suggest articles or Script Tip subjects.

- Bill

Pencils Up!

Yes, that sounds slightly obscene, and I’m sorry about that. But my pencil *is* up... because a couple of days ago I landed an awful screenwriting deal... that pays.

My big problem was that right before the strike I really needed to sell a screenplay. This is a “no visible means of support” business, where there are no regular paychecks. I can’t ask for more hours or do a double shift or any of the other things I used to do when I needed money. I have to find someone who wants to buy a script. Before the strike I was talking to some people... and I think they may have forgotten me by now. But it seems that one, and possible even two, people have remembered me.

The one that came through was kind of interesting. I have these two specs I’ve been playing around with - one is a solid B action script, I don’t have many of those that didn’t get slapped onto celluloid, and the other is a monster movie. The reason for the monster movie - I seem to know a bunch of people who make movies for Sci Fi Channel. So a script like that is something I might actually be able to sell. And they can be fun to write. I came up with this silly idea about a frightened lab mouse that was given a growth hormone and became as huge as a car... and stopped being frightened. In fact, it became as arrogant as the scientists who injected it, and began throwing its weight around and causing large scale panic in the city. I have a sketchy outline and have written a handful of pages... when I got a call from a director I know who was looking for a script for Sci Fi Channel. Hmmm... Well, I pitch him my mouse script, and he says No... You see, he has access to a cool location... okay, it’s Hawaii... and wants to do a movie about giant killer *frogs*. So, I re-pitched my mouse story as a frog story in Hawaii and changed some stuff and, well, it’s a deal. The money sucks, but bad screenplay money is still pretty good money. And the script will be fun to write - it's kind of a TREMORS thing.

No sooner did I leave his office than my cell phone rang, *another* director looking for a project. I’ll have to do a whole blog entry on this one, because it’s looking... unusual. But this director knows a producer looking for a solid B action script... so I wrote up a paragraph on the one I’m already writing and sent it to him when I got back... and I’m hoping this mysterious producer he has will like it. That would be great, because I’m so far along on that one I’m thinking it would make more sense to finish it before I basically start from scratch on the monster movie script. I can juggle both scripts with the deadlines given. If they say yes to the solid B action script, that’s a better deal... and I may end up with 2 films released this year... or maybe both will hit early next year.

Meanwhile, still looking for an agent or manager.

Anyway, I’m back to work. Movie #20 shoots this summer. If I can turn this other script into movie #21, that would also be cool... If not, well, the year is still young.

- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Character Moments.
Yesterday’s Dinner: Sweet & Sour Chicken at City Wok.

MOVIES: IN BRUGES - Okay, the trailer makes it look like a comedy, but a TV review said it was a serious movie with lots of violence...

And it's this strange combination of things that all come together.

It's like the Odd Couple as hit men - and there will be hits! Brendan Gleason is always great, but here I was completely identifying with him as he had to put up with ADD loudmouth Collin Farrell - in a twitchy, boorish, and so-dumb-he's-funny performance. Farrell is everything that is not cool in this film, and it starts out funny... and he ends up everything that is human. Just when you think it's a really funny buddy movie, something happens that turns it into a serious film about emotionally messed up characters... who happen to be these two guys. The surface is funny - but these characters have so much depth we keep peeling back layers and learning more and more about these two guys and we feel the tragedy of their lives... and yet they're still funny.

Another thing I loved about the film is the "small town" feeling of Bruges - everyone they meet they keep meeting again. Though there's an element of coincidence, it's really set up well. So a comedy character later becomes the key to resolving a serious plot element - and you might look back and think that the whole reason they were in the film was that resolution element... except the character has become such an important part of the comedy side of the story that the film would fail if you removed them. (By the way, all of these things you never really see coming... and if you do, it seems natural for them to happen.) The film is filled with connections and call-backs. A fat American tourist family is good for a few jokes... but later they impact the shoot out!

By the way - bloodiest shoot outs ever. Compares to RAMBO.

But for me, the thing that really got me was the relationships. It’s really about one man who is at peace with himself, and another who is not. This film is often silly, often violent... but has a soul. The scene where Gleason talks about his late wife is powerful stuff.

MOVIES: I've keep forgetting to write about THERE WILL BE BLOOD... It's strange - every time I post an old script tip, that night I see a movie that I could have used to update the tip. Before seeing TWBB I posted a tip on character driven stories - and if any recent film falls into this category, it's TWBB. The film has no traditional story - it's all about Daniel Day Lewis' character. He's a relentless man. Driven. Probably crazy. In the opening scene he's deep in a mine, finds some gold or silver (I forget which) and then falls while climbing out and busts his leg. Really busts it. So he's laying at the bottom of the mine shaft with his leg at an unnatural angle and some gold in his pocket... and he climbs his way out and drags himself all the way back to town to cash in his gold. Laying on the floor, leg still messed up, while they cut him a check. That's who this guy is.

The movie is his life searching for oil (and screwing people out of their oil), his relationship with his adopted son, and a strange parallel relationship with a preacher he screws out of oil money. He is not someone you like - but he is fascinating. We kind of care about him because we care about his adopted son - and hope he finds a way to not hate everybody (and himself) so that he can love his son. That gives us "access" to his character. But this guy is larger than life - so big he threatens to break through the screen.

And the arena for the story are the early days of oil - where you could make a fortune if you had the rights to the right piece of land. Amazing world for a story - and we see all of the amazing details of this world - they show us how to look for the land most likely to yeild oil... without the land owner knowing what you are doing. How to do an exploratory dig. And how to build an oil well - in fact, the way oil wells evolve from buckets to derricks. And the cinematography is just amazing.

This is a dark, evil, nasty movie about people you can not like - and may even hate. But Daniel Day Lewis just grabs you and does not let go - and we are allowed inside this guy, who hates people and wants anyone who even tries to compete with him to die. He is compelled to do things that he knows will lead to his ruin... and you see how tortured he is.

Okay, I'm *not* a fan of Paul Thomas Anderson, and this film is 2 hours and 38 minutes - add trailers and that's 3 hours of my life... but I never looked at my watch. It was fascinating. This is my favorite PTA movie - beating HARD EIGHT (you probably never heard of that one). Daniel Day Lewis deserves an Oscar... let's see if they give it to him.

DVDS: I've seen a dozen DVDs... and I'll talk about them later.

PAGES: Hey, moving right along... 5 pages on the action script. Cool scene where the Vice President forms a plan that would kill the President... in order to stop terrorists from controlling US nukes.

- Bill

Welcome To Black History Month

Or maybe this is African American Heritage Month, which I think is the same thing, just with some new PC lingo... but “African American Power!” just doesn’t sound the same. Even though they have added a day this year, it is still the shortest month of the year. Heck, it’s more than half over! And we throw in a bunch of other holidays and events, which makes that short month seem even shorter. We have Ground Hog Day and Valentines Day and Presidents Day... no Black Presidents yet, but that may change soon.

I wonder where all of the Black movies are this month? Is WELCOME HOME ROSCOE JENKINS it? You may not know this, but African Americans go to the movies in disproportionate numbers. It’s a major audience segment in the United States... so where are the movies this month? They opened GREAT DEBATERS over the Christmas holidays, to sneak it in for Oscar consideration. But why isn’t February - kind of a slow box office month - capitalizing on Black History Month by releasing several films that appeal to that large cinema audience? Every studio ought to be fighting for that audience this month... and doing a wider release of movies like GREAT DEBATERS this month... It would be a cool time to re-release the film, since it just won an NAACP Image Award. I doubt ROSCOE JENKINS will win one.

I’m kind of pissed off because I was going to use this short month to talk about some of my favorite films that just happen to star African Americans... starting with the great family film SOUNDER - except that film is not on DVD anymore. What? This is a great film with an amazing story and dialogue that I’ve quoted in articles about screenwriting (because they are universal life lessons). How does this film go out of press? This is the kind of movie everyone should watch during Black History Month.

I guess I could talk about SHAFT’S BIG SCORE or THREE THE HARD WAY, but even though I love those movies, they may not have much in the way of universal life lessons... But I bet I could find one or two if I tried. That's the cool part about mainstream movies - they are great at disguising larger messages.

Some people wonder why we don’t have White History Month... but isn’t that just about every month? And what about Hispanic History Month and Asian History Month and Indian (Native American) History Month and Indian (from India) History Month and... Well, we are a country of many different heritages, but only 12 months.

So I say - take one. You want a month? Just take it!

PBS has been showing episodes of Julian Bond’s great documentary EYES ON THE PRIZE about the Civil Rights Movement in the 60s, which coincided with the Anti-War Movement and prison reform (Atica! Atica!) plus the deaths of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King.... a turbulent time in the United States, but a great time - people were standing up for what they believed in. Fighting for what they believed in. (And this lead to the anti-establishment cinema of the 70s and all of those great films.)

These days we seem to be complacent.

Maybe we shouldn’t be?

Maybe we should stand up for what we believe in? Make it part of our screenplays?

On a message board a couple of days ago, I said that speeches and overtly political or social movies don’t seem to work - people don’t go to the cinema for sermons... they want *entertainment*, they want escape. But we can use the power of story to make our points without any overt preaching. You got something to say? Stand up and say it... with a story.

No speeches. Nothing overt. You want to be subversive.

The PIRATES movies seem to be big fun adventure films - but the first film makes the point that sometimes a good man (Will) must do the wrong thing (become a pirate) which is completely against the law in order to do the right thing (save the woman he loves). The second film and third film have anti-government, anti-capitalist messages... but the average audience member probably didn't notice any of that. It was just part of the story. Nothing hit them over the head... but maybe they will worry a little bit more about big business using government to further their global marketing plans.

One of my favorite films is the original INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS about aliens who take you over and turn you into ultra-conformists. You don't think for yourself - you follow the leader blindly. The government, the police, everyone wants you to just give in and become one of them... but our hero stands up to them (not easy). Okay, now this is a scary sci-fi movie, not some sort of political film... except it's really both. One on the outside, one on the inside.

My thing is blue collar workers - we (I used to be one) are completely under represented on film. It seems like most movies are about guys who wear suits and work in offices - sometimes we don’t even know what they do in those offices. Blue collar workers are almost invisible in American movies - and I think much of that is due to the people who write scripts usually not having much blue collar experience. You may not have noticed this, but they are closing factories right and left in the United States and moving those jobs to other countries. We now depend on other countries to manufacture things... and that bites us on the butt when the low cost manufacturing creates lead based Mattel toys and defective kid car seats and... Crap! I’m preaching!

Instead, I usually channel this stuff into a screenplay. My protagonists often work with their hands, and the stories sometimes have backgrounds in the blue collar world. I want to make sure people realize that car they drive was build by *people*. You know that chair you’re sitting in? Somebody made that. And if we don’t do something, the people who make everything are going to be *Chinese*. I want to make the people who make things *visible* in movies.

So, you want a month? Take it. Figure out what you want to say and find a way to say it in a story. I believe in sneaking your message into mainstream films, so that hundreds of millions of people around the world will hear it. They go to the cinema to see some big summer adventure flick... and come away wondering if a good man must sometimes break the law to do the right thing or if you should just go with the flow or stand up for what’s right or...

- Bill
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: Emotion Pictures.
Yesterday’s Dinner: Fish Tacos at Islands.

MOVIES: RAMBO - This is either the sketchiest movie ever made, or Kabuki Theater at its finest. It almost seems like there was no script, they were working off a treatment. The story is so simple, the characters are so simple, everything in this film seems like the rough draft - completely undeveloped...

But maybe that’s by intention.

Rambo is a man of few words, and really huge arms. In last year’s ROCKY return, Stallone was an old burn out who didn’t have a chance in Hell of going ten rounds with the champ. Rambo is a different kind of burn out - a man who has seen to much killing. Stallone’s arms are huge, his body in great shape... but his face is kind of puffy. Old. Beat up. And that works. When we first see Rambo, he’s living in Thailand (I think) catching exotic poisonous snakes for some tourist side show. I’m not sure this job really exists, and it seems like something from another movie, but I guess they had to come up with something for him to do.

He’s hired by a group of missionaries to go up river into Burma to do missionary stuff. Rambo tells them they should just go home - but probably used less words than I just did. The missionaries all look the same and act the same, except one is female. Non one has any character in this film. That might work for Rambo - he’s kind of an icon - but doesn’t work for these folks, because we need to care about them, so that when they get captured by evil army dudes in Burma we will want Rambo to go in and save them. Since Rambo refuses to take them up river, they send the girl missionary to talk to him... except that would require dialogue. So, they look at each other for a minute and speak maybe 5 words between them, then we cut to Rambo on his boat taking the missionaries up river. Where’s a naked Daryl Hannah and a slightly crazed John Lithgow when you need them? None of these missionaries had any personality at all.

No scenes, no moments, no real interaction between characters.

There is an interesting connection between the lead Missionary and Rambo - both are men who believe a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do... except there is no conversation about this and no actions that compare and contrast this...

So, after a bunch of time, Rambo gets them up river and then returns to his life of snake catching... end of story.

But one night the Minister from the church the missionaries came from, Ken Howard in probably a full minute of screen time, shows up at Rambo’s place and says the missionaries were kidnaped by the evil army dudes and he’d like Rambo to take a boat full of mercenaries up river so that they can rescue the missionaries.

Cut to, Rambo piloting the boat of mercenaries who are going to rescue the missionaries.

Now, these mercenaries has absolutely no personality - no *character*. We have a kid and a bald mouthy guy... and the rest. Compare them to the Space Marines in ALIENS - where over a dozen different characters are complete individuals after only a few minutes of screen time. That’s a good group to compare these Mercs to, because all of those Space Marines began as characters in RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD 2. James Cameron wrote the script for that, was rewritten by Stallone, and took his Merc characters from *that* script and dropped them into ALIENS. You’d think Stallone might have learned something from that, but I guess not. We end up with these completely interchangeable characters... which screws up any chance of caring about them when the shit hits the fan and Rambo has to save their sorry asses. The mouthy Mercenary dogs Rambo, but that’s it. If you think this is setting up that big scene where they have to set aside their differences and work together, you got the wrong movie.

The Mercenaries blow it, Rambo saves their sorry asses...

But in the most violent scenes ever put on film. People’s heads *vaporize*.

Okay, the Evil Army Dude, that’s about as much personality or character as he gets, has this “hobby”. He takes prisoners to one end of a rice paddy, throws land mines in the water, then forces them to run across the rice paddy. They step on a land mine - we get to see big chunks of their bodies fly. This is frightening, sick stuff... and you want the Evil Army Dude to die some horrible death. So, when the rescue turns into a chase about three quarters of the way into the film, we are ready for Rambo to set traps and kick some ass... and that’s what happens. Evil soldier guys get blown to bits, have body parts shot of, or have their heads explode...

And we cheer!

Isn’t it cool when that bad soldier gets blown in half?

Dude, that guy’s legs got blown off at the knees! Now he’s, like, crawling!

Man, the whole top of his head just vaporized! And he’s still running! Cool!

Okay, this brings up a really good question - why do we like violence? I know that some of you are saying that *you* don’t like violence, but the majority of the people in that cinema audience, both men and women, were cheering and laughing as people were being blown to bits very realistically on screen. You may not like violence, but the full cinema at this RAMBO showing liked it - and I suspect that was why they were there.

Is it life affirming? When I was a little kid, I liked horror movies because I *survived* them. That made me stronger. When we see somebody killed on screen and it’s not us, do we feel like survivors - and is that what makes us cheer? The more scary the monster, when I was a kid, the greater the joy of surviving... is the same true with more violent scenes in a film?

Or do we have a savage streak? Something sick and primitive that turns other people’s violent deaths into sport? There’s syndicated TV show on Sunday nights that is all about vehicle crashes - it’s 30 minutes of wrecks. Not the car race, not who won the car race, not who drove really well in the car race... but the people whose cars crashed and flipped a half dozen times and then whatever was left of it caught on fire. People watch this show. Um, I watch that show sometimes. Did people cheer the violence in Rambo because they are just deeply disturbed?

I don’t think that second one is true, because RAMBO opens with real life footage of atrocities in Burma - and nobody cheered. I felt kind of queasy, and people around me where gasping (not cheering). And when they showed the innocent villagers being blown up by the land mines hidden in the rice paddies, no one was cheering... they were getting mad at that Evil Army Guy for being such a bastard and hoping that Rambo would kick his butt good.

So it seems that *revenge* is part of the equation. That innocent people - even though we know they are actors and these are special effects - getting killed makes us angry. But bad guys getting killed makes us cheer and laugh.

Okay, so many many bad army guys get killed in really violent ways, and finally we come down to the lead Bad Army Guy - he’s the commander. He ordered all of the rice paddy races where innocent people were blown to bits (that we get to see). He’s the ultimate bad guy in this film, even though he has no dialogue. So, how do you think he gets it? What do you think Rambo does to him?

If you guessed Rambo throws some land mines in a rice paddy and forces him to run through the rice paddy... you’d be wrong. That’s what we want Rambo to do to him. That is “justice” in the world of action movies.

But Rambo just stabs him with a knife and kills him - over in a couple of seconds.

Then Rambo goes back to his life of capturing snakes...

Not really, he goes home to see his father. Now, given Stallone’s age, if his father is still alive he probably won’t even remember he has a son. But Stallone’s dad seems to live on a horse ranch somewhere that looks like it exists only on a Hallmark card.

What movies will Stallone sequel next?

PAGES: Actually did 7 pages on the action spec, and it looks like I may have landed a job writing another script. I'll bring you up to speed on this stuff in a couple of days.

- Bill